"It was a gift from Qrow!" Ozpin tried to tell Salem.
"I don't care where or who you got it from!" Salem yelled. "I just want to know why on earth you kept such a horrendous game!"
"Well…" Ozpin paused. For once in his life he had no answer. "Why did I keep it?" He asked himself.
"Ugh!" Salem shouted in anger.
Meanwhile Pyrrha was sitting on a rock watching the two argue again. "Um… How about we stop arguing and just get it over with?" Pyrrha suggested.
"You keep out of this, Nikos!" Salem snapped. "I'm not sure you're even legally allowed to play this game!"
"I don't think anyone is…" Pyrrha said under her breath.
"Since when have you cared about laws!?" Ozpin asked looking surprised.
Salem looked disgusted. "How can you have the nerve to think, for one second, that I would care about your false Remnant laws!?"
"You just… Never mind." Ozpin said in defeat. "Besides, we won't be able to play it properly. We need atleast 4 people."
"Oh thank Oum…" Salem said with a sigh of relief.
"Why don't you just ask your witch friend to pull someone in here? You seem to be quite fond of doing that." Pyrrha said glaring at Ozpin.
Ozpin rolled his eyes. "Let's pick another game th-" He was cut off when he noticed a red light in the corner of his eye. He turned around to see a red portal with a figure emerging from it. The figure had long black hair, red clothing, and a mask.
"Raven Branwen." Ozpin said with a smile. "It's been quite a while."
Pyrrha was quick to stand up and move behind Ozpin.
Raven looked up with a shock. "Professor Ozpin?!" She said as she took her mask off. "How did you-"
"It's fine, Raven. He's a… 'guest' if you like." Salem said reassuring Raven.
Raven looked at Pyrrha who was standing behind Ozpin and Salem. "And this one?"
"Same as him." Salem replied.
Raven squinted at Pyrrha. "Aren't you a friend of my daughter?" she asked.
"I… uh…" Pyrrha looked at Ozpin. "Am I?" she asked looking for help.
"Yang Xiao Long. Long Yellow hair, tall, quite top heav-" Raven was cut off by Pyrrha.
"Yes, yes, yes. I'm friends with Yang." Pyrrha said with nervous smile.
"How is she? Is she still surviving?" Raven asked.
"I think so. She's well-armed with her gauntlets so that should keep her going."
"Right…" Raven said looking bored.
"So this is where you've been all these years? Working for evil?" Ozpin said looking disappointed. "I expected better from you, Raven."
"I don't need your lecture, Ozpin!" Raven snapped. "This is a cause I'm willing to fight for! Unlike your hopeless plan of stopping the Grimm."
Ozpin sighed.
"Why are you here, Raven?" Salem asked. "You're supposed to be out doing-" Salem stopped herself. "That thing I told you to do."
"I'm only passing through. I need a breather anyway. Cinder really went all out with the Grimm!" Raven exclaimed.
"If it's a breather you want, how about a game?" Ozpin asked with a smirk.
Raven was puzzled. "What… 'game' do you speak of?"
"A card game called Cards Against Humanity." Ozpin replied.
Raven's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "Ha! That brings back some fun memories…" Raven paused. "Fine. But only for a few games."
"You've got to be kidding me…" Salem muttered.
"I think we'll only be able to handle 'a few'!" Pyrrha said nervously.
Everyone sat down as Ozpin handed out cards.
"At the start of each round, someone picks up a black card. They read it out and everyone else plays a white card. Whoever's card impresses the Czar the most wins that round. Everyone takes a new white card from the bundle and the next person reads a black card. Got it?" Ozpin explained.
"Yes." Everyone replied.
"Good. Then let's begin…" Ozpin said as he picked up a black card. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my blank."
Everyone looked at their cards. Raven tried to hold in a laugh, Pyrrha's face matched her hair and Salem's eyes were wide in shock.
"When you are ready, read out your cards." Ozpin said.
Pyrrha gulped. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my… Giant horse co-"
"That's marvellous Pyrrha!" Ozpin shouted cutting Pyrrha off in time.
"Thank you…" Pyrrha said with a sigh of relief.
"Salem? Raven?" Ozpin asked.
Salem read her card. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my Pornography collection." Salem burrowed her face in her hands.
"Ha! I knew it!" Ozpin said smugly.
"Oh shut up!" Salem snapped as she glared at Ozpin.
Raven read her card. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my…" Raven started giggling. "Beacon Academy."
"What!?" Ozpin shouted in horror.
Salem and Pyrrha started laughing.
"Sorry, Oz." Raven said as she winked at Ozpin.
"So who 'impressed' you the most, Professor?" Pyrrha asked still laughing.
Ozpin paused to think. "…Raven…" He said begrudgingly.
"Yes!" Raven said quietly pumped her fist in the air.
"I guess that makes you the Czar now." Ozpin said looking slightly annoyed after Raven's card.
Raven picked up a black card. "Aura is a manifestation of blank. Impress me" Raven ordered.
Ozpin, Pyrrha and Salem took a moment to pick their cards.
Pyrrha read her card out first. "Aura is a manifestation of The Atlas military's secret robots." She paused. Pyrrha was having flashbacks of her fight with Penny.
"Ok… While she's having her PTSD trip… Aura is a manifestation of your face." Salem said holding in a giggle.
"Childish…" Ozpin muttered.
"We're playing Cards Against Humanity! What did you expect?" Salem said.
"Touché." Ozpin replied.
"Please read out you card, Ozpin." Raven said.
"Aura is a manifestation of CENSORED." Ozpin said with a smirk.
"What is wrong with you!?" Raven screamed at Ozpin.
"I thought I was the evil one!" Salem shouted in utter disgust.
Pyrrha had snapped out of her flashback. "You are a horrible human being!" She shouted at Ozpin.
Ozpin just sat there and took in all of the hate being aimed at him. It was as if he thrived on it. He had played this game many times before.
"As horrible and disgusting as it was… I have to give it to Ozpin." Raven said sounding slightly impressed.
"Of course you do." Ozpin replied with the biggest grin on his face. "Now then! On to round three!"
Many cards were played. Tears were shed, friendships were ruined and made up, feelings were hurt and innocence was destroyed. That's what Cards Against Humanity does to people. And our heroes found out the hard way…
"Next point wins the game!" Pyrrha shouted. "The one class they don't teach at Beacon is blank."
"I have the perfect card!" Raven said excitedly.
"You wanna bet on that?" Salem replied.
"You're both on." Ozpin exclaimed.
"Read your cards… Now." Pyrrha said.
Ozpin went first. "The one class they don't teach at Beacon is using your pet as a weapon."
"Not bad." Salem said. "But it's nothing compared to this…. The one class they don't teach at Beacon is Grimm mating season." Salem said smugly.
"Dammit…" Ozpin said under his breath.
Raven merely smiled and said "The one class they don't teach at Beacon is Sex Education."
"Raven wins!" Pyrrha exclaimed quickly.
Raven jumped up onto her feet. "Boom!" she shouted as she put her mask on. "Raven wins! You all lose!" She said as she opened a portal. "And I am outta here! Peace out!" She walked through the portal which closed behind her.
"Nice of her to drop by..." Salem said looking a bit confused. "So now what?"
"We find a new game." Pyrrha said with a smile.
"That's the spirit, Pyrrha!" Ozpin said as he walked up to his case. "How about something a bit more simple…"
"Anything in mind?" Salem asked.
"I've got it!" Ozpin shouted in delight. He turned around and was holding a flat box. "King Taijitu and Ladders!"
Salem and Pyrrha looked at eachother and shrugged.
"What's the worst that could happen?" Pyrrha asked hypothetically.
Next time: Snakes/King Taijitu and Ladders…
