It's two in the morning when he decides that he needs to leave, get out of the loft, the city. It's too empty without Alexis and he just keeps thinking about that fact that if he stays here he'll want to go to the precinct and everything there just reminds him of her. He needs something different and he needs it now. He pulls out his phone and books a flight for later that morning. He'll get a change of scenery, go somewhere he can lick his wounds in private.
He decides to shower before bed, get the smell of alcohol off of him before he sleeps. He's tired, physically and emotionally. The alcohol has heated him up, his body on edge and on fire, in more ways than one. He tells himself that it will be the last time. This will be the last time he thinks of her as he leans against the shower wall, the hot spray massaging his body as he runs his hand down his stomach, lower still, and imagines that it is her here with him, that it's her hand and her body touching him as he seeks release.
Castle has only slept a few hours when his alarm sounds, startling him and forcing him to get out of bed and pack. He has a plane to catch.
He texts his mother and lets her know where he will be. She didn't come home last night, must still be out with a new suitor. He calls Alexis though, tries his hardest to be upbeat and cheery as he asks about her summer program and tells him about his trip. She must sense something is wrong, when he is too quiet.
"Dad, what's wrong?"
"No, nothing pumpkin, I just didn't sleep well last night."
"Dad…"
"Really honey I'm fine. I am just so excited for this trip I'm taking. It's going to be gorgeous and inspirational and I'll get a ton of writing done."
"Ok, well, at least text me when you get there?" She asks always seeming to step into the role a parent would.
"You got it. And I want regular updates from you too. And keep out of the boy dorms please!"
"Daaad! I'm practically a grown woman now."
"That's what worries me."
"Fine, if it will make you feel better, I will. Love you daddy," she says quietly.
"Love you, too pumpkin."
It's about four hours later that he arrives in Colorado and rents a car from the airport with an undetermined return date. He'd found a four season cabin nestled in the woods right by the mountains. The first breath of fresh air leaving the airport fills his lungs and is actually refreshing. He really hopes this trip will help, that he can gain a new perspective on things; move on.
Castle's in a local grocery store stocking up on food and basic supplies, so far ice cream and chocolate chips, when his phone rings. His mother finally getting back to him from this morning.
"Richard darling, finally you answer."
"Finally? Mother you're the one who's been MIA all day," he says as he grabs a box of cinnamon toast crunch and throws it in his cart.
"Anyway, you have decided on a last minute trip to Colorado? Any particular reason for this outing to a small, mountain town away from most of civilization?"
"Just wanted a change of scenery with Alexis gone and all."
He knows she sees right through him, but that doesn't deter him from stretching the truth any way.
"And what about your cases? What about Katherine?" She pries knowing full well that something is amiss between them.
"She's was fine without me before and I'm sure she's fine without me now."
"Richard, what happened with you two?" Now she sounds genuinely concerned.
He contemplates not telling her, but through all their ups and downs his mother has been there for him and she has been known to occasionally give good advice.
A deep sigh escapes him as he begins to explain. "She found out that I was trying to keep her off her mother's case. Accused me of betraying her. But, she also let it slip that she heard me all those months ago when she was shot. I just, I feel like such a fool; she knew the entire time and she said nothing. She doesn't feel the same and she just kept lying to me."
He feels so defeated when he finishes and he realizes that is cart is full of crap that will only make him feel worse in the long run, but he doesn't even care.
"Darling, I'm so sorry. But, do you think it is possible that there is some other explanation? I mean, I've seen the way that woman looks at you. It's hard to believe there is nothing there."
"I don't know mother. She said we were done, that she would never be able to trust me." He says, suddenly feeling exposed and self conscious having this conversation in a grocery store, though there aren't many people around. "Mother can we talk another time. I just want to be alone for awhile."
"Of course, just take care of yourself, please. Let me know you are alright every now and then," she says sincerely.
"I will. And, thank you mother."
"No problem kiddo."
He checks out, and can tell that he's being judged by the teenage boy at the cash register as he scans the purchases. He loads up and gets back into the car as fast as he can. He just wants to get there now.
The road is difficult to handle, he doesn't do much driving in the city and here is going up and down mountain slopes and around sharp curves on two lane roads. Another two hours pass and he's finally there.
He takes the rocky dirt road that leads up to the rental cabin. The scenery is breathtaking, mountain range in the background, the sun setting behind it glowing in shades of amber, orange and rich red. Prairie grasses and trees surround the log cabin and for the first time in several days he can take a deep breath and feel his shoulders start to relax.
Castle takes his luggage and all the food he bought inside and starts to unpack and settle in. The place is quite large, two bedrooms, two baths. A nice open kitchen with modern appliances and a nice tv, with cable. The location remote, but not so isolated that he will go crazy.
He opens the french doors at the back of the house and checks out the hot tub surrounded by meticulous landscaping. Yeah, he could get used to this.
Back in the kitchen he thinks about dinner, passes by his phone on the counter where he notices a missed call from Esposito. Strange, normally it's Ryan who calls. He decides to ignore it for now and go on with his plans to drown his sorrows in pasta and a sci-fi movie marathon.
He startles awake in the strange bed in the middle of the night, disoriented and agitated by his dream. Castle looks around and slowly assimilates where he is. But his heart is racing and his shirt is drenched in sweat from the disturbing, heart wrenching images of his dream.
Kate, alone, bleeding to death in an alley just like her mother.