Chapter 4: Little Voices
Byakuya stepped out of the family senkaimon and into the darkened gardens. A light rain was just beginning, and cooled the slight blush on the noble's skin. He wasn't sure why it was there, but was highly aware of when it had arisen. He remembered again the tickle of emotion that had passed through him when his hand had touched Ichigo's to place the senkaimon permission marker on him.
Yes, he thought, shivering more from the memory than from the chill in the air, I did feel something. But then, Ichigo is a handsome young man. Who would not be affected by him, ne?
He let out a soft breath, forcing the incident from his mind, and was almost thankful for the distraction when Rukia appeared on the walkway. He realized suddenly that he was still standing in the rain.
"Nii-sama, you are back!" she exclaimed, watching him, wide-eyed as he joined her on the walkway, "How did things go with Ichigo? Were you able to get him to talk to you?"
She took a closer look at him and frowned.
"Are you all right, Nii-sama? You don't look like you've slept much at all. And you're soaking wet."
"I am fine," Byakuya assured her, "Regrettably, I was not able to coax Ichigo into sharing what is troubling him. But, I did leave an open door for him to come here if he wishes. I am afraid that I must ask you to leave it alone for now. I know you wish to help, but right now, he needs to give thought to things himself."
"But, Nii-sama, he seems so unhappy," Rukia objected, "Something is really wearing on him."
"Yes," Byakuya agreed, "And if we intrude now, we will only add to the burden he carries. If you want help your friend, I suggest that what you need to give him right now is space. If you crowd him, he will only move away, but if you step back, he may choose to move towards you."
"But what if he doesn't?"
"Then, you could not have helped him, even had you forced the issue," the clan leader concluded.
Rukia gave him a crestfallen look.
"You're probably right," she sighed, "But I'm worried about him."
"So it seems," noted Byakuya, "Otherwise, you would be sleeping."
"Ah, I have to be up early anyway for a mission for Ukitake taichou. I was going to have an early breakfast and then go."
"I would join you, however..."
"Oh that's all right, Nii-sama," Rukia said, managing a small smile, "Tetsuya is having breakfast with me, and then he said that after morning rounds, he will take me to the thirteenth division on Arashi."
"Ah, very well."
"You try to get some more sleep, Nii-sama," Rukia said, still looking worried, "You look like you were up all night. And...well, thank you for trying to help Ichigo."
"You are welcome," he said, turning into his bedroom.
He waved off his attendant and closed the garden doors, secluding himself in his room and leaving the lights off. On quiet feet, he moved to his bed and slipped in under the covers, sighing at the return of comfort and quiet of his own home. He dropped off to sleep quickly, and found himself dreaming again.
He felt the touch of cold metal, a sharp point pressed to his throat and came awake suddenly. He found himself looking up into the dark, malevolent eyes of the dead fullbringer, Ginjou. He knew that, positioned thus, even the utsusemi flash step would not save him, so he looked into the other man's eyes and waited for him to speak.
"Kuchiki Byakuya," Ginjou said, smirking and continuing to hold his sword to the noble's throat, "You must wonder why you are seeing me again, ne?"
"Yes," Byakuya answered calmly.
"You are curious, I am sure, why I could cut you in Ichigo's dream and nearly kill you, no?"
"I am. Is that why you are here?"
Ginjou's eyes blinked slowly, and his expression grew more dangerous.
"I am here because you got in my way. You invaded Ichigo's mind, so I invaded yours."
"How is it that you are able to do this?" Byakuya asked, "I assume that you invaded Ichigo's mind while you were raping him, but-"
"I didn't rape Ichigo," insisted Ginjou, "He went along with me, in the end."
"You manipulated his emotions."
"What does it matter? In the end, he didn't try to stop me."
"He only stopped fighting you. He never agreed to having sex with you, and you were aware of this when you took him."
"Details," Ginjou said callously, "It is not important right now. Right now, the only thing that is important is that you understand that I will destroy you if you interfere anymore. And just in case you have any ideas about helping Kurosaki, I think I'll remind you that he's not the only one with skeletons in his closet. You have a few of your own, don't you, Kuchiki Byakuya!"
"What do you mean by that? Explain yourself!"
His room and Ginjou disappeared and Byakuya found himself sitting at a small table near an open window in the taichou's quarters of the fifth division. He looked down at the page in front of him and frowned.
What?
He looked at his hand that held the brush and felt the breath leave his body.
This is...!
"Lovely," said Aizen taichou, looking over his shoulder, "Perfectly done, as usual."
"Arigatou, Aizen taichou," he said, his voice lighter and far more youthful.
"And I thank you for being willing to change the location for our lesson, Byakuya-kun. Although you must think it strange that I would ask you to meet me here, in my quarters."
"Well, you did say that you had a meeting to prepare for, ne?" he answered.
"Ah, yes. But you are an intelligent boy, aren't you?" the man said smoothly, "I am sure that you understand the hidden meanings in the things that people say?"
"Ah," he said, blinking as the fifth division taichou slipped the haori off of his shoulders and released the tie at his waist, then bared his upper body.
Sweat broke out on his forehead and his heart began to pound oddly.
"I don't know what you mean."
"No?" Aizen said, smiling and moving closer.
A commanding hand wrapped around Byakuya's wrist and the brush dropped from his hand, clattering on the desktop then rolling off and dropping onto the floor.
"Aizen taichou!" he gasped as the older man's mouth fastened tightly on his, stealing his breath away so that the room spun.
He felt an odd shock pass through his young body and he went limp, only to be caught up and lifted out of the chair.
"N-no!"
"It's all right. It won't hurt. And I promise you, you won't even remember this."
Byakuya came awake suddenly, his heart pounding and eyes wide, and sweat dampening his forehead and heaving chest.
What...was that?
How would Kugo Ginjou know about that? I never spoke of it to another living soul! I didn't even fully remember it until after Aizen betrayed us!
What does it mean that this representation of him in my dream is able to see into my mind? Is this just my own mind playing tricks on me? Or is this some part of that man that has been affecting Ichigo and somehow entered my mind when I was attacked in Ichigo's dream? And if this man did do something to Ichigo's mind and now mine, what is his goal? Is he trying to just torment Ichigo? Or does he have a darker purpose even?
Who would I go to for answers about this? I do not enjoy having to depend on Urahara Kisuke, but he does seem to be the one person who possesses the skills needed to answer these questions.
Yet, it seems clear that I have been warned not to look into this.
Byakuya's eyes widened suddenly with realization.
Is Kugo Ginjou threatening to let Ichigo see that? Can he do that?
He swallowed hard, another dark, dim memory returning.
"Are you all right, Byakuya-kun? You look pale?"
"I...I am fine," Byakuya answered quickly, his fingers shaking slightly where they held his satchel.
He wondered at the odd feeling of wetness, the ache between his thighs, the burning in his eyes and throat, and the slight taste of blood in his mouth.
"Well, you had best be going before your grandfather thinks you've gone missing, ne?"
He looked at the clock and felt a twinge of shock at the time. He tried to remember what had happened, but could only recall the usual lesson in calligraphy.
But there was no way that the lesson could have taken so long.
"Byakuya-kun?"
"Ah, gomen nasai, Aizen taichou. I became lost in thought," he stammered.
"Quite all right," Aizen assured him, smiling kindly, "Run along now. I will see you next week."
"Good day, Aizen taichou."
A wave of revulsion passed through him, and for what might be the hundredth time, he wished an uglier fate for that man who occupied a cell in the lowest level of Central 46's prison.
But thanks to Ichigo, Aizen no longer walks free. And that is why, despite whatever concerns I may have about him learning of what happened in my past, I must assist Ichigo in facing whatever this is.
But what will I do? I do not understand what is at work here. And if I am too obvious in following up on this, then Ichigo could take it as an invasion of his private life. I know he needs help, but he won't trust me if I act on this without his input.
But Ichigo is not ready to speak of this to anyone.
What should I do?
XXXXXXXXXX
Ichigo sat quietly at his desk, his face rested on his open palm and his red, weary eyes intense.
What am I supposed to do?
I thought that if I just tried to force him out of my mind that the dreams would stop. But, they haven't stopped, and now Byakuya knows about what happened. He knows that I let that guy talk me into having sex with him. He knows I let him inside my body, inside my mind. I don't know why I let him do that to me. I was capable of stopping him if I'd really tried. But I believed his lies. They may have been the truth when he said them to me, but they were lies, because he was never really my friend or in love with me! It was all just because of Tsukishima cutting him.
Kami, I let that guy touch me places where no one ever has. I let him into my heart. I let him into my body and into my soul. And everything that Ginjou touched is tainted now. Even though I found the strength to kill him, I can't wash that away.
And it makes me feel dirty...used...defiled.
A frustrated tear rolled down his cheek.
I wonder if Byakuya regrets helping me to regain my powers. I wonder if the others would, if they knew.
It's so weird. Up until now, whatever happened, I always went to Kisuke. Even now, I feel bad about how I acted. I don't know why I got so mad, why I can't talk to him. I guess I just keep thinking about how all of these friends of mine trusted me. But I let Ginjou into my life. I bought into that crap he handed me and let him in. And he had Tsukishima attack Inoue, Chad, Karin, Yuzu.
He reached up and wiped away another stubborn tear, then stiffened suddenly.
Tsukishima cut Byakuya too!
What if...? Ah, but Tsukishima is dead, and Ginjou said that all traces of a fullbringer's ability will disappear if they die.
Gods, I feel like I'm getting paranoid! I let that guy really mess with my head. But I won't let him win! Damn it, I won't!
He bit his lip gently, looking down at his hand and feeling again the gentle touch of Byakuya's cool fingertips there.
"If...you are burdened, and you so wish it, you need only focus on that symbol and the family senkaimon will open for you."
Ichigo stared at him silently, unsure of how to answer.
"You are not ready yet to confide what happened in anyone, and I will respect that," the noble went on, "But...I think that you will soon come to the realization that handling something like this alone is not the best way to find resolution. I only mean to give you a safe avenue to walk when that happens. I will leave you now. And...do not concern yourself with what I might have seen. I will not speak of it without your permission."
Ichigo let out a soft, thoughtful sigh.
"Maybe he's right," the ginger-haired youth whispered, "But, what if he doesn't understand? What if he can't look at me anymore without seeing what I've done? What if I tell him everything and he doesn't want to help me?"
Byakuya can be a cold person. But, there wasn't any coldness when he put that marking on me. And as much as I want to go to Kisuke, I'm just not ready to have him take over and start digging too deeply. Byakuya can be callous, but he offered to help. And he's not going to ask too many questions or force me to do things his way. He's already seen what Ginjou did to me, and he doesn't seem to hate me for it. In fact, he seems sort of sympathetic. And Byakuya doesn't usually 'do' sympathetic.
He rubbed his hands over his face.
"One thing's for sure, and that's that this isn't going to go away on its own," Ichigo whispered.
He got up from the chair and picked up Kon.
"Whatcha doin' Ichi?" yawned the mod soul, "I was just having a dream about...ACK!"
He choked as Ichigo shifted to shinigami form and the mod soul was shoved into his prone body.
"I have to go. I'll be back later."
He took a steadying breath, then touched the symbol on his hand and focused on an image of Byakuya in his mind. In front of him, a senkaimon appeared and slowly opened. He stepped inside and crossed over into the precipice world. A hell butterfly appeared and led him along, fluttering about just in front of him as he walked.
I hope I'm making the right decision, here. It feels like the right thing, but I'm not sure. I guess I'll find out when I get there.
He let his mind go quiet, listening to the soft echo of his footsteps and trying not to think about what he was about to do. But all too soon, the senkaimon opened ahead of him and he passed over into Soul Society. He stepped down through the open doorway, momentarily blinded by its brightness, then blinked to clear his vision. To his surprise, he found himself stepping down into a darkened bedroom and looking into the wary eyes of the shinigami who had awakened as the doorway opened.
"Wh-what the hell?" Ichigo breathed, "Why did you give me a doorway into your room?" he asked, his heart pounding, "What's going on, Byakuya?"
The noble looked back at him calmly from where he sat up in bed.
"Would you rather have come down in the gardens and be seen by the staff?" he asked softly, "I assumed that if you came here, that you would want privacy. Was I wrong?"
"N-no," the youth said quickly, "I just...was surprised is all."
Byakuya started to climb out of bed.
"There is a study through that doorway, where we can talk," he said, nodding towards an inner door.
"Byakuya-sama?" said a voice from another inner doorway.
"We'll want tea, Torio," the noble informed his attendant.
"I thought you said we would have privacy," Ichigo objected.
"Torio has been my attendant since I was a teen," Byakuya assured him, "He knows to deliver the tea and not to listen in or repeat anything he might hear. He is the only one besides me who will know you are here."
"Ah. Okay," Ichigo said, following Byakuya into the next room.
They knelt at a table in the middle of the room and waited as the attendant returned and set out the tea, then left them and closed the door behind him.
"Now then," said Byakuya, looking down into his tea, "You came here for a reason. Why don't you tell me why?"
He raised his eyes to meet the youth's.
"You tell me something first," Ichigo said softly, "If you really know what happened between Ginjou and me, then why do you want to help me?"