OMG I AM SO SORRY! T_T I havent updated this story in forever but dont worry im sticking with it! I have just had alot of stuf to deal with so it was hard for me to find time to type this out! But no matter cuz here it is and its the longest chapter yet, just for you guys! I hope you like it and dont be mad at me! Im trying!

Hetalia is not mine fyi

"Stupid cold, freakin September shouldn't be cold." Matthew mumbled to himself as he walked through town, wishing he would have worn something heavier than a sweatshirt. "It's practically still summer! Dammit…" Matthew let out a huff and looked up to see a few faces looking at him quizzically. He assumed it was because he still had his book bag with him, and not only was it a Monday; the schools were about 10 minutes outside of town, so students rarely ever walked through town. Personally Matthew found it stupid that the schools were so far away, but it wasn't his problem. He rarely went to school anyway.

When Matthew finally reached his destination he calmly walked inside, letting a rush of warm air sweep over him. 'Oh, this is better…' he thought as he let the glass door shut behind him, creating a comforting wall of warm air between him and the cool September air.

"Matthew!"

Before he could react, Matthew was suddenly attacked and pulled into a bone crushing hug. He didn't have to ask who because the fact his face was smushed between two ginormous boobs was as much of an answer as anything. "Hello Katyusha." Matthew replied, his voice muffled against the others chest. At the mention of her name, the girl let go of Matthew and held him out at arm's length. "Now Mattie, don't be so formal!" She looked at him with a hurt look in her eyes, as if Matthew calling her Katyusha was killing her. "Call me Kat, okay?"

Matthew just rolled his eyes. She always was a bit of drama queen, even when it came to simple things like names. "Sorry, Kat." He smiled at Katyusha, shrugging the other's hands off his shoulders in the process. " I guess since I have known you for years, I should drop the formalities. Guess it's just a habit." Katyusha gave a silent nod and a content smile before walking off.

Matthew instinctively found his way to a table in a corner, seated between the wall and the window which made up the whole front of the Place. That's what Matthew had dubbed this little building, "the Place", seeing how there was no sign out front to indicate the name. Well, there was a sign once, Katyusha had told him matter of factly, but the sign fell down during a blizzard years ago. The owners wanted to get a new one but because of budget cuts, they never did. Over the years ownership switched from person to person, and the original name became long forgotten. It was peculiar no one ever put up a new sign, but it was most likely because they didn't want to dish out the money. Things were broken every year from bad storms, so it would be annoying to keep replacing it.

Matthew shrugged off his backpack next to a table before seating himself in the one of the chairs. When he happened to look up, Katyusha was standing there flipping over a blank pad and pulling out a pen. Matthew smiled, that was just like Katyusha to always be so on top of things. "So will it be the usual or no?"

Matthew leaned back a little in his chair, thinking for a moment. "The usual please." He answered with a smile. Katyusha just nodded, scribbling something down quickly before walking towards the kitchen. She then came back out with a cup and a pot of coffee, making sure not to spill any on the other customers. Katyusha was a little bit clumsy so she had to be extra careful sometimes, especially when she was dealing with hot liquid. She carefully placed the cup on the table before filling it with the dark liquid. Matthew gave a silent nod of thanks, and took the cup between both his hands. The mug was nice and warm and felt good against his numb hands. He didn't take a sip, just held it there enjoying the warmth.

Katyusha then left to cater to the other customers. Luckily the place was busy or Katyusha would have wanted to talk for awhile, and Matthew was in no mood to talk anyway. What he really needed was some time to think, and the Place was the only place in town he could do just that. Matthew stared into his coffee for awhile, feeling some of the warmth beginning to fade. He frowned and took a small sip, being careful not to burn himself. It was bitter.

Just like everything else.

Matthew didn't exactly enjoy black coffee very much, he actually much preferred on of the sweet concoctions Katyusha would create for him from time to time. But the bitter coffee reminded him of his mother. It was one of the things Matthew remembered most about his mom. How she would make the kitchen smell so amazing in the mornings with the brewing coffee. He remembered watching with amazement as she skillfully poured the black liquid into a cup and picked it up, just holding it there for awhile. One time Matthew had asked to taste it and when his mother let him, he made a face and said it was icky. It made his mother laughed which made him smile. Matthew loved to make his mother laugh because it was the most beautiful things in the world to him, for if his mother was happy he was happy.

Oh, how he wished his mom was still alive to laugh like that.

Speaking of alive, he still didn't understand why he still was. Matthew knew he had been saved by some random, good looking stranger, but one question kept rolling around in his head.

'Why?'

Matthew wanted to know why he was saved, why there was some stranger out there who cared about when his life ended. Matthew tried to get over it, he really did. Every time he thought about overdosing on his depression pills (which he found ironic) or when he would lie atop his roof, watching the stars and it crossed his mind to just roll right off, he could never really make himself do either. It was like a small string attached itself between him and the stranger, a sliver of hope. A chance that there really is someone out there who cares about him, who wants him to be alive. He knew how far fetched the whole idea sounded, it even sounded stupid to him, but it was something.

Matthew sat at his table and continued to stare out the window in an almost daze like trance. He didn't even notice when Katyusha came over and set down a plate in front of him and held out another cup to him. "I'm guessing that's getting cold." She motioned toward the still full mug in his hands, "Here, I thought you might like this better."

Matthew looked up at Katyusha, then down at his cup. He hadn't realized it but the cup was cold, he could feel the cool porcelain against his skin. He silently pushed the cup to the end of the table before taking the other cup from Katyusha, being careful not to spill it. He took a sip and cursed quietly when he accidentally burnt his tongue. Katyusha just laughed.

The drink was sweet and very tasty, it was almost like candy. Matthew was busy relishing in the extraordinary flavor when it clicked. Katyusha only made him sweet drinks when she wanted to talk.

"Matthew what's wrong?"

Matthew's eyes flickered upward to find Katyusha already seated across from him. He stole a glance around the room and discovered no one else was around. It was just Katyusha and him. Instinctively, Matthew stared into his drink and mumbled, "Nothing.", a defense mechanism he developed over the years to keep people away. Katyusha just sighed. "Matthew, really, you have been sitting in that same spot for about an hour, just staring out the window. That means something's up." Katyusha gave Matthew a sincere look, but what she got in return was Matthew looking questionably at his food. She sighed. "No Matthew, those pancakes haven't been sitting out for an hour. I had Lucas wait a bit to make them since we all know he isn't in any hurry." The two chuckled at their inside joke about the cook, before Katyusha began again, "So, what's up with you?"

"I….I…"

Matthew really didn't want to tell her, he really didn't. Katyusha was always all smiles and so carefree, he didn't want to bring her down from that. Katyusha was the one person he could always be happy around and he didn't want to ruin it. Although, he knew if he didn't tell her she would be even more worried than if he did. "I was in the hospital the other night." Matthew looked up to see her smile be replaced by a frown, her eyes looking down. "N-nothing serious though!" He blurted out, "Just a few bruises…" Matthew though it best to leave it at that, better not to mention the whole jumping from a bridge and getting a concussion part.

Katyusha thought to herself for a while, eyebrows knitted in concentration before shaking her head. "I'm not going to pry but…" She paused for a moment as if searching for the right words, "But I want you to know that I am always here for you, no matter what."

Matthew just stared into his cup not daring to make eye contact. He felt horrible, he was a horrible person. How could he burden someone as sweet and innocent as Katyusha with himself? It wasn't fair to her, it wasn't fair to anyone. Just another bulletin added to his long list of reasons why he shouldn't be around anymore. Lost in his own self wallowing, Matthew hadn't noticed Katyusha get up and come around to give him a somewhat embrace. Not knowing what to do, Matthew just mumbled "Thanks." and smiled the best he could. Katyusha let go and smiled back before checking her watch. "I should probably be getting back to work. You know how the boss is."

Matthew rolled his eyes in mock annoyance and the two laughed. "Speaking of bosses," Katyusha piped up while grabbing Matthew's empty mug, "Apparently we're getting a new one. I heard he's French." Katyusha leaned a little closer to Matthew, "And I heard he swings both ways." Matthew's mouth fell open in shock and his face turned a nice shade of pink. Trying to hide his embarrassment, he began to fiddle nervously with the handle of his mug. "Katyusha is that really necessary?" Katyusha just grinned which made Matthew blush even more.

"You should come meet him at least. He was here a few days ago but he's coming back on Friday, so don't be stranger Mattie!" And the she was gone, already heading back to the kitchen to most likely hassle Lucas about his laziness. Matthew sighed, leaning his head on his hand. Sometimes, he regretted telling that girl anything.

When Matthew finally arrived home after a day full of wondering around town, he was greeted by a not so happy Alfred. After some bickering and name calling a compromise was established. Alfred wouldn't tell their dad about Matthew skipping if he agreed to go to school for the rest of the week and do Alfred's share of the chores for the rest of the week as well. With an annoyed huff Matthew agreed and was saved from the wrath that was his father and the annoyingness that was Sára. At least something was going alright for once.

Well sort of.

Matthew kept his end of the bargain with Alfred and somehow dragged himself through school the last few days. It was Thursday and he was pleased with himself for sustaining from most social contact( He figured making friends would only make him feel guilty when he finally decided to kill himself, although there was Katyusha but that was beside the fact) when he noticed someone sit down next to him. Matthew couldn't help but be surprised since it was the lunch period and Matthew was usually the only one who outright skipped lunch. Too many social encounters at lunch, so instead Matthew sat outside away from the other students. He couldn't help but scowl when he realized who it was. "What do you want Gilbert?"

"Whoa now, no need to get bitchy! I just though I would grace you with my awesomeness, since you're one of the only people I deem ok in my book." Gilbert produced a lazy smirk which made Matthew roll his eyes in annoyance. He never really understood how he was okay in Gilbert's book, heck he didn't even know the other could read let alone have his own book. Not in the mood for putting up with the annoying thing that was Gilbert just ignored him with ease. Instead Matthew turned his attention to pulling grass out of the ground before allowing himself to fall backwards. He landed with a slight crunch form the few freshly fallen autumn leaves, placing his hands behind his head in a leisurely fashion and just closing his eyes. Matthew was lucky it was warmer than normal this year because by now he would have had to resort to spending the period in the library. Not that he didn't like the library; the new librarian was just a bit of a prick.

After a while Matthew noticed Gilbert hadn't said anything else which was odd since he usually had his mouth running a mile a minute. "Hey Gilbert…" Matthew started as his opened his eyes and letting out a small shriek. Gilbert's face was mere inches from Matthew's and the other had his hands on either side of Matthew, trapping him. Well, not really but it sure felt like it to Matthew. "You look better when you're ignoring the world."

Matthew just blinked a few times, eyes locked on the boy above him. 'Look better when I'm ignoring the world….?' Matthew frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about." He huffed, a light shade of pink spreading across his cheeks, "But I think you should get off of me before people get the wrong idea." As if on cue, Gilbert looked up to see two kids coming from lunch look at them before continuing on their way. He just shrugged and turned his attention back to Matthew. "It's not like I don't know you're obviously gay."

"W-what? How did you find out?"

"I just did." Gilbert smirked as he rolled onto his back, releasing Matthew in the process. Matthew's face went from a light pink to a deep red instantly. "Y-you're an ass Gilbert, you know that?" Matthew stammered as he brought himself to a standing position, wiping off some excess grass and dirt before stomping off happy to be anywhere but there.

Prussia just laughed. "Love ya too Mattie."

"I'm proud of you bro, you made it the whole week!"

"Uh yeah…"

"See? It isn't that hard to go to school every now and again, is it?"

"No, of course not?"

"Are you getting sarcastic with me bro?"

"Oh no of course not~"

"Just be glad it's Friday and you don't have to do my chores anymore."

"Mhmmm…..wait, did you say Friday?"

"Yeah, why? Hey wai-!"

SLAM!

"…Well bye."

Good thing Alfred had brought up the day or Matthew might have forgotten.

It only took Matthew about fifteen minutes to get to town, he really was lucky he lived close. When he rounded the corner to get to the Place, something was different. There was not only a car parked outside (no on actually drove to town, unless they were picking some things up) but it was a car that definitely did not belong anywhere near that town. Matthew cautiously walked up to the car, almost afraid it would explode if he got to close. Upon further inspection the car was a jet black like the night sky. The car shone so much Matthew could see himself in the hood reflection. Matthew then proceeded to make exaggerated faces before moving on the side view mirrors to do the same thing.

After awhile Matthew remembered he was in public and quickly straightened himself out and looked around gracious to see no one there. With a sigh of relief, Matthew straightened himself out before making his way inside the Place.

Once inside, warm air greeted him and he smiled. Closing the door, he glanced around confused. Katyusha always would say hello the moment he stepped in the door, but for some reason she was nowhere. Matthew thought she might be in the kitchen with Lucas since there appeared to be no one else in the Place at the moment. As Matthew approached the kitchen doors, both doors suddenly swung open and whatever came out of them collided with him. Matthew painfully landed on his butt with an "Ow." and looked beside him to find boxes everywhere, their contents dumped all around him. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to and didn't see you there!" Matthew apologized quickly while picking up a few handfuls of silverware and putting them back in random boxes.

A hand was held out to Matthew and the words, "It is not a problem, I assure you." spoken in what Matthew distinctively recognized as an almost French accent. Matthew took the hand graciously and hoisted himself up, ready to thank the person. But when he looked up, he froze. There they were, right in front of him. Those blue eyes that haunted his dreams and made his mind cloudy every time he thought about them.

And they were staring right at him.

Memories of the bridge flashed before Matthew's eyes. The car. The fall. The blue eyes. The drowning. The hospital. All of it came rushing down on Matthew like a giant tidal wave. He couldn't breath, his head was throbbing.

"…Mon cher are you alright?"

And then Matthew ran.