Anathema

memento mori
[məˈmɛntoʊ ˈmɔraɪ]
–noun

1. (italics) Latin. remember that you must die.

2. an object, as a skull, serving as a reminder of death or mortality.

Chapter Four

Emily finds herself staying behind after the briefing, until she and JJ are the only ones left in the conference room. JJ gives her a pained look.

'I thought you didn't want to talk,' she says bluntly. At that point, Emily realizes that there's sadness in the media liaison's voice.

'Oh, God, she thinks I hate her.'

Emily swallows nervously. 'I do want to talk. Just…not at work. I don't want this to interfere with the job.'

'But it's already too late for that, isn't it?'

'I just…I need you to be careful, okay?' She's trying as hard as possible to make it sound like friendly concern. She's afraid of what will happen if she decides to break this unsub's rules. It might be easier to catch him with the help of the team, but at what cost?

'This isn't the first time I've fit the victimology, Emily. I know I have to watch my back. Just like you do when it's the other way around.'

Emily bites her lip. What can she say? "JJ, some lunatic called me this morning and threatened to kill you?" It sounds silly, even in her head.

'There are some things I need to sort out,' she settles on. She can't stop the tears from shining in her eyes. 'But in the meantime, please, please be careful.' She puts a hand atop JJ's, and for a moment they look into each other's eyes. They see what was. What is. What could have been.

Then Emily pulls away.

'I'm sorry,' she tells JJ, as she leaves the conference room.

'Me too,' whispers JJ, but her words go unheard.

***

Emily hears the news from Garcia first – that JJ has broken off her long-distance with Will LaMontagne. At first she thinks that it was about the difficulties in keeping the flame going from seven states over, but then Garcia sheds even more light on the situation.

JJ broke it off because there was no spark between them.

And just that JJ admitted that gives Emily some small amount of hope.

'We're going out for drinks tomorrow night,' Garcia mentions. 'You should come.'

Emily freezes. Beyond casework, she's avoided spending time alone with JJ. Sure, they've had drinks together with the team, but this feels decidedly different. Because if Emily knows Penelope Garcia, then the tech analyst will find some excuse to leave the two of them alone. Together.

And that's something Emily Prentiss can't quite deal with yet.

'Garcia…' Emily starts. All she wants to do is go home and open a bottle of wine. Maybe after one or two glasses, she'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, where it's like nothing really matters anymore. She'll lie down, and she'll watch old episodes of Xena, and then everything will feel right with the world. For a little while. 'I can't.'

'Oh, come on Emily. It's just drinks. It's not like I'm asking you to propose to the girl.'

'Please don't make me do this,' Emily says softly. 'It's hard enough being in the same room with her as it is. I don't want to make it even worse.'

'I'm not trying to pair you off,' insists Garcia. 'And quite frankly, I think you need the night out. Real human company, Emily. People on TV screens don't count.'

Emily narrows her eyes slightly.

'Oh, that's right, warrior princess,' says Garcia with a grin on her face. 'I know about your little infatuation with the Battling Bard of Potidaea. And considering your real life infatuation, it doesn't surprise me in the least.'

In spite of it all, Garcia makes her laugh.

'Fine,' she relents. 'But so help me God, Garcia. If you run off and leave me alone with her…' she trails off, the threat evident in her voice.

Their first attempt at drinks is a mixed bag. "Brad, the real FBI Agent" lightens the mood, but the subsequent call informing them of a new case is something far less welcome.

'You were having a good time, weren't you?' Garcia nudges Emily while JJ is in the bathroom. They came as a group, and they'll return to Quantico as a group.

Emily shrugs. Things are more comfortable tonight than they have ever been since Emily's attempt at asking JJ out.

'I think JJ enjoyed herself as well. After you get back from Idaho, we should try it again.'

'Just because she enjoyed herself doesn't mean…' The words are caught in her throat. Because deep down, she's still hoping.

Hoping that maybe, she has a chance.

***

JJ catches Morgan before he can head to the parking lot. Their case is a local one, so they'll be taking the SUVs instead of the jet.

'Hey, Morgan.' Morgan turns at the sound of his name.

'Hey JJ. What's up?'

JJ takes a deep breath. She has to play this right, or she'll reveal the secret that she and Emily have both been trying so hard to conceal.

'Is it just me, or has Emily been acting really strange today?'

Morgan relaxes slightly, glad that someone else has noticed. 'Yeah, I've seen it too. Maybe she got dumped or something.' He says it in a light, joking tone, but it still elicits a slightly horrified look from JJ.

'That can't be it, can it?' JJ thinks to herself. 'She's always compartmentalized so well before. You can't have broken her that much? Could you?'

No matter how much JJ tries to convince herself otherwise, she gets the shaking feeling that somehow, Emily's strange behavior is all her fault.

'Let's not jump to conclusions,' JJ says hastily. When it comes to stupid, arbitrary things like phobias, or what she had for breakfast yesterday, JJ can lie like the best of them. She'd even fooled Morgan and Reid once. But when it comes to lying about her love life, she gives the game away, blushing like she's just been caught with her pants down.

'You know something, don't you?'

JJ feigns confusion, but it's already too late. Morgan knows that something's going down, and he's determined to find out what.

***

Emily's got twenty minutes before they leave Quantico. Twenty minutes in which she needs to surreptitiously tell someone that some really bad shit is going down, and that she can't deal with it alone.

The problem is, she has no idea who she can trust.

Before today, she could have answered the question without hesitation. She had trusted every single member of the BAU with her life. With JJ's life. Now, though? While she's unwilling to believe that any of them would even think of trying to ruin her life this way, she has to be sure.

She's at her desk, shielding the sheet of paper with her body. What she's writing is blocked from several angles, but she can't be entirely positive of complete coverage. She just has to hope.

Slipping the piece of paper into a manila folder, she heads for Garcia's office. The technical analyst has supported her through the entire series of dramatic, soap-opera worthy events, and Emily's hoping like hell that she'll be able to help now.

'Hey Garcia,' she says quietly, shutting the door behind her.

'How're you doing?' Garcia asks with a sympathetic voice. For a moment, Emily thinks that she already knows, but then she remembers how she got her heart broken not long ago.

'I'm fine,' she lies. 'I need you to look at a couple of case files for me. Off the record.' She hands Garcia the manila folder, with a look in her eyes that lets Garcia know that she is anything but okay.

Curiosity piqued, Garcia lifts the corner of the folder. There's no case file inside. Just a note. It's in Emily's handwriting, and it reads: "Can you block security cam frequencies?"

'Oh, I know this file,' says Garcia, rolling her chair over to the opposite corner of her desk. There's even more electronic equipment there, none of which Emily can recognize. The tech fiddles with a dial on one of the devices, and seconds later, she's grinning triumphantly at Emily.

'Usually you have to get clearance for that equipment, but…' she trails off, noting that, at the deactivation of any cameras within distance of the jammer, Emily has dropped the façade. There's a panicked look on her face, and her breathing is fast-paced.

'I need your help,' Emily says hurriedly. She recounts the events of her day, watching as Garcia's face goes from perky to horrified in less than a second.

'…if I tell the team anything, he'll kill her, and if I don't do anything, he'll probably kill her anyway. This guy has cameras in my apartment. He has eyes in the Bureau. He's been following me for at least a year and I have no idea who could possibly hate me this much, let alone who would have the opportunity.'

'Calm down,' says Garcia, but this isn't the technical analyst speaking. This is the friend speaking. Emily doesn't just need someone to help her track this guy down, she needs someone to talk her off the edge.

She's trying to regulate her breathing when they hear the phone start to ring.

Emily's heart stops.

Shaking, she pulls the phone from her pocket. Garcia's expression pales. Did they just sign JJ's death warrant?

'Trace it.' Emily's voice is cracked, as if even talking is killing her inside. Had the jam not worked? Had he seen through their act? Either option was possible.

She doesn't speak as she puts the phone to her ear. Garcia's at the keyboard, already working a trace.

'You were warned,' says the voice.

And then he hangs up, leaving Emily more broken than ever before.