4. You're a Young Man

The battlefield is no place for a growing boy. Young Link, known amongst his peers as the swag YL, is growing up so fast. He is from an era where it was okay to seal someone away with magic until they were old enough to save the world. With that being said, he was in a coma the first time he was supposed to experience this 'wonderful' time. With youth gifted back to him, he's going to grow up the right way.

This process is hard for not only the maturing child, but also everyone who considers themselves a guardian of that child. Following this spoiler of an intro is an example of how the warriors handle this fragile period on one's life.

…

Obviously, YL is dreadfully sick. He can no longer ignore this fact. But he needs to speak to someone who isn't going to make a big deal about this. He needs someone chill who will know what's going on and keep it between them.

Ascending the mountain, YL passes a very miffed Twilight Princess. He can feel his cheeks flush watching her rant to herself. If she was still while talking to herself, nothing would be wrong, but it's just the simple fact that she uses a lot of body language when she's upset. YL catches himself staring at her swaying hips. Further proof something is definitely wrong with him.

The argument frustration was mutual. Darunia methodically bashes his forehead against the rock wall. With a head as thick as steel, his brain is fine. It takes a mountain's worth of force to cause any kind of head injury to a Goron. His frustration venting is interrupted when YL approaches. The previous hero incarnation asks, "Can I talk with you, Darunia? I need some professional help."

Taking the time to talk to a fellow brother is never a bother. At this moment, it'll be a relief. Darunia replies, "I don't consider myself a professional at anything, but we'll see if there is anything I can do." With a large thud, the chieftain plops down on his rear and gets comfortable. He's ready to listen for a long time, but if YL wants him to get up, he's out of luck.

YL, too, sits down. Not unlike the current generation, his posture is poor. Perhaps it's best to start from the beginning. "I've been watching myself for a while, and I think I might be sick. Something's not right."

Darunia is listening intently. He gestures for YL to continue to explain.

Finding this next part hard to explain, YL removes his top. He's muscular for his age, but as you'd imagine, he's not nearly as ripped as Volga. Cia nearly fainted the day she got a glimpse of that beauty. "Hair is only supposed to grow on my head, so this worries me," he says while pointing to his first chest hair.

Darunia is no Hylian, but he certainly knows that this is no issue. He chuckles before patting the kid on the back. "Kiddo, congratulations!" YL is dreadfully confused. Darunia elaborates, "You've reached a coming-of-age monumental moment, Link. That's your first chest hair! My fingers are a little big, so just, give it a good tug for me." YL is still worried, but now he's less worried about himself and more worried about Darunia. He is hesitant, but eventually complies with Darunia's strange request. Only pain comes from yanking his singular chest hair. It stays firm in place.

"And it's a strong one, too!" Darunia excitedly expresses. A playful punch to the shoulder is in order. For the first time since this new discovery, YL smiles, but he is not done. He stops Darunia from getting up by saying "Yeah, ok, but I think I might be going insane, too."

"It started maybe… a week ago? Maybe a little before, but I only started noticing five days ago. We were in the middle of a battle. Linkle was defending something, and I just happened to be around when Tingle desperately called for help. I was just excited to be in action, so I didn't really care why we were attacking Linkle. But anyways, I was doing fine until I ran into the same keep Agitha was in. They say keep your eyes on your enemy, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I mean, Agitha is so weird, but not weird enough to stare at. Only Tetra is weird enough to stare at, like, with her hair. What is up with that?"

"So you were staring at Agitha. Why?" Darunia subtly tries to keep YL focused. YL shakes his head to focus. "Yeah, right," he continues. "I-I really don't know why I started staring at Agitha. It has never happened before. I suddenly didn't feel up to fighting anymore. My body just felt weird. I think I needed to pee or something."

This is worse than Darunia could have imagined. It's happening again, except this time with his beloved Link. Er, the other Link, the Link that his son was named after. Darunia has already seen signs of this awkward phase in his own son, but it is much easier to ignore or delay because of the severe lack of feminine Gorons. But sure enough, there are more than enough eligible Hylian women.

Darunia can't avoid this moment any longer; it is his turn to be the alpha male and educate the next generation of men. The maturing ladies are depending on Darunia and all fathers of their generation to assure that the young men they are destined to date are informed and prepared. The Goron Chief carefully considers how to explain this to YL. Rubbing the back of his head, he mutters, "Well, I guess you could say this is another coming-of-age moment."

The following silence doesn't exactly make YL feel any better. Darunia awkwardly laughs before saying, "My, aren't you growing up fast."

YL is through playing games. He stands up. "Ok, what's going on? What's wrong with me?" he menacingly demands explanation.

Darunia, too, stands up, though much slower than YL did. He places a hand behind YL to gently lead him out for a walk. YL allows this to happen, and before he knows it, he is taking a walk down the mountain with the Goron Chieftain.

YL gets lost in Darunia's speech as they take a stroll-

"This is the beginning of a new life chapter for you, son. When I call you 'son', I'm just saying that I'm the elder in this situation. I guess my point is don't go tell my kid that he's been replaced, because that's not the truth. But back to the point, I should have expected this when I saw that manly chest hair of yours."

"I hate to break it to you, but you might start looking at a lot of girls like you looked at Agitha that one battle. That is a strange force that develops within a man as he… well, becomes an adult man. You've probably heard of the term for this transformation. It's called puberty, and if I had to guess, puberty was the greatest time of Wizzro's life."

YL rests his face in his palm. He immediately regrets coming to Darunia about this. He'll know next time that Darunia is not who you need to see about problems. Darunia is still talking-

"I can't say I understand Hylian anatomy, so I can't be sure what changes your body will go through during this time. When you notice these body changes, don't panic. Unless it is an odd tissue growth, it's perfectly normal. If I had to guess, Impa won't know what's going on with your body either, so don't bother asking. It's more of what happens mentally that is universal amongst males. You could ask any of us from King Daphnes to Ganondorf, we'll feel you. We're here for moral support. The way you think will never be the same again, and it's really disconcerting. Did I mention that you'll need moral support because this time is strange and confusing? Don't keep your feelings and concerns hidden inside, or else you might end up emotionally unstable like Zant. Really, don't end up like Zant; we're supposed to be the emotionally stable shoulder for the girl to cry on."

YL's interest is renewed. Girls, he says?

"This is kind of a good place to explain why girls are involved. Right now, er, before that weird day with Agitha, girls were just strange living things who wear make-up and enjoy frivolous activities like tea parties. Well, as girls become women, they start to look interesting. I'm not saying their interests change; I'm saying their shape changes. This is new, and it intrigues us. Take… oh, Midna for example. Midna used to look like Agitha, and in the next few years, Agitha will look like Midna."

Instantaneously, disgust and horror in its purest form morph YL's face.

The chief realizes where he went wrong. "Ok, bad example! Better example, Agitha will one day look more like Zelda. You know, when she's an adult." YL is still scarred by the previous mental image he was given, but nonetheless, he thinks he understands what Darunia is trying to say.

"Anyways, as we age, we are able to look past the weird habits girls have, and we focus on what they present to us. We ask ourselves what they have to offer. Respect the women in your life, Link, because when they respect you back, life is so much easier. I know you're not interested in this now, but sooner or later having a family is going to be important to you. You'll desire to pass down your name and blood to someone of the next generation to live on after you. I don't know why Farore decided this, but women are necessary for this. The rest of this story is for another time, but it'll be time to finish this lesson faster than I would like. Overall, I've told you what you need to know; the gist of puberty, if you will. Any questions?"

Actually, yeah, YL has one; "So, is there anything I can do about it, or do I just have to sit back and let it do its thing?"

Darunia nods as they approach the bottom of the mountain. "You don't have to embrace puberty, but puberty will embrace you. Just go with the flow. It's all natural. And like I said, if you ever have any questions or just need some support during this process, let any of us older guys know. Skull Kid and Toon Link will be just as confused as you are, and Tingle probably won't be of any guidance either, but any of the rest of us will understand."

YL nods. Though kind of embarrassing, that talk was very educational. YL can put all of his worries to bed and let life happen as usual.

He has let Darunia lead him far enough. For the first time since they started walking, YL looks forward. His pupils dilate and his passion kicks in. "Heelloo, babe!" A startled Princess Ruto turns around.

That was definitely not supposed to happen! Darunia plucks YL by his collar and sets him down where he can't see Ruto unless he leans far to either side. Darunia scolds in a whisper, "What did I just say about respecting women?!"

Ruto seductively leans against Darunia's beefy arm. She says to YL, "If you were just a decade older, we could make this work."

"Ruto, you are not helping!" cries Darunia. It's one thing for the child to 'experiment' with verbal fervor, but it's unacceptable for the adult princess to encourage it!

YL was just following Darunia's advice to let puberty do its thing. Why is he getting a stern talking to now? Dang… this process is going to a battle in itself.

Author's Notes- When the warriors tackle human problems, things go awry every time. Sorry if this was too bizarre; I just thought it was a funny concept and took off with it. I thought this was an appropriate time for a villains break. I may have been wrong, though, so please let me know. Continue to tell me what warriors deserve the spotlight, or more of the spotlight. Which warriors need a chance to share the spotlight as a group, as well? Suggestions inspire me.