The last few months were the hardest for me. I had endured days upon days of never seeing Edward. I knew I had hurt him beyond imaginable when he didn't show up to school either. I was going to stop right then but Alice and Rosalie had goaded me. He did deserve all of this pain but then enough should have been enough after I had released the picture. It had spilled so out of control after that. Every one knew and had come forward with their theories and tales.

Secretly I had probably known that would happen, and I had been so hurt and frustrated that I subconsciously crossed every one off the list at once. Bella was the first to see the picture I had taken of Edward touching himself and I had shopped myself in the picture but removing my tattoo. She had cried so hard but I had not meant to hurt any one but him. She had told me that she was pregnant with his child and didn't know what to do now.

I had so much guilt when weeks later she had an abortion. I sat at home all day and cried my eyes out. I wasn't this person I was trying to be. My love for Edward was too strong, and my feelings for him never went away. I was ruining not only his life but Bella's; and Alice's. She was so in love with me by now that she didn't realize that our agreement was just that, an agreement. She chose what I wore, fixed me lunch and brought it to school, held my hand, kissed me as she pleased, and she wanted to be intimate often. I had to keep sleeping with her or she would get hurt too.

I didn't want Alice. I wanted Edward. I wasn't bi or anything like that, I was gay. If anything, this month had proved it to me. My vengeance made sex with Alice the best. Once it died out, I hated it. She didn't know I secretly held a small picture of Edward in my hand when we did missionary or doggy style. The only time I couldn't was when she rode me. It was impossible for me to get off then. The sight of her wasn't at all appealing.

"Jasper, what are you thinking of?" Her voice brought me out of the dark cave in my thoughts.

"Just everything that we've done."

"He deserved it."

"Did Bella?" My voice cracked. She had nearly died from the infection from her back alley abortion clinic and its dirty equipment.

"No, she didn't, but how could you have known it would happen like that? We all didn't and we are all in this together. He got what he deserved and you made me so happy. He had it coming and you know it." Her hand ran down my bare chest. I shivered at her touch. It wasn't because I wanted her, which she took it as that, but because her touch made me ill.

"I don't think plastering him naked with me in bed with him while he strokes himself was a good idea. He can't come back from that."

"And he shouldn't." She kissed where her hand had been and continued down until she was under the covers. I squeezed my eyes shut. Not this again. I couldn't stand one more time of her putting me in her mouth. It made me cringe.

Somehow she managed to get me hard and despite what my mind was saying, I enjoyed it just a bit. It wasn't enough to release myself, but the feeling was good to have. It vanquished some stress for me. With me not getting off she took that as a sign that I wanted to have sex with her. Slipping down on me, she tousled my hair.

"Wakey, wakey." She laughed and I opened my eyes.

"Alice, I'm not up for this right now." I beseeched her.

"You seem up to me." Her teasing words just struck a cord inside me.

"Just get off of me. I can't do this right now. This is all you want from me. I'm not going to just be this for you, too. You merit so much more than me. I'm not in love with you. And this..." I paused a second. "Isn't what I want. I don't want you and I can't keep this up. It's depressing. I love you Alice, really, I do, but not what is due you."

Her eyes brimmed with tears and I winced. With out another word she climbed off of me and put on her dress. I sat up on the bed in silence. It had to be said, and though I should've chosen nicer words, I had so much internal turmoil that I couldn't have taken the time to.

"You can leave for the day Jasper." Her words were dismissive.

"Alice..." I sighed. "Please, I want to be friends."

"Get your gay ass out of my bed!" Her words stung and after she had said them her eyes widened in apology.

I nodded, donning my clothing, and grabbing my book bag. With out another word I slipped out of her door. A hand on my elbow stopped me for a second. Her voice was low.

"Forget I said that, I understand, I really do. We will see each other tomorrow right?"

"Yes." I didn't turn around to look at her and she let me go and clicked her door shut quietly. I was going to run out of that house as fast as I could but I heard my name. It was Edward. Had he known I was there?

I knew I shouldn't have but I entered his room instead of going down the stairs. He was sleeping and he looked so bad to be honest. He had grown a beard and his eyes were dark under them. His hair was every which way, more than usual. What had I done to him? I was the new Edward hurting people over and over for my gain. A bottle of vodka lay next to him in the bed. He held a picture of me sleeping. It was crumpled slightly. I turned to go, I just had to see him when he stopped me.

"Jasper, don't leave…don't leave…" his voice was slurred.

He was still sleeping but the sound of him crying made me want to.

"I hurt you, I did, and I'm sorry, so, so, sorry you were. I didn't mean it. I love you..NO! Jasper don't…don't go…don't leave." His words were mumbled but I could make them out.

I was wary of believing him or not. He could be faking it like everything else. I hated that he made me wonder if anything at all about him was true. As I walked closer, I realized that almost the whole bottle of vodka had been drained. Was he mad? His chest rose and fell quickly and his leg twitched. He reminded me of a dog who dreamt of running.

"Wait!" He groaned.

I moved closer to him and tentatively reached out and swept his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. My poor Edward. I couldn't bear to see him suffering so but he brought a lot of this on himself. But who was I? I wasn't God. I had no right to pass judgment on him and in such a way that he will forever be shunned in today's society.

"Bella…" My eyes squinted at her name. I hated he cared about her so much. It was jealousy at it's finest. "Don't kill our baby. He doesn't need to pay for what I did. I would be a good father. I would." His voice cracked in pain. "I wouldn't be my father I promise. Please!"

I sat on the edge of his bed and I began to weep at that. I was worse than Edward. I had helped in the decision to kill an innocent life. A knock at the door sounded and then it opened before I could hide. I should've locked it. Edward's step-mother eyed me and then Edward. I motioned her to not say anything. Wiping my eyes I left him and entered the hall.

"Mrs. Cullen." I cleared my voice. "I'm sorry, I was just checking up on him."

"We need to talk about Edward since you are here. Come with me."

She had gained a few pounds since I had last seen her. I silently followed her, turning slightly to take a quick peek at Alice's door. When I passed it I heard her sniffles, I had made her cry. I was messing up all over the place. I entered into the lobby with Tanya, and she poured us some tea and sat down on the sofa. I sat across from her in the chair. What did she want with me?

"I know you and Edward are together. Well, were together."

I was dumbfounded.

"I'm not with him if that is what you are insinuating. Definitely not like that." I scolded her with my words.

Her eyebrow raised in question.

"He told me, Jasper. And I just know things. You never looked at him with just friends in your eyes. Not here anyway. Regardless, why are you doing these things to him?"

A blush slowly crept over my whole body.

"I'm not." Was all I could say. She had blind-sided me.

"He doesn't eat. He just drinks his life away all over you and what you did to him. If you wanted to crush his spirit you did a good job. I'm not saying he didn't need some of it, but to what extent? He's going to be sent away for it." I started to say something but she shook her head. "He won't be able to see his baby being born or anything. Carlisle decided to kick him out for good and send him farther away than Chicago. He's going to send him to London."

My heart sunk under my feet.

"He came out to me after everything happened and he loves you but is unsure on how to love. Unfortunately, his father isn't the best in that department and the one person who was, passed away. I had meant to speak with you before now but I am dealing with things of my own." She took a sip of her tea and placed it back on the saucer on the table.

"I'm..I don't know what to say."

"Just stop this. You are killing him. He's going to drink himself to death and his baby needs him."

"Bella had an abortion already." Guilt echoed in my voice.

"I'm not talking about hers, I'm talking about mine." Her eyes never left mine as she spoke. I put the pieces together.

"You and Edward? Are you insane?!" I gasped.

"Please, keep your voice down Carlisle will be home any minute."

"So let me get this correct. You and Edward did that and now are having a baby?"

She nodded.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Here I went acting as if I were Mr. Perfection.

"I wasn't and now I am paying for it. Carlisle doesn't know but for some reason he is suspicious and is taking it out on Edward."

"Well, I have nothing to do with that."

"I know..I just care for Edward."

"I bet." I sarcastically replied to her statement.

"Please, I mean it. I care for him like a mother should. Now."

I scoffed. "Mother's shouldn't have sex with and get knocked up by their children."

"Father's shouldn't beat their children for being something they can't help. Edward's not the only drunk here."

I was taken aback by her admonition.

"Why is he getting beat?"

"Because he's not perfect. He's gay and has made a laughing stock out of my husband and this family. He's all over the news and no matter what it doesn't stop. He's forbidden Edward to leave the house, or his room."

I frowned. Alice hadn't told me any of this and I was sure I knew why. I would have stopped all that I was doing and gone to him. I had to make this right. If anything I deserved some punishment as well.

"I'll fix this…" She smiled sadly at what I said.

"I hope you can."

It was my turn to smile sadly when I left the news station. They had recanted their whole story on Edward. Apologizing on air for running false information. I had showed them the negatives for the picture and told them that I found them and wanted to get revenge for him keeping me from his sister, so I faked everything. I was possibly going to have to face some legal matters possibly but I was prepared for it.

I had to make it right and I did. Everything wouldn't go away, there would be some people who would still believe it but over all he was safe. I wasn't. I still had to go to the hospital and speak to Carlisle about this. He was going to be furious. He hated my guts now more than before since I started dating Alice.

He had it out for my mother and some reason out for me. I never could figure out why. He probably would hate me more so for everything I would be telling him. I will clear up Edward's name so he can stop his abuse. I was no better than him and I wasn't the judge and jury in his life. I would be the savior and then maybe he could find a way to forgive me for everything. Just a hope.

If I were him, I wouldn't let me get away with this. I chuckled in disbelief. Well, I would most likely go back to incurring his wrath and I hoped that it wouldn't be too bad. I would even go through school to try and get his name cleared. I was a part of the Student News Council and I would make that right as well over a broadcast.

He had to forgive me, before I could forgive myself.