Left Behind Chapter 4: Kiss (e), a harry potter fanfic

A/N - edited 26/09/2016

The sky around Hogwarts was dark and thick with heavy, charcoal covered clouds, promising to deliver rain and obscuring the stars above them. Occasionally they shifted, allowing the moon a glimpse of the Earth and silvery light to illuminate the castle. Despite the thick cloud cover, the Forbidden Forest and surrounding grounds looked majestic. But Hermione was oblivious to what was happening outside.

She was currently locked in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. She'd put on a little more makeup than she usually cared to and had used a bit of magic to turn her bushy hair into slightly neater curls.

Why she was going to such an effort to look nice for the evening? After all, it was only a couple of hours doing rounds. She was meeting Theo at the Astronomy Tower at eight and they were to patrol until midnight – it was hardly dinner at a five-star restaurant.

It had been a while since she'd had a crush on someone. It was nice; the butterflies in the tummy feeling, the thrill of something new, the exciting tension of wondering what might happen…

But should she be thrilled? Between feeling guilty about Ron and the doubt lingering in the back of her mind after what Malfoy had said about Theo's father she felt… well, wary. But, she supposed, she was only doing rounds with him. She wasn't marrying him. She shouldn't be feeling guilty… and she certainly shouldn't rally be putting stock in anything Malfoy was saying.

Ugh, Malfoy. She was trying to keep him out of her brain as much as possible, but that was impossible. Especially since right now she could hear his deep, animalistic grunts, muffled by the wall, mingling with what could only be described as Pansy's wailing. It seemed Pansy was practising for either a career in acting or pornography. There was no way he was that good.

It seemed Malfoy had made his walls and the walls of their adjoining shared bathroom impervious to Silencing Charms, as they had had zero effect, and it was the sort of irritating thing he would do. Hermione had tried to study in the library as much as possible, but she couldn't get the sounds – and worse, invented images her brain conjured up without her consent – out of her mind. It was so distracting. It honestly seemed to Hermione that Pansy and Malfoy never slept. She could always hear them.

The final straw had come when Professor McGonagall had handed an essay back to Hermione that morning and had asked her if she was feeling alright, because for the first time she had completed a less-than-perfect piece of homework. Granted, she had only lost one mark, but still, it was Malfoy's sexual activities that had distracted her from her studies and the thought had made her very, very angry.

Here it came now, she thought irritably, as she pulled on her shoes; the crescendo. At least it was nearly over. Until, of course, it started again. Pansy's caterwauling got higher in pitch; she could distinctly hear the sound of wood banging against a wall; and then finally a guttural, low cry that could only be Malfoy. She shuddered. She didn't want to hear him… do that.

She tutted. He was so disgusting.

Hermione went back into her bedroom, grabbed her wand and her bag, and then went back out into the common room, running straight into Pansy as she did so. Her hair was a disaster, and that was coming from Hermione. Her face was flushed and damp with sweat and – oh, god, how cliché – she was still doing up buttons on her school shirt. Flashing a half-hearted glare at Hermione, she stomped off, out of the portrait hole, as Hermione stared disapprovingly at her retreating back.

"Off to patrol the school, Granger?"

Startled, Hermione spun around to see Malfoy leaning on his doorframe, arms folded. He was mostly naked, clad only in a pair of grey boxer shorts. Hermione actually took a step back, shocked by his casual half-nakedness, though she couldn't help allowing herself a quick curious look over his body before she flicked her eyes to the floor.

His skin was milky white all over, and his folded arms were, she was annoyed to see, incredibly toned. He was clearly no longer the scrawny little toe-rag he had seemed to be in lower school. Like Pansy, his hair was clumped and messy.

"I shall sleep soundly in my bed tonight knowing that you're keeping the castle safe," he said mockingly.

"Put some clothes on, Malfoy."

"Don't be such a fucking prude, Granger."

She scowled at him.

"I rather doubt you'll be doing much sleeping, not with all your conjugal visits," she retorted, gesturing at the portrait hole that had just closed behind Pansy.

"Oh, you noticed?" he feigned surprise. "I can't help it if I'm in demand."

"Notice?" She had to try very hard to stop it from turning into a furious shriek. "Don't act like you aren't doing this on purpose just to annoy me. You put anti-Silencio charms on all the walls for god's sake."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said innocently, but his satisfied smirk belied his tone. "Perhaps Pansy and I were just having such a good time that the magic didn't stand a chance against it."

"Even I know you aren't stupid enough to think that's actually how it works," she snapped, folding her arms too, unwittingly mirroring his stance. "I guess it's lucky for you that you've managed to get yourself a girlfriend who's for some reason willing to throw herself at you constantly and incredible at faking it."

He stood up straight and unfolded his arms, walking slowly across the room.

"Pansy is not my girlfriend."

Hermione hadn't expected that to be the part of her insult he would take offense to.

"Well, two out of three isn't bad," she remarked, trying to ignore the fact that he was heading towards her. She stood her ground.

"I'm afraid your perfect record is in even greater jeopardy, Mudblood, because you only got one right. Yes, Pansy might be rather easy to get into bed, but she isn't faking anything."

"Sure," Hermione replied sarcastically.

Now he was less that two feet from her, and getting closer. She refused to step back though. She'd had enough of looking weak in front of him. As he moved so that he was stood mere inches from her, his six foot one frame seeming to tower above hers, she looked indignantly up at him, trying very hard to ignore the fact that most of what she could see before her was his bare flesh, still slightly glistening in places with post-coital sweat. He was so close she could smell it slightly, musky and heady, with a faint hint of apples.

"Of course she isn't faking it. But how would you know? I'd happily put a very large bet on the fact that no-one's ever made you moan like that in your life."

He was right, but she'd never tell him. With Ron it had been wonderful, of course, a culmination of years of desires and wants and things left unsaid, but also incredibly painful and awkward, and it had ended before either of them had really managed to properly enjoy themselves.

She was blushing now, she could feel it.

"Of course, they wouldn't want to. Who'd want to do anything like that with a thing like you? But…" he paused, flicking his eyes down at her, so incredibly, dangerously close to her now, "maybe that's it. Maybe what's annoyed you isn't that you can hear us; it's what you can hear. You're getting all worked up, jealous even, that while I'm doing that to her, you're stuck out here, alone, with nothing but books and essays to comfort you."

As he said the last part of his latest cruel insult, his chest lightly brushed against Hermione, and she couldn't help it. Her breath hitched. It was firm against her where she was soft, he was half naked, and she had been without physical affection for quite some time. It was a natural response… but she still hated herself for it.

Malfoy stepped back again, retreating to a safe distance behind the sofa. He was smirking.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth, Granger. You're practically dribbling onto the floor. Like I would ever go anywhere near you."

She cursed herself for her millisecond lapse in common sense.

"I loathe you," she spat.

She could think of nothing else to say.

"The feeling is more than mutual, I assure you," Malfoy replied. "But you're boring me now. Aren't you supposed to be on patrol? Why haven't you left me in peace yet? Even someone with my stamina has to rest every once in a while."

"I'm leaving now," she said through gritted teeth, turning and stomping off towards the portrait hole.

"Just so you know," he called after her, "the only reason I've let you stay partnered up with Theo for rounds is because the only other alternative is that you'd be partnered with me, and-"

"'Let me?'" She whirled around, incensed. "You don't 'let me' do anything. You don't own me. I don't need your permission to do anything, you slimy git."

His eyes flashed with anger and he gripped the back of the sofa.

"You have no idea what will happen to him if anything, even a friendship, happens between the pair of you. If you encourage him, he will lose everything: his entire future, his friends, his reputation, his parents. And it will be your fault. Now, I don't profess to know much about Gryffindors, and I know even less about Mudbloods, but I don't think you'd be able to live with yourself if you were the reason he lost everything he's ever known."

She felt a pang in her stomach when he mentioned Theo losing his parents. That stung. Even if Theo's father was a Death Eater, and she wouldn't wish losing parents on anyone at all. Blinking, she tried to ignore the pressure building behind her eyeballs. She would not cry in front of him.

"We're just doing rounds, Malfoy, it's not like I'm having his baby," she replied, trying to sound strong but feeling her insides churn.

"And it'll stay that way if you know what's good for you. Because you are most certainly not worth all of that. Bizarrely, for once, I'm not doing this with the sole purpose of making your life miserable, although if I do then it's a happy bonus. I'm doing this to protect him. I'm being compassionate," he smiled sarcastically at her. "You'll ruin his entire life, all to spite me. I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be all noble and self-sacrificial? Stop being so selfish, and stay out of his way."

Hermione stared at him as he walked back to his room and slammed the door. And then she set off for her rounds, trying very hard to ignore everything Malfoy had just said. He was talking out of his arse, like he always did… wasn't he?

Malfoy threw himself onto his bed and ran his hands through his hair. He just wanted to sleep, damn it.

Ever since his conversation with Theo, he hadn't been able to sleep without waking up, drenched in sweat, having dreamt about his own death, sometimes even at the hand of his own father, or the torture of his mother or some other, unspeakable thing. He'd been trying to forget it all with Pansy, maybe tire himself out so he could fall into some blissful, dreamless sleep… and if it also happened to be pissing Granger off, then that was just fantastic. Although he bet that the Anti-Silencing Charm had helped that end.

What the fuck kind of situation had he gotten himself into? He had just wanted him and his mother to be safe; he'd never given much thought to what came after. But if Theo was right, and he was either simply prolonging his short life until his horrific death or signing away everything he knew and cared about in some kind of tacit agreement with the Order, was it all even worth it?

He stopped his thoughts right there. Of course it was. His mother was safe. That was what mattered. Whatever happened, he was keeping her safe.

What he hated the most was how much damn sense Theo had made. Of course he couldn't go back to his old life. He had known that… mostly. It was just hard to truly accept. Only now he felt so, so lonely. If everything he had cared about in his life up until now was irrelevant, his mother was hidden somewhere where he had no contact with her, his father was still playing lapdog to the Dark Lord, and he had barely enough acquaintances to count on one hand, none of whom he lived with in the dorms anymore… what was there?

The answer: fucking nothing. He was going out of his mind with boredom, loneliness, and, as of late, lack of sleep. He supposed that's why he'd put so much energy into annoying Granger, for some light entertainment. Particularly just then, how he'd taunted and teased her. He'd felt such a thrill, a delightful tingle of power, hearing her gasp slightly and knowing that he had that effect even on Mudbloods, even on the girl who hated him perhaps more than anyone in the world. Of course he'd never touch her… but toying with her was certainly fun.

Plus, it was always good to take that arrogant, insufferable know-it-all down when he could. He hated how her insults had the power to get to him like no-one else's, not even like Scarhead and Weasel's had. Admittedly, he thought, that was probably largely because they were both just as intelligent as each other, meaning that her retorts could be equally painful and irritating. He just chose not to showboat his intelligence in classes like she did.

He turned over in bed and groaned. He still couldn't sleep, though he could feel the tiredness pressing down on him like a ten tonne weight. Spending time with Pansy had not taken his mind off anything. As he lay in bed, screwed his eyes closed and willed his brain to shut down, he couldn't ignore the lingering fear that always came to him in the dark: that the more this stupid war against the Dark Lord went on, the closer he would be to the horrific end of his life.

Hermione stormed angrily down the corridor, which was odd because she rarely stormed anywhere. Where the hell did Malfoy get off telling her what to do? Let her partner with Theo indeed! In the back of her mind however, a looming, lingering cloud of doubt was slowly starting to obscure her fury.

Damn Malfoy for bringing parents into it. Not that he knew about Hermione's parents, of course. No-one did. Nonetheless, it had felt like the kind of intentional, dirty, below-the-belt blow that he would be cruel enough to deal. At least she had managed not to cry.

Reluctantly, she asked herself the question that she couldn't avoid after her latest spat with the Head Boy: should she really stay away from Theo? Because annoyingly, Malfoy was right – if Theo's family abandoned him because of her, she wouldn't be able to live with herself. But how would they find out? And anyway, what was there to find out about? That Theo was doing two compulsory rounds a week with her? Though Hermione had to admit with herself that she might like there to be something more to her relationship with him than just the rounds… but who was to say that he felt the same way? And if he did, Theo was an adult … surely he could make his own decisions?

She groaned out loud and smacked her hand against her forehead, trying to get her brain to shut up for a second with all the questions and the worry. She was getting ahead of herself... like she'd told Malfoy, it was just rounds.

Hermione was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she almost walked past Theo waiting for her at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower staircase. He grabbed her by the wrist and gently pulled her back.

Are you that keen to avoid me?" he chuckled, smiling handsomely at her startled expression.

"What? Hi! I - no!" she said, surprised by his sudden appearance. "Of course not! Quite the opposite actually….well, I mean…" she faltered, blushing.

Brilliant. She was stammering away like an idiot.

He let go of her wrist. Hermione tried to form words in spite of his distracting smile.

"Sorry I'm a little late," she said, trying to sound normal. "Shall we go?"

With an obliging nod, Theo stepped to her side and they started walking, saying nothing. Hermione couldn't help but feel a little strange that she was walking around with a Slytherin, a Pureblood, without feeling uncomfortable or fighting. It was almost refreshing not to constantly have to think of scathing retorts to insults and give her brain a rest in some comfortable, almost companionable, silence.

It was with a sensation like a punch to the stomach that Hermione suddenly realised that Malfoy was, shockingly, horrifyingly, the only person she'd really talked to lately. She'd underestimated how much not living in Gryffindor Tower would limit her social interactions, even in just one week. She saw Ginny at meals and Neville in some classes, but she hadn't spoken to Luna at all since coming back to school, or her old dorm-mates, Parvati and Lavender… Trading insults with Malfoy this afternoon had, actually, been the only interaction with a human outside of class that she'd had that day. The truth hit her like she'd been plunged into an ice bath. She needed to get her act together and start socialising.

"Is my company really that bad, Granger?"

Hermione looked up at Theo, wondering what he was talking about.

"You look absolutely miserable and you've not said a word in ten minutes," he added, trying to smile but looking a little put out.

"Charming!" she laughed. "It's a known fact that women emlove /embeing told they look miserable!" she laughed, trying to put him back at ease, before her smile wavered. "No, no… I was just… it's Malfoy stuff."

"I see."

She cringed as Theo's face turned stony. What was she thinking, bringing up Malfoy?

"Has he been on at you too?" Theo asked.

He wasn't looking at her.

"A little. Just the usual stuff… I'm not worthy of existence, Purebloods and Muggleborns don't mix, I'm the scum of the earth… you know, he's just being his delightful, normal self."

She was trying for humour, but Theo wasn't smiling.

"Look, I can handle Malfoy. Don't worry about him. I take everything he says with a pinch of salt anyway, because he only says half of it to annoy me," she said.

"That does sound like Draco."

Hermione glanced slyly up at him. He was tall, but not excessively so, and he was well built and muscular; it was obvious even through his robes. Dark hair complimented his olive skin, deep brown eyes and soft-looking, full lips. Though his jaw was heavy and square, she thought it made him look even more handsome. Theo caught her eye and noticed her studying his features. He smirked and she quickly looked away as she blushed over having been caught.

She wanted to talk about something, anything, that wasn't Malfoy and would distract from the fact that she had been as obvious at eyeing him up as if she'd had the words "I'm attracted to you" tattooed on her forehead.

"Did you know that the oldest tapestry in the castle was created in 1107?"

She could have slapped herself. There was a short pause.

"What?"

Theo looked at her quizzically. Oh god, why had she suddenly turned into the human edition of Hogwarts, A History? But she was nervous and it had been the first thing that popped into her head. Well, she'd started, she might as well finish.

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"It's in a corridor on this floor actually," she continued, trying not to look at Theo's face, which she was sure would be a picture of amusement and confusion. "It's near one of the girls' bathrooms. It depicts the goblin massacre led by Phineas the Fearsome in 1050. They actually started it the same year the massacre happened but the weaving was so intricate and the magic for the movement was so complex that it took them 57 years to finish it."/

Silence met her story. Hermione kept her eyes firmly facing ahead of her, trying not to look as mortified as she felt. After a few seconds Theo spoke.

"Sounds like a pretty interesting tapestry. I have to see it. Immediately."

Hermione stopped walking and looked up at him, wondering if he was making fun of her, but a good natured smile was playing around his lips, and his eyes were warm, not full of malice.

"You know where it is, right?" he pressed, stopping as well. "Come on, let's take a detour."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am! Who would pass up the chance to look at a thousand-year-old goblin massacre on a thousand-year-old tapestry?" he said, almost completely seriously. "Which way?"

"Erm… it's a left up here," she replied.

"Brilliant. Come on then."

Hermione couldn't help smiling to herself as he set off at a stride ahead of her, turning around just before he got to the corner.

"Hurry up, Hermione! You're the one who knows where it is!" he said, smiling too.

She laughed. "It's a thousand years old! I don't think it's going anywhere any time soon!"

But she jogged over to him nonetheless, and grabbed his hand when she reached him. She felt her cheeks go warm at the physical contact.

"This way, you idiot," she chuckled.

The torches in brackets on the walls lit the corridors with a flickering orange light that danced across the shiny suits of armour as Hermione led Theo to the tapestry. A lot of the people in the portraits on the walls were sleeping, though Hermione felt wide awake, full of a strange, nervous energy. It was a cold night, and a draught swept through the castle, but she didn't think it was that that was causing her to shiver.

They arrived at the tapestry. Hermione had let go of Theo's hand a little while ago, but she still felt warm and tingly.

"Voila," she said.

Age had dulled the colour of the thread slightly, but it was still quite a sight to behold. Hundreds of tiny goblins clashed with hundreds of wizards that had been woven into the fabric and enchanted to fight there forever, a thousand-year long war. That was how long this one felt sometimes.

"Wow. It's very… bloody," Theo remarked.

"Well they don't call it The Great Goblin Massacre of 1050 for nothing," Hermione smiled.

"It's amazing though."

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course!" Theo answered enthusiastically. "I'm looking at wizarding history right here, in the form of an ancient artefact. I can't believe I've never noticed it before."

"Sometimes I think people who have lived around magic all their lives never stop to truly appreciate things like this at all, because they're so used to it," Hermione said, turning her head back to the ever-raging battle on the cloth, her eyes filling with wonder. "They're missing out though. Sometimes I can't believe I get to be a part of all this."

She could feel Theo's steady gaze on her, but she didn't move her own away from the tapestry. In her peripheral vision, she could see his eyes had gone soft as they raked her features, which made her stomach do a backflip.

"Well, we can't just stand here watching goblins getting slaughtered all night, can we?" she said a minute or two later, still avoiding Theo's eye line.

She walked off down the corridor and after a beat, she heard Theo's footsteps as he followed her.

Hermione stayed quiet for a little while after Theo and she had left the tapestry. She felt like she had shared an intimate secret with him, bared a tiny part of her soul to him, and wasn't sure how she felt about it. It wasn't often she talked to people about what it was like for her to be a part of the magical world she inhabited now. For most people, it was just the way things were; for Hermione, it was a great big adventure full of delights and secrets and new discoveries at every turn… or at least, it had been, at first.

"You've gone uncharacteristically quiet all of a sudden," remarked Theo.

Hermione looked up at him.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were nervous around me," he added.

"Nervous?" asked Hermione casually, though her heart sped up a little. "Why would I be nervous around you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because my dad is a well-known Death Eater and I'm an evil Slytherin and I could pull you into a dark classroom any second and hex the hell out of you," he said.

"I don't think you'd do that," she objected.

Theo was smiling. "I know. I was trying to make a joke to ease a bit of the tension… evidently I didn't do it very well."

"You aren't like most Slytherins, are you?" Hermione blurted out before she could stop herself.

Theo laughed loudly. His laugh made Hermione want to giggle too; it was contagious and heart-warming and genuine.

"No," he smiled, "I suppose I'm not."

He paused, seemingly trying to think of how to word what he wanted to say next.

"Let's just say I don't really see the point of a lot of their values. It just doesn't make sense to me, not any more. You know, the Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Hufflepuff?" He laughed again. "But it put me in Slytherin because I desperately started begging it to put me anywhere but there."

"I can't really see you as a Hufflepuff."

"Apparently the Hat could."

He pulled a face that made Hermione giggle.

"But I still think you might be nervous around me," he said playfully. "Maybe it's because you like me."

It was as though, if it were possible, electricity was suddenly crackling in the air. Hermione became acutely aware of her heartbeat somewhere near her throat and the peculiar absence of her stomach. Immediately she started spluttering, trying to sound as though it was the furthest thing from the truth and not like he'd hit the nail on the head.

"What? No! Of course I don't – I mean, I think you're nice. You're a nice- you're nice, and I like you as… as a person but I don't – I mean, I certainly don't, no-"

"Wow, such an enthusiastic rejection!" His tone was playful. "Would it really be so bad, if, say, hypothetically, you did?"

Hermione paused. For what seemed like the fiftieth time, she could feel a blush blooming on her face, starting at her neck and slowly creeping up towards her cheeks.

"Well, no, it wouldn't be bad in itself," she answered, choosing her words very, very carefully. "But I do have good reasons to be wary of Slytherins, as do my friends. If, hypothetically, I were to like you, then, hypothetically," she emphasised, "I don't think my friends, or any of my housemates, would exactly throw a parade. And there are… other reasons, why it maybe wouldn't be a great thing."

She didn't want to say anything about him potentially losing his family, friends and safety right now, especially since they were just discussing a hypothetical set of circumstances… though the more they talked, the less it seemed like anything they were talking about was actually hypothetical. Theo cocked his head and looked at her oddly.

"So you're already considering the reactions of your entire house in this possible, entirely theoretical scenario?" he said, smiling knowingly as he let the word theoretical roll off his tongue in a way that said he meant the exact opposite. "Your mind is running way into the future, Hermione. Has anyone ever told you that you might have a tendency to overthink things?"

Hermione smiled and looked at her feet. "People may have mentioned it to me once or twice."

There was another little pause.

"So," said Theo after a while, "if it would be so bad if you fancied a Slytherin, how bad do you think it would be if you kissed a Slytherin?"

Shocked, Hermione snapped her head up at Theo, but before she even had a chance to ask "what?" Theo's hands were on her cheeks and his lips had crashed onto hers.

Such a kiss Hermione had never experienced. Not with Viktor and not with Ron. She felt dizzy and her skin was suddenly covered in goosebumps. A fire of longing had begun burning inside of her and she brought her hands up around Theo's neck before she could stop herself. What had started out as an innocent brush of the lips was now deeper, harder, hungrier, and her lips parted. It was when Theo's tongue lightly brushed hers, however, when she felt like she'd been slammed into a wall as a wave of guilt hit her.

She removed her arms from his neck and shoved his chest hard, putting space between them.

Theo looked sheepishly down at the floor, scratching the back of his neck.

"Sorry, that was… well, that was a bit much. I'm not usually that forward, it's just-"

He stopped when he looked up at Hermione, whose eyes were swimming with tears she was struggling to keep control of. Her head was a mess of Malfoy's words and thoughts of Ron, her Ron, who she had just betrayed by kissing someone else. She pressed her fingers to her guilty lips, as though wishing she could somehow remove the kiss, and Theo's face fell. He stepped forward but she backed away faster.

"Hermione? What's wrong?"

"I have to go… you can finish the patrol alone can't you?" she managed as her tears started to fall, and without as much as a look back at Theo, she fled.

"That bad then?" murmured Theo to himself sadly, as he watched her disappear down the hall.