Hey guys so sorry for being gone for so long, I have had a lot going on. BUT IM BACK! Please comment and tell me what you think of the new update and tell me what you think of the whole series. I have big plans for this series. Tell me what you think. I love you all!

I sighed, wiping my tears away before walked into Sherlock's room.

"Was that Mycroft?" He asked still smiling.

"Yeah, he said he had to go." I said looking at him. "What are you so happy about?" I asked.

"You're here." He smiled grabbing my hand.

"I'm here." I said trying to smile but my voice cracked?" He asked.

"Sherlock we can talk about that later. Right now, we need to talk about you. Tell me what happened when I was gone." I said holding his hand a little tighter as I watched as his eyes looked sad.

" I don't remember much." He said. "I wasn't on drugs for a while, after you were gone I tried my best to cope. But I kept having dreams about you. I dreamed about holding you again, about kissing you again but every dream ended the same. As soon as I would hold you in my arms again, you would always say the same thing. You kept asking me why I didn't save you. Then you were shot and I held you and it was like you were dying all over again." His words broke my heart. "You kept asking me to save you and I …" His voice cracked. "I couldn't' and then you died in my arms. Every time I closed my eyes, that was what I saw. You dead and bleeding and I knew there was nothing I could do. I couldn't take cases because every time I left the flat I saw you. Grace the drugs were the only way I could forget you so I could stop hurting, I need them." He said and suddenly his grip on my hand grew tighter.

"Need?" I asked noticing that the verb he had used was not past tense.

"I need my drugs, Grace." He growled.
"No Sherlock, you don't because I'm back so you won't hurt anymore." I smiled kissing his forehead.

"Grace," Sherlock asked his grip finally loosing.

"Yes?"

"Tell me this isn't just a dream, tell me that you are really here and you aren't going to leave me again."

"I'm here, I'm real, and I'm not going to leave you." I lied and as Sherlock pulled me into his arms, I could feel my throat start to burn. I needed a drink and I need it now.

The hospital wasn't exactly stocked with a lovely array of alcohol for my pleasure and I didn't dare leave Sherlock's side but I knew that the tea that John had brought me was not going to settle my cravings.

We stayed in the hospital for another 2 days so the doctors could run some tests. The whole time I never left Sherlock's side. We talked most of the day. We talked about Mrs. Hudson, Molly, Lestrade, John, Mary, and every once and a while I managed to get Sherlock to talk about himself. However every time he tried to get me to talk about what had happened the past two years, I quickly changed the subject not willing to talk about what happened, especially not with Sherlock.

When he slept I usually just sat next to him watching his chest rise and fall feeling comfort in watching him breath. I didn't dare sleep because I knew the nightmare that awaited me. I could still hear Moriarty's voice taunting me saying, "You will never be free."

One night I had found a napkin on one of the tables in Sherlock's room. Quickly I began doodling not completely sure as to what I was drawing. When Sherlock woke up the next morning, I looked down to my horror to find that I had written "I am not free," on every single inch of the napkin. I quickly crumbled it up and threw it away.

When it was finally time that Sherlock could go home, John showed up and we took him back to the flat.

We took him to his room, although he protested so he could rest. After we laid him on the bed, John left heading to the parlor leaving me alone. I walked around the room, the memories coming back to me. Suddenly I saw a picture frame on his bedside table. Slowly I picked it up to find that it was the picture Mrs. Hudson had taken of Sherlock and me before we went to the party at the museum. My hands shook as I slowly picked it up.

"It's been so long since that picture was taken." Sherlock said gesturing for me to sit by him. I slowly sat on the bed still holding the picture.

"Two years." I sighed. "We have both changed."

"You haven't changed." Sherlock said looking at me with such love in his eyes.

I quickly started breathing deeply as the burning in my throat became unbearable.

"Grace, I need to talk to you," John called.

I started to stand when Sherlock grabbed my hand.

"Come back," He said.

"Of course." I smiled as I left the room. "I need a drink." I exclaimed walking into the kitchen throwing the fridge open.

"Grace." John said as I began rampaging through the fridge. "I need to talk to you." He said as I quickly grabbed the bottle throwing off the lid.

"Ok?" I said pulling out a glass. "Want some? I asked and he nodded.

"Grace, where have you been?" He asked me as I handed him the glass

"John I…" I started.

"No, I was giving you some time with the whole Sherlock thing, but you need to explain. The doctor told us you were dead. What happened?" He asked.

I took a giant gulp of my drink before I started to speak.

"I can't talk about all of it." I breathed deeply. "But I will try to give you an explanation." I took another drink. "The plan was never for me to die. The plan was that I was going to go live with Moriarty in exchange for you and Sherlock's safety. Moriarty was going to shoot me in the stomach so that I would survive longer but it would still be plausible for me to die due to the loss of blood. He knew that Sherlock would do his best to save me and take me to the nearest hospital where Moriarty had planted a doctor who was working for him. The doctor was instructed to tell you that I was dead while really they were fixing me in the back. After I was better Moriarty took me to this huge house and…" I couldn't breathe so I took another large drink, finish the glass and poured another glassful.

"Did he, hurt you?" John asked.

I covered my hand with my mouth feeling nauseous.

"Grace!" John gasped grabbing my shoulders.

"I'm sorry." I said. "I can't talk about it because if I do I have to remember."

"Alright." He said rubbing his hand on my back. "Can you tell me how you got away. "Is Moriarty still after you?"

"No, no, we don't need to worry about Moriarty anymore." I sighed. "He's dead."

"What!" John gasped.

"Mycroft found me and he shot Moriarty in the head." I said.

"That's great!" John exclaimed hugging me. "That means you don't' have to worry anymore you can stay with us."

"John." I sighed, "I'm not staying." I said lowering my voice.

"What do you mean you aren't staying?" He asked.

"I mean as soon as Sherlock gets better, I'm leaving and I'm not going to come back." I said taking another drink.

"Why!" He exclaimed.

"Shh," I said. "It is way too dangerous for Sherlock, for us, to get as close as we were. WE both believe that we cannot live without the other, and it's just a matter of time before something bad happens to us. I can't deal with that, and I can't do that to Sherlock, not again."

"Grace, you two can't be apart. Look what happened to Sherlock while you have been away. The drugs aren't even the worst of it, he tried to kill himself." John exclaimed.

"What!" I yelled and I could feel my heart break and I quickly downed the rest of my glass trying to numb how horrible I felt.

"I found him one day holding my gun up to his head. Now you can't leave, you can't hurt him like that." John said.

I couldn't even say anything, I just stared at my empty cup.

"Grace, I can't make you stay, but please think about what leaving would do, to not only Sherlock, but to you." John sighed when suddenly his phone rang. "It's Mary," He said. "I need to get to work," I can stay if you need me."

"No, no I'm find, just go," I said setting down my empty cup.

"Ok, I'll be back after work to check on you." He hugged me as he left.

As soon as I head the door shut I quickly grabbed the bottle and began drinking it.

"You're leaving." I heard someone say. I turned around to see Sherlock his eyes filled with tears.

"Sherlock I…" I started but my hands were shaking so badly that the bottle slipped from my hands shattering on the floor.