"Oh, Boy Hero, you look so noble and handsome when you're lost in thought!"

"Stupid Hero! Just pick a quest already! N-not like I care what you do! Idiot!"

The young Adventurer known as Boy Hero chuckled good-naturedly at the stark contrast in his teammates' reactions. He continued to peruse the notification board with hand raised to chin. The sun shone through a high window, leaving him bathed in a shaft of light which caused his lustrous white-gold locks to shine like spun silver, creamy skin awash in heavenly radiance.

"I've decided, girls. Today, we're hunting goblins!"

Wizard Fangirl jumped up and down squealing with glee in flouncy dress-up doll attire, seemingly unconcerned with how her enormous breasts smacked her in the face with every hop. Brawler Fangirl snorted contemptuously at this display but spared an envious glance at her comrade's ample bosom before examining her own armored frame with a critical air. She had a nice body too, which Boy Hero often assured her of, mainly because he liked the way she turned red and verbally berated him whenever he did.

As he tore the Goblin-slaying quest off the wall, Boy Hero caught sight of another lovely damsel approaching them. "Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized with a self-deprecating grin while rubbing the back of his head. "Were you after this quest too?"

"Uhhh…" The girl, a High Elf by the look of her, glanced between him and the sheet of paper. "No. But… was that the last one?"

"You mean for goblins?" He quickly examined the board again. "Yup! Looks like! Would you care to join our party? The more the merrier, I say!"

The green-haired beauty ignored how his two tag-alongs sent her identical murderous glares. "No thanks. But… maybe you should… find something else."

"Are you implying we can't deal with some lousy goblins?!" Brawler Fangirl demanded hotly.

"It's not that." The target of her outrage appeared unimpressed at this show of bravado. "I guess you're new to these parts. Folks around here know to leave at least one goblin quest up."

Wizard Fangirl giggled. "That's silly! You're a silly-billy!" She gave a delighted gasp. "Oh! I'm going to call you Silly-Ears from now on!"

The High Elf's eyes narrowed. She studied the set of youngsters briefly before turning away.

"You know what? Forget I mentioned it."

"Okay, nice meeting you!" Boy Hero turned back to his attractive accomplices. "Alright, girls, let's go slay us some goblins!"

"YAY!"

"Hmph! Fine, whatever! It's n-not like I'm going with you because I'm worried or anything!"

Their party headed over to where the local Guild Gal waited. Boy Hero held up the quest notice with a confident grin. "This quest, please!"

The Guild employee looked at it, then at him. "Wouldn't you prefer a nice escort mission instead?" She toyed with her ponytail while adopting an anxious smile. "There's a caravan of exotic dancers embarking later today. I'm sure they'd be glad to have you three onboard as protection!"

"Not another one!" Brawler Fangirl shoved past Boy Hero and slammed her gauntleted hand flat on the counter. "Listen up, lady! We're not some Leroy-come-latelies! In case you aren't aware, this idiot here is–!"

Boy Hero just rubbed the back of his head wearing a cheesy grin. Wizard Fangirl was too absorbed in worshipping him with her eyes to really notice their partner's tirade. As she jabbered on, Guild Gal bit her lip in long-suffering patience. This sort of behavior was nothing new to her. She had already resolved to let the little thing get it all out of her system, when the front door opened, and the sight of a figure stepping through caused her to blanch.

Uh-oh.

"Our group has tackled more action in a week than most Adventurers see in a lifetime! And we don't treat this like a job the way others do! We've faced down challenges over the past year that would make Silver-Ranked Adventurers wet their codpieces! So if you think some measly goblins are going to scare us, then–!"

"The goblins will make you their bitch."

This cold, dispassionate assessment brought Brawler up short. It did not originate from the Guild Gal, however. Instead, when the three-person party turned around, to their surprise they found themselves confronted by some old guy in cheap armor who was desperately in need of a bath by the smell of him. His head was covered by a weak-looking helmet that might have been cool if he hadn't sawed off the horns for some reason. He clearly didn't belong anywhere near their group. To say nothing of how he had just spoken to one of them!

"Hey, now." For once Boy Hero looked more perturbed than anything, which only heightened his unparalleled beauty in the eyes of his two fangirls. He only got serious when he was really mad, and now looked like one of those rapturous times. "That happens to be a friend of mine, fella. And a lady, in case you hadn't noticed. I don't want things to get out of hand, but it might be best overall if you just apologized to her." His ruby gold-flecked eyes flashed. "Right now."

That battered grille turned to face him, and Boy Hero felt a curious shiver go up his spine.

"I was talking to you."

The handsome Adventurer drew back with a start. "Huh?"

"Yes." The ugly helm drew closer. The voice that emanated from it had a flat, mesmerizing quality which seemed to seize hold of all three listeners, refusing to let them go. "With your slender build, silky waist-length hair, and smooth effeminate features, you're just the type they find most appealing. In the heat of battle, a goblin might easily mistake you for a female. Overcome by their own libido, it wouldn't even matter to them once they got your clothes off. By then it would already be too late. The whole hive would have their way with you. Like a feeding frenzy. No matter how you screamed or sought to explain, nothing you said would make any difference. It would only excite them more."

The darkness inside that helmet was growing deeper, drawing Boy Hero in. He felt as though he were falling down an endless black tunnel.

"They would make sure to keep you alive for their continued pleasure. This presents the option that another party of Adventurers might eventually rescue you. Not that you would notice by then. The damage would be done. But it wouldn't end for you there. No, indeed. A person in your condition is of great value to other Adventurers. They could send you into any goblin nests first. To wear them out. Make it easier to kill the goblins once they were finished despoiling you. Parties would vie for your services. You would be traded back and forth like a tool. A valuable commodity, one who no longer felt even the slightest bit of shame at being put to such a use."

Boy Hero's fair skin now had the appearance of chalk. His eyes were huge, and his trembling lips gibbered senseless bursts of what no longer constituted human speech. Yet the masked demon went on without regard for his terror.

"And in time, you would be given a new name. They would call you… Goblin Slut."

That sinister figure seemed to fill Boy Hero's whole world, looming over him like a Death spell personified. Its voice had transformed into a haunting promise of suffering without limit.

"Yes, Goblin Slut. Famed far and wide. They say he can handle a hundred goblins at once without breaking a sweat. Lords, Champions, it doesn't matter. No goblin is too big for him. Stories would be told, and grow in the telling, making your name legendary. Forever would your heroic deeds be sung in the annals of history." He leaned in and whispered, "The legend… of Goblin Slut!"

With an inhuman shriek, Boy Hero tore past to go scrambling towards the exit. His party members ran in hot pursuit. "Oh, Boy Hero!" Wizard Fangirl cried out. "We still love you!"

"D-don't misunderstand! I-it's not like I want to see you get plugged by goblins from both ends like a roast pig on a spit! Stupid Hero!"

They dashed out into the street and were soon out of earshot. Goblin Slayer watched them go. He then bent down to retrieve the quest notice which Boy Hero had dropped in his haste to depart. Approaching the counter, he laid it down and simply stated, "This quest, please."

The black frown Guild Gal wore served to attest she was not amused at all. "Was that really necessary?"

He shrugged in response. "Man's gotta eat."

"Really." She adopted the sweetest of smiles marred only by a vein blazing like mad in her temple. Guild Gal then reached under the counter and came up with a bucket and mop. "In that case, a man can clean up the trail that poor kid left behind him!"

Goblin Slayer glanced over his shoulder. Coming around, he accepted the cleaning implements. "That's fair."

FIN.