A/N I always take forever to post, sorry about that. I've been travelling a bit too much last two months and switching jobs so had even less time but I hope the update makes up for it. Thanks to everyone that reads, follows, reviews, favs this fic, I'm really grateful for your support and for enjoying reading it. Without much addo, on to it…

My heart is beating in a different way

Been gone such a long time and I feel the same

Will you miss me? When there's nothing to see

Tell me how did this come to be

And now there's no hope for you and me

It's a nerve-wrecking thing, standing at the exhibition and flicking eyes between the time on her phone, the people finally leaving the place and Alex. Always falling back to looking at Alex. Alex talking to journalists, Alex sipping her champagne, Alex smiling at the people she talks to, Alex laughing at whatever is going on in the conversation she is having. She catches Alex look at her a few times and when their eyes lock Alex offers her a smile and Piper tries her hardest to contain the huge grin she wants to give back to Alex, and stop at a shy smile instead.

She barely manages.

"Chapman, it's getting boring watching you drool there, I got us some more drinks to survive this nightmare." Nicky comes with two new flutes of champagne, extending one over to Piper who gratefully takes it, sipping right away from it.

"Have you figured out what you want to say to her?" Nicky asks in between gulps of champagne, looking at Piper intently.

Piper's gaze flickers over to Alex briefly before returning back to Nicky "I just want to ask her about the photo there and… I don't know, just talk to her I guess."

"And fuck her brains out if possible?" there's a smirk plastered on Nicky's face as Piper tries to hide hers that developed a light pink blush.

"It's alright, Blondie, Stretch over there is totally fuckable so can't blame you for that."

"Nicky! Stop it, seriously. Look, I don't know what's going to happen and I don't want to overthink it. I just want to talk to her for now. But I probably wouldn't mind doing other stuff with her later. I can't help it, she gives me unholy thoughts."

Nicky snickers at this and then full-blown laughs "Unholy? Boss, we need to work on your wording choice if you want to keep the career in journalism."

Piper laughs along with Nicky, feeling herself finally relax a bit. But it's short lived as she releases a long deep breath, realizing that time to talk to Alex will come soon as the number of people at the gallery has drastically reduced. "Let's have a cigarette, please" is all she tells Nicky as she downs her champagne and starts walking towards the entrance, a nervous feeling of anticipation playing loudly in her stomach.

"Didn't know you became a full-time smoker." She hears a raspy voice behind her, the voice she would recognize anywhere but the wicked grin on Nicky's face confirms it even more strongly. She turns around slowly, as if afraid of breaking the moment and gives Alex a smile "A social one only. And social cigarettes can't kill you."

They share a laugh, over the memory of Piper always saying social smoking is like not smoking at all and then Nicky jumps in with "Depends how social you are, boss" and a wiggle of eyebrows in Piper's direction.

Piper just glares at her, hoping Nicky won't make a comment that would embarrass her in front of Alex.

"You seem to be a very social one, Ms Nichols."

"Nah, I'm just a good old-fashioned smoker. Addicted to this thing for 15 years now, socially and not socially. And please, call me Nicky."

Alex smiles at this and nods, and Piper just looks at her with a small smile playing on her lips. Maybe it's the drinks or maybe it's the warm summer evening weather, but seeing Alex and Nicky somewhat connect fills her heart with joy. She turns her attention to Alex, wanting to keep her around a while longer, not even noticing that Nicky slowly turned her attention to some journalists from other magazines that have showed up as well.

"Happy with how the night went?"

"Yeah. I mean, a lot of people showed up, and they seem to really like my work so that's good. I'm still waiting to see how things turn out in the next few days but so far it's a good start." Alex replies with a smile and takes a long drag of her cigarette, her eyes not leaving Piper's.

"How've you been, Al?" the nickname falls out of her lips with such ease, before she can rethink if it's okay to still call Alex that. She sees Alex's lips curve up into a tiny smile and that puts her mind to rest.

"I've been good. Working a lot, travelling a lot. The usual. You?"

"Been working at the magazine since I got back. Things have been good there so I can't complain."

"Your parents still giving you a hard time?"

Piper just shrugs at this "They try to. But I don't really let them anymore. My mom keeps trying to marry me off, I keep ignoring her. So it works, somewhat."

"Glad to hear you're standing up for yourself, Pipes."

"I learnt from the best, you know?" she replies and they both smile warmly at each other.

Piper knows what she wants to talk to Alex about, but doesn't know how to start or what to say exactly. She plays nervously with her fingers and then lets one hand go through her hair, taking a deep breath before settling on the words she wants to get out finally.

"And Alex, I saw it. The photo of me. I… I didn't even know you took it and now it's there and… and I don't know what to say or how to even behave about it. And I'm confused as hell right now so just... just fucking tell me what this all means?"

And before either one of them says anything, there is a third voice, a voice Piper doesn't recognize calling Alex's name.

"Alex! I've been looking all over for you. Emilia wants to say goodbye before she leaves and some journalists are looking for a chance to snap some photos of the two of you."

And all of a sudden the girl's lips are on the exposed part of Alex's shoulder, giving it a light kiss and Piper can feel it burn her own skin. Alex's eyes don't leave Piper even for a second and she doesn't even move, but the girl is already tugging her hand to take her back inside.

"Piper…" is all Alex manages to say before the other girl stops her motions and stares at the two of them confused.

"It's ok, Alex. Just go. Don't let Emilia wait." Is all Piper manages to say, her voice flat and looking Alex dead in the eye, not moving or making an effort to say anything else, not even a goodbye.

And with that, the girl tugs Alex away once more and two of them disappear inside the gallery, with Alex looking back at Piper that stands rooted at the spot, trying her best not to look at Alex for the first time that night but feeling Alex's eyes burn into her skull. Piper just stands there, staring at the spot Alex stood at, a whirlwind of emotions playing inside of her, none of them making any sense. If Alex has a new girlfriend, why would she share the photo of her at the gallery? She has so many questions she wants to ask Alex, so many insults she wants to throw her way for misleading her, so many feelings in her stomach she wants to get rid of, but despite it all, she knows with certainty that Alex Vause is the best thing she ever lost.

"Piper, you ok?" Nicky's voice pulls her out from her trance and she stares at her friend for a second, recollecting her thoughts.

"I don't know, Nick. I just… I don't know." She let her head hang from her shoulders, the feeling of defeat stronger than a year ago when she left Alex.

Nicky wraps a protective arm around her shoulder and it feels good to have someone by her side. She realizes it's the first time she had someone by her side with everything that ever happened with Alex and she lets herself lean into Nicky's shoulder.

"Do you know that girl?" Nicky asks, trying to figure out the situation.

"I've never seen her before. I might have seen her talk to Alex for a bit inside but I didn't pay too much attention. But seems like Alex knows her quite well. All of her quite well." The last part comes out more bitter than she intended it to and Nicky steps in front of her, putting both of her hands on Piper's shoulders.

"Listen, I know it's a lot to process right now and definitely not the way you saw this night going. But I saw the way Alex looks at you and let me tell you, you're not the only one with unholy thoughts there. So, cool down and try to talk to her, okay?"

Nicky slowly removes her arms from Piper's shoulders, sticking her hands into her pocket to get another cigarette.

"I think I'm gonna go home. You wanna do a short interview with her or should we send someone else to do it in the next few days of the exhibition?" her voice is flat, defeated.

"You're giving up way too easily on this one. But alright, if you want to go home, sulk and not do anything about it – fine."

There's annoyance in Nicky's tone that she hasn't heard before and she knows her behavior is childish but she can't seem to be able to do it any other way.

"You're right. I'm gonna go to a bar near by, get drunk, fuck someone and forget this little encounter ever happened. Alex has obviously moved on and inviting me here was her way of rubbing it in my face, making me pay for leaving her. Well, I'm glad someone is keeping her bed warm. Maybe I should do the same." Her tone gets sharper and more bitter with every sentence, her anger towards Alex raising more and more.

"I'm saying this one last time: you are not going anywhere. Let's see how it plays out and if you turn out to be right – I'll keep your bed warm." Nicky wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

"Nick, I can't go back in there. I might smack a bitch. So I'll just go and get drunk. And you can do the interview, or not, but I'm out. I'll see you on Monday."

And with that Piper turns around and leaves, without looking back.

Piper is pissed. No, Piper is furious. They were supposed to spend the day together. They had it all planned, from the places to go to in Lisbon to things to do. Piper had planned to make breakfast in bed for Alex, she made reservations at an expensive restaurant for dinner, she had booked a tour about the city too. But, she was being told, at 11pm of the previous day, that Alex has to work. That something came up and can't be delayed. That she is sorry.

"What the actual fuck, Alex? I've been spending time alone here for a while now. We were supposed to finally spend the day together tomorrow, but here you are, arriving 2 hours late, again, telling me that something came up?" she is yelling, she knows she is, but for the first time in her whole life she feels the need to let her emotions out.

"I'm sorry, Piper. But I really need to do this and it could end up being huge for me. Why can't you fucking understand?"

Piper lets an angry chuckle out "Seriously? I've been fucking understanding for a while now. But now we even made plans but you can't make it." She finishes her sentence in almost a whisper, powerlessly shrugging, realization of how she can't seem to be a strong opponent to photography in Alex's life hitting her fully. How she might already be boring for Alex. It seems to have an effect on Alex, both of them finally stopping the pacing and just looking at each other from a few feet away.

"I'm sorry, Pipes. I know I've been working a lot lately, but I'm finally getting somewhere with it. The guys I'm doing the shoot with tomorrow told me they might be interested in doing more with me. This could be a huge opportunity." Alex was by now smiling, that smile that always melts Piper's heart and doesn't let her stay upset for too long. Alex was slowly approaching her girlfriend, raising her eyebrows in a way of asking for permission and then Piper cracked a tiny little smile back, and that was enough. Alex pulled her into a hug and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes.

When they pulled back Piper finally spoke "I love you and I want what's best for you. Good luck tomorrow." Before giving her a quick peck on the lips.

And the knot just kept getting stronger, even though she refused to admit it to herself.

The next day she woke up to an empty bed, two tickets and a note occupying Alex's pillow.

Hey kid, how about I make up for this day by taking you away for a long weekend? Just the two of us and no work, I promise. Can't wait to see you tonight. xx, Al

Piper smiled and pulled out the tickets: a long weekend in Seville sounded like a good redemption.

Maybe, just maybe, she was good enough for Alex.

One tequila.

Two tequilas.

Three tequilas.

Each one finished off in seconds, with a loud bang against the bar surface.

"One more." She tells the bartender as she gestures him to pour it quickly but the bartender shakes his head and tells her that she should take it slowly.

It hits her then that she already had a few glasses of champagne and some shots at home and that maybe he is right so she nods her head in agreement as he walks off to serve another customer.

The drinks hit her quickly as she sits and stares into the distance, the events of the evening playing on repeat in her head: seeing Alex again, the portrayal of their love in Madrid, talking to Alex again, someone else's lips on her gorgeous shoulder.

She feels the need to grab another tequila but doesn't, happy for being able to know better still.

Her phone rings and she looks into it and sees that it's Nicky. She ignores it, once and then twice and when it starts ringing the third time she yells a "What?" into the phone.

"Woaaaah, relax there Blondie. Where are you?" Nicky's voice echoes through her ear as she tries her best to stay seated.

"At a bar. What do you want Nick?"

She rolls her eyes at how childishly Nicky treats her.

"Which bar, boss? I'm coming to pick you up."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sure you've had more to drink and I don't want you doing anything stupid. Just text me the address, all right?"

Piper knows she's had enough to drink over the course of the last 5 or so hours. She also knows she should go home so she doesn't do anything stupid. But on the other hand, she wants to do something stupid and prove to Alex, but maybe even more herself, that she has moved on. That she too can fuck someone else. That she can have fun.

But she doesn't do that, and goes with the safe option.

"Alright, I'm texting you the address in a second." She tells Nicky and goes to hang up, but adds as an after thought "Did you talk more to Alex?" not even knowing what kind of answer she would like to get.

"Sure did, finished the interview off. It's work stuff, we can talk on Monday. Now text me the address and I'll see you soon."

She shoots the text over to Nicky and decides to wait it out with a coffee and some food. The bartender gives her a weird look, but provides her with crisps and the coffee she asked for, still not saying anything.

She knows she has to leave.

Somewhere in the pit of her stomach she knows Alex and her don't have a future together.

Alex loves her job more than anything else in the world and Piper can't cope with that. As soon as that realization became too real to handle, she has been figuring out how to leave finally. She has thought over and over again what to say to Alex and how to make this as easy as possible on the both of them.

Seville was a great trip, and it felt just like the old days when they were carefree and happy and so in love. They walked around and explored the city and had great tapas and sangria. They laughed and held hands and snuggled so close to each other. They cuddled and talked on their first day there, promising not to let their relationship suffer like it did by that point in time. They kissed and held each other and made love, punctuating on the promises made.

They were happy. They were in love. And it was beautiful.

But the days ticked by and even though the promise was kept even back in Lisbon, when they reached Paris things have went back to how they were and the feeling of not being good enough for Alex returned.

Sitting at the beach at Cannes all by herself became boring, so she went back to their room, deciding to wait for Alex there. To finally have that painful conversation.

The doors unlock and she hears a "hey babe" thrown her way. Alex comes in with a smile plastered on her face, giving Piper a quick peck on the lips.

"How was your day?" Alex asks as she positions herself on the bed so that she can wrap her arms around Piper and pull her closer to herself.

"Boring." Piper replies and Alex pulls her even closer to herself.

"I'm sorry babe. But now I'm here, what do you want to do?"

She kisses Piper's temple and her scent hits Pipers nostrils, consuming her thoughts immediately.

And the maybe gets back into her head again.

Alex kisses her cheek and her jaw and throat and her lips and Piper is already so consumed by her and her tenderness and her presence that she just moves her body around so that she can kiss Alex too, cupping her face and passionately grabbing her lips with her own.

And maybe, just maybe, she is good enough for Alex. All other thoughts already discarded in the back of her mind somewhere, cause Alex is here and she is kissing her and there's nothing she will do to stop that.

The chair next to her gets occupied and she turns her head to look at the person next to her, hopeful to see Nicky finally. And it's not Nicky but the face is familiar anyway.

"Didn't think I'd see you again so soon." The guy speaks to her and after a moment she remembers finally where she knows him from – the bar from the other day.

"Hey there Luke." She replies, mostly happy that she remembers his name. "And I thought New York is so big you rarely meet people twice by accident in different bars."

He laughs, his perfect white teeth in full display. They start chatting, about anything and nothing really and he keeps her smiling and she feels herself sobering up slowly, the company and lack of alcohol helping greatly with it.

Piper feels herself laugh, not even sure where that sound came from after how she's been feeling, the whole evening that turned into a whirlwind of mixed emotions and changes.

"Wanna get out of here?" he says at one point, gently striking her arm.

"Lets have a smoke outside." She replies, buying herself some time to figure out what she wants. He guides her out by holding her hand, and she realizes already then that his hold is just not as soft as Alex's, his hand doesn't fit hers like Alex's used to.

She shakes the thoughts away, forcing herself to remember that Alex doesn't want her anymore. That after all, she wasn't good enough for her.

As they step out she pulls out the pack of cigarettes she got from Nicky before leaving the gallery and her mind goes back to wondering when her best friend will finally show up. Luke lights up her cigarette, in all his gentleman fashion and then takes the lighter over to light his own.

"Didn't peg you for a smoker."

"I'm not. I'm just drunk-smoking right now. Doesn't count." she replies with a smile and he laughs at it and maybe it's just the drunken state of her clouded mind but she laughs along and immediately notices his body getting closer to hers, one of his hands leaning on the wall behind her. He is not trying to kiss her yet, but he is checking out the territory. She turns her head around in the other direction, just for a millisecond.

And everything stops.

Right there in front of her is Alex, looking at the two of them with the most unreadable expression on her face.

"Alex" comes out of Piper's lips like a whisper, and Alex walks over closer to them.

"Piper." She replies firmly and gives Luke a look "Buddy, could you give us some space to talk?"

He tries to protest but her gaze is firm and Piper is not even looking at him anymore so he just walks away, stubbing his cigarette down and walking back into the bar.

"What… What are you doing here?" Piper finally finds her voice, barely.

"I was talking to Nicky and I wanted to talk to you so I asked her to find out where you are. Sorry it took me a bit to get here, leaving my own exhibition was a bit harder than I expected" she laughs humorlessly and Piper just keeps staring at her from where she is leaning on the wall, the cigarette in her hand almost forgotten.

Piper's temper is rising and she is suddenly realizing it's her chance to ask Alex about the other girl "Why did you want to talk to me? You seemed very busy with someone else at the gallery? Why, why the fuck did you even invite me to come over? To show me your new girlfriend? That's very classy of you Alex!"

She is yelling, she knows she is but she can't keep it in anymore. Alex is still not moving, not speaking, letting Piper vent for a second.

"She is not my… Jesus. Alright, I've been seeing Amelie for a month or so now. But she is not my girlfriend. She's just a fling."

"You bring all your flings to trips all over the world I see"

The spite in Piper's voice is still high and even though a piece of her feels better that the girl is no one important to Alex, she is still upset.

"You dumped me! Why the hell are you upset right now?" Alex yells back finally, and it takes Piper by surprise as she sees Alex walking closer to her. "I loved you and you left to come back to the States. I suffered and then realized I have to move on somehow. So what gives you the right to be upset with me for doing just that?"

There's not much space between the two of them left, and Piper feels trapped in the corner of the wall she was leaning on, Alex towering over her, rage evident in her eyes.

"Because I never stopped loving you."

It comes out as a whisper, barely audible to anyone but the two of them. She sees the change in Alex's eyes after she tells her how she feels and it feels almost like the world has stopped and the time has stopped and it's just the two of them.

And then Alex is leaning in, dangerously close and she can feel the whiskey on Alex's breath.

And Piper's heart is beating so, so incredibly fast and Alex is kissing her.

One more chapter to go, and I will hopefully post it much sooner than this one. I'm not too happy with this chapter, my writing seems to be a bit off, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Thanks again to everyone that still hasn't given up on reading this! Looking forward to your reviews and follows!