Although He Smiles
Chapter Four: Elusive Truths.
It was ominously… calm when she felt herself stir from the nothingness. Unaided by a Master this time, Ahsoka came too, her breaths steady and her body unusually peaceful. Her mind too seemed to follow this trend as blinking eyes brought into focus the world around her. Well, if her eyes had adjusted properly, the room around her. The familiar hum of hyperdrive engines placed her on the chrome Nubian cruiser they'd fled on. The lights had been set to only faintly dust the room, and the result was a soft illumination of the beige walls... and a blinding white pouring in from the now open doors. Ahsoka blinked.
"You're awake."
The figure at the door was haloed by light, every feature hidden by shadow. However, the voice was eerily familiar.
"You know, I don't feel it." It seemed her throat hadn't survived unscathed, as raucous coughs brought her upright. Figures. The silhouette moved from the doorway, his sudden presence in the room bringing the lights to a more reasonable — visible degree of illumination. Ahsoka blinked as Obi-Wan Kenobi (can't be…) came to stand beside the gurney she had been placed on.
"Try not to move so much. Master Qui-Gon placed you in a healing trance." A beat brought him to her side. "You're not actually meant to be awake yet." From the folds of his robe, his hand pressed to her arm — a slight twinge of discomfort. "You're alright." The soft platitudes were muttered out just as Ahsoka felt a cool caress flow from the point of contact. The Force streamed gently between the two. The slight prickling sensation brought by his robe against her arm seemed to strangely balance the sensation. She just hoped her utter bewilderment at the situation wasn't read as something to be cautious of.
For kriff's sake. I'm thirteen years in the past. What isn't there to be cautious of?
And then his gaze met her's… And she was sure her eyes were the size of dinner plates. She blinked away.
"How do you feel?" The hand was suddenly gone, and along with it the gentle flow of the Force.
"Alright, I guess." Other than a bit weirded out by the fact that you're roughly twenty-something, and not forty… two? I don't know.
"Well, that's certainly somewhere to start." He stood back as Ahsoka began shifting her weight. With one fluid movement, she was on her feet. The ground seemed to sway beneath her though, her hands grappling for the shifting gurney.
"Whoa…" She gasped out, hands flying to her head.
"Easy…" When she couldn't stop the spinning, hands came flying out from oversized sleeves to steady her. "How about, not so fast? There's no need to rush… you'll end up on the floor at this rate."
"Yeah," Ahsoka croaked out, allowing him to walk her to a nearby chair. "Thanks, Master Kenobi." Her head was still spinning — quite the reverse of how she had awoken. Perhaps it was the remnants of the healing trance that had given her a brief high on serenity. Now, she felt positively like poodoo.
"Master Qui-Gon will be here soon." He began shifting beside her, and she watched him pull the robe further around himself — as if it alone could distance him from her. What had she — Master Kenobi. She called him—
"Obi-Wan?"
And suddenly he was off his haunches, instead regathering the sleeves of his robe at the sound of his Master's voice. Ahsoka's focus shifted to the doorway, barely making out a towering figure moving through.
"Master. You were right. The girl is awake."
Master Qui-Gon stopped before them, a hand to his padawan's shoulder before he turned to the girl at the medic's station. Ahsoka met his gaze, somewhat surprised to see a note of warmth gazing back.
"And how are you feeling, young one?"
"Like I've just jumped off the top of the Te—" She stopped herself, a twinge of warning curling her fists. A sudden flash of panic saw her correct herself with a metaphorical slap. "— Off the top of the Senate Building."
"That was quite an episode you had." And suddenly, he was before her. If he had any inkling towards her oncoming barrage of lies (which she was sure he did), his gentle expression hid his suspicions carefully. "I was expecting you to be out for longer." He stopped, now gesturing to his padawan. "You somehow managed to render my apprentice unconscious for a good hour."
Ahsoka's eyes went wide, sparing a fleeting glance at Obi-Wan before she was turning away from them both. "It was an accident. I don't —"
A strangled moment crinkled her nose. Perhaps she was waiting for Master Qui-Gon to jump in to complete her explanation — when concocting some sort of excuse, it was usually best to let others provide their own logic to the situation. However, as the Master's eyes refused to look away, and she could almost sense the gentle suggestion to continue, Ahsoka swallowed.
"Perhaps you could explain why a dispossessed Jedi Padawan was in the middle of a deserted city on an occupied planet." A brow was raised. Ahsoka began to stumble over words that refused to come. But it seemed Master Qui-Gon was willing to crouch and wait for her answer. Damn him.
"Master, what if I told you I had been standing at the bottom of the Temple's steps on Coruscant before I woke here?" Thirteen years in the past and with a vision of a cataclysmic future.
"If that is the agreed truth for now… It still doesn't explain why you'd be without a lightsaber…" He reached upwards towards the side of her head, where the beads of her headpiece should have been connected to what now resided in Anakin's hands. "Or why you wouldn't have your beads."
Yes, this is going to be fun to explain.
Master Qui-Gon's fingers barely ghosted over the remnants of her training before his hands were again enclosed in the considerable length of his sleeves. But the action alone — a master reaching for her beads — had her flinching back. The last time someone had reached there, the beads had been ripped from her headdress, the sickening 'snap!' and painful wrench still fresh in her mind. Her jaw clenched, the grounding of her teeth almost audible.
"I can't tell you much, Master Jinn. Only because… I'm not quite sure what to make of it myself."
"That may be so." With a note of finality, the Master was suddenly tall once more, taking a step away from her. Ahsoka followed his movements. "But I sense there is more here than you are willing to share, little one." Qui-Gon spared his own padawan a glance. "But perhaps your name might not be so hard."
Ahsoka smiled despite herself… But then it drained. This was only thirteen years in the past. She was currently eighteen, nearly nineteen. She had been three-years-old when Master Plo brought her to the Temple. As she quickly did the mental math, her name seemed to be leaving her mouth on it's own volition. "Ahsoka Tano, Master."
Oh… Great.
"Well, Padawan Tano, it's a pleasure to meet you, never mind how… dubious the situation seems. I am Master Qui-Gon Jinn." He gestured once more to his padawan, a smile gently curving his lip. "And this is my padawan learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
While she had been expecting it, the confirmation of the truth had her heart sinking slightly. She truly was thirteen years in the past. It seemed only the Force knew why, but she had a strong suspicion it had something to do with a particular vision that the Jedi need to know about.
She had to reign in her thoughts; she had to properly introduce herself.
"A pleasure, Padawan Kenobi." And with that conviction, she was pushing off the chair. This time the durasteel below didn't seem to take on a life of its own. Qui-Gon watched on as both padawans executed a bow, Obi-Wan's robes brushing the durasteel floor of the cruiser while Ahsoka gracefully swept upwards again. However, the mysterious padawan's mouth was open again before she had completed the action.
"Master Jinn. I haven't thanked you for vouching for me on the planet's surface."
"While I'm grateful you perceived it as such, I'm afraid your thanks may be misplaced, Padawan Tano." He lowered his head. "At the time, you were merely the lesser of two evils. However, " His eyes seemed to mellow. "Your confusion was clouding the Force around you. And your inability to stay on your feet without doubling over every two minutes speaks somewhat in your favour, Ahsoka."
There was definitely something further he wanted to add, but the slight hesitation at the end of his sentence told her that she wouldn't hear how his thoughts were meant to end. She would have to live with that. It seemed that here and now, she had established some form of trust between them. Ahsoka would make do… At least, until she figured out what the kriff was going on.
Ahsoka found herself standing in the cockpit of the cruiser, staring out at the continuous flow of light that was hyperspace. Beside her, a pilot chowed down on a sandwich; an odd scene yes, but… there wasn't much else to do between hyperspace jumps. Shifts were swapped every four hours or so, and every pilot that came through seemed to sit and stare at schematics. There only job was to ensure the ship didn't explode around them… Or prevent a rather shifty character from sabotaging the cruiser, successfully assassinating the Queen of Naboo.
Oh yes, she could see the way Captain Panaka kept staring.
Ahsoka heaved a sigh, the flourish of beeps and trills from the cockpit around her enveloping her frustration. She let it bleed into the Force… Who still hadn't provided much of an explanation on the entire matter. Time travel? She'd never heard of it before. Well, neither had she believed that one day she would leave the Jedi, or be on the receiving end of a vision that should by-all-means frighten even Master Yoda.
Ahsoka shook her head, giving half a shrug.
Never mind her predilection for skepticism. Here she was, on route to Tatooine, running from the Trade Federation, harbouring knowledge of both the future and a foreseen Hell. Anakin Skywalker, who Ahsoka wanted to so badly unsee as a monster, waited for them on the sandy hell-hole.
… Which added another layer of complexity to her situation. Should she tell the Jedi now? Would it be so bad to turn around and tell them everything — all of it? She was from thirteen years into the future, the padawan to a future Sith who had always been so kind. She was disenchanted with the Jedi — sacrificed by the Order she loved so much. She had foreseen a future where the Republic lay in ruins, destroyed by a man she trusted her very life with; trusted the Republic with. All that it strived to protect. Gone. And still, she could not believe it, yet…
Here she stood.
If her presence here could be perceived as anything, then certainly it was confirmation that what she had seen was an inevitable future.
Well, either that, or I've gone mad.
"Busy?"
Ahsoka smiled. She could certainly do with a break from only her anxiety and frustration for company. Turning away from the still chatting and chewing pilots (they had excluded her from the conversation, not that Ahsoka was overly interesting in socialising at this point), she came face to face with Obi-Wan Kenobi… and a steaming cup of tea.
Force… What a sight.
"If you consider brooding and confusion as 'busy'… thanks." He handed her the tea, pressing his lips together. Ahsoka saw the mild concern turn his brow. Taking a sip, she let the sweet taste be of some comfort.
"Perhaps you should meditate on your problems." His suggestion caused a marking to quirk. "Maybe you'll find your answers there."
She offered him no response except a mild huff — in frustration, contempt? Even she was unsure. Instead, Ahsoka passed him by, hoping he'd follow her as she left the cockpit. Unsurprisingly, he did. "You're right, of course." Finally she spoke, trying not to show the slight pang of anguish she felt. Master —Padawan Kenobi was quickly by her side, both padawan and ex-padawan now winding their way through the ship. "Any idea as to where we're heading?" He knew her meaning directly. Of course she knew where they were headed. But it would surely prove suspicious if she began babbling on about Tatooine without having asked about it first.
"You mean you haven't bothered to find out yet?"
She shot him a look at his incredulous tone. Obi-Wan's gaze darted away.
"No, to be honest with you, I get the sneaking suspicion that the pilots don't really trust me enough to tell me."
"That might be because you appeared out of thin air in the middle of a mildly-troubling crisis." Or so you say, were the unspoken words. Ahsoka nodded her head, casting her gaze to the floor. She took another sip of her tea. It occurred to her that it was certainly much sweeter than the usual teas her grandmaster stocked.
"I know you don't believe me, but— at least trust me. I mean no harm to the Queen. I only wish to see the situation resolved. Peacefully."
Peacefully. Good one, Ahsoka.
"Ahsoka, you must understand, you did appear out of nowhere, blurting out things that made no sense… You harness the Force as though you were born to it, yet… You swore no allegiance to the Jedi."
How much had he heard? Ahsoka's mouth twitched, feeling the rising bubble of panic crawl up her throat. "Understanding that you are a Jedi, your duplicity only serves to cast further doubt on your credibility."
Perhaps she should explain. Explain that I left the Jedi Order? Only twenty Jedi have ever left the Order since its foundation. Oh yeah, my leaving will definitely earn their trust.
"Listen, Master—" His brows shot up. "—Padaw— Obi-Wan." She bit down on her tongue. "I won't lie and tell you I'm not keeping anything from you, it's just —" She shook her head. "There are definitely things going on that I can't tell you about. And it's not because I'm plotting against anything, or have ill-intentions directed towards anyone. I just… " She met his gaze, and only now did it seem to register to her that this was still the same Jedi… the same man she knew from the future. She'd shared his mind, his thoughts and feelings; his heartbreak. She'd defeated Anakin on that embankment, she'd felt his world end. He just didn't know it yet. And hadn't grown the beard yet.
Prioritise Ahsoka.
However, as much as she may plead, she could still see the disbelief and doubt in his eyes. Dealing with Anakin was different to dealing with Master Kenobi. To be honest, more often than not she found Master Obi-Wan usually shared her opinions and thoughts on a situation, whereas Anakin preferred to trust only what Anakin thought.
So, to not have Master Kenobi's unspoken support… Ahsoka came to a stop in the middle of the corridor.
"How much do you trust me?" Her eyes narrowed, her hands tightening around the mug in hand. It seemed, however, that she had hit some nerve, for she swore, however brief, she felt a flicker of frustration seep into the Force around her.
"Ahsoka, you managed to rescue the Queen singlehandedly before we were able to. Both Master Jinn and I were mystified as to your presence. Needless to say your use of the Force and… expertise in combat without a lightsaber speaks volumes of your Jedi training, however… you wield no lightsaber. Yet you have the mounts on your belt." He stepped closer, a casual hand gesturing to her waist. Ahsoka had the sudden sensation to cover the incriminating evidence. "A double mount; which suggests a dual-bladed user. You identify as a padawan, yet have provided no master. While Master Qui-Gon and I barely picked up much after you rescued the Queen, what we did hear… You were adamant on your version of events, and then were surprised when you learnt the truth. Separatists? Senator Amidala? Count Dooku… You are a walking paradox, Ahsoka."
"In my defence, the last one was not a paradox. That was an observation." She resisted the urge to hit herself.
"Ahsoka. You saw directly past the Queen'd façade, addressing her as Senator Amidala. You knew my name before we were introduced, and you continuously call me Master before correcting yourself. How could you have no knowledge of what is happening, yet know and treat us like old friends?"
Sithspits. How could she forget how Forcedamn observant Master Kenobi could be? He may only be twenty-something, but age seemed to be no hinderance in his case. One minor slip-up, and here she was.
"Then if you don't trust me, why are you still talking to me?" She thought for a moment, looking down. "Why'd you make me tea?"
That seemed to catch him. His gaze fell, his jaw working away. She could see the muscles pulse, the frown permeating across his features. She almost didn't want to know the answer to that question.
"It's not that I don't trust you,"
"I thought you'd just made it perfectly clear—"
"The Force seems to converge around you in a way I've never felt before."
"What do you mean…" She narrowed her eyes.
"Your presence… It's almost… Erratic." His gaze fell agin, his brow furrowing once more. "The way you feel in the Force, you don't sit conventionally."
"Basic, please."
Eyes shot up at her, irked being the most prevalent word she could use to describe his expression. "When I first felt you in the Force, you were like a beacon. You were unstable. As if… fading in and out of existence. Initially I suspected it was poor shielding, but no, it was something else… Elusive. And when you began to fit, you not only nearly took out Master Qui-Gon and me, but the Queen and her entire entourage as well."
Ahsoka's eyes widened. She hadn't heard that part of the story yet.
"The Force concentrated around you so powerfully that it effected even the non-Force-sensitives. Yet… Master Qui-Gon and I only sensed Light."
Her mounting headache seemed to ease at that. She let go of a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
"The amount of confusion and panic you seem to exude is almost distracting, yes, but…" His gaze locked onto her's. "You are hiding something, many things I suspect. But am I right in presuming you won't say anything further until you have the answers you need?"
There must have been a note of agreement in her eyes, for the corners of his mouth quirked upwards. "Then perhaps meditation would help. I, for one, am very keen to hear your version of events." A... cheeky (Ahsoka guffawed) brow rose, and then he was gone with a brisk bow. A sway of tan and brown robes, he started off in the opposite direction.
Ahsoka could sense his cheek from here. She wanted to frown, but the entire exchange made her middle tighten. It was nice to receive some form of light banter from someone, especially considering the entire week she had just lived. Finding herself accused of bombing the Temple, murdering a suspect, being expelled from the Order, finding herself on the run from the authorities, teaming up with Ventress, having her supposed best friend attempt to both frame and murder her, being pronounced guilty and nearly sentenced to death…
Yes, and then find herself leaving the Order, not making it down the steps, caught in some apocalyptic vision, and then find herself stuck thirteen years in the past? You know, at this rate, I could be contending for the 'worst week ever'.
Well, at least I'm still alive I suppose.
But joking aside, it was nice that someone seemed to be at some ease around her… Enough to make her tea and open up to her about his concern.
Yes, Ahsoka would go and meditate. While the truth may still elude her, it would at least offer some respite from the stress and worry of her situation. Finding some answers might just be a bonus at this point.
"Oh, Ahsoka?" Her lekku brushed her chin as she swung around, Obi-Wan having stopped at the end of the corridor. "Tatooine."
And she smiled.