Fourth Time: Interjections

The fourth time she said it, it was an accident.

It had been nearly a year since their little act at the park, and since then, neither one of them had even dared to bring it up. It was as if the kiss was deleted from their memories, flaring caution signs and ropes barring the information from ever coming up again. And it wasn't as if things were awkward between them; in fact, her friendship with Sam hadn't changed a bit.

But she wasn't delusional either. They both knew at some point that they would have to come out of the tiny rail car apartment they were snugly living in and face the world. He knew that he couldn't keep hiding Quorra away; she had given up her whole life on the Grid to be there with him on Earth, and it wasn't fair to lock her away in another cage like his father had. To the world, she didn't even exist. She had no paperwork or identification or anything to validate her existence, and Sam knew that sooner or later, people would notice.

He finally bit the bullet and told Alan about her. After his initial shock and then anger about Sam's secrecy, he took to Quorra in strides. In fact, he grew a strong attachment to her. Sometimes Sam would catch him glancing at Quorra with something that looked like nostalgia and sadness in his eyes, like he was trying to see something - or someone, he realized after a while - in her that he had lost. He didn't have the gall to ask Alan what though. He figured it was private, something not meant to be shared with anyone.

Strangely, Quorra was just as taken with Alan as he was with her. He regaled her with stories of the old system and Kevin Flynn, the pair comparing tales of their mysterious and fantastical friend. Sam felt slightly hurt that he couldn't share in those stories; the fact that those two knew his own father better than he did stung deeply. But Alan handled all of the legal processes that allowed Quorra to "live". She got to choose an age, same as Sam's, and a birthday that they decided should be the day she came to Earth. She was honored when Alan suggested she adopt his last name as her own, and on the official paperwork, she became his niece.

Of course, there were parts to Sam and Quorra's relationship that had to remain secret. Quorra knew she could never tell Sam that she had found a way back into the Grid, and she sure as hell knew that she couldn't let him know that she was the one helping Tron rebuild it. And if he knew that on top of all of that, that she had been taking Alan into the Grid with her, oh, she'd be a dead woman. Sam felt better about leaving Quorra on her own or with Alan; he trusted her more, and she planned on keeping it that way.

In response, she never minded where Sam went. He took a job at ENCOM that pulled him drastically away for hours and hours on end, but her lingering guilt diminished her selfish need of him. He was slowly taking back his father's company until he controlled it all as CEO. And Quorra supported him completely, always there by his side every step of the way, even when things were rough. They were always there for each other - the two of them against the world, toughing it out, regardless of the world around them.

Until he got the girlfriend.

At first, Quorra didn't know what to make of her. Her only experience with Sam's girlfriends had been Nancy at the park, and Sam made it seem like the term was a bad thing. He hadn't had one in all his time with her - over a year - so at the start of her appearance in their life, Quorra was terribly confused.

"Do you want me to scare her away? Like the other one?" she asked Sam after their first encounter. She had seemed nice enough, but had a bubbly air around her that Nancy had that made Quorra think that she was a threat.

Sam only laughed a little bit, shaking his head at Quorra like she was some naïve child.

"No, she's fine. I like her Quorra, really. I hope you do too."

The look in his eyes was genuine, so Quorra tried to push her own conflicting emotions aside and focus on the woman in front of her. She supposed that the woman - Emily she believed her name was - was pretty: tall and blonde and smiled with the brightest white teeth she had ever seen. She was pleasant to be around, and when Quorra talked to her, the conversation seemed genuine, not fake like all the other insufferable people she had met since Sam's promotion. She honestly couldn't fault the woman for anything, so why did she feel like she had taken something that was hers? Why did she feel a dread knotting in her stomach every time she saw Sam and her together?

She told Sam she liked Emily, though not as much as she liked apples, and Sam looked immensely pleased and relieved. At least she had managed to say the right thing for once.

And as the months passed, Emily became a more permanent fixture in their lives, stopping by their apartment nearly every day – they had moved out of the rail car ages ago – going out on outings with the both of them, shopping for them, even spending one-on-one time with only Quorra and not Sam. And sure, it stung a little that Emily took Quorra's place at all of Sam's major events and outings, but it wasn't anything malevolent. Quorra just spent more time with Alan or threw herself into the Grid instead, something that always provided a safe haven for her.

Emily didn't seem to mind Quorra's relationship with Sam; the fact that they lived together and went places together didn't bother her at all, and Quorra was glad for it. She didn't know what she would do if Sam made her leave, not that she thought that Sam would ever force her out because of some stupid girlfriend. But honestly, Quorra genuinely liked Emily. He could've done worse. But nothing could've prepared her for what came next, bursting through the apartment doors one day while Sam was out.

They were engaged.

Emily shouted it from the rooftops. The effect was that of an atomic bomb. It leveled Quorra to the bone.

It must've taken ages for the shock to register, because Emily didn't even seem to notice that Quorra had gone rigidly still, her whole face blanching. Emily was bouncing off the sofa, giddily running through the kitchen and around the island until she sat square across from Quorra, her whole face beaming with a radiant smile. She was beside herself with happiness, and it took all of Quorra's will to not shut down.

But Emily didn't even register Quorra's existence, babbling on and on about some proposal and how romantic it was and how sweetly he asked her and a million other things that went in through one ear and out the other. Quorra had always thought that a girlfriend was a temporary thing, something to replace over time. She had never expected this; even as much as she had grown to like Emily, she was still expecting an end to her visits. And engagement? She didn't exactly know what that meant, but she had seen enough movies and enough TV to know that engagement meant marriage, and marriage meant forever.

Sam would leave her. Forever.

And her heart sank into the pits of the stomach as she stared blankly through Emily's animated face. Her only friend, the one person she cared about more than anyone she knew, more than Alan or even Flynn, was going to leave her forever. She would be alone again, just like she was when she lost the ISOs. Her throat closed in on itself, and she suddenly felt very lightheaded, claustrophobic, as if the world was too tiny and she was going to suffocate in it. She could feel herself starting to hyperventilate, and the sensation scared her just as much as the thoughts of losing Sam.

"Quorra? Quorra…are you alright?"

Emily must've finally taken notice to Quorra, her voice cutting through the violent thoughts racing through her mind. The girl's eyes were wide in concern, wondering what was going on with her friend. Quorra willed herself to calm down. This was a happy time for Emily and Sam, for everyone. Even Flynn would be happy for him, she recalled as she remembered a clip of their dinner conversation so long ago. She had to plaster on a smile, even if she was slowly dying inside. She couldn't let her irrational fears spoil Emily's happiness.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she assured the fretting blonde now gripping her shoulders. She patted her hands in assurance, though she prayed that they weren't shaking. "I just can't believe it is all."

That seemed to be the correct response, because Emily's face instantly melted into an expression of sheer joy.

"I know!" she cried, "I can't believe it either! I mean, I've been staring at the ring all morning, and it still doesn't feel real!"

She brought their attention to the shining diamond sparkling on her left ring finger. It was definitely beautiful in the way all the facets caught the light, glowing almost as brightly as the lights on the Grid. She shone just as bright as the ring, her whole body radiating light. All the cheery brightness was giving Quorra a headache.

Emily had gone back to her incessant babbling, causing a low drone to go off in Quorra's ear as she blocked out the sound of the words. Her own raging thoughts were loud enough as they tore through her mind. The idea of having to share Sam forever just sat wrong in her stomach, and the idea of him leaving her behind just made her want to curl up in a ball and die.

Was it too much for him, being around a computer program all the time? Did he need someone more human?

She was so attached to him, the one person who could really and completely understand her, and not just the human part of her, but the Grid part of her as well. Sam would look at her and see her for who she really was, programming and all, and he wouldn't care. She could be as open as she wanted with him, and she knew he would never judge, just as she would never judge him. She didn't have that with anyone else; she didn't want that with anyone else, and the idea of losing it was just too much for her to fathom.

"I love him."

Quorra regretted saying the words as soon as they flew out of her mouth. She had always had a bad problem of letting her ideas slip when she was thinking too hard, and this particular realization made her veins run cold. She stated it as she usually did: as a fact, but this one was whispered, almost a ghost of an idea that she was too afraid to admit to herself, none the less the woman he was going to spend forever with.

"Excuse me?"

She didn't miss the edge of anger riddling Emily's voice as she raised her confusion. It was then when Quorra realized just how badly she had messed up. Of course she couldn't have Sam all to herself now; he was Emily's to have. She had already lost him. The words she spoke, the way she felt was all null and void now as she yielded to the woman sitting tensely across from her. Quorra picked her next words carefully, returning to her impassive self with careful practice.

"I mean, I care about Sam very much. He's like a brother to me, my closest friend, my only friend. And well, if he makes you happy and you make him happy… then I'm happy for you."

Quorra let out a strained breath as she finished the thought, ignoring the stabbing sensation poking at her heart with each lie she told. Her response seemed to assuage Emily, and her expression became open and cheerful once more.

"Thank you Quorra. That means so much, to both of us," she smiled warmly at her, genuinely touched at the sentiment.

She smiled as best as she could, and Emily rose to her feet, bouncing giddily on her heels. She left quickly, scampering around and talking about needing to tell her family. Quorra followed her reluctantly to the door and shut it softly behind her after many rushed and laugh-filled goodbyes on Emily's end.

Quorra sank to the floor, back up against the door, and stared into the vast, empty apartment. Alone.

It didn't take long for the tears to come. She'd gone to bed before Sam came home. He didn't even mention Emily once.