02. Tell

Though I've had some a couple memories in stuff I've written, this is my first actual teen!chesters story. :D Inspired by, among other things, Sam's quote in Fresh Blood about having studied Dean and tried to be him all his life. Cause for me, that's one of the cutest/best Sammy quotes ever. ::hugs him::

Title: Everything You Shouldn't Do

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"C'mon, Sam, I mean really, what the hell were you thinkin'?"

Sam slouched down just a little in the seat, turned to look out the window into the dark. "And you've never gone anywhere you weren't supposed to, right, Dean?"

"That's not the point, Sam! If you're gonna try to get around Dad's rules you do it smart, ok? And this, pulling this while when he's supposed to be getting back from that hunt tonight? That's about as far from smart as you can get, man. I mean, we can haul ass back but what if he and Caleb still beat us there, huh? He's gonna tear me apart."

He did feel a little stab of guilt at that, and he pushed up in the seat a little, glanced briefly out the windshield but still didn't actually look over at Dean. "Didn't want to get you in trouble."

"Well, then you shoulda known better." He sighed, softened. "Hell, Sammy, I know you know better, never had more than handful of problems out of you my whole life, so you wanna tell me what the hell brought this on? Cause if it's the alcohol you were wanting, you know I can get you that. Safer if you drink with me anyway."

He shifted, tried not to look as uneasy as he felt now that this topic had actually come up. "Wasn't the alcohol." That was definitely true, at least. He'd had no interest in the massive amounts of alcohol at the party. He'd had his first beer with Dean the year before when he was 14, and he honestly had never felt the desire to drink with anyone else. Especially not at a place like that.

Dean hesitated, and Sam glanced over to watch him rub the steering wheel with one hand while he thought. "Didn't have anything else there did they? Cause I mean, I totally understand being curious but some of that shit is-"

"I'm not doing drugs, Dean." He snapped it just a little more violently than he meant to, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Dean hold one hand up, conceding.

"Hey, I didn't say you were, I was just askin'." Honestly, Sam could almost understand why he asked. By the time Dean had gotten to the farmhouse the party had been pretty crazy. He was pissed off anyway from having been looking for Sam everywhere, and to have found him at a place like that…yeah, it made a little sense that he'd be upset. Dean sighed, took the car just a little fast through a turn. "Then what, Sam? You gotta talk to me, dude, cause if you're this pissed off at me for dragging you back, I interrupted something. Unless I just embarrassed you in front of your 'friends' or something."

There was an edge to his last words and Sam felt another twinge of guilt, looked over at Dean until his brother glanced over to meet his eyes for a second. "That wasn't it." Yeah, it was a little infuriating to be yanked off home by your big brother, but even so, he didn't want Dean thinking he was embarrassed of him. Maybe annoyed sometimes when he acted like a damn mother hen, but never embarrassed. He stared out into the dark, felt his cheeks flare just a little red at the thought of actually bringing this up. "It was Amy. That's why I was there."

"Amy…blonde chick? The one you told me that girl said had the hots for you?"

"Yeah."

Dean sighed, glanced over at Sam. "Look, Sammy, I know it's rough on you all this moving around, but you know how the job goes. We're gone by tomorrow, man, don't you think it's better not to put any roots down, huh?"

Still, Dean didn't get it. He hadn't exactly wanted to have to spell it out for him. "Wasn't trying to. I just…it was just gonna be tonight." And that, that had to be clear enough.

Apparently, it was. Dean swerved off the road almost immediately, coming to a stop on the gravel shoulder and turning in the seat to face Sam. "You were gonna have sex with her? Tonight?"

He felt pinned down by Dean's stare, wished to God he hadn't stopped the car. If he knew anything about his brother, he knew that stopping the car always meant a serious discussion. Dean didn't have many of those, but when he did it meant it was majorly important to him. "Look, Dean, it's not a big deal alright? Just…just forget it."

"Not a big deal? Sammy, come on! That's…no, that's a huge deal, ok? You don't…you don't want someone like that being your first." Whatever Sam had expected him to say, it wasn't that.

He laughed, short and sharp. "Dean, please. Like yours was a big deal? You told me, remember? I was 10 and you were 14 and you screwed some girl in the back of a gas station, so don't try to tell me this is supposed to be important."

"That's different, Sam. You…" He looked away, ran his fingers through his hair. "Look, just because I do something doesn't make it right, ok? I'm not sayin' you gotta wait forever or anything, you're definitely old enough, just…it should be somebody that actually means something to you, you know? Cause you're gonna remember that first one, and you want it to be a good memory. Mine…" He shook his head, gave Sam a half smirk. "I mean it was good, you know, I'm not sayin' it wasn't but it wasn't anything spectacular. Just…" He took a deep breath, shifted back toward the wheel and took it in one hand as he turned the ignition. "You don't wanna be me, ok? You don't." He studied his brother, saw the hurt that was there in his eyes for only a second before he shielded it, grinning. "Right. Gotta beat them back. Metallica?" He turned the dial without waiting for the answer, gunned the Impala back onto the road.

The sounds of Master of Puppets filled the car and Dean sang along, rolling the window down to lean his arm against the frame. Sam gave him a brief smile, leaned back in the seat and sank into his own thoughts.

But what if I do, Dean? What if I do wanna be like you?

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