Life in A Gilded Cage
Chapter 4
The night had been a good one, now Loki had located himself the more potent brews. He had worked his way from one end of the bar to the other, draining every bottle he had found in between. He'd toasted his brother for freeing him, his father for throwing him in jail, the avengers for kicking his ass, even his frost giant family for giving birth to him. When a God got drunk, he got really drunk!
Loki had never allowed himself to indulge like this before, he had always been too busy with his studies and his mischief games to spend much time with the other gods at feast and drinking. He had never seen the point when his brother had spent half the night drinking mead and telling the same three stories of glory over and over. Especially when he saw how ill his brother was the next day, grouching around like a bear that his head hurt.
He certainly felt differently now, the drink relaxing stress and muscles that he hadn't even known were stressed before. There was an air of joyful peace in his veins which he'd never felt before, it was a wonderful feeling. All the crap on his mind, those long centuries in the cage, it didn't bother him anymore. No more nightmares, no more tears, not more trying to live up to his brothers and fathers expectations. Just to sit and relax and to drink, he never wanted this night to end. Didn't want the dawn to come with all the pressures and worries of being the bad person he'd never wanted to be, but it was far to late to try and fix that now. His soul was damned forevermore, he knew that even if his brother didn't.
Thor stood by the Guardian at the portal in Asgard, watching his brother's actions. He shook his head in despair, "Oh brother, what has happened to you? Can you take nothing seriously?" He thought about the happier boy he had grown up with. The blood oath they had sworn to always be there for each other. The innocence of youth, before Loki's jealous rage had turned him bitter and twisted. Before their father had revealed his true parentage, before Loki had gone off the deep end.
Yes, his brother had done all kinds of wrong to them all. Did that really mean that he didn't deserve a second, third, fourth, thousandth chance? He was family no matter how he acted! Thor could hardly blame Loki for going crazy after finding out his life was a lie. He didn't think he could have handled himself much better.
Thor had grown to hate his father during Loki's sentence. He'd begged so many times to be allowed to see him, or for Loki to be allowed out for a short time. He'd been refused every time, Odin had insisted that Loki had to be in solace to learn his lesson. Thor respected his father, loved him, he knew in his heart that Odin had done the right thing by punishing him, and sending him to Midgard. He had learned so much there, found a love he'd had to leave far behind of him. A very special woman he would never stop thinking about.
Loki's imprisonment had been cruel beyond words, petty almost. Thor had stolen away more then once in the middle of the night to the cell to hear his brother crying. All he had wanted to do was gather his brother in his arms and take away his pain, just like when they were small. He'd known it was more then his life was worth, if Odin found out they would more then likely be sharing adjacent cells. So he had simply watched and suffered along with his brother on those long lonely nights when Loki would cry himself to sleep. Or when Loki would wake up screaming calling out his brothers name for help.
Watching the boy who had always been insecure, grow more and more distant, until even Thor could hardly recognised him anymore. When Loki had managed a few hours rest, he would sneak towards the front of the cell to look at the drawing his brother had made to try and pass the time. They had started up as etchings of hope, the outside world, of Asgard itself. The things that the boy must be missing so dearly while he was locked away. The drawings had grown darker over time, of Yotunheim, and of the frost giants, Loki as a frost giant.
Then one day he had found a drawing crumpled and torn on the floor, he had smoothed it out to find a picture of himself and Loki playing together as children. Drawn and then discarded as a sight too painful to look on. Thor hid the drawing in his chest plate, that was the moment he knew that he could wait no longer. The boy was so troubled in his sleep, uttering dark words of death and blackness. Would his brother really end it all? He didn't know, but he couldn't dare take the risk. The very next day, Thor had freed his brother and sent him away, hoping that Midgard could teach him what his people could not.
His father had put him through hell about it, but then when Thor had stated his reasons Odin had turned away and ordered him from the throne room. Neither had spoken since, nor even looked at each other. Father had not yet sent any forced after Loki, maybe he'd decided to give him a little time. Thor knew that Odin wouldn't wait forever, but at least it gave his brother a few days grace. A few days had been all he himself had needed, but then again he had been human and helpless. Loki was still a God with all his powers and skills.
Thor knew that Loki was hurting, knew that the cage had stolen away a piece of his very spirit. He had cheered when his brother had saved the girl, the way he looked at her gave Thor hope that Loki might finally find love in his heart. Something he had always struggled so badly with. To watch as well the human Loki had tried to kill offering aid as well, was a true testament to the pure human spirit. Thor had liked and respected Steve Rogers, and was very grateful that his brother had found him again.
But then to watch Loki having a childish tantrum destroying a building and then getting himself completely drunk made him so very cross. It was nearly impossible for a God to get that way, and Loki had always kept away from the drinking tables when Thor had been drinking and telling tales. To see his brother needing that crutch frustrated him, he had always been so very strong. Far stronger then Thor had ever been!
"Fear not, your brother still has hope. Your first day in the mortal realms was hardly any better then his. There is always hope that he could still change." Heimdall promised.
Even so Thor so desperately wanted to travel there and kick is sorry brothers drunken ass right now. "Is my brother so lost that he can't see the good in himself?"
"Loki has been bad for so long now that anything else will be strange to him, as acting wrongly would be to you. Give him time, he needs to see the spark in himself so that he can believe it!" Heimdall said.
"You were always far wiser then me, I bow to your knowledge old one." Thor answered, he turned to walk away, but something his brother said froze him to the spot.
Loki was about five minutes away from passing out, they both knew that all too well, but there was still something he had to say even if he didn't know if his brother could hear him. The drink made him see things so clearly, that he hadn't noticed before, made him feel the long repressed emotions he had never wanted. He didn't know if he would ever be able to say these words again, so he tried and prayed his brother was there. "Thank you my brother, my dearest beloved Thor for saving me again. I'm sorry that I was never the brother that you deserved." Loki said toasting the air with the bottle he was drinking from. Glasses and the usage of had been left behind long hours before hand. "Please forgive me." he whispered, "Maybe if you forgive me, then I can forgive myself."
Although Thor was still angry at his brother's weakness, the truth in his words struck a chord in his soul. He knew now in his heart how Loki must have felt when he himself had finally made amends for his past crimes. It was an amazing feeling to know that his brother really did care in his cold emotionless heart.
Loki could never have said the words normally. he wasn't that kind of person, but the brew had loosened his tongue enough to allow them to slide out just this once. Although watching his brother reaching for yet another bottle and full on his ass giggling drunk like some girl was still not a pleasant sight to behold. "You will regret that tomorrow brother, you will hate yourself for it." Thor warned softly.
"Would you like me to open the portal?" Heimdall asked.
Thor wanted to go so very badly, to talk to and comfort his brother in his hour of need. If he did though Loki wouldn't learn what he needed to, the lesson was all important here if Loki was to be saved. The God shook his head, "Watch out for my brother for me."
"Of course, until he finds his way back home" was the only answer.
One last sad view of his brother, dozing now on the couch, the bottle slipping from his hand to smash on the floor. At least he was at peace and resting for now, that was something. Thor hoped he would be free of his nightmares and troubles just this once, he needed rest for the body and for the mind so badly. There was one thing left to say, moving closer to the vortex, that Heimdall had opened anyway knowing Thor's heart. He whispered four little words, "I forgive you brother."
Loki heard his brother's words even in his half slumber, his mouth upturned into a rare smile that lit up his features making him look half his age. "Thank you." he slurred, before falling into a complete and total slumber that was a by product of his body's healing sleep and the potions he had been drinking.