One Day Left To Live

"I paced around for hours on empty
I jumped at the slightest of sounds
And I couldn't stand the person inside me
I turned all the mirrors around"

-Halsey "Control"

They trickled in to see him, one by one. Sometimes, hours would stretch on before he saw the next person. Other times, they came in right after the other. Such as the case with Dale, Lori, and Carl. When he heard the barn doors open, Shane looked up, curious about who arrived. Glenn had stopped by several hours ago. Their conversation had been brief, it didn't even last five minutes.

"Just wanted to say good-bye," Glenn had said in a neutral tone. He had stared at the ground, avoiding Shane's eyes. "And to thank you for everything. You were the group's first leader."

A brief smile had lit Shane's face and instantly vanished when he remembered who had taken over his spot. "I appreciate that. Remember to protect you and your own."

"I will." He had nodded, knowing whom Shane referred to: Maggie.

Glenn had left afterwards. Shane figured he was in a rush to get back to Maggie. Not that he blamed Glenn. It was comforting to see someone find love in this hellish world—and for it to actually work out for the best. Now he wondered if it was Maggie coming in. He scowled when he saw who it was.

Dale.

The older man came over to where Shane was being held captive. First, he acknowledged Daryl who sat several feet away from Shane, guarding him closely. Daryl had taken over for T-Dog sometime after Glenn had left.

"Hello, Daryl. How're you holding up?"

"Holdin' up jus' fine. You?"

"Doing as well as can be, given these crazy circumstances."

"Good to hear."

That was the only exchange between Dale and Daryl. Now Dale turned his attention to Shane. Not wanting to see Dale, Shane rolled his eyes and tried to sit comfortably against the wooden post. It was impossible as his entire body ached from being forced to remain in the same position for hours. His arms felt like they would rip out of their sockets if he twisted too much and his fingers were numb. Still, he would try to act like he was doing fine in this situation. He didn't want to give Dale the satisfaction of seeing him defeated. He said nothing to Dale, but he knew it was only a matter of time before Dale started with him.

"You can't be surprised it's come down to this, Shane."

Shane closed his eyes, not wanting to see him. Dale's presence was enough to send him over the edge. When he opened his eyes, Shane stared past Dale. Past Daryl who sat several feet away, observing their exchange, but not getting involved.

"How else did you expect this to end up?" Dale pressed again.

Shane wished he could make Dale disappear. It was impossible because Dale continued talking to him, although Shane wasn't answering him. And it became apparent that Dale would keep talking to him no matter how long he received the silent treatment. Shane wished he had earplugs so that he wouldn't have to hear him yammer on and on.

"This is a consequence of your choices. My wife always said we can make our choices, but we don't get to choose our consequences. Truer words were never spoken." Dale waited to see if Shane would respond and took it as his cue to continue. "We didn't do this to you…you did this to yourself. Ever since that night with Otis, you've started down this path. I told you once that I know what kind of man you are. The question is, Shane, do you know what kind of man you are?"

The mention of Otis infuriated him and all the times Dale had judged him about that horrible night came rushing back to Shane. He couldn't ignore him anymore, even if he tried.

"SHUT UP, DALE!"

Dale's jaw dropped, shocked from his outburst. He heard Daryl stand up. He glanced over his shoulder and motioned to Daryl that he didn't want him to intervene. Daryl sat down again, but lifted his crossbow to indicate he would do what was needed to subdue Shane in case the situation escalated.

"For once in your life—shut your big mouth! That's all you do is run your stupid mouth about things you don't know about! You weren't there that night! You weren't tryin' to outrun an entire herd of walkers on a sprained ankle with a man who was exhausted and slowin' down!" His words came out in a mad rush—they had waited a long time to be spoken aloud to Dale. "I'll tell you where you were that night—you were safe in Hershel's home, while me and Otis were out there tryin' to bring back the supplies that would save Carl's life! Self-righteous, Mr. Moral Authority. Always gettin' on your high horse an' preachin' about bullshit that you never experienced."

Shane took a deep breath and then he continued.

"We were so close and yet so far from the truck. They were gainin' on us and we were runnin' out of bullets. There must've been forty or fifty of 'em. Chasin' us through the school, down the hallways, and just when we thought we found an exit, it was locked! They busted open the gates and came after us. Those flares we used distracted them, but only for a short time. We made it to the top of the bleachers and even then, they were tryin' to reach us." Shane was so caught up in his emotions when he relieved what had happened that he didn't realize he was describing the events out of order.

Dale remained still as he listened to the truth of what really happened to Otis and Shane that night.

"Did you know I told him to go on ahead, but that he wouldn't leave me?" Shane's voice cracked. "I would've stayed behind and gave him the supplies to bring back to Carl, but he was too kind-hearted to leave me there. I knew both of us weren't gonna make it—I was willin' to sacrifice myself, but he was a good man down to the end, helpin' me get back up so we could try to make it back to the truck. Did you know that I shot the walkers that attacked him in the gym? Just like he shot the walkers that cornered me outside the school? I bet you didn't know any of that!"

Dale was quiet for several minutes, but to Shane it felt like an hour had passed between them. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Shane—truly, I am. I didn't kn—"

"No! You didn't know! You never even asked me, Dale! You just assumed I left him for dead and that was it!"

Shane waited to see if Dale would respond. Dale didn't and Shane continued.

"You have nothin' to say now that you know how it went down. But go ahead and judge me, Dale. That's what you do best. Do you want a front row seat at my execution? Because I expect to see you there! You'll probably get there first ahead of everyone. 'I can't wait to see Shane Walsh get executed for all his crimes!'" Shane laughed a joyless laugh and his voice was hoarse.

Dale listened, his expression was solemn. Shane caught his breath and willed himself to calm down. He became quiet and tried to make himself comfortable again. The very act of confronting Dale had wiped him out and now he was exhausted. Then he realized he had more to say to Dale about the entire Otis ordeal.

"You have no idea…" Shane shook his head. His voice was so low that Dale had to move closer to hear him. "You have no idea what it's like seein' someone get devoured alive in front of you—and knowin' that you were the cause of it. Havin' an innocent man's blood on your hands. And when you go to sleep at night, you see the scene again in your nightmares. Even being awake doesn't guarantee escape from it. Because when you see his wife cryin', your mind flashes back to a moment in your life that you wished you never lived. To a time when you hit your lowest point…and you know there's no going back…"

He hung his head, refusing to face Dale. If Shane had looked up, he would've seen that Dale was staring at the ground, deep in thought. He was silent, but it didn't mean he wasn't taking in what Shane was telling him. At the same time, due to their history, Shane didn't know how to interpret Dale's silence. He continued peeling back the layers of his soul, revealing his mindset, saying everything he needed to say. He would never have the opportunity to do so again after today.

"I know you want to hold onto your morals, Dale. If we lived in the world we used to live in, I'd admire you for that. But when it's your life on the line, or the lives of those you love who're facin' death or worse—and they're dependin' on you…you do what's right for them. You do what keeps them alive. Sometimes that means you do awful things that make you question who you really are, and then you realize this is how it has to be from now on. All it takes is one harrowin' experience of having Death stare you in the face, tauntin' you, tellin' you that you're next, your loved ones are next on his list to visit…an' that you almost lost someone you love because of your mistakes…that's what drives me…"

Shane sighed when he remembered seeing Rick get shot in front of him. In his mind, he didn't keep him safe...it was his fault Rick got shot and ended up hospitalized. He vowed that would never happen again to anyone he loved. He didn't have the heart to tell Dale about that time before the outbreak, and he had said more than enough. Shane swallowed. His throat was parched and he looked briefly in Daryl's direction who was listening to everything, but not interfering. He wanted to ask Daryl for a drink of water, but his pride got the best of him. He turned away, unsure of what to do or say.

A long period of silence followed between both men whose ideologies clashed time and time again.

"Shane."

Shane looked up and saw a soft expression on Dale's face. He almost thought Dale appeared to understand or empathize with him after all this time.

"I take no pleasure or enjoyment for what they're planning to do to you. I want you to know that."

Shane shot him a look of disbelief. "Yeah right…you probably were the first one who voted for Rick to execute me. Or is he makin' all the decisions now and ya'll just follow in line? A Ricktatorship." His laugh was full of bitterness.

Dale didn't respond to Shane's off-handed joke, but he knelt down so that he was level with him. "No, Shane. I voted against it. I may not like you and you may not like me. We may never see eye to eye with each other…but I would not vote for your death. Disagreements or different philosophies on how we live life now doesn't mean we sentence each other to death."

"Tell that to Rick a.k.a. 'Officer Friendly'."

"I tried. I really did—majority rules unfortunately and Andrea and myself were out-voted."

Shane was quiet as he took in what Dale had told him. He met Dale's eyes and Dale met his. For the first time, Shane remembered when they had both agreed with each other. It was a brief moment before the Otis situation and around the time they had lost Sophia. The memory was vague for Shane, but he remembered it had to do with Andrea and the guns, and Dale wanting her to be safe. Shane was glad he was able to pull up a memory of a time when he and Dale got along. He wondered if Dale remembered, but chose not to ask.

"I won't be there when it happens."

Dale took off his bucket hat as a way to show he respected Shane. Shane acknowledged and returned the gesture by nodding at Dale. If they were able to have a tiny ounce of respect for each other after all this time…then this final confrontation was worth it for both men. Dale rose to his feet.

"Take care, Shane."

Shane took a deep breath as he considered what Dale had told him. He knew he could've confronted Dale for what he had revealed to Rick: the time when Shane aimed his shotgun at Rick when his back was turned. For some reason that he couldn't explain, Shane chose to let it go. He couldn't keep being angry at Dale anymore. Although they didn't like each other, it was a relief for them to part on good terms.

"You do the same, Dale."

Dale nodded and then headed towards the entrance of the barn, stopping once to acknowledge Daryl, before finally exiting. Shane watched Dale leave and then closed his eyes in an effort to emotionally process and recuperate from that loaded exchange. He didn't have much time to time to rest as Lori came in moments later. Judging from how quick she came in after Dale, Shane wondered if she had been waiting outside of the barn for him to leave before coming in.

"Shane?"

He stared straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge her. He heard her call out his name again, and he found a point in the barn to concentrate on. He thought if he tuned her out long enough that she would get the hint and leave. She didn't. Lori knelt down and reached over to caress his cheek.

"I'm sorry for everything, Shane."

He turned his face away from her touch. Lori flinched as though he had burned her skin.

"What the hell do you want, Lori? After all this time…what the hell do you want from me?!"

Lori hesitated at first, and then relaxed as she looked at him. "I want to make amends."

"It's too late for that."

"We both screwed up—"

"And we both screwed each other, but Rick acts like I did it all by myself."

Nearby, Daryl shook his head as he listened in on their conversation. Shane noticed Daryl shaking his head, but decided not to acknowledge it.

Lori grew quiet. She looked around the barn, searching for the right words as though she would find them plastered in the hay or on the walls.

"It's never too late for—"

"For what? To make amends? To say 'sorry'? Newsflash, Lori. Your husband has decided it's time to kill me. You gonna convince him not to do it?"

Lori didn't answer.

"Silence gives consent. So you're on board with it. That's alright. I was tired of your mind games anyway. At least when I'm dead you can't pull me back and forth anymore."

"That's a horrible thing to say," Lori said through clenched teeth. "How dare you…"

"We both know it's true. 'Stay, Shane,' 'don't talk to Carl, Shane', 'stay away from my family', 'did you tell Rick you were leaving?' Make up your damn mind, Lori!"

"I made up my mind."

There was an edge in her voice, but he ignored it.

"And what was your decision? That it's fun to push me away, pull me back, like a damn yo-yo? That you can keep me in the backburner in case things don't work out for you and Rick? You even denied me the right to parent my own child. Have you forgotten that? 'Even if it's yours, it's not gonna be yours.' Those were your words or have you forgotten that?!"

Lori was quiet as she stared at him. She didn't appeal to him or try to steer him away from what he thought or felt.

"You wanna do somethin' nice for me, Lori? Just leave. Walk out that door and never come back." He motioned towards the barn's entrance. "Leave me alone for good. Stop comin' back to me, actin' like you care. Because you don't. I know I messed up. I made my share of mistakes with you and I accept that. Somehow, you have amnesia or selective memory—hell, I don't know what it is with you. But you like to forget your part in all this. You forget how I put my neck out for you, for Carl, and for Rick, time and time again."

"I know that!" Lori snapped, finally responding. "I told you that you didn't think anything of yourself when you picked up me and Carl when all hell broke loose. I thanked you for that at the windmill. Maybe I'm not the only one with 'selective memory'."

"When I got you and Carl out of Atlanta…when I went to get supplies to make sure Carl lived to see another day," Shane paused, thinking over what he was about to say and decided to push through. "When I tried to get Rick out of the hospital—"

"You failed and lied about it." The words left her mouth before she could stop them.

His body quaked with rage. If he wasn't tied up, he would've struck her across the face. He never imagined hitting a woman—until now. He never thought he would hate Lori so much, especially after everything that had happened between them.

"I did the damn best that I could for him." The calmness in his voice didn't betray the huge anger he felt. "You weren't there, we would've both been killed. Ever think about that? Where would that have left you and Carl? It doesn't matter what I say. You'll believe whatever you want as long as it erases your guilt about what happened between us."

Lori swallowed nervously. Shane now looked her straight in the eyes.

"You set me and Rick against each other."

"No, I didn't." Lori shook her head furiously. "I would never do that, Shane! You and him are best friends…" She looked away from him, too angry to face him now.

"You said it yourself when you came to me at the windmill. 'I made a mess of things, set you and Rick against each other'. That happened not even twenty-four hours ago. Maybe two days ago, at most. You should get your head checked."

"I was apologizing to you for everything."

"Really? Better late than never." Shane made sure the sarcasm in his voice was thick.

Lori gathered her thoughts. She still wouldn't face him and he did likewise. At one time, he had considered her to be the most beautiful woman. Now he couldn't stand the sight of her. More silence passed and Shane gave her a grace period. When she started to speak again, he cut her off.

"Now that Rick has decided to put a bullet in my brain, are you glad? I bet you're relieved, Lori."

"About what?"

"That you can bury your mistake so it won't haunt you."

Lori's jaw dropped as she now turned to Shane, shocked by his words. Tears flowed down her cheeks and her lips trembled.

"I remember the day Rick got shot. I should've listened to what Rick said about you…about how horrible you were to him in front of Carl—your own son! You asked him if he even cared about his family…the man risks his life every day to provide for you and your son and that's how you thank him. Why I didn't see it then, I don't know."

"Shane, you…I can't believe…" Lori faltered with her words. She raised her hand mid-air as though to strike him.

"What, Lori?" Shane glanced at her hand and then met her eyes. "What is it?!"

Lori let her hand drop to her lap and she rose to her feet. "I'm sorry for whatever happened between us—whatever it was." She choked out the last three words and her voice quivered.

Shane was unmoved. He refused to comfort her or look at her. He bowed his head and stared at the ground, remembering everything that happened with him and Lori. His mind flashed to memories of how amazing he felt when they first made love, to her cold rejection when Rick had returned. He had felt discarded, thrown aside, as though he were a plastic utensil that had been used up. He stayed like that until she finally left him and he heard her leave through the barn doors. Good riddance, he thought.

"You got more lovin' comin' your way," Daryl said. He gestured towards Carl who came into the barn as soon as Lori left. "You get no breaks."

"Nope, none." Another bittersweet laugh almost erupted from Shane, but he managed to stifle it in time, just as Carl sat down next to him.

"I had to see you one last time…before you know…" Carl hesitated. He looked everywhere around the barn, as though trying to avoid eye contact with Shane.

"You can look me in the eye, Carl. I'm not gonna bite," he paused as he thought about what he would say next. "I'm not a walker." It was morbid humor, but Shane needed to laugh about something. His death was approaching and he had no other way to deal with the increasing pressure of it being a public and humiliating execution.

Carl looked at Shane, his expression a mix of fear and sadness. "I have to tell you something," he said, inching closer.

"Go on, Shane's listenin'."

Carl looked around again, glanced over at Daryl, and then leaned close to Shane. "I did it."

Shane's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Did what? Spit it out, Carl."

"I killed my first walker yesterday. It was in the swamp, trapped in the mud. Dad doesn't know about it. You taught me how to shoot, remember?"

Shane smiled broadly. "To protect yourself and those you love." He nodded to show he approved of Carl's actions.

"Yeah…and If I hadn't shot it…it would've killed me or someone in the group. You taught me that, Shane. Not my Dad," he mumbled the last part under his breath as though he didn't want Shane to hear.

Shane heard what Carl had said, but pretended he didn't hear anything. Then he thought better of it. "You better tell your Dad what you did."

Carl pulled back and looked stricken. "He'll get mad at me—I can't tell him!"

"Carl, listen to me..." Shane met his eyes and held them. He saw that Carl was listening. "Your Dad's gonna need you, especially as you get older, okay? He's gonna rely on you, get your thoughts on what's goin' on. You gotta be his right-hand man. He needs to know that his son ain't a little boy anymore, but a young man who can take care of himself no matter what situations you both face together. He needs to know that he did his job as a father to raise you into the man you'll become. Go back and tell him. Stop keepin' secrets from him."

"And stop tryin' to get myself killed?" Carl asked.

Shane laughed and for the first time today, he could honestly say his laugh was genuine and full of warmth. "Yes, especially that."

Carl found himself laughing too and covered his mouth so that he wouldn't make too much noise. Then he became serious again. "You taught me a lot, Shane. Like how to tie knots. Remember?"

"Is this your handiwork?" Shane motioned with his head at the knots that bound his wrists, waist, and legs. "'Cause if it is, you did a damn good job at putting to practice what I taught you."

Carl's eyes widened, he was horrified. "No, I wouldn't do that to you."

"Hey, hey, I was only jokin' around," Shane reassured him. "And frogs, Carl. Now you know how to catch frogs."

Carl grinned, remembering all their times together. Tying knots, catching frogs, learning how to shoot a gun.

"You make your father proud. He always talked about how good you were doing in school before the world went to hell."

"He did?" Carl sounded surprised.

"Of course he did! You're his favorite person in the entire world. And I have to say…you make me proud, too, Carl. You always have."

Carl nodded. He felt overwhelmed to have this final time with the man he loved as family and didn't know what else to say. To make up for his lack of words, he leaned over and hugged Shane.

"Thanks, Carl. I need all the love I can get."

"You're welcome, Shane."

Carl stood up to leave and stopped. He realized in ending this conversation, it meant he would never speak with Shane again. He smiled weakly at Shane, unsure of what to do.

"You can go, Carl...I'll be okay."

Carl hesitated and glanced one more time at Shane. Shane nodded at him, giving him permission to leave. He watched as Carl walked away slowly. When Carl got to the barn's doors, he looked back one more time…and then left for good.

Shane watched as Carl left the barn and fought against the tears threatening to fall. One tear escaped and slid down his cheek. He closed his eyes, squeezing tightly, willing himself not to break down. The moment passed and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was in control again. Or as much control as he could have, given his current and future circumstances. He looked up when he saw Daryl approaching him, holding his crossbow.

"That kid loves you," Daryl observed. "You love him, too."

Shane nodded. "He's not mine, but I adore that kid."

Daryl was silent for a moment as though contemplating what to say next. Then it came to him. "It's a shame it's come down to this." He gestured at Shane, once the leader of the Atlanta group, now bound and helpless, waiting for his last moment on earth.

"Me too, but you're Rick's wingman now." Shane shrugged and glared at Daryl, not afraid to show his contempt.

Daryl's eyes narrowed. "You mad about that?"

Shane didn't bother to reply.

"I have my answer. I'll tell you this much: if you weren't such a dick, then maybe you'd still be Rick's right-hand man!" Daryl pointed accusingly at Shane. "Sittin' there, sulkin' like I stole your spot, when you readily gave it up with all your drama bullshit."

"But you're enjoyin' it, right? Finally got the respect you wanted?" Shane smirked.

"I don't need your respect or anyone else's," Daryl snapped. "You think I waste tears worryin' about what you think of me?" He gestured at Shane with his crossbow when he said "you". "Get the hell over yourself. Someone here has an inferiority complex, and it ain't me."

"I love myself every time I look in the mirror." Shane knew the opposite was true.

"Keep believin' your own lies. Jus' so we're clear: I didn't ask for this."

"Me neither."

Shane couldn't stand to face Daryl anymore, so he found another point in the barn to focus on. Daryl caught on quickly and stepped in Shane's path, forcing him to continue the conversation.

"You lay claim to everythin'—your best friend's wife, his son, and now Rick himself. That's what has you mad. Callin' me his 'wingman'…wow, a grown-ass man actin' jealous."

"That ain't jealousy from me, man. Just plain hard truth."

"You call me trash, but have you looked in the mirror lately? Done some soul searchin'? What kind of man screws his best friend's wife? I'll tell you who…a lowlife selfish asshole who doesn't honor the Bro Code."

Shane drew in his breath and exhaled slowly as he glared at Daryl. Both men knew Daryl had hit Shane below the belt with his last statement. It was the second time he had brought it up to Shane. Instead of Shane defending what happened with Lori, he remained silent. Daryl gave Shane less than a minute to recuperate and then finished him off.

"No one told you to sneak into the barn to kill Randall. You're too damn hot-headed for your own good." Daryl shook his head as he remembered all the times Shane had lost his temper—not only with him, but with Rick and the rest of the group. "You got the right ideas, but the wrong approach. It can't always be your way, Shane. 'Cause that shit don't fly. It's not all about you, but you wanted to make it be your way or the highway." He stood over Shane now. "That's why you're tied up right now, and that's why you're gonna die. Dale was right: your choices, your consequences. Deal with it."

Daryl stormed off, leaving Shane to mull over if he was the reason for his own downfall.

oOo

Shane didn't know how much time had passed when Andrea came in to see him. He figured it couldn't be too long from the time Daryl had told him off, since T-Dog hadn't arrived yet to relieve him.

"Hi," Andrea said, kneeling down next to him.

"Hey."

"I can't believe they're doing this to you."

"Well, they are. Can't cry over it."

Shane looked at Andrea and then at the far wall. He wanted to avoid everyone who came by to see him, although he had no choice, but to accept their visits. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Andrea. He was glad she had shown up, but he didn't want to be reminded of the missed opportunity to leave the farm with her.

"I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"You taught me how to shoot a gun, disassemble it; put it together again."

Shane met her eyes now and tried not to let her sadness affect him. "No need to thank me. You always had it in you, Andrea. You just had to believe in yourself."

Andrea nodded as she crept closer to Shane. She glanced over her shoulder at Daryl, who was watching everything. "I need to tell you something," she whispered.

"What's that?" He whispered back. Shane looked past Andrea and saw Daryl rise from the chair.

"I'm going to free you. You can come with me and leave these people to rot in hell."

Shane shook his head. "Don't be stupid. The rest of the group will turn on you."

"They already have. When…" she hesitated, but then gathered the courage to continue. "When Rick was having the vote of what to do with you…Dale and I voted against your execution. Everyone else voted for it. I know Glenn felt guilty about it, he left the house as soon as it was over. Carl wasn't there, so I don't think he'd vote for you to die at his father's hand…I'm glad he wasn't there for that, but still."

"Everyone…"

The word dragged out of Shane's mouth, refusing to cooperate. He couldn't believe it. Glenn. Hershel. Maggie. Carol. Daryl. T-Dog. Rick. Lori. He wondered if there was anyone he was forgetting...Jimmy? Patricia? And the fact that Dale had actually advocated for him not to die…he had been honest with Shane. Shane didn't know which shocked him more: that the rest of the group had no issue with him being killed or that Dale had actually stood up for his right to live. And now he knew why Glenn had left so quickly and wouldn't look him in the eye when he had stopped by earlier.

"I can't stay in this group anymore." Tears slipped from her eyes and she wiped them away quickly as though she didn't want him to see her raw emotions. "You should've seen how ugly it got."

"Don't need to be there to witness it. I can imagine it plenty." Shane's back stiffened against the wooden post. He wondered how long he had before Rick came back to take him to the site of his execution. "What time is it?"

Andrea looked at Shane strangely, not understanding the question. "Half past four."

"Okay." He didn't have a lot of time left. Or maybe it just felt that way.

"I did the best I could for you...I fought for you."

"I believe you." Shane was quiet for a moment as he thought about everything she had told him. "Thank you." He tried to keep his voice emotionless.

"They had it where you were guilty until proven innocent."

"It is what it is." He shrugged. "I know where I stand on everythin'. If they want to believe the worst about me, then let them."

Neither of them spoke for some time. Shane stared at the ground and Andrea picked at her nails. Then she looked at him.

"I meant what I said."

"About what?" He looked at her now, unsure of what she referred to.

"About leaving, Shane. I'm not staying with this group anymore."

Shane shook his head. "Bad idea. You should stay here, it's safe. There's no tellin' what's out there."

"I can handle myself!" She didn't mean to sound angry, but it came out anyway. "You taught me how to shoot walkers, and now you're acting like I'm a helpless little girl?!"

"Not talkin' about walkers, Andrea. Talkin' about other threats...the livin'. There's no tellin' who or what's out there, and what they're capable of doin' to you, especially if you're out there by yourself."

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"I'm not." He looked directly at her now, holding her eyes that brimmed with tears. "Stop cryin'. I'm bein' honest with you. You're better off stayin' here with the group, on this farm, where you have safety and shelter—"

"Where they leave you to hang if you don't follow Rick's every whim!" She lashed out at him, frustrated and confused by his trying to talk her into staying. Why was Shane insisting she stay after the group had sentenced him to death? She was about to ask him this when she saw his shocked expression. For a moment, Shane looked lost and afraid.

"Hang? They're hangin' me?" He looked up at the barn's rafters. He shuddered when he imagined being executed in such a humiliating way. He didn't want to imagine it, although it was too late. When working with Rick, they had come across a deceased person who had committed suicide by hanging...Shane prided himself on having thick skin, but there was something terrifying about seeing a human being swaying and hanging from a rope with their neck broken..."I can't believe Rick would..." He bit his lower lip so hard that it bled. He couldn't finish his thoughts.

Andrea followed his gaze and realized what he thought she meant. "No, Shane...no...they're not gonna hang you...I'm sorry. It was a bad choice of words."

"Sure." He didn't believe her.

"They won't do that. I know he won't do it that way. Look at me...please?"

Shane looked at her now and she was shocked to see fear flickering in his eyes. He tried to hide it, but it was there.

"I just meant...that I don't feel safe with them. How can I stay with them after what they did to you? I don't feel safe with them at all."

"What they did to me didn't happen to you. You gotta separate the two, Andrea. Stop this bullshit and stay put. Don't go out there...if somethin' happens to you, that'll be another thing they pin on me. An' I won't be aroun' to keep you safe."

"So it's about you now?" Andrea felt her anger mounting again, and then she made herself calm down. Shane meant well. "I'm sorry...I don't mean to..."

"It's fine...I'll be fine...I don't know about you, but I'll be fine..."

Andrea thought he was trying to convince himself.

"You wanted to leave, remember?" She decided to go that route.

"You throwin' that back in my face? What's that have to do with you being a fool and leavin' a place that gives you a roof over your head?!" He was furious at her now. "Don't get the two confused. Me leavin' before any of this happened and you wantin' to leave now is not the same thing. Two different circumstances."

"Okay, but I can't promise you I'll stay."

"If you gonna go, just make sure you protect yourself...that's all I can say." He shrugged again and winced. Having his arms stretched above his head for so many hours was painful. "I have to face whatever comes my way. I have no choice, Andrea. You have a choice. If you're gonna leave, then be smart about it. Protect yourself."

"Fair enough."

"If it's my time to go...then it's my time to go."

Andrea sighed. She wished he wasn't so accepting of his fate, but she didn't tell him this. There were other things she needed to tell him. "It's time for me to say good-bye to you, Shane, and to thank you for everything you did...for the group...and for me. You know what you're doing. Rick…" she shook her head. "He's gonna get us all killed. He doesn't listen to reason, he goes on his emotions."

"You're preachin' to the choir, as I told you once before."

Andrea nodded in agreement. Then she looked at Shane again, her stare more intense than before. "There's one more thing." In one swift movement, she rose and sat down on Shane's legs, attempting to straddle him.

"Hey!" Daryl called out. "What the hell?!"

Shane grimaced when she sat down. The first wave of pain subsided and his muscles tingled. He tried to shift so that he was comfortable, but it was difficult with Andrea sitting on him, and with his legs being tied together for so long.

"Does this feel familiar?"

Andrea's voice had lowered to a seductive tone as she leaned in closer to him. Before Shane could respond, her lips met his and she kissed him with as much passion as she could muster. He was surprised to find himself returning the kiss, his lips joining with hers as they both fully allowed themselves to be immersed with each other. It was a much needed escape and release from all the tension he had felt all day. Her lips were soft and she tasted like mint and strawberries. He thought she was delicious and wondered why he had wasted so much time on Lori.

The moment was over as quickly as it started.

Daryl grabbed Andrea by the back of her blouse and yanked her off Shane. "Time to go, Bonnie. That's enough of makin' out with Clyde."

"What the hell's wrong with you, Daryl?!" Andrea whipped around angrily at him, pushing him off her. "He's gonna die, he has the right to enjoy something as simple as a kiss!"

"He doesn't get to have one last romp in the hay. Take it up with Rick if you don't like it."

Andrea shook her head as she stood up. "You're just as ridiculous as Rick is."

"And a cockblocker. Add that to your list of accompli—" Daryl slammed a backhanded fist across Shane's face mid-sentence.

"Shut your mouth, Shane. There's the door, Andrea." He pointed at the barn's doors. "Make sure it don't hit you on the way out."

Andrea's chest heaved up and down as she caught her breath. "This confirms everything. I'm leaving tonight, Daryl. And yes, you can tell the Big Bad Boss all about how I'm abandoning the group."

"I'm not gonna beg you to stay. Do what's right for you," Daryl said.

"Take some guns with you," Shane called out to her as she headed towards the barn's doors. "Protect yourself and remember what I taught you."

Andrea nodded and from where he sat, Shane saw a tear sliding down her cheek. Then she was gone and the door banged loudly behind her. It was Daryl and Shane now.

"An' to think, you used to chase down the bad guys," Daryl said, shaking his head. "I bet you were the bad cop, and Rick was the good cop."

"Somethin' like that." Shane licked his lips, still tasting the strawberry flavor from Andrea's lips and his own coppery blood from where Daryl had punched him. "I've always been the bad cop." He busted out laughing as Daryl resumed his spot to guard him.

oOo

"Glad you're here," Daryl said. "This shift was non-stop."

"He gave you a hard time?" T-Dog asked, pointing at Shane.

"You got Andrea playin' Bonnie to Shane's Clyde…kissin' and carryin' on like two horny teenagers."

"What?!" T-Dog was genuinely shocked.

"Yeah…she's leavin' the group. That's her story. Fine by me. Shane, she needs a better teacher than you—she can't aim worth a damn!" Daryl called over to Shane who watched them. He was referring to the time when Andrea accidentally shot him when she mistook him for a walker.

"So teach her to use a crossbow," Shane replied. "She'll aim right and shoot you dead in your face."

T-Dog started towards Shane to retaliate on Daryl's behalf when Daryl stopped him.

"He's scared shitless, T-Dog. That's why he's runnin' his mouth. Can't run the group no more, so he's gotta run something."

T-Dog nodded. "You're on point about that."

"Good luck, brother," Daryl said. "I'll see you in four hours."

"Four hours is right."

"By then, I think we'll take our man to meet his Maker."

T-Dog nodded as he watched Daryl leave the barn. Then he approached Shane with caution. T-Dog knew he had nothing to be afraid of. A bound Shane was a helpless Shane; he couldn't do anything to harm anyone. Still, T-Dog didn't want to take unnecessary risks. He just wanted to see if Shane needed anything.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"Nope."

"You gotta eat something."

"Man, stop pretendin' you care. You're just like the rest of them—sentencin' a man to death for tryin' to do the right thing."

T-Dog's eyebrows rose. "Ahhh, so that's what this is about…you thought you were doing the right thing by taking Randall's life into your own hands."

"Damn right and it's not that I thought I was doing the right thing. I know I was," Shane said, his eyes meeting T-Dog's.

"I'm not here to debate that with you. Last time: do you want something to eat or drink?"

"You'd lace whatever you'd give me with poison. Arsenic. Rick's orders."

"He doesn't want to kill you." T-Dog realized a moment too late what he had said.

Shane laughed, but it sounded more like an odd croaking sound. "Are you kiddin' me? He's executin' me tonight in front of everyone! And it's not just about Randall…it's personal."

"What I meant was…it's not out of malice…you're dangerous, Shane…you weren't always like this, but now you are. And I was asking if you wanted something to eat or drink because you've been here for hours. I'm sure your stomach is grumbling and that your throat is parched."

Shane blinked. T-Dog was right, but he refused to give in. He wanted to have some form of control since he had none in this situation. His hunger strike gave him some semblance of having control over himself and his captors: Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog.

"You're just like the rest of them, T-Dog," Shane repeated. "Votin' for me to die."

T-Dog was quiet as he stared at the ground. Shane took that to mean he was acknowledging the fact that he had voted for his execution. T-Dog took a deep breath and continued.

"I never got in your face about Otis. In fact, I figured out what you did and why you did it. I get it, Shane."

Shane's eyebrows rose in surprise. He appeared touched that someone understood him. Maybe he had two allies: Andrea and T-Dog… Then he looked away, refusing to face T-Dog.

"Not everyone's against you, but you pushed everyone away. You gotta own that."

"I don't have to own a thin dime. Folks here are livin' in Fantasy Land and it's gonna cost them."

T-Dog sighed, frustrated. "Whatever you say. You can't say that I didn't try."

"You can talk about how you understand what I did…but you're just like the rest of them. Delusional. Hopeful. Idea-fuckin'-listic. Good luck after I'm gone."

T-Dog didn't answer as he took a seat on the stool opposite of Shane to guard him for the next four hours.

oOo

It wasn't long before Shane received another visitor during T-Dog's shift. This time it was Hershel who came into the barn. Hershel had a way of making a quiet entrance. Even his brief greeting to T-Dog was soundless before he turned his attention to Shane. Despite his soft façade, Hershel was hardened towards Shane.

"It's fitting that you'll die on my farm, considering you carried out the execution of my family. Unless Rick decides to take you elsewhere to do it," Hershel said, as he approached Shane. "An eye for an eye."

"Makes the whole world blind," Shane finished. "Did I break any of the Ten Commandments?"

"Two," Hershel replied quickly, as though expecting this question and already having an answer. "Thou shalt not murder and thou shalt not covet."

"Covet?"

"To want or yearn for something, especially if it isn't yours. In this case, your best friend's wife. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. That's in the Book of Exodus."

Shane tried to stifle a chuckle. As with his previous visitors, Shane tried to avoid looking at Hershel. He stared at the ground. "Ahhh, I'm a real sinner, huh? Gonna burn in hell for lustin' after Lori."

"Don't mock God or His commandments." Hershel said, his tone serious.

"Wasn't it Jesus who said don't judge others? Or that those without sin cast the first stone?"

Hershel blinked, surprised what Shane had brought up. He decided to use this moment to put his personal feelings aside, and focus on what Shane was saying.

"Yes, Jesus said that; those were His teachings." Hershel paused as he thought about what he would ask next and the possible answer he would receive. "Do you feel we're judging you, Shane?"

When Shane looked up at Hershel, his eyes were glassy. "All the time."

"By who?" Hershel realized that by standing over Shane, it communicated the wrong message. He sat down across from Shane, in the hopes that it demonstrated his willingness to hear him out.

"You, for starters. Dale, all the time. That guy probably sat on a judge's bench and locked up a teenager for chewing gum in school. But he made nice with me, so I'm good with him now—sort of. By Rick…" Shane became choked up. "All the time by Rick. Judges and has no clue about how things really are now."

Hershel nodded, his expression was contemplative. "Do you want me to pray for you?"

Shane thought he was mocking him at first, and then realized Hershel was genuine. He shook his head. "No, but I appreciate the thought, Hershel. Don't pray for me…pray for those left behind after I die."

"Well…the Bible tell us that man looks on the outside, but God knows the inner heart of all of us. God knows where you are with this situation and He's with you right now. He knows your heart. I hope that gives you comfort."

Shane looked at Hershel, shocked by the grace and warmth he received from the older man. He didn't expect Hershel to advocate for his life to be saved, but he was still appreciative of the mercy that Hershel extended to him after everything that had happened.

"Thank you." He meant it.

They were quiet for some time.

"Where's Maggie and Beth? Jimmy?" Shane broke the silence. He was afraid to ask about the next person, but he had to: "Patricia?"

"I'm standing in proxy for Maggie and Jimmy. Patricia…she doesn't have the heart to face you. I'm sure you understand."

Shane nodded. He did, although he had a gut feeling she would be present later tonight. He wasn't angry about that. If anything, he felt by having her there to witness his execution, it would be his way of paying penance for what he had done to Otis.

"My doodle-bug is lying down."

"Doodle-bug?" Shane asked, unsure of whom Hershel meant.

"Beth, my daughter."

"Oh."

And just like that, it hit Shane that he would never live to see his baby. For some reason he had a feeling that Lori was carrying his daughter, a little girl. He would never get to hold her, rock her to sleep, or give her cute pet names. He would never experience that special bond between a father and daughter. Shane swallowed, fighting back emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. The moment passed and he was in control again.

"She had a breakdown after the barn incident…seeing her mother get shot and then attack her as a walking corpse…it was too much for her to handle," Hershel said, softly. Despite the situation, there was no hint of anger in his voice. He was calm as he relayed to Shane about Beth's current condition. "She's been laying down in bed, resting for several days now. Maggie's always been the stronger of the two. The tougher one. Bethy is more sensitive, I'm not sure if she gets it from me or her mother."

Although Shane believed he had made the right decision to eliminate the walkers from Hershel's barn, he was sincerely regretful that his actions had led to Beth being depressed and bedbound. He knew he had to acknowledge that some harm came from what he had done, however well-meaning his intentions were.

"I hope she gets better. I'm sorry about the barn…they were your family and friends. I didn't know until now about your daughter…"

"You didn't think of the ramifications when you busted open my barn. I don't think any of us did. Then again, if I had accepted what was happening in the world when everything first started, then maybe Beth would've accepted it, too. We all played a part."

"You're right about that." Shane appreciated that he and Hershel were able to openly admit their failings.

"You meant well, Shane. I had to see the situation for what it is. Thank you." He meant it.

Shane watched as Hershel stood up. He nodded to Hershel and Hershel returned the gesture. Hershel briefly waved to T-Dog who returned the greeting. Then he left the barn as quietly as he had entered.

Shane closed his eyes, trying to rest. All of these past conversations had worn him down emotionally, although another part of him was thankful they had taken place. It gave him a sense of closure.

"Here, Shane."

Shane opened his eyes and glanced at T-Dog who held a bottled water in front of him. There was a straw inside it. His first instinct was to turn away from it, to carry on with his hunger strike, and pretend he had control. He knew he could be stubborn, but by now, he realized it was better to give in and accept the water. In doing so, it would help him to accept what lay ahead. He didn't know why that was. Plus, he was thirsty, his throat ached, and his mouth was dry and prickly as though he had swallowed sandpaper. When T-Dog gestured with the water a second time, Shane accepted it and took a quick sip.

oOo

Carol was the last one to show up. Daryl accompanied her into the barn, but gave her privacy when it came time for her to speak with Shane. He hung back with T-Dog, watching their exchange, but not interfering.

"It was a difficult decision to make…I hope you're not mad at me."

By now, Shane knew what she referred to. The vote. His execution.

"I ain't mad at you, Carol."

"Thank you for…" she hesitated, and when she spoke again, tears choked her voice. "…for protecting me…that time against Ed."

Shane looked at her now, remembering when he beat the hell out of Ed. Ed had struck her across the face in front of Andrea, Amy, and Jacqui. It wasn't the first time he had done it, but Shane wanted to ensure it was the last time he did it. Shane was honest with himself: some of his anger was displaced onto Ed after the way Lori had cut him off from Carl moments before. At the same time, he had seen Ed abuse Carol and Sophia before—and no one had done anything about it. So at the rock quarry, Shane decided it was time to teach Ed a lesson that he would never forget: let him be the abused one and see how it feels.

"It's no problem. Someone had to put him in line…I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner."

"I know…I just wanted to thank you for that…and to say I'm sorry."

"What're you sorry about?"

"This!" Carol gestured at Shane. "I'm sorry for all this."

"You didn't do any of this, Carol." Shane shook his head. "You have nothin' to be sorry about."

After all this time, Carol still had the mindset of a battered woman. She blamed herself for things she didn't do and even for things that hadn't happened yet. She was passive, expressing defeat, and accepting responsibility for actions that she hadn't done or been involved with.

Shane was familiar with Battered Women's Syndrome from his experience as a sheriff's deputy. Breaking up domestic disputes were extremely difficult since the victim usually didn't want the abuser to be arrested and go to jail—even if their life depended on it. They usually blamed themselves for the abuser's violent outbursts. Often times, the woman was emotionally beaten down from verbal abuse before it had escalated into physical and sexual violence. It was horrendous for the victim, and difficult for Shane to exercise self-control in those situations, especially when all he wanted to do was slap the cuffs on the abusive spouse and throw him in a jail cell, and get the victim to a shelter for her protection. He felt the same way during the rare times when it was a woman beating up a man, or violence between same-sex partners.

This time, he was the one that everyone considered dangerous, and the group's shelter was Hershel's farm. It saddened him that Carol would blame herself for his current predicament, when it had been himself—and no one else—who went into the barn to shoot Randall.

"Carol, listen…I know you've been through hell with Ed…with finding out about Sophia…"

He paused as he remembered Sophia shambling out of the barn as a walker. Even he had been shocked into silence at that exact moment. The only way he had been able to make amends to Carol was to wash her hands and tell her he had no idea Sophia was in there and that his intentions were to keep everyone safe. He didn't mean to further traumatize her when he opened the barn and Sophia was revealed to be there—dead and turned into a walker.

And he didn't want her to be increasingly traumatized by accepting responsibility for his execution when it was not her fault. She may've voted in favor for it, but in the end, Shane knew it was his own actions—justified or not—that had led to where he was now, and where he would be in a few hours: dead at Rick's hands.

"I want you to know that you are stronger than you think you are, Carol. You are tougher than nails, you just don't know it yet. You got it in you…let it out," Shane spoke earnestly to her, hoping that his words were sinking in. "Maybe you won't see that side of you develop for quite some time…but it's in there, you got it. Do whatever it takes to survive. Don't hold back for anyone."

Carol nodded as she listened attentively to Shane.

"If making a split-second decision means your survival and those you love live to see another minute, another hour, another day—then do it, Carol. And when you're done with it, don't waste time feeling bad, blaming or beating up on yourself. I once told Rick that survival means making hard choices. There's truth to that, but you do whatever it takes to live to see another day. Okay?"

Carol nodded again and wiped a tear running down her cheek. "I understand."

"Good." Shane breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he was able to share that with her.

"Thank you, Shane…for everything."

"You don't have to thank me," he paused as a thought came to his mind. "You thank me by making the choice that keeps you alive. Got it?"

"Got it." Carol smiled. She walked back to stand with Daryl and turned around to Shane one more time. Thank you, she mouthed.

Shane nodded to acknowledge he had received her gratitude. This was it. There was no one else left to see. He decided he would try to get some rest and mentally prepare for what was soon to come. As he did so, he couldn't help but overhear the conversation between Daryl and T-Dog.

"Rick wants to speak with us," Daryl said.

"About him?" T-Dog asked.

"Yeah."

"Didn't Rick want one of us to stay with him at all times?"

"He ain't goin' anywhere. Rick said to meet him outside."

T-Dog nodded and left the barn with Daryl and Carol.

As they exited the barn and he heard the doors close behind them, it was then that Shane realized only one person hadn't shown up.

He ran through his mind of who had shown up and the order of their arrival: Glenn was probably with Maggie. Dale was off somewhere on the farm. Lori was with Rick, most likely. Carl was probably wandering off on his own again. Andrea might've left the farm already. Hershel had stood in place for Maggie, Beth, and Jimmy. Hershel was the girls' father, so he figured they were present in that way. Patricia was full of emotion and Shane realized she was the one person he didn't want to face, since he had lied to her about what really happened to Otis. Carol was the last one to come see him. Shane imagined Randall running free in the sunset, hollering and whooping that he had been set free to join his gang of trouble-making friends. So who was the one person who didn't show up?

Rick.

Rick didn't show up because he had already said everything he needed to say.

Now Shane had only one choice:

Wait to die.