Remus was contemplating transferring to Beauxbatons.

Of course, as soon as he came up with this plan, he immediately discarded it - the only reason he got into Hogwarts was because of Dumbledore, there was no way he was getting into another wizarding school. Maybe homeschooling - but this idea had to go, too, because although his parents loved him, the truth was that his father could barely stand to look at him.

He'd been hiding out in the Room of Requirement for the past two days. Although he was fairly sure that Professor Dumbledore knew about the room, the other teachers didn't seem to, and he'd never told Sirius, James, or Peter about it. It was his.

It was also his prison.

He couldn't leave. If he left, then Sirius and James and Peter would all attack him with stupid questions and things to do and all that shit and his teachers would ask him if he was okay and then give him all the homework he missed and that would be a lot of fucking homework and and and he just would have to stay in there forever.

Anyways, he had plenty of books and plenty of knives and plenty of bandages to stain red. The room didn't produce any food, but he would worry about that when he got hungry. Anyways, he had quite a bit of chocolate in his pockets. He'd munch on that every once in a while.

He could stay here until his blood seeped out of his veins and his skin melted into his bones and he couldn't feel anything anymore.

He looked down and sighed. He'd gotten blood on Carrie again.

Sirius was contemplating drastic measures.

He hadn't told James and Peter yet, and he wasn't sure if he should or not. On the one hand, it was Remus's business, and Remus would kill him if he told anyone. On the other hand...well, Remus was on the verge of killing himself.

He could also tell Dumbledore, but he didn't want to screw Remus over. What if he got kicked out? What if he had to be hospitalized or something? Of course, maybe it would be good for Remus to be hospitalized...

He'd missed half his classes for the past two days searching all over the castle for Remus and so far, nothing. James had been making up Remus's homework, and Sirius had told him and Peter that Remus was in the shrieking shack recovering from the full moon, but soon James and Peter would go visit the Shrieking Shack and find out Sirius had lied... anyways, he couldn't find Remus, and he didn't trust Remus alone right now. There was nothing for it. He would have to tell James.

And then there was the matter of the letter, but he would have to deal with that later...

James was doing homework - something that he normally didn't bother with, but as it was Remus's, and Remus would flip if his homework didn't get done, and, well, Remus apparently wasn't recovering very quickly from the other night, he was trying his best - and his best was quite a lot, actually, because James was quite clever and could even apply that to homework when he tried, although he very rarely tried.

He was doing arithmancy - one subject that he didn't excel at, but he felt confident he could do it well - when he became aware of a long shadow blocking the candlelight.

Looking up into Sirius's shaggy-hair framed face, he prepared himself for a huge teasing. However, when he saw Sirius's eyes, James's face slackened and he stood up.

"What's wrong? Listen, you can stay with me, my parents love you -"

"It's not about me, James. It's not my parents. It's... it's Remus. He's in trouble."

James's stomach twisted. "Remus? How can Remus be in trouble."

"I - I can't tell you, you just have to trust me, and I don't know where he is," Sirius ran a hand through his hair, "You just have to trust me."

"You have to tell me, man, you can't-" James's voice came out louder than he meant it to.

"This is serious, James. And I really can't tell you, and we need to find him."

The look on Sirius's face was scaring James. "Yeah, okay. Have you looked anywhere yet?"

"Everywhere."

Remus was dimly aware that what he was doing was not a good idea. However, the haze of pot and blood and deep growling in the pit of his stomach was overpowering everything in him but that not-monster, aching for deeper cuts, less Remus.

Everything was dark and Sirius was afraid.

He wasn't scared of the dark, obviously. He was scared for Remus. Three days, now, and Remus was still missing. He had taken to prowling the halls when it was dark, avoiding teachers and keeping his eyes sharp for Moony.

He was so tired, though, he almost missed the huge door right in front of him. He could have sworn that it hadn't been there a moment ago...

Well, a room he hadn't checked, anyways. He grabbed at the handle, dragged the door open, and tiptoed inside.

It was so dark, he almost left. But then he didn't, because -

It smelled like Remus. Coffee and skunky and a little sweet and like muggle back alleys as well as cocoa, because, well, chocolate.

"Lumos," he whispered, and the flare from his wand lit up the room.

He had thought he would never see anything worse than the other night. But this... this was worse. This was worse.

There was Remus, a book in his lap, some sort of smoke in his limp hand, sitting on a sofa soaked in blood.

"Oh god, oh god, Remus -" Sirius's heart stopped and he ran over to Moony. "Remus, Remus, Remus," Sirius gulped. "Oh, god oh god please don't be -" he choked on the last word.

Remus's eyelashes - flakes of copper, feathers, sundust - fluttered open. He broke into a wide smile. "Sirius!" His eyes didn't stop fluttering.

"Rem, Rem, Rem, you're gonna die," Sirius swallowed. "Rem, you're gonna die, please, please,"

"I'm fine," Remus giggled - giggled - and winced as Sirius grabbed his hand.

"Please tell me you're not bleeding there, too, please, Remus," Sirius groaned. There was blood, oh god, there was blood on his hands now, Remus's blood...

"Well, I'm not bleeding down there...I have monthly issues, but I'm not a girl, hahhahaa..."

"Okay Sirius, clear head clear head clear head," Sirius pulled out his wand and closed his eyes. "Vulnera Sanentur," he breathed.

Some of the gashes - oh god, those gashes, crying red - cleared away, melting shut.

"Okay, okay. Um, here we go. This," he picked up the smoke, "Is gone. Evanesco." The smoke disappeared. "Uh, eat this chocolate, please, you look hungry, please,"

"My smoke," Remus whined, but took the chocolate and looked at it. "Ehhhhhhhh."

Sirius gritted his teeth. "Eat it."

"Okay, okay." Remus chewed on the chocolate slowly and angrily. "Meanie."

"I can't keep putting you back together, Rem, you need to... you can't do this to yourself."

Sirius felt sick.

Remus woke up dead.

Well, not literally dead. That was yesterday. Today he was in his own bed and dead but alive, because - oh god, because Sirius. Fucking Sirius saved him and now Sirius must hate him and oh god, James and Peter probably knew by now and god he needed a smoke.

All this shit was collapsing his mind and he hadn't even opened up his eyes yet.

Sitting up, ignoring the raw pain pulsating over his entire body, he looked around the room. Well, started to look around the room, but before he could - Sirius.

Sirius was sitting in a chair right beside Remus's bed - one of the big, red comfy ones that littered the Gryffindor tower and always reminded Remus a little too much of blood - and his head was in his hands, was he crying? Remus hoped he wasn't crying, because if he was crying then it would be Remus's fault, and he couldn't deal with that - he tried to slip back under the covers, maybe if he pretended to sleep long enough Sirius would just give up and go away, but -

"Remus," Sirius croaked. He had obviously looked up while Remus was busy panicking and Remus hadn't noticed.

Knowing he had to say something, Remus swallowed, looking anywhere but his best friend. "Sirius," he said, focusing on the bedsheets.

Sirius was silent for a long time. "You don't ever do that again, Rem. Not ever."

The oxygen was seeping out of the air but no one seemed to notice except Remus.

"I'm sorry." Remus thought he could write an essay three scrolls of parchment long on these fucking bedsheets.

"Yeah."

"Sirius, you need to leave."

Sirius's heart stopped. "If you think I'm leaving you alone to smoke and... and bleed and die, you -"

"Sirius, you need to leave before I kill you."

"What are you talking about?" Remus didn't have his wand, Sirius made sure of that, and why would Remus kill him? Was Remus angry at him?

"This, this poison, this poison in me is going to sap into you too, Sirius." Every second Remus didn't look at him was a crucio curse.

"I'm staying here, Rem," Sirius said.

"We can't be friends."

"I'm fucking staying here, Rem," Sirius repeated, why why why why?

"Sirius."

"Rem."

"Sirius, I'm a taker," Remus wouldn't look at him still, why, "You need a giver."

"Rem, that's ridiculous, you give everything -"

Remus interrupted him before he could finish. "I give everything to this not-monster in my stomach, I give everything to the wolf that eats at my brain, I give everything to everything I shouldn't and I take everything," Remus's voice was stronger than Sirius had heard it in a long time, it was yelling at Sirius, Remus was yelling at Sirius, "I take everything from you."