October 4, 2004

"I need to tell you something, mate. And I don't want you to get upset," James said as he and Sirius stood on the balcony of his and Lily's flat.

Sirius sighed, bracing himself, then said, "All right. Go ahead."

"Me and Lils are thinking about moving away from Manchester," James said.

"Moving away from- Are you serious?" Sirius said.

James raised an eyebrow and smiled slyly. Sirius scowled at him. He wasn't in the mood for any bloody 'serious sounds just like Sirius' jokes right now.

"Yeah, I am. We are, I mean. We don't think the city is the best place for Harry," James said.

"It was good enough for us!" Sirius objected.

James shrugged then shook his head.

"Lily talks a lot about her hometown, Richmond. We're thinking about moving there," James admitted.

"North Yorkshire? Nothing but Tories and sheep up there," Sirius said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Lily says it's nice. We're gonna take a trip up there after New Year's. You and Remus should come with us," James said.

Sirius huffed and crossed his arms in frustration. How could they do this him? Surely they wouldn't take Harry so far away.

"I don't know. I'll talk to Remus and see how he feels," Sirius said.

James and Sirius stood there in silence, watching the people and traffic below. Sirius felt anxious. He wanted to beg James not to go. How would he deal with his best friend not being by his side?

Suddenly James spoke again, "I really think it might be for the best. Maybe Lils and I won't fit in that well up there but it will be a less stressful environment for Harry and he's what matters, you know," James said.

Sirius sighed. James was probably right, damn him. Sirius nodded but said nothing in reply. There was nothing he could say.

Remus awoke suddenly to the feeling of Sirius shaking him by the shoulder. The sun appeared to have only just come up and they hadn't even got to bed until three in the morning the night before. It was Sunday, Boxing Day, neither of them had work and Remus didn't think anything important could possibly be happening.

"Remus, I need to talk to you. Wake up!" Sirius said urgently.

"OK! All right! I'm awake, Sirius. What in the Dickens is the matter?" Remus said, rolling over to face Sirius.

"We should move to Richmond!" Sirius said.

"Richmond? Lily's hometown? Hard to imagine a couple of queer blokes like us fitting in there," Remus said.

"I never got around to telling you before. I guess… I guess I was in denial about it. But James and Lily were thinking of moving there before…" Sirius started but couldn't bring himself to finish.

Remus nodded and touched Sirius's shoulder, sympathetically.

"I think maybe it's what they would've wanted," Sirius said.

"You may be right, Sirius. But how will we manage? You'll have to get a job, you know. And I'll need to find one in Richmond, fast. I don't have much money in savings but it might be enough to get us there at least," Remus said.

"I'm not suggesting we move there right this minute, you know. But… I think we should consider it. Maybe after the new year. We can have a fresh start. If for nothing else but for Harry's sake. It's a way to connect him to his past, to connect him to Lily," Sirius said.

Remus looked closely at his lover's face. This was a big step for them to take. He knew it couldn't have been easy for Sirius to come to this decision, not with his anxiety. But he could see that he was sincere about this, despite the suddenness.

"All right. Fuck it. Let's do it," Remus said. "After we've had some more sleep though."

Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius lightly on the nose with a smile then rolled back over and closed his eyes, drifting quickly back off to sleep while happy thoughts filled his mind.

July 2, 2003

Remus was standing outside the cottage and staring up at the moon when Sirius found him. The cottage was located on the coast near Tintagel, Cornwall. It was believed by some that King Arthur was born at a castle there.

James had inherited the cottage from his parents when they passed away two years ago. James had invited Remus, Sirius and Peter to come here with him and Lily before the baby was born as one last memory of their youth before adulthood finally claimed their lives.

Sirius quietly walked up behind Remus and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting a head on his shoulder.

"I've always found an odd sort of comfort in full moons," Remus said.

"Are you in need of comfort, Remus?" Sirius asked and squeezed Remus to him a little tighter.

"Not as such. I was just… thinking about things," Remus said, then let out a quiet sigh.

"What is it, love?" Sirius said, then kissed his neck.

"I'm not sure, if I'm being honest. It's… something implacable and out of reach in the back of my mind. A sense of change on the horizon," Remus answered.

"It's a baby, not the end of the world," Sirius said and pressed his face into the top of Remus's head and inhaled.

They'd gone to the beach today and Remus's hair smelled of the ocean. Tomorrow they'd have a look at the castle.

"It's not the baby. It's what the baby represents. Everything is going to change. Lily and James are going to be parents and that means more responsibilities for them both. They're so young… we're so young," Remus said.

Sirius looked behind his shoulder back into the cottage. James, Lily and Peter were seated at a table. Lily had her head on James's shoulder. Sirius couldn't believe Lily still had four more weeks left. She looked like she was ready to explode, though he realized it might be impolite to say that out loud.

"Yes, they are. We are. But loads of people do it. Actually, for that matter, loads of people do it younger than them. They'll manage. Well, Lily will. Still not sure about James if I'm being honest," Sirius said.

"I've no doubt they'll be great parents. Lily will be a fantastic mum and I think James might surprise you. He always pulls through when it matters. No, it's not that I'm worried about," Remus said.

"What then?" Sirius asked.

"It's what's being lost. We've just barely stopped not being children and now… it's like that's being pulled away forever," Remus said.

Sirius wasn't used to seeing Remus this anxious. Normally, Sirius was the anxious one.

"There's something else, isn't there? It's not just this encroaching adulthood business," Sirius said then let a hand slip to Remus's side to find Remus's hand which he then clasped into his own.

Remus was quiet for a moment. Getting him to talk too deeply about his feelings wasn't always easy but Sirius knew Remus would feel better if he'd just get it out.

"It's Lily. I feel like I'm going to lose her. She's been my best friend for so long. It's stupid, I know," Remus said, hanging his head.

"I'm losing my best friend too, you know," Sirius said and pulled away from Remus and stepped in front of him.

Remus avoided Sirius's eyes, looking back up at the moon.

"I know that. And I know we're not really losing them. Life goes on. And I know we have each other and technically Lily and James aren't going anywhere. It's not like they're dying, for God's sake. And there's Peter," Remus said then looked back into the cottage where Peter was feeling Lily's stomach and laughing.

"When he's around," Sirius finished for Remus.

"Yeah. He never really is anymore, though, is he? Off with that Yaxley girl or taking care of his mum," Remus replied.

Peter seemed to notice them looking in at him because he smiled in their direction then quickly abandoned James and Lily and came out of the cottage to see how they were doing.

"Hey, Pete. We were just talking about you," Sirius said.

"Oh, nothing bad I hope, lads," Peter said before ruffling his blond hair nervously.

"Of course not, Pete. We're just a bit sad that we never see you around much anymore," Sirius said.

Peter walked past them and looked out at the coast. Sirius noticed Pete's walk was a bit unstable, clearly a bit tipsy.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Mum's got worse recently. There's just no one else but me to help out, you know," Peter said.

"Would you like some help? Sirius and I would be happy to lend a hand with anything your mum needed," Remus said.

Peter looked bothered at this and shook his head.

"Oh, no, I don't think mum would like that. She's very private, you see. Doesn't take kindly to strangers if you know what I mean," Peter replied.

"Yes, of course. Your mum has a right to her privacy and we wouldn't want to intrude," Remus said, though Sirius thought his face looked suspicious.

"I appreciate the offer, though. You're bloody great friends," Peter said and laid his hands on both Remus's and Sirius's shoulders before pulling them to him and embracing them both. Sirius noticed Peter was trembling. Did he share Remus's fears?

"What about us then, mate?" James said suddenly, startling Sirius.

"Oh, you and Lils are more than just bloody great. You're bloody amazing!" Peter said and went over and embraced James and Lily as well.

Sirius was moved at this sight and felt himself tear up. Remus must have noticed because he grabbed Sirius and kissed him. Now it was no use. He was crying.

The five of them then stepped forward and looked out at the coast, lit only by the light of the full moon. For a moment they stood and watched the water in silence. Then Sirius felt Remus grab his left hand. Sirius looked over and realised they were all holding hands: Peter was holding James's, James holding Lily's, Lily holding Remus's and Remus holding Sirius's.

"We'll have to bring Harry here, next year," Sirius said.

"Absolutely, mate. Actually, Lils, I was thinking maybe we should just hang around here until he's born," James said with a big grin on his face.

"Oh what? So he can be born where King Arthur was born?" Lily said with a skeptical look at James.

"Oh no, of course not. Actually, it's a misconception that he was born here. Just conceived here with some help from Merlin," James said.

"Merlin didn't have a part to play in Harry's conception, that's for sure. I mean I'm up for a bit of experimentation but I draw a line at mythical wizards. Vulcans on the other hand," Lily said, then elbowed James with a laugh.

"All this talk of conception is making me want to give it a go right now. You lads go inside, will you, and give me and Lily some privacy," James said, trying his best to sound serious.

"Oh, do fuck off, mate," Sirius said. "You can find your own time for shagging."

"Fair enough," James said then turned and winked at Sirius. Sirius knew well enough that James might wait for everyone to fall asleep and convince Lily to sneak back out here to fool around anyway.

"Do you suppose it's true?" Peter said.

"What's that Pete?" James asked.

"Oh, you know. Merlin. King Arthur," Peter said.

James rubbed his chin in thought.

"I don't know. It's nice to think about though," James admitted.

"I think it's bollocks," Sirius said.

"You would," James said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked with a sharp glare at James.

"You never want to believe there's anything more to the world, Sirius. No ghosts, or magic or even God. Seems a bit of a boring way to look at things, if you ask me," James said.

Sirius scoffed but kept otherwise silent. It was a nice moment they were having. No reason to ruin it with an argument.

"Well, I think it was real," Peter said.

"Good for you, Pete," James said with a smile at him.

"I'm with Sirius on this one, I must confess," Lily said.

James turned and looked appalled at his wife.

"Betrayal!" James said.

"What about you, Remus?" Peter said.

Sirius examined his boyfriend's face. Remus looked down at the ground for a second then looked back up with a smile.

"I don't suppose we can really know. Perhaps there is some historical basis in the myth. If you are asking me if I believe in wizards and magic and that the entire bloody legend is true, then no. But could there have been a King Arthur? Perhaps," Remus said.

Peter smiled down at Remus and nodded.

"Yeah. Perhaps," Peter said then looked back out at the coast, a satisfied smile on his face.

Remus and Sirius found themselves packing for a potential move, two days after Christmas. Remus believed in being prepared and hated having to rush at the last minute, even though strictly speaking they only had half a plan.

"When was the last time you heard from Peter?" Sirius said, casually, startling Remus from his organizational trance.

Remus placed the item he was holding into a box thought for a moment. He had called Peter Pettigrew a couple of times since the funeral but he didn't recall ever hearing back from him.

"I don't know. Not since the funeral," Remus said.

"I was angry at him the other night… but now I'm worried," Sirius said.

"You think maybe something has happened to him?" Remus asked.

"I don't know. I just… I want to hear from him. I want to understand why he didn't tell me about my brother," Sirius said before making a silly face at Harry who was playing with blocks on the bedroom floor.

"Do you think we should check on him?" Remus asked.

Harry ran over to Remus and offered him a block which Remus considered with amusement.

"Here Wemus!" Harry said with the block outstretched to Remus.

"Not just now, Harry," Remus said and waved a hand in dismissal causing Harry to run back over to Sirius.

"I suppose we could. I know he said his mother doesn't like strangers… but I don't think I could bear leaving Manchester without saying goodbye or finding out how he's doing. We should at least try and ring him again first," Sirius said.

"You're right," Remus said then went over to the night stand to call Peter on his mobile.

The line rang several times before there was finally an answer. At first no one spoke and Remus nearly hung up and tried again before a quiet, unsettled voice said: "Hello."

"Hello? Peter?" Remus said.

"Yeah, it's me. Hello, Remus," Peter said.

"Sirius and I were wondering if you were all right. We haven't heard from you since the funeral," Remus said.

There was no reply.

"Peter?" Remus said.

"Yeah?" Peter replied.

"Peter, are you all right?" Remus repeated.

A pause then, "Sure."

Remus grimaced then shook his head.

"Sirius and I are coming over," Remus said.

"No! Don't do that! Mum-" Peter stammered but Remus hung up.

Remus looked down at Sirius and frowned.

"Peter doesn't sound like he's doing well. To hell with his mother's comfort. He's our friend," Remus said.

Remus knocked on the door to the apartment Peter shared with his mother, Almira Pettigrew. Sirius expected them to have a long wait given Peter's attitude on the phone but it was only a few seconds before there was a sound of several locks being unlatched and unlocked, and the door slowly creaked partially open.

Almira Pettigrew smelled of liquor and she looked haggard and even thinner than Sirius remembered. She didn't say anything at first, instead letting her eyes dart back and forth between them both, occasionally fixing on Harry who was in Sirius's arms.

"Hello, Mrs. Pettigrew. We're here to see Peter," Remus said.

"Peter's not here," Almira said.

"When will he be back?" Sirius asked.

"Never. He moved out months ago," Almira replied.

Sirius felt his mouth drop open and then try to form a question but it wouldn't come.

"Where did he move to?" Remus asked, picking up Sirius's slack.

Almira scowled and shook her head.

"I've no idea. Boy didn't even show up for Christmas! Ran off with that girlfriend of his," Almira said.

"You mean Madeleine Yaxley?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. Yaxley. Maddy Yaxley," Almira replied.

Sirius remembered Madeleine Yaxley from school. He hadn't cared for her. She was beautiful, certainly. But she wasn't very nice and didn't really seem like Peter's type. And now she had dragged him off to join a cult, the same one his brother had joined.

"Madeleine Yaxley? Are you sure?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, that's her. Little trollop is corrupting my sweet boy," Almira said.

"I'm sorry that Peter left you, Mrs. Pettigrew. How are you feeling?" Sirius asked.

Harry suddenly began to cry and Sirius could see this bothered Almira greatly. They couldn't linger much longer, then. In the meantime, Remus took Harry from Sirius and gave him a bottle.

"Me? I'm all right. Just worried about my boy," Almira said, wide eyed.

Sirius studied her for a moment. It was true. She didn't look ill. Just… tired. She looked older than she was but that had always been true. She reeked of alcohol but that was nothing new either. Almira Pettigrew wasn't ill, she was just an alcoholic. Peter had been lying to them all along, Sirius realised.

Remus and Sirius sat at the dining table in the dark in quiet contemplation. Harry was asleep. Remus couldn't believe Peter had been lying to them all this whole time about his mother. What the devil had he been up to?

"It's like Peter had this secret life all this time. Did we never know him?" Sirius asked.

"Perhaps, in a way," Remus answered.

"We knew about Yaxley, at least. But a cult… lying about his mother's health," Sirius said.

"He should've given us a chance. If he was struggling… we could've helped him," Remus said but Sirius shook his head.

"Maybe I've been unfair. Maybe there's… something else. Something we don't know. Something he was truly afraid to admit," Sirius said.

"You're probably right. I'm just not sure what," Remus said.

Just then there was a small knock at their front door.

Remus got up from the table and Sirius followed him. Remus opened the door quickly to find Peter standing there, looking disheveled and wet from rain and smelling of alcohol every bit as much as his mother had earlier.

"Peter?" Remus said, his voice coming out a mixture of worry and amazement.

Peter nodded, his face downturned.

"Can I come in?" Peter asked, his voice small and tired.

"Of course you can. Sirius will you get him a towel," Remus said.

Remus let Peter in while Sirius dutifully went for the towel. Peter sat down at the table just in time for Sirius to get back. Peter dried himself off while Remus made him a cup of tea.

With Peter dry and tea served Remus decided to let Peter relax a bit before interrogating him. He tried his best to flash Sirius as many glances as he could, hoping the message would get across. It must have, because Sirius also remained silent.

Finally, Peter had finished his tea and Sirius spoke: "Why have you been lying to us about your mum? Why did you know my brother was alive and never tell me?"

Peter sighed.

"I've done much worse than that," Peter said weakly, tears streaming down his face.

He was staring off to the side, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"Regulus said Maddy Yaxley started taking you to the meetings," Remus said.

"We started dating about two years ago. I'd been interested in her back in school but I knew what you lot would all say so I kept it to myself for as long as I could. But she started taking me to the meetings," Peter said, looking regretful and desperately wiping at his face.

"Tom was an older bloke. Most folks found him a bit scary or intimidating. I guess maybe I did too. But he had a lot of interesting things to say, though I didn't care for all of them. He'd go on and on about the world and how it was all the brown-skinned people who were holding the whites back. Shit like that. Made me uncomfortable but he had a way of making you want to listen, like I said," Peter continued.

Remus flinched internally. Tom sounded like a major arsehole.

"We had a meeting that night and… and… Oh, don't you see? It was me! I killed them. I killed James and Lily," Peter said, beginning to cry.

"Don't be ridiculous, Pete. Tom Riddle killed them. You weren't even there," Remus said.

Peter wiped at his eyes desperately and tried to pull himself together. He shook his head.

"No, that's where you're wrong. Well, I wasn't there. That's true enough. But Tom… Tom wouldn't have been drunk if I hadn't let him! It was after a meeting. He convinced me to stay and have some drinks with him. I knew he was too drunk to drive… but I didn't stop him. I… was afraid what he might say or do if I tried to stop him. Don't you see! It's my fault!" Peter said.

Remus felt cold all over. Peter's cowardice had, however inadvertently, contributed to James and Lily's deaths. There was no way around that. But Peter needed to know their deaths weren't really his fault. Tom Riddle had made his own decisions.

Sirius punched Peter from across the table.

"Ahhh!" Peter groaned as he hit the floor.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted.

"Peter helped kill James and Lily, Remus!" Sirius said then wiped at his eyes.

"Violence will not help. Dammit, Sirius there was no way Peter could've known. Yes, it was irresponsible to allow Riddle to drive drunk. At the very least he could've made him take the bus and deal with his car later. But Riddle was an adult. Peter can't be responsible for his actions," Remus said as Peter pulled himself back up.

Peter's face looked all right. Sirius didn't appear to have damaged him in any meaningful sort of way, other than emotionally.

"His irresponsibility got our friends killed! Even he knows it, why don't you?" Sirius said.

"Actions have consequences, this is true. But it is more Tom's actions than Peter's that killed them. Look at Peter, Sirius," Remus said and gestured at Peter.

Sirius glared at Peter who was looking away from him.

"Hasn't he punished himself enough," Remus said.

Sirius sighed.

"Listen, Pete. Maybe you should just… go back home to your girlfriend or something," Sirius said.

"I… I can't. I think we're broken up," Peter admitted.

"Oh," Sirius said.

"You can stay here with us. Sirius and I don't mind, do we?" Remus said and flashed Sirius a look meant to convey that they definitely did not mind.

Reluctantly, Sirius nodded and said, "Sure, why not?" before getting up from the table, probably to get a blanket for Peter.

Remus and Peter sat in silence for a moment. Remus couldn't imagine what Peter was feeling. Remus was feeling numb. This had been an emotionally exhausting day. He needed sleep. Tomorrow would require a lot of thinking on all their parts.

A thought occurred to Remus at that moment but he put it aside for the time being as Sirius came back with Peter's blanket. He and Remus said their goodnights and agreed to talk over things tomorrow more reasonably.

Sirius awoke to find Remus standing at the window, looking up at the sky. The moon was barely visible through the clouds but Remus seemed to have found it.

"Something bothering you?" Sirius asked.

"No. For once, something is not. It's more… I've had a thought but I'm afraid to say it," Remus admitted.

"Well, now you have to say it because you've brought it up," Sirius said with a small smile.

"I know. Just promise me you won't overreact," Remus said.

"I can't promise that. Just bloody say it," Sirius said.

Remus nodded and his shoulders slumped.

"I want Peter to come with us to Richmond," Remus said.

"What?" Sirius said, feeling more baffled than angry.

"I think it would be good for him to get away from here. And if he gets a job, that would expand the sort of place we could afford. Besides, he can't be the only one of us who gets stuck in Manchester," Remus said.

"You're probably right. And… knowing James and Lily it's what they'd've wanted as well," Sirius confessed, despite himself.

"Very well. We'll tell Pete in the morning and see what he thinks," Remus said.

"I'm sure Harry will be happy to have his Uncle Pete around," Sirius said.

"I think I will too. He is our friend, you know," Remus said and thankfully returned to bed and Sirius found himself peacefully in Remus's arms.