Shuichi Shindou had not been sledding or ice skating since he had been a teenager in high school. His life had been hectic once he and Hiro had signed on at NG Productions, and there had been little time for enjoying the fun winter often brought. He had taken whatever had been granted to him at the time, especially since Eiri had not been as fond of the snow as Shuichi had been. The two of them had somehow always managed to do something together, no matter the time of year, and Shuichi had greedily taken whatever he could. He was glad that he had, given the couple's unexpectedly short time together.
His life now was no longer hectic, and he knew it. Things were different. He still missed Eiri, he would always miss Eiri, but the ache was not nearly as bad as it had been eleven months before.
A soft sigh escaped Shuichi, and he paused for a moment in his trek back to Ryo's apartment. He had taken a longer route to get back, walking through Central Park. People were out on the ice, most skating in pairs or large groups. Occasionally, a person alone would glide by him, and he watched the soloist skaters with great intensity and curiosity. In a way, those on the ice by themselves reminded Shuichi of his current situation. He was far from home, his lover gone, and it would be his first Christmas without someone special in his life. It made his heart ache to think such melancholic thoughts, but they would always be there, whether he liked it or not. He felt truly alone.
'No . . . I'm not alone. I have my family in Japan. I still have Eiri's family and I have Hiro, too. And I can't forget Ryo, either.'
Shuichi smiled the moment he thought of the sandy-haired man. A great tenderness resided in the detective – the former vocalist had sensed as much – and Shuichi did not doubt he made a great lover. Whoever it was that Ryo mourned for had certainly been one lucky person. Shuichi loved the way the other man smiled, how it reached his eyes. It had taken him a long time to bring the smile out of Ryo, but once it had . . . Shuichi felt lighter, like he had accomplished something great. The former singer glanced up at the sky.
"You always said you'd take care of me, no matter what," he murmured. "Is he what you meant, Eiri? I'm not sure anymore."
He closed his eyes and allowed a cool breeze to ruffle his hair, smiling a little. To Shuichi, it felt like Eiri's hand running through his dark locks. "Yeah. I like him, too. He's nice." Shuichi opened his eyes and turned away from the skaters. He was ready to go back to Ryo's apartment. For the last three months, he had been wrestling with his emotions. He loved Eiri, but he also knew he had been falling in love with the half-Japanese detective who had taken him in and had given him shelter. It had frightened him, confused him to think he could love someone other than Eiri, but he knew it had always been possible. Eiri had loved Kitazawa at the same time he had loved Shuichi. If the novelist had been able to love two people then so could Shuichi. There would be no competition for first place in his heart because the love he had for Eiri was different from the kind of love he was developing for Ryo.
And he was done running from his emotions. It was time to lay his cards on the table, so to speak, and to let Ryo know exactly how he felt. He just hoped the detective felt the same way as he did.