Still don't own it!

Harry Potter was rather impressed.

He made the mistake of assuming that the wizarding world couldn't shock him anymore. He'd encountered goblin bankers, shapeshifters, flying brooms, invisibility clothing, immortal birds, singing hats and gigantic three headed dogs, so it's not hard to imagine that the insanity ended there.

But then the wall grew a face and spoke to him.

That isn't entirely accurate. The wall didn't really grow anything, but the Victorian-style subtle pattern papering the walls rearranged itself to resemble a face, which was now talking to them.

That would teach him to assume anything about magic.

The face was distinctly female. That much was certain. Exaggerated eyelashes and lips saw to that particular conclusion, though it's entirely possible that it was simple a male with very interesting tastes. Does a wall even have a gender?

He must have been thinking out-loud, as the wall answered him. "I do not have what humans call a gender, but I have always been known as Lady Hogwarts."

Harry was already stressing over his status as the Heir of Slytherin, so he did the logical thing. He fainted.

Hermione Granger was mad.

That's a bit of an understatement. She was furious.

Harry should have apologized to her by now. Instead he acted all high and mighty, pretending that she didn't exist. She conveniently ignored the fact that she hadn't even attempted any contact with him either. She kept dropping subtle hints that if he only admitted to his cheating and asked for forgiveness then she would be happy to comply, but Harry was consistently too stupid to take the bait.

So naturally when she saw the Reason for her Poor Mood happily studying with Dean Thomas, of all people, something inside her snapped.

"Harry Potter, you insufferable boy! How dare you ignore me! I demand an apology for your recent actions, and you better get down on your knees in the Great Hall to tell everyone how you cheated!" She reached out to tug on his ear when Harry's slowly whitening fist gripped her wrist.

"Let go of me!"

Harry didn't say a word. "I said, let GO!" Her last word was punctuated by her wand being drawn from her bag and pointed at the offending hand. "Relashio!"

Harry immediately let go, hissing in pain. Hermione didn't even try to keep the smug smile off her face. Serves him right!

Dean did some weird thing with his hands. Hermione, who studied Sign Language in primary, knew that he was just making nonsense, so she dismissed it as a football gang sign or something. Hermione could never be bothered with sports.

Whatever it was, Harry pushed his chair back, standing up in the process. This was it. He was going to get down on his knees and beg. Hermione loved it when people grovelled. She crossed her arms and turned her nose up, refusing to look at such a pathetic sight.

She knew something was wrong when she didn't hear the inevitable sound of apologetic whimpering, so she finally looked down… just in time to see the backs of Dean Thomas and Harry Potter walking away from her.

"Don't ignore me!" she yelled, unheard by them but heard by the librarian, who kicked her out. She, Hermione Jean Granger, was kicked out of the Library! She started to see red in her vision, and sprinted out the door, ignoring the indignant cry of Madam Pince. She turned both ways looking for the idiot boys that had the gallto treat her like some common annoyance, yet they were long gone.

"'Ello there Luna." Said girl looked up at the towering man. At a full eleven and a half feet tall, he easily dwarfed the diminutive girl at five foot two inches. "'Ave yah seen 'Arry 'round here? Ah've been lookin' for 'im, and everyone says tah talk to you."

"Hello Professor Rubeus Hagrid. I have seen Harry around here, yes. He's very easy to find, just follow the nargles."

"Great! D'yah think you can point me in the right direction?" Hagrid looked very relieved.

Luna stared at the large man with her wide silver eyes and pondered what to do with Harry's first ever friend. This was the man who introduced him to his new home, yet that same home dragged him through the mud at the first opportunity. That wasn't Hagrid's fault, though. He was very kind hearted, not a mean bone is his gigantic body, whether or not he was infested with wuzzlefrumps. She decided to help him find her new friend. She pointed.

Hagrid's eyes lit up as he followed her finger to see… nothing. It was a blank wall. "Er… Is 'e in 'is Cloak?" Hagrid asked, a bit confused.

"No." Luna stated with conviction, her finger never wavering.

"Uh…" Hagrid still didn't get it. "What am I missin' here?"

"You asked me to point in his direction. He should be in that direction."

"Yeh think that I could get clearer instructions?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Rubeus Hagrid. I didn't realize that was what you meant. No."

Hagrid's face changed from happy to shocked in an instant. "Whaddaya mean 'no?'"

Luna just watched him, scanning his face for any anger at her refusal. She found none. "Fine. Follow me." She stood from her chair, and walked out of the Great Hall, ignoring all the eyes following her.

Hagrid was rooted to the spot. "What jus' happened?" He scrambled after Luna when the conversation caught up to him.

Luna led him up many stairs and floors, seemingly walking in a random pattern, going as far as to spin in a circle, walk backwards down a corridor before exiting it the way that they came. "Where are we going, Luna?" Hagrid asked after about ten minutes of walking.

"I don't know."

"Wha'?" Hagrid came to a halt. He couldn't believe it. She didn't have any idea where Harry was, she was just leading him around. "Yah mean teh tell me that you've just been wanderin' around lookin' for 'im?" Hagrid didn't get when she could possibly gain from doing do, yet he couldn't think of any other logical solution.

"Of course not. I'm following the nargles."

"Yer what now? Followin' the nergulls? What's a nergull?"

"They're faeries that have the ability to turn invisible. Notorious thieves, nargles are, though if one knows how to look, they will always lead you to the right destination."

"Huh?"

"Come on. We're almost there."

Hagrid hastened to follow her to an empty corridor. What was this?

"We're here." Hagrid looked around the corridor. The only thing of notice at the spot she stopped at was the old painting of that idiot teaching trolls ballet.

"Knock knock." Huh? Hagrid was about to ask what she meant when a voice broke out from nowhere.

"Who's there?" Hagrid turned towards the painting, yet old Barney never swayed from his dancing lessons.

"Just open the damn door, Eagle."

Hagrid jumped. Where there was previously a blank canvas of stone was now an ornately carved wooden oak door, which swung open with barely a whisper of a creak. Hagrid peeked inside and saw a mountain of gold, silver and bronze, as well as open chests full of jewellery and books. Different boxes were stacked up, some open and goodies were everywhere in disarray. Hagrid was amazed at the sheer worth everything must have had, but then Luna spoke up.

"Harry, can you turn off the Midas Box?"

Hagrid blinked. Instead of a goblin's wet dream, he saw a much less impressive study. It was lined with shelves full of books and different objects that Hagrid couldn't identify. A table in the center was full of misshapen parts and parchment drawings covered in runes and equations. The entire getup was rather cozy, if a bit chaotic.

"Rubeus Hagrid, welcome to the Marauder's Vault." Luna announced, her absently airy voice in full force.

A/N: Huge, huge shout out to Phoenixfromthefire, who graciously agreed to be a beta for me. Go check out her story Ten Rules. It's hilarious and short, perfect to read for a quick laugh. She(I'm assuming she's a girl from her bio) was a big help in correcting my grammar, but any mistakes left should be solely blamed on me!