A small, unfamiliar bubble of warmth grew in my chest, as I looked down at her sleeping form. Her breathing was slow and natural, with her soft brown hair framing her face like a tawny crown. I liked how peaceful she seemed now, her features smooth, without any worry lines, her eyes gently closed, without tears in them. Her soft pale lips were parted, and quiet breaths flowed through them. She looked even more beautiful to me, somehow.
I glanced over at her alarm clock. It was barely seven. I had managed to get a decent amount of sleep earlier. When Sam had informed me that nothing was happening yet, I had gotten edgy again. Not only was I unsure of when the bloodsucker and his weird sister were getting home, but I had been forced to relive the entire, intimate scene between us, in my dreams, over and over again. I was a complete mess. The idea of Bella sitting alone in her room, crying her eyes out because she had given herself to me . . . I couldn't stand it. I had immediately decided to drive down, relieved to see her driveway was still Volvo-free. As I had wound my Rabbit through the watery streets, I made a very hard choice; I was going to let her off the hook. I bit my lip, looking back down at her peaceful face. She didn't want to be let off the hook. I had been prepared to let her go, to give her anything she wanted, if it would just let her smile again.
Gently, so I wouldn't wake her, I eased off of the bed. With a quick movement, I slid the blankets out from under her and let them fall across her sleeping form. She sighed softly, rolling over. I felt that same bubble of warmth. I couldn't be in here like this, though. Charlie was still downstairs, watching the game, from what I could hear. It was difficult, leaving her again, because I had no idea when I might get more time like this, but it was the right thing to do.
I padded down the stairs, being careful to actually make noise, so I wouldn't spook Charlie. He turned as I entered the living room.
"Heading out?" he asked, eyes fixing back on the screen. "Aw, damn it." A player missed a free throw.
"Yeah," I replied. "She totally crashed out."
"She looked pretty tired," Charlie sighed. Commercials suddenly blared from the TV. He casually lifted his remote and turned it down. "So, what have you been up to, kid?" I smirked slightly, easing myself down on the sofa.
"Same old, same old," I replied.
"I haven't seen you in awhile. Billy said you had gone out of town or something."
"Yep," I kept my face passive, "needed to get out of La Push for awhile, you know?"
"Cause of the wedding," Charlie guessed, never taking his eyes off the flatscreen.
"Yeah," I nodded. I knew I didn't need to explain myself to him.
"Next time," he cast me a sideways glance, "you should do me a favor, and take me with you." I let out a short, barking laugh. "No, seriously," he nodded his head towards Bella's room. "This whole marriage thing is going to be the death of me. I can't believe she's actually going through with it."
"Me either," I shook my head. Charlie heaved a sigh, grimacing.
"Well, there's leftovers in the fridge, if you're hungry," he said, flicking the volume to the TV back up as the game returned.
"Thanks," I stood, "but I should probably take off. My old man's missed me. I really need to go spend some time with him."
"Okay," he nodded, "don't be a stranger now, kid."
"Alright Charlie," I headed out the front door.
I didn't go home. Instead, I started up my car and drove it about halfway back to the reservation. There was a little fishing hole just off the road that only the locals knew about. The parking lot for the trail was completely empty. I ditched my Rabbit, and most of my clothes, piling them up in the back seat. I wanted to go keep an eye on Bella's place. An idea had hit me, while I was talking to Charlie.
Night fell quicker than I would have expected. I watched twilight quickly disperse in the darkness, the clouds overhead completely blocking the moon. I was in the thick of some trees just behind Bella's yard, waiting patiently. The night wore on. I eventually stood, stretching my stiff muscles, and started to pace. The pack was out tonight, I could hear them reporting perimeter runs back to Sam. I had told him about my plan, and he wasn't exactly thrilled, but he saw why I had decided to do it. That was all the permission I needed.
The wind shifted. I snorted a few times, my sensitive wolf-nose burning. He was running out of the west now, that acrid, sickly sweet smell proceeding him by a few miles. He'd be here any minute. Show time.
Hey, I thought loudly, as the bloodsucker neared the house.
"Jake?" Edward's strange, melodious voice floated through the evening gloom.
No, it's the queen of England, I scoffed. We need to talk. I kept very, very careful control of my thoughts, merely imaging Bella, on one of those rare sunny days when we had been out hiking together. The leech was next to me in a second. I bolted for a deeper part of the woods, knowing he was easily following. Here goes nothing.
We stopped in a small, make-shift clearing a few miles away. I sat on the ground, breathing through my mouth so I wouldn't have to inhale snoutfuls of his burning, icy scent.
"What's this all about?' Edward asked me carefully, his eyes narrowing. Well, if he wanted to fight me, we were far enough away that neither Bella nor Charlie would hear it. Heaving a sigh, I released control of my thoughts, letting them flow out of me like a swiftly moving river. My eyes never left the bloodsucker. His face went from calm, to enraged, and finally settled on a mixture of anguish and hatred. He glared at me, the expression was so powerful that I took an involuntary step back. The dude could be completely creepy, when he really wanted. His fists where balled, and I braced myself, my hind legs ready to pounce. I was ready to take him down.
He surprised me, his arm flying wide and shattering a massive, moss covered tree on the left. A hoarse scream erupted from between his lips. A sizable boulder, just visible from the ground, was easily shattered by his ghostly fingers. I waited for him to turn some of that hatred on me, my muscles tense. He continued pummeling trees, sending the ancients sentinels plowing to the green ground. Finally he turned on me. If he was able to cry, I was pretty sure he'd be doing it right about now. His face was crumpled with deep anguish, the emotion almost beyond my ability to imagine.
"Why?" his voice was ragged, pleading. I swallowed. Go figure, he'd be all freaking noble about this, and make me feel like an even bigger jerk.
I don't know, I said after a minute. It wasn't right, though. He was gasping, almost sobbing, as he stumbled across the ground and finally collapsed underneath one of the only trees he hadn't destroyed. He was mumbling, so softly, even I had trouble making it out. But eventually I caught it. He was chanting Bella's name, over and over again, each syllable was laced with sorrow. I whined, uncomfortable. What the hell was I suppose to do now? I expected a fight, not to have to hold his hand while he cried. My thoughts where obviously heard, because the leech looked right at me, his eyes burning with hatred.
"I wish I could just kill you," he whispered.
Let's do it then, I steeled myself to attack.
"I can't," he replied bitterly. "That would hurt her. She chose you, after all." He suddenly stood up with blurring quickness.
Wait, I wished all to hell I didn't feel so obligated to stop him. She still wants you. It was just a lapse in judgment.
"Really?" he sneered, his normal, even-temperament seemed utterly lost now. "It looked like it was just a lapse in judgment." I cringed. Nothing about what we had done was an accident, he was right. It had been a spontaneous act of intense passion. I watched him flex his fingers a few times, taking deep breaths.
What are you going to do? I finally asked, watching him pace in front of me.
"I don't know," he snarled. I couldn't say I knew Edward very well, but the few times we had talked, he had seemed a hell of a lot more controlled. This must have really pushed him over his boundaries. But it was weird to see him agitated. It was never something I had associated with him. "I was planning to marry the woman that you so thoughtlessly defiled."
Whoa, whoa, my teeth barred as I snarled at him. I didn't 'defile' anyone, it was completely consensual. She wanted it just as much as I did.
"Oh really?" the bloodsucker was right in my face now. I felt my chest vibrate as I growled, wanting nothing more than to sink my teeth into his head. "She's made you think that before," his voice cooled, "or have you forgotten so quickly? She did this only because she felt sorry for you." He was just lashing out at me, but that little lump of insecurity that I hid so well pushed itself forward, spreading a seed of doubt. I snarled, readying myself to attack.
No, she loves me! I shouted. My rage was quickly getting out of hand. I had to rip something apart. I wanted to crunch that frosty, marble flesh between my teeth, rip off his limbs, claw my way across his skin. His eyes narrowed again. He quickly straightened up.
"I'm not going to fight you, Jake," he muttered, peeling a blade of grass from his sleeve. "I am going to go talk to my betrothed."
She didn't sleep at all last night! I snarled, fighting against the insane urges just begging to be released, pounding at my bones like a hundred tiny hammers. Breathe, just breathe, I told myself, but even my thoughts sounded strained to me. Edward's lips curled,
"I don't want to hear about how she didn't sleep last night," his tone was scathing.
If you gave a crap about her, you'd let her rest, I retorted. She's a wreck, a guilty, sobbing wreck. Let her at least have some sleep. His face softened, if it was possible for a rock to soften at all. He slowly nodded.
"Very well." He almost looked like he was in control again, but then he added, "I don't want you near her, ever again." That did it. All of my carefully suppressed rage burst out of me like a flood dam breaking. I charged at him, my teeth barred, snarls ripping from my throat. I heard a low hiss coming from him. We smashed into each other. I felt him trying to get his arms around me, but I easily slipped through his grasp, my teeth mashing deeply just below his elbow.
She chose me! I screamed, my sharp fangs twisting his forearm off, leaving behind a cold, jagged mess. The bloodsucker gasped in pain, looking at the stub that was left.
"You had no right to claim her!" he raced at me again. I spit his forearm out and leaped into the air, meeting him halfway. I felt his hand clamp around my snout - my paw came up and raked down his chest, shredding his careful clothing. My nails bit into the granite flesh beneath it, leaving long, crooked rivets in their wake. His hand dropped from my face and I quickly snapped at his neck. He was fast though; he easily dodged around and ended up just behind me. I turned in time to dodge a wide, flying branch that had been snapped from a nearby tree. My hind legs pushed off the ground, hard, letting me soar over it. I landed, barring my teeth at him.
Let her chose, I growled. Or are you scared she really would stay with me? Froth was forming on the sides of my mouth. I'd never been so enraged before. It was exactly the sort of thing Sam would have warned me against. He was just about to answer, when suddenly, he stiffened, standing up straight, his weird, light eyes focused on something behind me. I wasn't about to turn my back on him.
"Jake!" I heard a familiar voice in the trees. It was Seth, though his boyish tone was replaced by urgency. "Both of you, stop!" He came into the clearing, his chest and feet bare. His eyes flashed back and forth between us, noting Edward's severed arm and the wreckage that laid all around us. "What the hell?" he demanded.
Get out of here, Seth! I snarled. Of course he couldn't hear me. The bloodsucker calmly bent and picked up his arm. There was a series of grinding noises, like two boulders being smashed together, and the limb reattached, with no hint of damage.
"She wouldn't want this," he told us both, his voice angry. "Bella wouldn't want you two out here trying to kill each other."
The only thing Bella's ever been sure about, I replied mutinously. To my surprise, Edward nodded, his face almost bemused.
"Where's Sam?" the leech asked. His shirt was in tatters around his pale torso, but he didn't remove it.
"At our boundaries. Jake, you idiot," Seth suddenly turned to me. "Half the pack was ready to come out here and kill Edward!"
Good, I mumbled, but a lot of my anger had already been shot. Unfortunately, Sam had taught me well, it was difficult to stay that pissed off for too long.
"It was just a misunderstanding," Edward murmured. Seth suddenly looked uncomfortable.
"Look," he rubbed his nose, "I get why you two are upset. There's got to be a better way, though. I mean, the Cullens' are almost like my second family," he looked steadily at the ghostly bloodsucker. I felt my stomach boil. Why was Sam letting their stupid friendship go on? Edward nodded smoothly,
"We feel the same about you," he told him. I rolled my eyes.
"Jake, come home," Seth said at once. "Let them work this out. If Bella needs you, I'm sure she'll let you know."
That small patch of insecurity rolled out again, bringing a twinging depression along with it. I was suddenly hard pressed to believe that seconds ago, I had been ready to rip Edward apart. That was all gone now.
I knew what would happen next. She would tell me she loved me, then go crawling back to him the minute he showed his bleached hide around her bedroom. Why can't I be enough for her? Agony began to cripple me. Edward's face suddenly smoothed, and he looked down at me with something like pity. A little stream of rage snaked back through me. I wouldn't accept his pity. I had won, hadn't I? I had been with Bella in a way he'd never been capable of.
I walked over to Seth, my eyes lowered. He lead the way through the trees, not saying another word to me. Funny, I didn't feel like the man who had won. I felt like the one who had just lost everything, again.
Hours later, I was laying across my small bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was suppose to be on patrol with the others, but Sam had let me off for the night. I wasn't going to complain. Billy had already gone to sleep. Our small, two bedroom house was completely silent. The rain was a continuous clamor over the tin roof. I zoned it out, my dark thoughts utterly consuming my attention.
I knew how this story ended. The leech would go all noble on Bella, and she'd fold in a second. Whatever connection we had, it was gone, as soon as they sat down to talk. I squeezed my eyes a few times, pushing back the bitter tears trying to force their way out. All this crying was getting on my nerves. The pain was getting on my nerves too.
You're an idiot, kiddo, I said to myself for the hundredth time that hour. I had completely let my stupid emotions win me over, I had come back after promising myself I was gone. Gone from La Push, gone from Forks, gone from Bella's life. It was like I was freaking alcoholic or something, unable to resist that one last taste of booze, over and over again. She was a fine glass of bourbon, and I was a shaking, weak-willed jerk who just coming back for more. How could I be so angry when the bottle was finally taken away from me? It was unhealthy for me, and sick, really sick, for me to keep chasing it down like it was a life preserver cast out on a stormy sea.
I took a few deep breaths, letting them burst out in shaky waves from my chest. I had been so willing to let her go earlier, so willing to leave her be, if it would have made her happy. But this, this wasn't fair. Edward was like a poison to her mind. She'd pick him, because she'd screwed up. It would totally be out of guilt, out of some stupid sense of self-sacrifice. She'd leave everything behind; Renee, Charlie, her friends, a real life and maybe even kids, just because she made a mistake. I rolled over and punched my pillow a few times, letting some of the rage course through my body. My bed frame creaked ominously beneath me. It wouldn't be the first time I had accidentally broken it. I flattened myself out again, gritting my teeth.
Maybe it isn't just about guilt, I thought suddenly, a wave of sorrow washing over me. I tried really hard to push the thought back, but it came anyway, along with a fresh torrent of pain. I mean, look at yourself, Black. Look at your crappy, two bedroom house, your dirt poor family, the run down reservation. What the hell do you have to offer her? Now a tear slipped down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, frustrated. What would I have to offer her? The bloodsuckers could give her anything, anything she could ever want, or need. She'd be completely taken care of, in a mansion of her own, wherever she wanted to live. She'd never need to want anything. I had already seen that ridiculous engagement ring she wore, no doubt it had cost more than the deposit on our entire, rundown house. What did I have to offer? A used Volkswagen Rabbit and maybe $35 bucks? She'd spend everyday having to work a job, having to help me earn everything we needed. I couldn't offer her a damn thing. Depression washed over me, a dark wave of black, numbing my every emotion. I was nothing, not compared to the godly Cullens'. That's what you get, a voice sneered, for thinking she'd ever chose you.
Yep, that's what I got.