Disclaimer: Okay, I totally forgot to do this on the last three chapters, but I, unfortunately, do not own anything related to Serenity or Firefly, unless you count my awesome fan messenger bag . Wish I did, but I don't.
Author's note: I like the reviews I'm getting on this! It's nice. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. This is one of my first attempts at literary humor, and it seems to have been a moderate success. Also, if you donate some ideas that I use, I'll do my best to recognize your contribution. However, I don't intend to post another chapter until I get at least 10 reviews on this one. I know, I know, I'm demanding, but I'll think all kinds of nice thoughts about you if you review! By the way, thanks to Mint Tea Rose (my beta) for some inspiration, though she doesn't really get any direct quotes :-P. Muahahahaah….
If you're along on a job to help out with interrogation, don't get side-tracked by the big, square guy in the red sash. That's just the buffet table, and not really your main objective here.
Even if the Captain was real mean to you earlier, don't miss out on the chance to attend the fancy to-do later on in the evening, especially if the Captain really is gonna buy you that frilly dress. A girl's gotta have some fun, don't she?
If it looks like River's on a mission (of the gungho, scarily athletic type), you probably shouldn't get in her way. Even if you are her brother, she's more of the "punch the windpipe, ask questions later" sort of girl.
If you're the weapons junkie, give up on trying to forcefully subdue the crazy girl. You'll just end up with spectacular bruises and the shame of having to explain how, once again, the sweet, innocent little thing beat the crap out of you.
If you're the comic relief, you can get away with all kinds of behavior that ordinarily would be treated with derision and mockery. Go ahead, talk to your plastic dinosaurs if flying gets a little tedious. However, be aware of the fact that the comic relief is generally expendable…
The Captain don't quibble too much about things like honor and courage. He's a practical man, and won't hesitate to risk the livelihood of the ship so that he don't get left. It's cold out there, after all.
There are nooks and crannies in the Captain's history that really never should see the light of day. For example, no one should know that he knows how good it feels to wear women's clothing, and why he seems to show no embarrassment while doing so.
If you're the psycho genius, it's probably best not to let the common folk know all your little secrets: you can fight like a ninja, you can do grueling math problems in your head, you can read minds…no matter how much fun it seems at the time, being burned at the stake is not a good thing.
inspired by Morwen Tindomerel
Don't flirt with the cute blond pilot unless you've got a death wish. Zoe's gotta gun…
Learn to love colored protein.
Everybody on this boat is either crazy or traumatized or both. And most are hiding deep dark secrets. Healthiest not to pry.
Realize that dinner can sometimes be mighty interesting. If it's mystery meal night, that just means the crazy girl got the notion to take all the labels off the cans again…
It's not really hard to bribe Kaylie, if you're of a mind to. She's a simple soul, and gets all weak-kneed at the mere notion of some bright red, juicy, delicious strawberries.
Do not get on the crazy girl's bad side. She might look all cute and innocent, but she has powers average folk can't even comprehend…she can kill you with her brain…
Furthermore, don't forget she can read your mind. So, if you're tempted to do a little lucrative betrayin', be prepared for retribution. Then again, if you're the weapons junkie, no one's really gonna care if you get stabbed anyways.