Once More with Feeling

by Chicken Train And Laser Beam

After an unexpected turn on a mission with Team Seven, Kakashi Hatake wakes up in the past, trapped in the body of his thirteen-year-old self. Despite being torn away from his own, familiar world, Kakashi resolves to change the future to better the lives of those he loves. Yet, fate is not so easily mastered, and he's not the only one playing the game.

4. Fall of Power

A/N: Howdy, partners. Thanks for all the lovely feedback y'all reviewers have given us! Your words mean more than you know.

Due to the fact that we had to move the last part of last chapter to this chapter, we ended up having to split this chapter in two. So, what was originally Chapter Four is now Chapter Four and Chapter Five. But, to fix some of the pacing issues for this chapter, we had to move part of Chapter Six into Chapter Four, which all took longer than we thought. But, we finally figured it out, and after this, chapters should be right back on track of as-planned. So, if you notice that there's kind of an incomplete arc in this chapter, it's because it's essentially a part one of two.

By the way, we've started posting on Archive of Our Own, too! Don't worry, we'll still post here as well, for y'all ffn-exclusive people, but if you're an archive reader, go give us some love on our cross-posting (link in profile). We'll be updating that once a month until it's caught up with the current story. We'll also be tweaking each chapter as we go along (nothing major, just fixing spelling and continuity errors, nothing you would have to go back and read), and we've updated our description!

Content warnings for this chapter, so you can prepare yourself accordingly: Suicide mention and discussion, light descriptions of PTSD and panic attacks, grief, and the gruesome abuse of italics.

Previously, on Once More with Feeling: After Kakashi convinces Jiraiya and Tsunade to help him in his to save the world, Kakashi and Jiraiya go to the Konoha Orphanage to adopt Kabuto. Then, Kakashi, the two Sannin, Shizune, Tenzō, and Kabuto go to the Rain in disguise, so the adults can convince the Akatsuki to trust them and to help them kill Danzō. For a month and a half, they stay in an underground bunker, getting used to the Akatsuki and one another, while Kakashi starts feeding Yahiko the Shinobi Union plan to try and win him over. Kakashi and Tsunade spend most of their nights sparring with one another, and Tsunade shoots down any of Jiraiya's attempts to talk to her one-on-one, causing tension to build between Jiraiya and Kakashi due to the former's jealousy. However, Tsunade and Jiraiya yell it out, and all is well between the three of them. Once Yahiko buys Kakashi's Shinobi Union plan, Jiraiya tells him of Hanzō's and Danzō's plot to kill the Akatsuki, along with their counterplot to kill Danzō. Though he is hesitant at first, Yahiko agrees to help them, and the adults decide that it's time to go back to Konoha. Also, four years ago, Tsunade broke Kakashi's kitchen table via attempting to throw it at his head. Now, without further ado...

Chapter 4:

Blame it on a Fall of Power

AKA

"Colours" by Grouplove

(The Prodigal Daughter)

Tsunade had avoided thinking about the moment so much that its arrival felt more like a dream, repressed in the depths of her mind until she went to sleep. Awareness of herself melted away. As they moved forward (was she walking?; was she running?; was she carrying her things or had she dropped them?; was her heart racing painfully in her chest or was it beating slow and sure?), awareness of her traveling companions melted away. That which she carried forward from what she left behind—the shadow of a hedonistic vagabond that still loomed from another life, a heart heavy from emotional goodbyes to the Akatsuki and the promise of return, and the remaining flakes of grey hair dye underneath her fingernails—dissolved into a world with only one thing:

There was not a single Konoha ninja alive who would testify against the beauty of their city's gate.

The thought of entering the village terrified her to her core, and there was still a part of her that wanted to turn back. But, there was a reason, over the last decade, she refused to get anywhere near the village. It was beautiful, and it was home, and though there was a part of her that was begging to run away, there was a larger part almost hypnotically pulling her towards it.

"Ready?" asked Jiraiya, right before they reached the threshold of the gate.

Though his words were directed at the group, he looked at her, and it was enough to bring her out of her spell. The world sprang her back to life, and there was wind on her face and bags in her hands. Tsunade could not see Shizune's face, hidden by a hood, but she could see the excitement in her step. As promised, Kakashi and Jiraiya stood to the right and left of her, both with concern in their eyes, and Tsunade wondered whether they could see the fear or the dream in her.

To protect Kabuto and Tenzō, the adults needed to keep them far away from anything that caused a scene. Their initial entrance into the village would be documented, so for lack of a better way to sneak them in, they shoved the two younger kids into travel bags. Tsunade gave them enough antihistamines to knock them out for the remainder of their journey home, to avoid motion sickness from being slung around in a bag and a claustrophobia-induced panic attack from Tenzō. As soon as she made her presence known, complete mayhem was likely to follow her for a while, so she and Shizune wore hoodies and sunglasses to conceal their identities long enough for them to get the kids into Kakashi's apartment without notice.

Tsunade gave her affirmative, which everyone echoed, and they pressed on.

If the party had been led by anyone else, the jōnin at the gate would have made an official inquiry about their unexpected guests concealing their identities. But, because it was Jiraiya, the jōnin let them pass without question. Jiraiya might have been the Third's least favorite student, but that did not influence the Third's unending trust in him, a sentiment which radiated throughout the rest of the village. They were used to his flamboyance, eccentricities, and top-level clearance, so Jiraiya could get away with even the most ridiculous things. Jiraiya had never been more grateful for it than he was at that moment.

He wondered, whenever the Third figured out about their secrecy—which he would, at some point, whether that be soon or somewhere further down the line; he was a fool, but he wasn't stupid, and eventually, the Third would figure out that something was amiss—how much that would change.

They dropped off the boys and Shizune at Kakashi's apartment, carefully taking the still-sleeping Kabuto and Tenzō out of their bags and instructing Shizune to keep watch over them as the medicine wore off.

"Hello, Jiraiya," greeted the receptionist, once they reached the Hokage Rock. "Are you here to see the Sandaime?"

"As always."

"And who…?" she asked, looking at Tsunade.

It was a tad dramatic, taking off her sunglasses and throwing back her hoodie with a shake of her hair, but really, there was no better way to explain who she was than to just show her face. It had the desired effect, too, because the receptionist dropped her pager in surprise.

"Lady Tsunade," she said, her eyes growing wide. "I…oh my god, you're here. I mean…you just…you're here."

"I am," said Tsunade awkwardly, unsure of how to even respond to that.

Realizing she was making a fool of herself, the receptionist went pink. "It's just…you operated on my older sister once. She was injured on a mission." The receptionist smiled and gave a floundering thumbs up. "Her, um, colon thanks you."

Jiraiya snorted and tried unsuccessfully to pass it off as a cough. So embarrassed for her it was almost painful, Kakashi feigned interest in a potted plant in the corner of the room just to avoid eye contact.

"Right," said the receptionist, her voice cracking in a squeak. "I'll tell him you're here."

"Don't tell him she's with us," said Jiraiya. "I want to see the look on his face."

Nodding and refusing to look at any of them, she paged the Third Hokage. "Hello, sir, um, Jiraiya and Kakashi are here to see you." She paused, and they could faintly hear his voice through the line. "Yes, sir, I'm fine. I just, uh, choked on my lunch."

With one final message on his end, she hung up and waved them on.

"I don't think I can handle that again," said Tsunade, once they were out of earshot.

"Don't go in with us," said Jiraiya to Tsunade. "I want to announce you. If we're going to do this, we might as well do it with theatrics."

Though she rolled her eyes, Tsunade conceded.

"Jiraiya, Kakashi," said the Third, nodding in greeting as the two entered the office and bowed their heads respectfully. "How did your test run fair?"

"Good." Jiraiya couldn't keep the grin off his face. "We found something."

"Oh?"

"Something you'll probably be very interested in. And, if I'm being honest, the most attractive thing we could have found in a run-down casino—the sexiest diamond in the rough, you could say—"

"Oh, fuck off, Jiraiya," said Tsunade, hearing him through the door.

The Third recognized her voice before she even entered the office to cut Jiraiya off, and if nothing else, everything was worth it just to see the look on the Third's face go from confused to stunned awe. As she shut the door behind her, he didn't move, didn't even breathe, the wind completely knocked out of him.

"Sandaime," said Tsunade, bowing in respect, trying to hide that fact that she was also pleased to see him.

It took him several seconds to return to a normal breathing pattern, so his voice could return to its previous evenness. "Tsunade," he said, and to a stranger, his pleasant smile might have looked like the same one he gave everyone. But, Jiraiya knew better; he noticed the subtle way that it reached his eyes in a way that most people could not bring out. "To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"It's not…" Her cheeks turned a soft, pink color, and she fiddled with the bottom of her hoodie to try and distract from how difficult she found it to meet his gaze. It was one thing to have slowly opened up to Jiraiya and Kakashi as they spent every hour of every day together for over a month, but it was another to display a sudden, childlike vulnerability to the Third. "It's not a visit. I'm coming out of retirement."

This brought about another wave of speechlessness to the Third. "I see."

A silence followed, both too floored to get out the things they wanted to, and neither Jiraiya nor Kakashi attempted to break it. It was a moment they needed to have. Besides, it was the least stressful silence that Jiraiya had experienced with the Third in a while, so he had to take his blessings where he could find them.

"Yeah, you know," said Tsunade, attempting to sound nonchalant, feeling pressured to fill the silence. "Shizune's getting older and needs to take the chūnin exams, and I could've sent her to take it by herself, but then I wouldn't be able to watch her in the finals, and I'm getting older—"

"You don't look it," said the Third, playfully jabbing at the fact that he knew her appearance wasn't real.

"What can I say?" asked Tsunade, playfully pretending like she didn't know it. "The Uzumaki bloodline is good for your skin."

"Where are you staying until you can find a place?"

"Shizune and I are just going to crash at a hotel until I can snag somewhere."

"If you'd like to save your money," said the Third. "You're welcome, of course, to stay at my home while you're apartment hunting. There's plenty of room."

"Oh." The fatherliness was making her struggle to feel like someone who was nearing forty instead of fourteen. "If it's not too much trouble, of course."

"It isn't," he said, looking pleased that she agreed. As if suddenly remembering that there were other people in the room, he coughed away anything that wasn't poised professionalism from his demeanor and turned to Kakashi. "And what did you think of the trial run?"

"I think it went well, sir," said Kakashi. "I certainly learned a lot."

"I'm counting it as a mission success," said Jiraiya, still grinning. "We found Tsunade, we went to gather intel, and Kakashi managed to not get us all killed."

"A mission success, then," said the Third, and the smile had yet to leave his eyes. He pulled out a piece of paper from his desk drawer, wrote a quick note on it, stamped it with his seal, and gave it to Tsunade. "Give this to whoever is guarding my door. They'll let you in."

"Thank you."

"I'll help you grab your things," said Kakashi, using it as an out to give Jiraiya and the Third a moment alone, before bowing respectfully. "Thank you for your time, sir."

"Kakashi," said the Third, nodding in farewell. "Tsunade."

Tsunade gave a flustered half-bow before hurrying back into the hallway, and Kakashi followed behind her.

"Never mention this again," said Tsunade, as she pulled her hoodie back up and put her sunglasses back on, covering her cherry-colored face, mortified at how bashfully she had lost her cool.

"I thought it was sweet."

"I know where you sleep, Hatake."

---

"That was unexpected," said the Third, once he was confident Tsunade and Kakashi were out of earshot, politely prompting an explanation out of Jiraiya.

"What can I say? I'm full of surprises." The Third didn't justify that with a response and continued to look at him expectantly, so Jiraiya relented. "Yes, half the reason we left was to look for Tsunade."

"What did you say to her?" asked the Third, looking at him in a cross between curiosity and disbelief. "That made her come back, if a war couldn't?"

"It wasn't one thing more than it was several things." Jiraiya tried to pick out parts of the truth that could both be shared and were convincing, which was almost none of it. "Kakashi and I sort of good cop, bad copped her."

"And which were you?"

"Bad cop. We met up for all of five hours before she and I were screaming at one another in a hotel room."

"Kakashi Hatake is the least likely good cop I could possibly think of."

"He's mellowing out," said Jiraiya. "And even more so, as he and I had more time to talk. He's starting to remind me a bit of you, actually."

"Should I be offended?" asked the Third, with a light smile.

Jiraiya returned it. "Turns out, when you take the stick out of Kakashi's ass, he's not as narrowly focused as he pretends to be. He believes in things like the determination of our village and the good in humanity more than you would think, but he's practical about it. Even philosophy he looks at analytically and calling him brilliant would be an understatement. He's one of those people who can see all the pieces of a puzzle, and he's persuasive about it, too."

Though Jiraiya would never say any of those things to Kakashi's face, they weren't false. Loathe as he was to admit it, Tsunade was right. He did think highly of Kakashi. Despite what Kakashi had put he and Tsunade through, Jiraiya had even grown to consider the bastard a friend and had to admire him for it.

"So, Kakashi talked to her about the good in humanity, and you yelled at her about the good in humanity?" asked the Third, clearly not buying any of it.

"No, Kakashi and I didn't coordinate near that well. She and I mostly just…fought. The kind of things you hold in for a decade of not seeing one another and believing the other is in the wrong. She was looking for someone to be angry at, and I lost my patience, and even though we both meant most of the things we said, it was handled inelegantly on both of our parts."

"That I can believe," said the Third.

"And Kakashi—truthfully, my deciding to take him on a mission wasn't a random impulse."

"I guessed."

The truth was exhausted, so the lies began, presented with a flow that was both detailed and natural. In advance, Jiraiya carefully crafted a story about Kakashi's transformation that started with the deaths of a small, unknown offshoot of the Hatake clan in the northern part of the country, save for two young boys, and a letter from friends asking any remaining Hatake in Konoha to take in the kids. This prompted Kakashi to look at his views on family differently, reexamine the relationship he had with his father, and work through the trauma caused by his death. As part of this healing process, he came to Jiraiya asking for stories about his father and insights into his personality. Jiraiya was impressed enough with his progress that he decided to take him on a last-ditch effort to try and convince Tsunade to return home.

It surprised Jiraiya how guiltless he found lying to his old teacher.

"So, we went," concluded Jiraiya. "I yelled, and when it was his turn, he just told her that life could get better if she let it. She had to let it, but he understood what she was going through and that there were people willing to support her as she figured out how to do that. Plus, she gave him her necklace and he didn't die, so we had that going for us—"

"She what ?"

"—and then Kakashi used a huge chunk of his savings to pay back half her gambling debt in the town we found her in, so we had that going for us—"

"He what ?"

"—so, between everything both of us told her, she decided that she, too, was going to choose to work on getting better. She and Kakashi agreed to do it together."

"And how much better is she?" asked the Third.

"Blood is still off the table for her," said Jiraiya. "So, she's not going to be doing surgeries anytime soon. But, her nightmares have been less. She's less depressed. She's here ."

The Third leaned back in his chair, still processing everything. "How bizarre ."

"It's been a bizarre two months." He couldn't get around that; there was no version of events where he left with Kakashi and came back with Tsunade that wasn't bizarre. However, he thrived in bizarre, so he knew the Third wouldn't find anything unbelievable on that account. "But, productive, obviously."

Giving him a long, scrutinizing look, the Third tried to gain absolutely anything from him, but Jiraiya was good at giving nothing. "Did any actual spying get done?"

"I said Tsunade was only half," said Jiraiya. "And she only took a week. After that, we all went undercover for a while and tried to find what we could."

"Tsunade and Shizune, too?" Jiraiya nodded. "And was Kakashi actually a good apprentice?"

"I think he has potential," said Jiraiya. The truth was, of course, that Kakashi was arguably better at remaining hidden than he was, not that Jiraiya would ever admit that. But, he needed to keep all eyes off Kakashi until after they killed Danzō. Most importantly, he needed to keep Kakashi away from the eyes of Danzō himself. Mentioning to the Third that, if he put Kakashi in ANBU, he would be the best ninja in the organization might prompt a closer look from Danzō and maybe even a ROOT invitation. "He's smart, of course, but a spy that doth not make, otherwise I could have settled with Minato. It will take time for me to say for certain."

"And the information you gathered?"

"That was less successful than finding Tsunade," admitted Jiraiya, and it was, in a way, true. They learned everything they needed to know the day they found her, and they only used their time in the Rain to get close to the Akatsuki. "Everyone had already started the process of surrendering by the time we got anywhere, which is great for Konoha but bad for spying. Hard to ascertain anything useful when everyone's putting their cards openly on the table."

"I think you might have been right about Minato," said the Third. "While I can't say one way or the other if it would have been the same if he kept his team, he has certainly given his full attention to the war, and we are better for it."

"We'll never know," said Jiraiya, who did know. "But I'm glad we were safe rather than sorry."

"Anything else of note?"

"Nothing exciting is happening in the south," offered Jiraiya apologetically. "Unless you count the end of typhoon season."

"No news is good news," said the Third diplomatically.

A silence fell over the two, marking the end of either of them having anything to say to the other.

"Speaking of bizarre, one last thing, before I go," said Jiraiya. "Going back to the letter, when Kakashi asked me what he should do about it, I told him, because I'm me, he should take in the kids. He went for it."

"You convinced Kakashi to adopt two children?" asked the Third, to which Jiraiya nodded. "Jiraiya, he's thirteen-years-old."

"It'll be good for him. Adopting children builds character."

"He is a child."

"He knows what he's getting into," said Jiraiya. "Plus, they're academy age, so they're plenty old enough to do most things by themselves. And, it's too late, now. We picked them up from the friend's place on the way back and stopped by the orphanage to transfer guardian rights to Kakashi."

The Third still looked at him like he was insane, so Jiraiya continued. "If there were two members of your clan trapped some place they couldn't be taken care of, would you leave them?"

"Is there a request at the end of this?" asked the Third, not wanting to argue.

"He needs personal leave," said Jiraiya. "Adjusting those kids to life here is going to take a lot of time and effort."

"It's going to be hard for you to train Kakashi if he's stuck in the village."

"I'm not asking you to retire him forever," said Jiraiya. "He just wants time to make the kids more self-sufficient, and since I'm the one who convinced him to do it in the first place, I'm sure I can find it in my heart to be lenient."

"Very well. I'll approve it."

"Thank you." Jiraiya stood up and walked towards the door, waving backwards. "I'll get the official mission report to you in a couple days."

"Jiraiya," said the Third, stopping him just as his hand touched the door handle. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, and he left.

Later, the Third would look back and see the holes in the story—would wonder what was kept from him in that moment—but for right now, for a while, it didn't matter.

She was home.

---

Dinner that night—shared with the Third, Biwako, and Asuma—was strange, to say the least. Tsunade thought that the last two months had accustomed her to eating regular meals with people she actually knew, but as she quickly realized, it had only gotten her used to cults. Sitting at dinner with them like they were just regular people in regular lives was giving her a mini crisis.

Much of it was catch up. The Third and Biwako told her of things that happened in her absence, both with them and the village, and Tsunade tried to downplay the fact that she'd had absolutely nothing going for her over the last decade other than depleted funds and far too many drunken stories. Their eldest son, Daisuke, got married two years ago, they told her, and for lack of anything better to contribute, Tsunade told them of Shizune's skill as a ninja.

"She needs to take the chūnin exam in the spring," said Tsunade, as the fall exams had already passed. "She's too old to only be a genin."

"I'm not sure being a genin has an age limit," said the Third, smiling in amusement. "But, I agree." He turned to Shizune. "In the meantime, I think we should place you in an existing genin team, so you have someone to take the exams with in April."

"You're not serious," said Tsunade. "She's been training with me for a decade. What basics is some random jōnin going to teach her that I haven't?"

"Unless you picked up some other kids along the way, teamwork experience," said the Third pointedly. "And, you know that the chūnin exams always go smoother if you're already familiar with your teammates."

"I don't mind, Lady Tsunade," said Shizune. "Really."

"If you're sure," said Tsunade, before turning back towards the Third. "Just pick her a good one."

"I will," he assured her. "Are you planning on taking work at the hospital, now that you're back? Or taking on mission work?"

"Well," said Tsunade slowly, who truthfully came back to Konoha with no semblance of a life plan. God, she was such a fuckup . "My relationship with medicine is still…complicated." Which was taken to mean, by everyone in the know, 'yes, I do still suffer uncontrollable and paralyzing flashbacks at the sight of blood.' "I'm working on it, but the hospital would suit me better for the time being."

"Would you do me a favor?" asked the Third. "Administratively, the hospital and village leadership have been…disconnected in your absence. The hospital mainly handles its own affairs, and the hospital staff and I have little communication, as no one in the main branch of village leadership knows enough about medicine to properly comment on it. You were always my key inside, so now that you're back, would you review the hospital for me?"

"Like a health inspector?" asked Tsunade, knowing the Third was just throwing her something to do, and she was offended by the notion, even though she did need something to do.

"Like a consultant," placated the Third. "Report what's missing, what should be taken away, what's being done wrong, that kind of thing. I'm sure it, like everything else, is suffering from its own share of problems due to the war. I just don't know what they are."

"Alright," she said. "But, don't tell anyone I'm here, then. I want to do it undercover."

(The Morning After ft. Day One)

Tsunade did not use a hoodie to make her way through the streets of Konoha this time, disguising herself via jutsu instead. Not that it mattered, much. The sun wouldn't rise for another three hours, and the streets were nearly barren, save for a few wanderers. She probably could have worn a shirt that spelled out "I'm Tsunade of the Sannin" in fairy lights, and the exhausted ninja trudging home from a night shift somewhere wouldn't have noticed.

Waking in the middle of the night wasn't her first choice. But, she needed to ask Kakashi where she was going, and she knew he would be awake at three twenty to wake Tenzō (not that it made him anymore thrilled to give her an address in the small hours), and she needed to accomplish her task before the workday started.

A solid three minutes after Tsunade knocked on the door, a sleepy Rin Nohara answered.

"Orders from the Hokage," said Tsunade, flashing the folded letter that the Third gave her to get into his house, hoping Rin wouldn't notice it was already open. "May I come in?"

Still blinking sleep from her eyes, Rin was too delirious to refuse. As soon as the door shut behind her, Tsunade dropped her disguise.

"Hello, Rin," said Tsunade, and the girl leapt in surprise. "My name's Tsunade. Kakashi's told me about you."

It took Rin several seconds to even think about responding, as she processed every part of that introduction. "But you…and he's…am I being hazed or something?"

"What the hell kind of hazing rituals are you kids pulling nowadays?"

"I don't know," said Rin, growing distressed, and Tsunade realized that she was failing Kakashi's request of 'please don't scare the hell out of her.' "I've never been hazed before."

"Look, kid—" Tsunade made a slug appear in her hands. "—see? Tsunade."

Rin looked at the slug, looked up at Tsunade, looked back down at the slug, looked back up at Tsunade, and her eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. "Oh my god."

"Oh my god, indeed," said Tsunade. "Now, I need you to tell me a few things."

---

At five thirty in the morning, Rin Nohara clocked into her shift at the hospital. She struck up a few minutes of small talk with the receptionist, just as she always did, before putting on her scrubs and meeting her supervising medical-nin. Newly placed at the hospital, Rin was on trial and would be for another two months, at which time her supervisor would evaluate her performance and decide whether she would be allowed to proceed.

Her supervisor was confident she would, as she showed good promise thus far, but she noticed that Rin, that morning, seemed off. Even though Rin answered all her quiz questions correctly, she was distracted by everything, often staring aimlessly down hallways and up at ceilings and through windows like she was searching for something lost. A couple times, Rin seemed to disappear entirely, and when her supervisor would look around for her, she suddenly reappeared like she never left, making her supervisor feel like she was starting to lose her mind.

Strangest still, when her supervisor asked her to take a patient's blood, Rin said something about feeling queasy and excused herself to the bathroom, even though she had done it a thousand times. As it was nearing the end of her shift anyway, her supervisor told her to just go home, worried that she might be getting ill, as it was all very unlike her.

---

Though, for the first night, they had nothing but a small nest of blankets on Kakashi's floor, both Kabuto and Tenzō were thrilled that they no longer had to sleep in a cramped bedroom with four other people. Kakashi relinquished his bedroom to them and moved permanently to the couch, as he slept far less than they did and wanted the freedom to move around as he pleased without waking them. He woke them up earlier than they were used to, particularly with the time difference between the Rain and Konoha, but they still looked refreshed and excited to start the day, their sleep quality improved by no longer staying in a bunker.

Kakashi was less relieved. It felt selfish to regret returning home, particularly with how thrilled the kids were, but it was a reminder of everything that he had been trying to put out of his head. The Rain was alarming and bizarre, but it was foreign enough that it was justifiable. At least in the Rain, his reflection was close to his own age, and it was different enough that it felt clearly like a disguise and therefore not uncomfortable to see. On the other hand, looking into the mirror the night before and seeing his current, true form—that of his thirteen-year-old self—had disturbed him so greatly that he was unable to sleep until well after his nightly ritual of waking up Tenzō at three-in-the-morning.

It felt cowardly, but that morning, he walked into the bathroom with his eyes shut and transformed into his thirty-seven-year-old self once the door was locked behind him. He did not share Tsunade's obsessive fear of aging, but even still, he never thought he would be so glad to see the wrinkles around his mouth and at the corners of his eyes. After taking an unnecessarily long amount time to wash his face and brush his teeth, studying his own appearance as if staring at it for long enough would make it real, he closed his eyes before dropping the jutsu.

"Remember, you two," he said, as he sent the boys off to brush their teeth and wash up in turn. "When we go out today, you still have to pretend to be brothers."

"I don't have to pretend," said Kabuto. "I've already decided that Tenzō is my brother."

Though Tenzō looked embarrassed as he walked into the bathroom, he didn't look displeased. Kakashi herded Kabuto in after him and went to go make breakfast, but midway through his preparations, Shizune knocked on the apartment door.

"Do you have a second?" asked Shizune.

"Sure," said Kakashi. "Have you eaten, yet? I've made plenty, if you want it."

"Only if it's not too much trouble."

"It's not." Kakashi wandered back into the kitchen to finish up what he was doing, and she sat down at his kitchen table. "Tea?"

She nodded and let the silence hang over them a few moments more. "You know, I didn't really like you at first," she said, but quickly added: "I mean, I do now, but in the Rain, Tsunade and Jiraiya treated you different than me, and I was kinda bitter about it, and the three of you kept all these secrets, and—"

"It's okay," he said, hardly blaming her. "I understand. I might not have liked me either."

"But, I do want to thank you. I mean, I know you can't tell me what happened, but I know you're the reason Lady Tsunade decided to come out of retirement. Because of that, I got to come home." Looking down, she fiddled with the edge of her shirt in a way that reminded him strongly of Tsunade. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mhmm."

"Do you think it'll last?" she asked, her voice small. "I mean, do you think she'll stay?"

"I do," said Kakashi, setting down a cup of tea in front of her. I hope . "No one can make Tsunade do anything she doesn't want to. Jiraiya and I gave her a push, but the reason she came back to Konoha was because it's her home, too. She just needed reminding."

"She said that Konoha is pretty different than the last time she was here. Do you think she'll still be reminded?"

"Different or not," said Kakashi softly. "It's still home."

---

No matter how much Jiraiya asked, Kakashi would not divulge the plot of his books. "If I tell you," he said, in a rare moment of artistic sensitivity. "It won't come from your heart."

Alone for the first time in two months, Jiraiya knew what he needed to do, both inspired and uneased by Kakashi's words. Holding a pencil over a blank piece of paper, Jiraiya closed his eyes and reached out into the universe, and the universe showed him several things. Death, betrayal, loss of identity, recovery, reality, and redemption swirled together like ribbons in a streamer, distinct but intertwined. Most importantly, he saw love. He pondered the nature of beginnings, of starting where there was only up to go, of the potential to be so much more than what was thought to be allowed. There was not a path before him, but he knew where to find it.

And, he began to write.

---

Having nothing better to do, Shizune joined Kakashi and the boys on their day of running errands, disguised as to not reveal Tsunade's return to the village. However, before they did anything, she dragged Kakashi, Tenzō, and Kabuto, the latter two with their eyes closed the entire way, outside the village to the front entrance. So, when they opened their eyes, the boys' very first glimpse of Konoha was the welcoming gate.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked them.

Though Kakashi's list of to-dos was tediously mundane, Shizune and the boys were ecstatic, bordering on hyperactive, caught up in the thrill of Konoha. The three of them were quite certain that it was the happiest they had ever been.

"It's weird, though," said Tenzō, looking up at the sky.

"What is?" asked Shizune.

"I didn't know the sun was so bright," he said. "It's kind of nice."

None of them knew what to say to that, so Kakashi urged them onward.

After Kabuto's basic checkup for entrance to the academy and optometrist appointment, Shizune and Tenzō helped Kabuto pick out glasses while Kakashi dealt with all the paperwork. All three of them tried on nearly every pair, giggling at all the ridiculous ones, from a pair of wiry, octagon-shaped glasses that Shizune put on, to a pair of massive, glittery, red frames that nearly swallowed Kabuto whole.

"If you three don't quiet down," said Kakashi, never looking up from the paperwork. "I'll make you buy those, Kabuto."

Their eyes went wide, and suddenly very business-like, they decided on a pair of black, rectangular glasses for Kabuto. To further obfuscate Tenzō's face, Kakashi made him pick out a pair, too. At Tenzō's request, they went with a pair of oval glasses with clear lenses and bright blue frames.

"What do you guys think?" asked Tenzō, once they got outside, holding up his glasses to the sky. "Do you think they match?"

"You wanted glasses that looked like the sky?" asked Shizune.

Tenzō nodded. "That way, no matter where I go, I'll never be without a piece of it again."

---

The rest of the day was a blur of shopping and academy registrations and the kids persuading Kakashi to let them go look at various buildings and shrines and other oddities until he felt like he was literally going to pass out from exhaustion. Once Kakashi finally managed to corral them home, Shizune and the boys played a card game at the kitchen table, and Kakashi laid down on the couch with his eyes closed. Though he was unable to sleep with the noise, he enjoyed the rest all the same.

When there was a knock at the door, he struggled to not ignore it, wanting instead to catnap forever.

"Oh my god," said Rin, when Kakashi let her into the apartment. "Oh, my god."

"I take it Tsunade found you?" he asked.

Rin nodded and opened her mouth to say something else, but she only then noticed the three new faces in Kakashi's apartment and froze. Equally curious, Shizune and the boys paused their game to look at her.

"Rin, this is Kabuto, Tenzō, and Shizune." He appreciated that this scenario was weird for all of them, but he was too tired to try and cohesively string people together anymore, and he offered little explanation. "Guys, this is Rin—my old teammate."

Though Rin knew that the boys in Kakashi's apartment would probably be the most peculiar story, her attention was drawn only towards Shizune. The two girls eyed each other warily, both thrown off by the other's presence. Rin was suspicious of Shizune, not liking that there was a pretty girl around their age hanging out comfortably in Kakashi's apartment. Having grown so used to Kakashi being an adult during their stay in the Rain, Shizune still thought of him as someone closer in age to Tsunade and Jiraiya than her, even now that he had his younger form. However, Rin, both clearly a young teenager and his peer, shattered that illusion, and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Nice to meet you," they all echoed in unison. They were all awkward and stunted—save for Kabuto, who was always glad to meet other people—the girls because of their suspiciousness of one another and Tenzō because everything he did tended to be awkward.

"Do you want to play with us?" asked Kabuto.

"Alright," said Rin, unsure of how to decline.

As the kids played and Kakashi struggled to stay awake, Kakashi and Rin caught up with one another. There was a lot Rin wanted to tell Kakashi, mainly about the hospital, and Kakashi felt compelled to explain who all these people were—at least, the fake explanation—and how they came to be connected to him. The news that he had adopted two children bewildered her, but she found it honorable that he took in the remaining two members of his family.

"You know, Rin, I'm going to be pretty busy for a while," said Kakashi. "If you have time, would you mind showing Shizune around and introducing her to our friends? She doesn't know anyone here."

"Sure." If she was being honest with herself, half of agreeing to the good deed was to impress Kakashi and do as he asked. However, she did feel bad that Shizune was so alone, even if Rin was distrusting of her. "Lady Tsunade wants to go back to the hospital tomorrow and I'll be stuck in my apartment alone again, so if you wanted, Shizune, you could come over for a little while."

Shizune went wide-eyed; never in her life had someone her own age invited her to do something, and she didn't know how to react or respond. Sensing this, Kakashi nodded his head, subtle enough so that Rin wouldn't see, encouraging her to accept. Mimicking his nodding, she agreed.

---

"How was the hospital?" asked Shizune, once Tsunade returned to their room at the Third Hokage's late that evening.

"I'm still evaluating," said Tsunade, nearly collapsing on her own bed.

"I mean." Shizune studied her carefully. "How was…being back in the hospital?"

Tsunade paused. "I'm still evaluating. How was Konoha?"

"It was great," admitted Shizune. "Kakashi took us everywhere. Well, we sort of dragged Kakashi everywhere. I know you and I have been to a lot of really cool cities, but Konoha feels special somehow. Is that stupid?"

"No," said Tsunade softly, smiling fondly, sadly. "It's not."

"But, I met Rin today," said Shizune, frowning. "She wants me to hang out at her apartment tomorrow, while she's stuck there."

"Do you not like her?"

"No, it's not that. It's just, no one my age has ever asked me to hang out before. What if she doesn't like me?"

"Then, we'll kill her." Shizune shot her a glare. Laughing, Tsunade got up, sat on Shizune's bed, and wrapped her arms around her. Despite Tsunade's hesitance of Konoha, Shizune could tell by her affectionateness that she was in a good mood. "Okay, okay, look. If she doesn't like you, it's her loss, because you're perfectly likable. I wouldn't have kept you around if you weren't."

"Yeah, but you raised me. You're just used to me at this point."

"Jiraiya likes you," said Tsunade. "Kakashi, Tenzō, and Kabuto like you. Do you think Kakashi would have introduced you to his old teammate if he didn't?"

Shizune leaned on Tsunade's shoulder, pushing her luck with Tsunade's spirit. "Will you tell me a little bit about Konoha? I asked Kakashi, but you know him. He was very… technical . Just, 'oh, we had these Hokages and these wars, with these dates,' and that kind of thing. Nothing about the people or the culture or anything useful."

"Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Anything," said Shizune. "Everything."

"Well, I guess the heart of Konoha is what people call the 'Will of Fire.' I can't decide if I think it's bullshit or not, but either way, it's this belief that—"

Continuing on, Tsunade talked with a warmth that Shizune had not heard in a long time. She talked about different holidays, customs, and the complexities of clan relations in Konoha. Not holding back for the first time since Shizune had known her, she told funny stories about people in the village that she knew: the Third Hokage, the Sannin, her old genin team, a cousin that she had only mentioned once or twice.

Entranced, Shizune listened intently, trying to absorb every detail. Everything felt so real but still so much like a fairytale, like Shizune a was hearing one of the bedtime stories that Tsunade told her when she was younger. And, like those times, long ago, Tsunade kept going until Shizune fell asleep.

(The Morning After ft. Day Two)

The next day, Rin's medical supervisor arranged for her to observe a lung transplant procedure from behind the operating glass and quizzed her on what was happening. Rin's hands were around her eyes like binoculars against the glass, which her supervisor thought was just to block out the flare from the lights above, but she could have sworn she caught sight of Rin's eyes closed in the reflection.

Her supervisor passed that off as ridiculous, however, because there was no way Rin could have answered all her questions correctly without even looking at the surgery. In fact, this was the best Rin had ever done during one of these sessions. Rin, she concluded, must have just been concentrating for a moment.

During the entire procedure, she only got one question wrong, and when corrected, Rin turned sharply towards her and said, "What?"

"That one wasn't correct," said her supervisor.

Rin looked like she was going to argue, which was very out of character for her, but the fight left her, she let out a soft "oh," and she turned back towards the glass.

---

As they sat and talked together in her apartment, Rin—real Rin—got the impression that Shizune was socially awkward, so much so that Rin felt bad for thinking ill of her at first. It wasn't that she wasn't kind; she had been nothing but sweet and polite since she arrived. But, she looked nervous the entire time, fidgeting awkwardly and unable to make continual eye contact. Rin struggled to keep a conversation flowing between them, and she was running out of topics to talk about to try and help Shizune open up.

"So," said Rin, attempting to sound light, figuring she might as well get the question out of the way, since they weren't getting anywhere else. "You and Kakashi became friends while traveling around, then?"

"No," she said, which took Rin aback, and Shizune quickly realized that the comment came across as an insult to her old teammate. "Oh, I just mean, he's their friend, so it's weird to think of him like that. He's more of a…" She trailed off, failing to find the word she meant.

"Whose friend?"

"Jiraiya's and Lady Tsunade's."

"Yeah?" asked Rin, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I hated him at first, because they treated him so different than me, but I guess I got used to it." Shizune grinned. "The three of them can bicker round and round for hours. Kakashi and Lady Tsunade liked to pretend that they weren't as over-the-top as Jiraiya, but half the time, they were just as bad."

Rin sat on that for a moment, trying to process it, but the more she thought about it, the less sense it made. "That doesn't sound like him at all."

"What do you mean? What's he like here?"

"He's cool ," said Rin. Realizing how dumb that sounded, her face went pink. "Boys can just be so stupid, sometimes, but Kakashi's more mature than that. He's smarter than other boys, you know? He can be distant and a little uncaring, but he just knows how important being a ninja is. Good ninja should be expected to have their emotions under control, anyway, so he doesn't have time for those that don't." Shizune gave her a weird look. "What?"

"That doesn't sound like him," said Shizune. "The uncaring part, I mean. He definitely wasn't emotional, but he was really protective of everyone, especially the boys and Lady Tsunade. I just thought he had his own strong, silent type way of caring about people."

"You think?" asked Rin, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her chest.

Shizune nodded, but then her eyes narrowed. "I wouldn't be so sure that he doesn't act stupid, though. Don't tell anyone I told you this, because I'm still irritated. He and Jiraiya started playing this game they called sneak attack to 'train our reflexes,' but I know it was really just to amuse themselves—"

As Rin listened to Shizune finally talk, she was, on one hand, glad to know that the stranger in front of her appeared to harbor no romantic feelings towards Kakashi. However, on the other, she felt even worse knowing that the Kakashi in Shizune's memories seemed like just as much of a stranger.

---

Due to the secrecy that surrounded her potential pregnancy, Kushina could not outright ask almost anyone questions, and she didn't want to involve the people who could know until there was actually a pregnancy to be secretive about. So, she did the next best thing—in disguise, she paid a genin to steal every pregnancy-related pamphlet that the hospital had on display.

Of course, when she told him this, she meant for him to take a single one of each unique pamphlet. Unfortunately, the genin took her words to mean every single pamphlet. So, instead of having a nice selection of two to six pamphlets to read, she became the proud owner of four-hundred and fifty-seven brochures and a genin who was being chased after by hospital staff for being her paid pamphlet-hitman.

Though he was an idiot, once she got them both hidden from the sight of the angry medical-nin, Kushina paid him extra for good measure. Technically, he did complete his objective, even at such a high cost to himself, and she got what she needed.

According to one of the pamphlets (well, ninety-five of them), conceiving a child should not start with the obvious, and instead should begin with a pre-pregnancy checkup. Kushina obviously couldn't ask for one of those, so she just decided to cash in her yearly checkup a bit early and hope the bloodwork they ran would be good enough.

"Is Rin here?" she asked, as a medical-nin lead her to a checkup room.

"I can see if she's available," said the medical-nin.

When Rin walked into the room, Kushina expected her to be mildly surprised and then smile and greet her as normal, as Rin was apt to do. Instead, when Rin realized who her next patient was, she froze in place like all the wind was knocked out of her.

"I'm going to go check on a patient down the hall," said Rin's supervisor. "Give her a lookover and take her bloodwork, please."

Rin gave no acknowledgment of these words nor seemed to notice when her supervisor left.

With a sense of déjà vu, Kushina realized that her expression was eerily similar to the look Kakashi gave her two months ago. There was more blatant fondness in Rin's than there had been in Kakashi's, but there was the same undertone of melancholy, as if she was afraid that Kushina might disappear through the floor at any moment or that she reminded her of someone she once knew.

However, while the look Kakashi gave her was uncharacteristic, Kushina could still see a tiny sliver of the boy she once knew inside of it. Despite outer appearances, there was absolutely nothing of Rin inside the person in front of her, and Kushina pulled a kunai and held it against faux-Rin's neck.

"I know you're not her," said Kushina, her voice low and threatening.

The stranger in front of her grinned in a smug, lopsided way that definitely did not belong to Rin. "Careful who you pull a kunai on, little cousin. Don't think that just because you're an adult now—" Even before she dropped the transformation jutsu, Kushina knew who it was; there was only one person on the planet who had ever called her 'little cousin.' So, when the not-Rin grabbed Kushina's wrist to push it and the kunai it was holding upwards and away from her neck with an unrivaled strength, it gave even easier than it should have. "—I still couldn't beat you in a fight."

Tables flipped, suddenly it was Kushina who was looking at Tsunade with a mixture of surprise and awe. Letting go of Kushina's wrist, Tsunade smiled wider.

"It's really good to see you again," said Tsunade warmly.

"Tsunade!" said Kushina in surprise, nearly throwing herself at her in a hug, as if she was still the kid Tsunade once knew. If Tsunade had been almost anyone else, the embrace would have knocked her to the ground, but she stood her ground easily. "You're here, and…you're Rin?"

"The Third Hokage wanted me to review the hospital," she said, hugging her back briefly, before transforming into Rin again. "I knew the people here would behave very differently if I showed up out of the blue."

"Where is actual-Rin?"

"I'm holding her hostage in her apartment." Kushina raised an eyebrow. "Not at the end of a knife. I just told her that she couldn't leave while this—" Tsunade gestured to her current appearance. "—was happening."

Nodding, Kushina was still dumbfounded, and her grin had yet to fade in the slightest. "Okay, now, actual doctor's appointment," said Tsunade. "Because I'm a little too close to getting Rin fired."

Tsunade did the first parts without hesitation: taking her temperature, weight, and blood pressure, examining her sinus cavities, and making sure her reflexes were still working properly. But, once the lookover portion was out of the way, all that was left was the "take her bloodwork" part of Rin's supervisor's request. Tsunade looked between the needle and Kushina's arm a few times, and though she tried to be discrete about it, Kushina noticed.

"Oh," said Kushina, realizing that Tsunade still wasn't cured of the phobia that drove her out of Konoha in the first place.

"Are you squeamish?" asked Tsunade. She wasn't. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"I'm going to take your bloodwork without looking, and when I ask, I need you to tell me if you see the needle and your arm doing the things I describe."

Though she didn't doubt Tsunade at all, Kushina did doubt herself, so she was surprised when the exercise worked. Tsunade's muscle memory was incredible—able to prepare everything and take her bloodwork without peaking at anything.

"Thanks," said Tsunade, putting it out of sight and throwing her gloves in the garbage. "Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," said Kushina, and she laughed. "I'm just glad you're here, you know?"

Tsunade opened her mouth to respond, but Rin's supervisor came back into the room and interrupted her.

"All finished?

"Finished," said Tsunade, before turning back towards Kushina. "What are you doing the rest of the day?"

"Nothing," she said, hoping the question meant Tsunade wanted to spend time with her. "My schedule is open."

"Want to grab lunch? I think I've seen enough here."

Thrilled, Kushina nodded, and before Rin's supervisor could inquire, Tsunade dropped her disguise for the last time. "Don't hold the past two days against Rin," said Tsunade, and the supervisor dropped her clipboard, recognizing her instantly. "I've been holding her hostage in her own apartment."

Arm in arm, Tsunade and Kushina left the room, and Kushina's laughter carried them down the hall.

"Oh, shit ," she heard the medical-nin say.

---

To stay out of the public eye, they agreed to do lunch at Kushina's home. It was easier to talk there, anyway—no nosy patrons and no skirting around issues that couldn't be known to the general population. Since they hadn't seen one another in so long, they wanted the chance to unrestrictedly chat about whatever they pleased.

Because Kushina had pork that was going to go bad soon, they decided on tonkatsu, and they prepared it together. "Are you in the village for good?" asked Kushina, and Tsunade nodded. "Not that I'm not excited, but why'd you come back?"

Tsunade gave her a long, hard look. Unlike with the Third, Tsunade had no desire to lie to Kushina, not wanting to break that trust later. "I'll tell you soon, but for now, don't ask. I don't want to lie to you."

For a ninja, classified reasons for one's actions were the norm, so Kushina didn't find it suspicious. The "I'll tell you soon" part struck her as odd, but not so much that it lasted for long.

"Where's your husband?" asked Tsunade, before adding: "God, it's so weird to think of you being married. You were a child when I left."

"I was fourteen, Tsunade."

"So, a child."

Kushina grinned. "He's finishing up with the war, so I've been told, and he should be home soon. Thank you for the wedding present, by the way." It had been simple, sent when the news of the event finally reached Tsunade: an unsigned letter that just said "congratulations, little cousin" and a blue and green, ombré comb with the Uzumaki symbol on the handle—the only Uzumaki heirloom that Tsunade kept when she left the village. "I cried when I got it. The comb is beautiful, you know?"

"I'm glad you liked it." Truthfully, Tsunade had almost pawned it a few times, but she was glad that she hadn't. "Is he treating you well? Because, if he isn't, you know I have to kill him, right?"

"Yes," she said, with a laugh. "He is. Right now, his only crime is being gone so often. Somehow, my husband ended up too good."

When they sat down to eat, Kushina filled her in on the other, notable events in her life over the last decade. A significant portion of it was just describing her engagement and wedding, beaming with the radiance of young love that Tsunade remembered in her own life and missed so terribly that it made her chest ache. She was glad, however, that Kushina got to experience it. If no one else, Kushina, as tragic as her life had been but how good she remained regardless, deserved that kind of happiness.

Afterward, as they cleaned up, Tsunade went to throw away their napkins, and Kushina tried to stop her with a panicked "wait." But, it was too late, and the trash can was already open by the time Tsunade processed what she was saying. Even though Tsunade knew that Kushina and Minato were planning on having a kid soon, the contents still took her off guard.

"Why the hell do you have five-hundred pregnancy brochures in your trash can?"

"Four-hundred and fifty-seven," said Kushina, as if that somehow made her seem better and not worse. "Okay, look, you can't tell anyone, you know? Minato and I agreed to try for a baby after the war is finished, and since that's hopefully coming up soon, I wanted to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Him, mostly," said Tsunade, and Kushina both laughed and wrinkled her face in disgust. As their relationship had always been more parental than peer, she was not sure she liked Tsunade commenting on such things. "Though, if today was your sneaky attempt at getting a pre-pregnancy workup, you know we didn't run all the tests we needed to, right?"

"What, really?" asked Kushina, crestfallen, and Tsunade nodded. "Ugh, that's a pain."

"Don't worry; I'll take care of it."

Truthfully, the slip up was exactly what Tsunade wanted. Kushina outright telling her that she was planning on getting pregnant was way easier than trying to slyly coax it out of her later. As Kushina trusted her, Tsunade had a decent shot of getting her to fall into their ( the FUCKS , thought Tsunade stupidly) plan. It felt so manipulative that Tsunade felt gross, but if it could save Kushina's life, she was willing to go for it.

"When you think you've succeeded on…conceiving," said Tsunade. "Come to me before you tell anyone, so I can confirm it for you. You can't just let any random medical-nin know."

"I will."

"And, you need to get rid of those pamphlets. If the wrong person sees them in your garbage can—"

"I was planning on taking them to one of the training fields and setting them on fire," admitted Kushina. "It seemed like the best way to get rid of them and leave no evidence."

"Do you often commit arson to get rid of garbage?" asked Tsunade, raising an eyebrow.

"Look, one of my best friends is an Uchiha," she said, grinning mischievously. "You learn to appreciate burn piles."

Tsunade shook her head with a front of disapproval, but she was secretly amused. At heart, she was still the same Kushina as the awkward teen that Tsunade knew.

"On that note, I should go," said Tsunade, grabbing her things. "I need to write up a report and give it to the Sandaime." However, she returned the mischievous grin. "But, first, let's go set some stuff on fire."

---

If Kakashi was less tired when he went to pick up Kabuto from his first day of school, the sight of Kabuto sitting next to Itachi on the steps of the academy might have tugged on his heartstrings. They were chatting happily with a few others, as coherently as small children could, and the only shadow on Itachi's face was the foretelling of innocence lost. Guilt might have bubbled inside of him, rising into his throat and drowning him. He was, after all, the very first student Kakashi failed.

However, he only slept an hour and thirty minutes the night before, and he had not eaten since yesterday afternoon, so he felt nothing.

"Time to go, Kabuto," he said.

With a smile on his face, Kabuto said goodbye to the gaggle of kids around him, leaped off the steps, and rushed over to Kakashi. On the walk home, he narrated his day in great detail, almost spastic in excitement, but Kakashi barely heard him. Kakashi wondered, if he was in a better state, what he might feel in this scenario. Would he be glad that Kabuto enjoyed school? Would he be relieved that Kabuto could socialize normally, something that would tie him to the village and help him stay grounded and sane? Would he be shaken by the outlandishness of going about life like Kabuto was basically his child? Would he be wracked with remorse at the sight of the dead faces around him, miraculously withdrawn to life?

Whatever it would have been, Kakashi was so tired that his limbs barely carried him home, despite having done nothing all day but sit on his couch and stare at the wall, and he felt nothing.

---

When the Third said he wanted Tsunade to give him her full report of the hospital, she assumed that the presentation would take place in his office with just the two of them. Instead, she was surprised to find out that the presentation would take place in a conference room, and all the elders were to attend.

Though her life was filled with nothing but bizarre things at the moment, it was uniquely bizarre to greet Danzō pleasantly while thinking:

If all our sedition goes as planned, we're going to kill you soon, and though I won't be dealing the final blow, I'm going to enjoy it.

Tsunade understood, now, what Kakashi meant when he said that everyone wanted to kill Danzō. Looking at him, all she could see were the twisted things he had done and would do, all of the death and pain he had caused: to her, to the people she cared about, to Konoha, and to the world. She could not help but wonder what would happen if she tried to kill him now, taking the kunai on her belt and lunging at him. Who could even stop her? They were all trapped in the tiny conference room together, and there would be nowhere to run. She could survive a hundred stab wounds, could cut through most elements, could endure most genjutsu, and could break through most barriers.

She wouldn't even have to see any blood until it was all over.

However, for all of their sakes, she refrained from committing homicide. Danzō would die soon enough—hopefully legally—and all she had to do was wait it out. So, she greeted all of them as if nothing was the matter and focused on her report.

"In conclusion," said Tsunade, at the end. "The hospital uses at least one outdated surgical practice, patient confidentiality is sketchy at best, there is absolutely no security, which is a threat to both patients and their already failing confidentiality, and hospital staff training is lacking and disorganized. My official recommendation is to update, organize, and regulate staff training for both new and old personnel, along with adding twenty-four seven security."

"We hardly have the ninja to spare for a security detail at the hospital," said Danzō.

"You're going to have even less if someone breaks in and stabs a recovering jōnin in the night," said Tsunade.

Her audience of four exchanged glances, communicating silently about something Tsunade could not guess. "Thank you," said the Third. "Wait for me in my office, please."

Nodding, she gave her formal goodbyes to the other three and left. No longer having to maintain composure, the moment she entered the Third's office and shut the door, she pressed her back against the wall and slid down it until she was sitting with her knees to her chest. She ran her fingers through her hair, but it did not make her feel any better, so she just rested her forehead on her kneecaps and took a moment to breath. However, knowing the Third would be back at any moment, she got up off the floor and took a seat in the chair opposite his, as if she was a completely crisis-free individual who had not just had the strong compulsion to murder a high-ranking politician in his own government building.

"That was quite the laundry list you gave us," said the Third on his return, thankfully alone.

"What can I say?" she asked, as he sat down. "I'm a picky health inspector."

As if in prayer, he pressed his hands together and rested his chin on his thumbs. He looked at her for a long, piercing moment, searching for something, but she was good at giving nothing. "Are you interested in a promotion?" he asked. "I could use someone to take care of these things."

It took her several seconds to begin processing the gravity of his request. "What?"

"Hospital Coordinator. I'm offering you the position."

"Look, I don't need you to take pity on me—"

"I'm not," he assured her. "We need one, and despite your…sabbatical, you are still the most qualified person for the position. The elders and I have already agreed to it, if you should choose to take it, and we can talk about it early next week."

Hospital coordinator sounded like a position that had a lot of paperwork and politics and everything Tsunade hated about medicine. However, she had yet to be able to actually practice medicine, and unless she wanted to start taking D-ranked missions or open up a bar and forget about ninja life altogether, she had nothing else to do. And, it sounded like a good excuse to stay in the village without arousing suspicion.

"Fine," said Tsunade. "I accept."

"Good." The Third smiled at her. "We're glad to have you back."

Though she smiled back, it was hard for her to mean it. Danzō was a monster, so irredeemable that Kakashi—the man who was willing to give the guy who both turned his village to dust and personally killed him a second chance—wanted to dispose of him as quickly as possible. But, he was still the Third's best friend, and here he was, giving her far more trust than she would have deserved even without the assassination plot.

I'm going to betray you horribly soon, she thought, and then in the smaller, darker part of her brain: I guess, then, you'll know how that feels.

"Looking back," she said, trying to move on from both those things. "If I'm accepting the job, I probably shouldn't have scared the hell out of the hospital staff, then."

"You did what ?"

---

Tsunade awoke in a pool of blood, and it clung to her like sweat. It was on her hands and in her hair, dripping down her face, and it ran down her arms and legs. Someone was bleeding, she was bleeding, they were bleeding, and Dan's name was on her lips before she could stop it.

"Lady Tsunade," said a voice, and there was a blinding light. "What's wrong?"

After blinking her eyes a few times to remove the blurriness of sleep, Tsunade looked up to see Shizune, whose hand was on the light switch. Tsunade looked down at her own hands and the ends of her hair, and she found them clean. Doing the same to the bedsheets and finding them equally so, Tsunade realized that the blood clinging to her like sweat was, in all actuality, just sweat. The clock read two, which meant that she had only gotten thirty minutes of sleep—not enough to function at acceptable capacity tomorrow.

"Nothing," she said, getting out of bed, the words coming out as a gasp. "Go back to sleep."

More than she needed sleep, she needed fresh air. As Shizune's worried eyes watched her, she threw on her clothes and a pair of shoes, and she grabbed the fifth of vodka out of her suitcase. Used to episodes like this, Shizune knew better than to stop her, but it did not ease her anxiety as Tsunade fled out of the house and into the night.

With nothing else to do, she disguised herself, jumped on top of a house, and drank too much too quickly, desperate to get her dreams out of her head. Not matter how many ounces she consumed, they still wrapped themselves painfully around her, and after a certain point, she knew it was stupid to drink anymore. So, almost involuntarily, she found herself walking elsewhere.

"Hey," she said, when Kakashi opened the door to his apartment, and she could hear the roughness in her voice. "Can I crash on your couch?"

His emotions were much harder to read now that he was back to wearing a mask, but she knew she must have been irritated to host her so late at night. Still, he nodded and let her in. "Have you been drinking?"

"Not much," she lied, and she caught sight of the blanket already on the sofa and realized her mistake. "Damn it, I forgot you were already sleeping on the couch. Don't worry about it. I'll go—"

"Tsunade," he said, and she was surprised by the sharpness in his voice. Quickly, though, it softened. "Please, just, stay. I have an extra futon I can sleep on."

"Okay." She did not want to fight him on it, truthfully glad that she didn't have to leave. "Did I wake you up?

"No. I was just about to make tea. Do you want some?"

She nodded and sat down at his kitchen table, folding her arms on the surface and resting her head in the crook of her elbow. Neither talked as they waited for the tea to boil, nor did they break the silence when the kettle whistled, and Kakashi hastily turned off the stove to avoid waking the kids.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, as he brought her a cup and took a set opposite her.

With a raise of her eyebrow, she was surprised by the lack of hesitation in his voice, because there was always hesitation in his voice when he talked about those things—hovering on the line between asking and not. She had no idea what about this moment, about her, made him so concerned above all the other moments. Or, maybe she was just too drunk to notice.

What she did not know was that he had been here before: a middle of the night visit, visible intoxication, a medical-nin he cared about in the depth of trauma. He tried not to remember her sobbing, nor the guilt from her confession, nor the painful phone call he made to Tsunade after she passed out, nor the worry that kept both of them up all night to keep watch over her. Tsunade showing up in a similar condition made a terrified jolt shoot through Kakashi, even in his emptiness. What she did not know was that he, partially in projection and partially to follow through with his promise that he would never make that mistake again, would have easily given much more to try and protect her from her own mind.

Either way, it threw her off so badly that she didn't even bother to conceal anything.

"Kushina and I went to lunch today," she said, with a melancholy smile. "She looked good. Happy. And, I took a job. Hiruzen-sensei offered me the position of Hospital Coordinator, and since I have nothing else going for me, I took it. I start next week."

Probably sensing that there was a "but" somewhere in this story, Kakashi did not comment. "Hiruzen-sensei wanted me to present my report in front of the full council," she continued. "So, of course, I saw Danzō. All I could think about were the things you told me, and I wanted to kill him. I didn't, but I just wanted to take a knife and end things right then and there. I knew I wouldn't even break down until after it was all over, when I could see the blood on my hands.

"I didn't kill him or let on that anything was wrong, but I could still see the blood on my hands, you know? I dreamed—I dreamed about Kushina bleeding out of stab wounds from the Nine-Tails, and I dreamed about Dan bleeding out underneath my hands, and I dreamed about Hiruzen-sensei bleeding out on a rooftop, and I dreamed about Jiraiya bleeding out alone—" Before she could stop them, a few tears ran down her face, clinging to her like sweat, like blood, and she hastily wiped them away. "—god, I'm sorry; I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"I would rather you tell me than drink alone," he said.

"I did lie, earlier," she said. "I drank too much."

"I know."

Still half-collapsed on the table, she gave him a searching look, trying to figure out what was going through his head. "How are you feeling?"

Giving her a shrewd look in return, he unexpectedly gave short, harsh laugh, soft enough that it wouldn't wake the kids, and he leaned back in his chair. "I feel nothing," he admitted.

(The Morning After ft. Day Three)

Tsunade awoke to a sudden surge of nausea, and Kakashi awoke to the sound of her sitting up violently on his couch, looking around at her surroundings, and yelling, "Oh, fuck ."

"Why do you always do this?" he asked, sitting up just as violently on his futon. Still half-asleep, he checked the clock on his wall. "It's only ten thirty." Realizing that they were not still in the Rain and instead were back in a functional life with places to be, his eyes went wide. "Oh my god, it's ten thirty. Kabuto's late for school."

"Relax, it's a weekend."

"Oh, I should relax—"

Bursting out of Kakashi's bedroom, Tenzō and Kabuto, both branding a kunai, gave a unison war cry, making Tsunade and Kakashi jump again.

"Please don't scream," she said, rubbing her temples to try and ease her pounding headache.

"Good morning, Tsunade," said Kabuto cheerfully. "We were coming to protect you."

"Good morning, Kabuto." Groaning, she peeled herself off the couch and looked back towards Kakashi. "Can I use your shower, so I look a little less like I'm doing the walk of shame back into the Third's house?"

"Sure. There's an extra toothbrush in the mirror, if you want it."

"What's the walk of shame?" asked Kabuto.

Kakashi glared at Tsunade, who might have laughed if she didn't feel so hungover.

"Remember when we had that conversation about adult words?" he asked. "That you can't say until you turn eighteen?"

"Like 'fuck?'" asked Tenzō.

"Yes. Just add that one to the list."

Tsunade only just managed to lock the door to the bathroom behind her and turn on the shower to drown out the sound before throwing up.

Fuck up.

---

Knowing where Shizune was staying, Rin went to the Hokage Residence and asked the ANBU guard if she could see her. He disappeared into the house and returned with Shizune a few moments later.

"Hey," said Rin. "Since I can leave my apartment now, my friend Obito and I are going to lunch. Do you want to come along?"

"You want me to go to lunch?" asked Shizune, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," said Rin, thinking she had somehow offended her. "I understand."

"No, it's not that," said Shizune quickly. "Just, you know, last night, I was replaying our conversation in my head, and I realized that I went on a rant out of nowhere about how stupid your friend was, and I kind of expected that you'd never want to see me again."

Grinning at Shizune's awkwardness, growing fond of it, Rin took her hand. "Boys are stupid. C'mon, I want you to meet Obito. He's really nice."

"Okay." Shizune smiled. "If you're sure he won't mind."

"He won't. Just, um, don't ask about his family. Not today. Apparently they've had some clan issues this morning, and he's irritated that no one will tell him what's going on."

(Interlude—Do You Remember Me?)

In another lifetime, three months into his solo stint as Hokage, Kakashi turned to Tsunade and said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I hate you."

She threw her head back and laughed, and already, he noticed his recollections of her were beginning to merge. He could not be sure if her smile in the memory belonged to the then-her, or if belonged to the now-her, retroactively pasted on. When he talked to her in this new life, he was not sure if he was staring straight through her to the Tsunade from another lifetime, or if he viewed the Tsunade in his memories as the copycat.

Everything else from his past still felt like they were firmly his : his Village, his citizens of Konoha, his loved ones, his team. However, she was the first thing that was starting to shift, where he was not sure which version of her belonged to him. Perhaps, more horrifyingly, which he preferred to belong.

Jiraiya, he suspected, would soon follow. As time when on and the shock of the new world began to fade, others inevitably would too. In one year, five years, ten years, he was not sure what might even be left. Some of it would be welcome (replacing his perception of Kabuto, in particular), but most of it had him desperately clinging on to the swiftly slipping shreds of his other life.

"The Land of Lightning?" she guessed.

"Isn't it always?" He remembered smiling, then, despite his frustration. "I didn't do anything stupid this time, though, so kindly keep away from my dining table."

"You're no fun." Smirking, she took a sip of whatever they were already a few drinks into. Looking back, it seemed vaguely like it might have been whiskey; she got a craving for it occasionally, and he usually preferred it. Or, maybe, he had just been wishing it was whiskey. "So, you've replaced it?"

"For its own safety, I will neither confirm nor deny your line of questioning."

"Given your track record, I suppose I'll see soon enough."

"You know, one of these days," he said. "I'm hoping the ANBU guard will bother to try and stop you from breaking into my house."

"You know they couldn't," she said.

"Yes, but it would be nice to see them attempt ."

She rolled her eyes. "Look on the bright side, to all of this. At least you're not dealing with Kaguya."

"Is that in reference to the Land of Lightning or to you?" She had grinned, and he told himself, thinking back, that she looked exactly the same the entire time that he'd known her, so of course her grin in his memories would look like their grin now. "Do you think we'll say that for the rest of our lives? 'At least we're not dealing with Kaguya?'"

"If there was ever a thing to repeat, it's that." When he hummed in agreement, she tossed back the last of her drink and continued: "Alright, you've got me drunk enough to be agreeable. Was there a request for advice at the end of this, or did you just want to reminisce about your furniture?"

"The former, unfortunately."

He could not, now, remember exactly what she told him, or even what his problem with the Land of the Lightning was in the first place. The memory seemed so far away, too far away, and in the other lifetime, it would not have bothered him. Being Hokage was a blur of problems and people throwing advice and consultations his way, and he was not as young as he once was. It was only natural that some things would run together and be forgotten. But, now, he tried with frantic desperation to recall all the details.

"Now," she said, getting up to leave once she'd said her piece. "Don't bother me again. I am retired, you know."

"Look on the bright side," he said, with a grin. "At least you're not dealing with Kaguya." But, he did promise her that he would forever leave her alone, with all the sincerity like they didn't both know he was lying.

He swore, as he pictured her leaving, her eyes were less hardered and tired than they should have been—a little too vulnerable.

(The Morning After ft. Day Four)

Right after Kakashi put Tenzō back to bed after his three-thirty ritual, right after Kakashi began to toy with the idea of trying to sleep for the first time that night, his musings were interrupted by a knock on the door. Worried it might be Tsunade again, he opened it to find Mikoto and Itachi Uchiha standing on the other side of it.

"You're Kakashi Hatake, right?" she asked, to which he nodded, trying to blink the foggy exhaustion out of his eyes. "Sorry to bother you so late. I'm Mikoto Uchiha, once of the Uchiha clan's elders. Itachi—have you met Itachi?—said Kabuto was one of his classmates."

"It's nice to meet you," said Kakashi, though he narrowed his eyes just a tad, passing it off as sleepiness. Part of him wondered if he had, in fact, fallen asleep and was in the middle of a dream. However, he did not trust the thought nor the situation at hand, and he hesitated before opening the door wider. "Would you like to come in?"

She nodded. As she and Itachi stepped into his living room and he caught sight of her in the light, he became certain that something had gone very wrong. Mikoto was as poised as ninja were taught to be, but her hair was tousled like she'd ran her hair through it a few too many times and forgot to brush it back, and her posture was too straight and overcompensating. On the other hand, Itachi looked no different than the average, sleepy four-year-old.

"I am sorry to bother you," she said. "But is it alright if Itachi stays here for a night or two? I asked Itachi who some of his classmates were, and Kabuto was the first name he mentioned." She switched to mouthing her words, so Itachi wouldn't hear. "One of our elders died this morning. My husband and I have a lot to take care of and don't want him to be there for that."

"Of course," said Kakashi, before mouthing: "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," she said softly. "If you don't mind, maybe don't take him outside the apartment tomorrow. I'm sure people will be talking."

Striding across the room to his bedroom door, Kakashi knocked on it several times. "Tenzō, Kabuto, wake up."

A moment later, Tenzō opened the door, rubbing his eyes. "I thought I already woke up for the night."

"It's not that," said Kakashi. "Tenzō, this is Mrs. Uchiha. Her son, Itachi, is going to be staying with us for a couple nights. Will you help me set up the extra futon?"

"Itachi's here?" asked Kabuto, appearing in the doorway, somehow bright-eyed despite the lateness of the hour.

"Yes. Now, help me, won't you?"

As Kakashi took out the futon he had slept on the night before and handed its corresponding sheets to Tenzō, Mikoto made a solid show of looking like she wasn't impatiently waiting to bolt. She helped Kakashi set up the futon in his bedroom, next to Kabuto, and she waited until all the kids were settled before kissing Itachi goodbye on the top of his head.

With one last, sincere thanks, she was back out into the night, leaving Kakashi with a sense of impending doom.

Obviously, there was something wrong with the picture, something more than she was letting on. If one of the Uchiha elders had died a normal death, there wasn't a reason that Itachi couldn't have stayed with one of the other, less busy Uchihas, where Mikoto and Fugaku could have kept a better eye on him. Even if, for whatever reason, the entire clan was unavailable for babysitting duty, bringing Itachi to Kakashi's place was a bafflingly random choice. Itachi and Kabuto had only been classmates for a single school day.

After pressing his ear to his bedroom door to make sure the kids were quiet and sleeping as they should, Kakashi hasted towards his kitchen cupboard and threw away all the food they could spare. When that was gone, he grabbed random objects to chunk: blank sheets of paper, his entire calendar (the year old had a little over a month left, anyway), and a clean roll of toilet paper. For lack of anything else, he started throwing away fluffed-up garbage bags.

Once it reached the size he wanted, Kakashi put his hands together, made a shadow clone, and handed off the garbage bag. Under the guise of taking out the trash, the clone went outside to case the area around the apartment.

Immediately, Kakashi noticed one Uchha hanging right outside, likely vetting all those who entered the building. As he inconspicuously looked around at the the best vantage points for the a good view of the building as he walked around back to the dumpster, he found four more Uchiha further out, watching the north, south, east, and west faces of the structure. But, they only alarmed him slightly more than his interaction with Mikoto. It only confirmed that something was, indeed, very wrong.

What really bothered him was the two ROOT members hovering across the street.

If Kakashi had been anyone else, he wouldn't have noticed. It wasn't as if ROOT members advertised their presence, and they were doing a fine job of pretending like they belonged at the all-hours coffee shop they were stationed at. But, Kakashi was too familiar with ROOT and the ANBU and the government of Konoha in general, and though he did not let them in on the secret, he immediately made them.

Experimentally, he made his way down to the twenty-four-hour convenience store down the street, without attempting to hide his presence. He needed to replace the food he had just tossed, anyway. Once he moved far enough down the road, one of the ROOT members got up and leisurely walked down the streets towards him in a slow pursuit, while the other remained behind, eyes fixed on his apartment building.

To seem casual, Kakashi did not quicken his pace or change his posture. But, the moment he ducked into the convenience store, out of the ROOT member's line of sight, he ducked behind one of the shelves so the half-asleep cashier wouldn't see and cloned himself once more. With an equal amount of haste, he disguised his new clone as a middle-aged, bespectacled man and sent it to sneak into the back room. That way, his first clone could buy some groceries and come back to the apartment within a reasonable amount of time, leaving the Uchiha and the ROOT ninja none the wiser.

The second clone managed to escape through the back door of the shop as planned, into the next street over, without being followed, and the real him ran his thumb over the kunai that he'd kept on his person since their return home. The weapon's hilt was adorned with three straight grooves, running from bottom to blade. A contraption similar to something both he and Jiraiya had used on past missions, the knife was connected to identical versions belonging to Jiraiya and Tsunade and could be used to silently and covertly pass rudimentary messages between the three of them.

Moving his index finger over the groove that belonged to him, he lightly sketched in several markings to activate the jutsu: two short lines, two longs, and three more shorts.

Something's wrong , the lines conveyed. Being watched. Meet at the safe house.

---

If Tsunade wasn't already awake at three-thirty, holding her flask in her hand after a series of nightmares knocked the desire to sleep out of her and debating whether to drink from it, the sudden commotion in the bottom floor of the Third's home would have woken her. Just as she contemplated moving to figuring out if it was something she needed to give a damn about, a knock on her and Shizune's guest door took the choice from her. After throwing on a coat, she opened the door to find the Third standing on the other side of it.

"I need you to start your position a day early," said the Third. "Get dressed and meet me at my office."

With dread pooling in her stomach, she did as he asked, arriving just shy of fifteen minutes later.

"What happened?" she asked, as he hunched over his desk, shuffling through a stack of papers.

"A few weeks ago, Yoichiro Uchiha, one of the clan's jōnin, son of two of their elders, Emon and Hiromu, was diagnosed with porphyria." The Third paused as if that was supposed to have some significance to her. She knew what porphyria was—a genetic disorder relating to a certain type of blood pigments—but why the diagnoses mattered was beyond her.

"...is he dead?" asked Tsunade, after he said nothing for several seconds, trying to figure out what he was getting at.

"He's not the dead one, no; it's his mother. Since the Uchiha are genetically... close , and they like to keep it that way, both the hospital and the clan agreed that it would be wise to test the DNA of both his parents, to figure out which one it came from. However, it turned out that it came from neither. Though Hiromu is Yoichiro's biological mother, Emon, unbeknownst to anyone else but Hiromu, presumably, is not his biological father."

"Did Emon kill her?"

The Third shook his head. "Due to the scandal, she killed herself about an hour ago."

"So, where's the catch?" asked Tsunade, growing impatient. A suicide, no matter how tragic, was not enough to cause this much of a bustle on its own.

"Yoichiro was the one who found her body, and he took is very poorly. He blamed the clan for her death, and after threatening to kill all of the elders to avenge his mother, he fled the village and hasn't been seen since. For the safety of everyone involved, we're taking his threats seriously. I've marked him as a missing-nin and sent a squad to chase after him."

Though Tsunade was not truly connected to the previous timeline, only vaguely associate through Kakashi's memories that tethered her halfway between here and there, she put together the implication almost instantly. After all, it was what they had been bracing themselves for since the beginning. How many nights had she watched Kakashi wake from an endless cycle of nightmares, from refraining from sleep in the first place, all to avoid the image of the one thing that still terrified him most.

The Masked Man.

"I see," said Tsunade, trying to keep her voice even. "And, just to keep us on the same page, we don't think the Uchiha killed her themselves, right?"

"We do not," said the Third. "The Uchiha are a traditionally private people. So private that they've hidden the heir to their clan, Itachi, away in a place kept secret even from us. They don't trust the ANBU, only their own people, which we've respected in their hour of grief. So protective that they handle, and have always handled, their own autopsies. This entire thing has turned into a spectacle for them. Why would a clan that private fake a suicide, which tend to always be public dramas, rather than fake something else and forge their autopsy records to reflect a quieter cause of death, like a stroke?

"Plus, when he questioned them, Fugaku informed us that they handled the whole thing diplomatically yesterday. They had a large meeting amongst all the elders and other important members of the clan, and they agreed that she would be forced to resign from her position on the Uchiha council. That would have been a conspicuous gesture if they planned on turning right around and killing her."

The Third folded his hands on his desk. "Still, their continued secrecy isn't doing anything to help their case. I believe them, of course, but my opinion won't be widely shared. If they were to put a little more faith in us, perhaps the village would talk less."

Knowing that the Uchiha were right in their paranoias about the village higher ups, Tsunade could not blame them for their secrecy. In their shoes, she would hide her son far out of sight from them, too, and shield her family from any perceived threats she might fancy. Though she and Kushina had only been reunited for a couple days, Tsunade was already itching to kill Danzō and commit treason for her.

"What is this project you have for me?" she asked, not wanting to dwell on the topic.

"I need to know what we're dealing with, with Yoichiro. Since Hiromu is dead, she can't tell us. Is there a way to determine who is biological father actually is?"

"Did the hospital run his entire DNA strand?" The Third nodded. "Then, it's possible. I can do my best, at least."

Just as he gave his undeserved assurance that he had the utmost confidence in her, Tsunade felt a sudden burst of heat against her leg, radiating from the kunai resting on her thigh. Like it was designed, it was just hot enough to be noticeable, even in sleep, but not enough to do damage. Subtly, she put her hands in her pockets like she was resting her arms and brushed her fingers across the etchings in the kunai. Jiraiya's line was blank, but Kakashi's contained several dashes.

Something's wrong. Being watched. Meet at safehouse .

Instead of etching back her confirmation code, she repeated his exact lines: two shorts, two longs, and three more shorts, conveying:

I know .

---

Jiraiya was half-asleep, leaned over the first few pages of what would hopefully become his next manuscript, when a knock on his door roused him. Sleep deprived, he was tempted to ignore it and instead drag himself to bed, leaving behind the last paragraph he had written in an attempt to create something sexy:

When her arms did not remove themselves from his neck, he found himself unable to will his hands to remove themselves from her waist, tracing small circles with his thumbs against her bare sides, where her shirt had teasingly ridden upward. Time slowed to a crawl, as if the universe was giving him one last chance to not do something foolish that he couldn't go back from. Suddenly acutely aware of where he was and who he was holding on to, he did not make eye contact with contact with her. He knew the moment he did, when he glanced down at her wanting, blue eyes looking coyly up at him, the last remnants of his self control would vanish.

However, whoever was at his door at four in the morning likely had a good reason, so when the knock came again, he willed his legs over to it. Glancing out the peephole in his door, he saw a ninja he did not recognize standing on the other side of it, which was not an unusual circumstance. But, the moment the door opened, the ninja's disguise dropped, and Danzō was standing on his welcome mat.

A few cruel seconds too late, he felt the burn of his kunai against his leg. Casually sticking his hands in his pockets, he grazed his fingers over Kakashi's lines.

Something's wrong. Being watched. Meet at safehouse.

"Danzō," greeted Jiraiya, putting on a tired smile. "How can I help you this morning?"

Tumbling right after Kakashi's, a message appeared on Tsunade's line.

Something's wrong. Being watched. Meet at safehouse.

"Jiraiya," said Danzō, returning the greeting. "I find myself in need of your services."

Though Jiraiya's smile and relaxed demeanor did not waver, only blurred naturally by the exhaustion of the early hour, he did not return his confirmation message. Instead, he repeated their warnings: two shorts, two longs, and three more shorts, conveying:

Fuck.

---

Disguised, Tsunade's shadow clone used her key to get into their "safehouse," a spare apartment of Jiraiya's off Tenth Street. It was empty when she arrived, her only company the spare littering of furniture that existed to keep up appearances. But, given how much time had passed since their message exchange, she suspected it was not as empty as it seemed.

"You know," she said aloud, using one of their slew of codewords. "I'm looking forward to Sakura season."

"So am I," said a male voice. Tsunade did not know where he had been hiding, but a middle-aged man appeared in the middle of the room from seemingly nowhere. She knew immediately that he was Kakashi and not Jiraiya. For starters, he did not bother making his disguise particularly attractive or tall, which were two of Jiraiya's biggest tells. And, there was a momentary twinge of something at the word 'Sakura.' "More than you know."

"Jiraiya not here, yet?" asked Tsunade. Kakashi shook his head. "How much do you know?"

"I know an Uchiha elder is dead," said Kakashi. "I know Itachi is staying at my apartment—"

"They put Itachi with you?" asked Tsunade, raising her eyebrows.

"—I know ROOT is watching me." He gave her an odd look, already suspecting that she knew a lot more than he did.

"ROOT is watching you?" she asked, just as baffled

"Clearly, we've had a different past few hours," said Kakashi. "What do you know?"

As quickly as they could, they swapped their respective experiences.

"Well," said Kakashi. "It could be a lot worse. If Black Zetsu does choose him, we already know his face. We know his agenda. Only one person has died yet." Tsunade raised her eyebrow, and he backtracked apologetically, for the callous way he spoke about the mixing of his past and their futures. "Though a tragedy, only one person is dead, which is better than last time."

"It could be worse," she agreed. "Plus, he's sick with something incurable. He might be able to control it, if he finds a good doctor and a streak of luck, but it will certainly slow him down if he can't."

Tilting his head, Kakashi pressed his lips into a frown as he took a moment to examine her. "You can still tap out, you know."

"Excuse me?"

"We've barely done anything," he said. "Incriminating, at least. You could still tap out and reasonably pretend that you never heard anything."

Folding her arms, she gave him a piercing look in turn, though hers veered on icy. "You've got some nerve, thinking you could have dragged me around three countries if I wasn't in."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I'm just putting it on the table."

"Fuck you," she said, but it was an affectionate gesture of resolve, and he grinned like he might have in another life, with maybe-whiskey in their hands—both smiling despite the crushing stress and gravity of their situation.

This time, as he looked at her, he noticed that her smile definity belonged to now-her, younger and a bit more mischievous, yet a bit more uncertain. The mirror to another life, to which it had once belonged, had closed, and he was worried he would lose his grip on what then-her even looked like. All of it belonged to the same person, but it was the eyes and the smile that were the most jarring, both much warmer and friendlier than her previous counterpart.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but Kakashi held up his finger to his own, silencing her. Kakashi motioned for her to go to the bathroom to hide, while he ducked behind the kitchen counter for cover. After a few moments, she understood why; she heard footsteps coming up the final flight of stairs and down the hallway towards the apartment.

"Hidan, or some shit," said Jiraiya, after opening the door and slamming it behind him.

"Kakuzu," said Kakashi and Tsunade in unison, breathing a sigh of relief.

Once she left the bathroom to meet him—well, his disguise, which looked a bit like a slightly better looking and taller version of Kakashi's persona—in the living room, and Kakashi came out of the kitchen, she said, "Where were you?"

"Trust me, my lateness wasn't by choice," said Jiraiya. "I was dealing with Danzō."

For the first time, there was a slip in Kakashi's calm facade, a brief moment where he looked like he had been punched in the stomach and was falling through the floor. It was gone so fast, though, that if Jiraiya and Tsunade hadn't known better, they might have thought they imagined it. "What happened?"

"He was 'in need of my services,'" said Jiraiya. "Wait, what do you know?" Quickly, Kakashi and Tsunade caught him up to speed. "Okay, I knew most of that. Not about Itachi, but everything else. Danzō wants dirt on the Uchiha. Whether or not they're involved with Hiromu's suicide, he doesn't care; he just wants something."

"I hate to say it," said Tsunade. "Because I'm not condoning it, but I'm starting to understand why the Uchiha might have wanted to stage a coup. In another clan, this would have been a tragedy, but because it's them, people are already trying to use it as an excuse to cut them down. It would make me paranoid and worried about my family, too."

"I know," said Kakashi. "And I owe it to Sasuke to figure it out, but the question of 'how to defuse racial tension' is probably a matter for another time."

"What should be our first question is," said Jiraiya. "Do we go after him?"

"It wouldn't be wise," said Kakashi, after a moment of thought. "Like you said, Zetsu's one step ahead of us. If he wants Yoichiro, he's going to take him, us be damned. We have to spend our energy getting our own pieces in line, so that once it's time to play, we're as close to evenly matched as possible. We should continue as planned."

"Okay, second question," said Jiraiya. "Why the hell is Itachi Uchiha at your apartment?"

"Hiruzen-sensei said that the Uchiha didn't want the ANBU involved," said Tsunade. "But, almost anyone else they could have left Itachi with would have insisted when they found a vengeful jōnin might be coming after them. Maybe they thought Kakashi, the seeming thirteen-year-old, wouldn't. Plus, he's Minato's former student, which makes him at least a little trustworthy in their eyes. Mikoto and Kushina are close."

"Not to mention, I'm out of the way," said Kakashi. "If not with the Uchiha, the next place Yoichiro would look is some of the other clan houses, where there would be lots of ninja to guard him. Why would he ever think to check a random thirteen-year-old's?"

"So, by attempting to choose the most non-obvious person," said Jiraiya irritably. "They managed to accidentally pick the most fucking obvious person. If this screws us over with Danzō—"

"It won't," said Kakashi, though he wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking. "It won't . We just need to accept that we'll all be watched more heavily from now on and move accordingly."

"We need to have regular, non-suspicious, public interactions, so that the times we need to meet up to be productive, it seems normal," said Jiraiya, before turning to Kakashi. "You and I need to start training every morning in one of the public training fields close to the village, and you'll have to turn down your abilities. Also, I need you to give me an envelope with your teleportation seal on it." He turned to Tsunade. "You and I need to start having drinks once or so a week and taking Minato and Kushina out to dinner."

Tsunade looked like she was going to comment on that, but decided against it. "So, what is our current play?"

Noting that both Tsunade and Jiraiya were looking at him and waiting, Kakashi realized that he was being elected as their planner. "You need to figure out who Yoichiro's biological father is," said Kakashi to Tsunade. "But, if it's too interesting, you need to keep it yourself. I don't want Danzō have that information. Is there any way you can throw them off the trail?"

"I can," she said.

"Jiraiya, I need you to deliver a message to Fugaku. Tell him that ROOT is watching the entire clan and my apartment. Tell them to watch their backs and watch them for a while."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Jiraiya. "If we do this, we're making our hostilities to Danzō public, as limited as that publicness is."

"I do," said Kakashi. "Tsunade's right. Last time, they held a coup because the village was looking to take them down at every opportunity. We need to tell them that they at least have one ally in the village. They'll keep that secret to themselves. And, if the new masked man's goals are to take them down, for our protection and theirs, we need them on our side, and they need us."

"If you're certain," said Jiraiya, conceding that, as Hokage, Kakashi probably had a better grasp on village relations than he did.

"As for what you should tell Danzō, tell him…" Kakashi thought for the moment. "Tell him that Fugaku is gunning for the Hokage position. It's small enough that there's not a lot Danzō could do about it, as it's not like he's in the running anyway, but it still looks like you tried.

"I'll go talk to Obito this afternoon. There's a chance he overheard something that no one else has told us, yet. Otherwise, we keep our heads down and act like this has no real significance to any of us. Any questions?"

As he said those words, Kakashi's spine straightened. Where before there was a dash of panic, there was no only confidence and authority, and the tone of his voice became deeper and firmer. For a minute, Jiraiya and Tsunade realized that they were speaking with the Sixth Hokage, and it had the second-hand effect of making them feel more confident about the situation. Both shook their heads at his question.

"Very well," said Kakashi. "Then, break."

In unison, the three of them dispersed their shadow clones, leaving the apartment empty once more.

---

Now just one person instead of two, Kakashi stood up from his chair at the kitchen table, where he had rested as his clone spoke to Jiraiya and Tsunade. As he attempted to rub the exhaustion from his eyes, his movements felt sluggish, like he was in a dream. The clock on the wall read six.

With a blow, the masked cracked, and orange gave way to skin. There was a moment of unrecognition, like a man missing an ever-growing tidal wave rising behind his back, before the water crashed over him, slamming him into the ground, drowning him. He was older and the eyes were all wrong, but the face was all too familiar.

It's him, he thought, and then : Please not him.

Dragging his legs, Kakashi tried to make his way over to the couch, but he was not sure if it was taking him seconds or minutes or hours. Where there had been the Sixth Hokage only moments before, in another apartment, now there was just a weary soldier struggling to breath.

"Look!" said Obito. "There is nothing in my heart! I don't even feel pain! You don't have to feel guilty, Kakashi. This windhole was opened by this hell of a world."

Kakashi sat down, trying to process everything, to accept that the real game had perhaps finally started. If Kaguya did choose Yoichiro, life just got far more dangerous and unpredictable, but so sickeningly familiar.

Before anyone could hold him back, Kakashi managed to bolt over to the bodies of the Fourth Hokage and his wife, covered as they were as the ANBU tried to sneak them to the morgue.

"Let me see," begged Kakashi, his voice cracking. "Let me see."

Whether or not anyone wanted it (though, he suspected, they were allowing him this one mercy as one of their own, because the ANBU, unlike the others, did not try and stop him), Kakashi folded back the coverings to take a last look at his sensei and his wife: the only father figure he'd had in so long and the woman Kakashi was supposed to protect. Their bodies were mangled, torn, and covered in blood, but their faces were at peace, like they were sleeping. Just like that, the very last of his family was gone, leaving him alone in the unforgiving world.

Desperately, he tried to hold himself together, tried to reign himself in, because the world needed him. Jiraiya and Tsunade, his only friends in this life, needed him. He was worried about how they would stomach the news, and he knew he needed to take charge in this situation. Now was not the time for this—maybe next month, or next week, or maybe even tomorrow, but not today. There was too much to do today, and he begged his thoughts to stop just for a moment. He was already nearly useless in this life, losing all of his societal sway and abilities. The only thing he had left was his knowledge and the mental clarity to use it.

The earth split open and swallowed everyone whole, trapping them in a Land of Dream, far out of reach. All except the four of them, somehow both the most miserable people on the planet and yet the only four still truly alive. It was just them and the end of the world, now, and their legs shook as they tried to balance the weight of the fate of all things on their shoulders. Three students with determined eye and brave hearts, looking a looming infinity straight in the face and taking a step forward anyway.

"Please, stop," he whispered, in the dark.

---

Kakashi awoke to a load bang, the smell of bacon, and a little voice saying, "Quiet, you'll wake Kakashi!"

With a gasping breath, he bolted upwards, not remembering falling asleep. Pulse pacing, he glanced over the couch to look at the clock; it was nine-thirty in the morning, which could have been worse. He'd only slept for three hours, which meant that he probably hadn't missed anything too significant. Memories of another life, of another war, thudding in his brain almost as painfully as his heart in his chest, he leapt off the couch and peeked through the blinds on the windows. There were likely people watching, always watching, like faceless, nameless, white figures marching over their front lines, swarming their armies—

"Kakashi?"

"Yes?" he asked, looking over to the three kids in the kitchen, half expecting to see a different set of faces, faces he yearned for. But, all his saw was a line of black and silver and a pair of killer eyes staring back at him as their owner clenched his fist, raising the dead from the ground—

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi got a grip on himself. He was not currently facing the Fourth Ninja World War; he was in his apartment. There weren't any killers, only baby faces with innocent eyes, all depending on him to not throw his sanity out the window this morning.

"Yeah, sorry," said Kakashi, forcing his tone to be breezy. He realized that he was reaching for the kunai on his bult and hastily yanked his hand back. "You just startled me, is all."

"We were making breakfast for you," said Kabuto, an uncharacterized frown on his face. "We wanted to let you sleep because you looked really tired, but I accidentally dropped the pan. I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Kakashi forced as smile and ruffled his hair. "Let's see what we can salvage."

As he expected, neither Tenzō nor Kabuto dwelled on his tense awakening, used to it from him and the other members of the company they kept. Itachi looked at him with a childlike, suspicious curiosity, but as he taught them how to properly make breakfast, it faded.

Though their first attempt at cooking was a sweet gesture and if they had successfully finished he would have eaten it out of kindness, but it was slightly a disaster. Even if Kabuto had not dropped the pan, dumping all the grease and the bacon onto the floor, they had put way too much in the pan in the first place, and most of it was burnt. However, he did not chastise them for it, instead just patiently walking all three of them through how to make bacon and eggs.

As Itachi had just lost an aunt, even if he had not been told yet, making them do homework first thing in the morning felt like poor taste. Instead, he took one of their remaining rolls of toilet paper and some tape, and began taping haphazard, close-together strips between the wall by the door and its opposite.

"New ninja game," said Kakashi, causing Tenzō's and Kabuto's eyes to brighten. "Your goal is to start by the kitchen and get to the other side, without touching any of the toilet paper. First one to do it wins."

Yet to shake the habit, Kabuto and Tenzō locked eyes, before turning back to the toilet paper maze, giving a war cry, and getting one foot in before they both tripped. On another day, Kakashi might have laughed.

"Okay, once more, but a little slower," said Kakashi, fixing back the toilet paper that was yanked from the wall. "Itachi, how about you try?"

"Do I have to yell?" asked Itachi, looking up at Kakashi with furrowed eyebrows.

"Please don't."

For most of the morning, he supervised their giggling attempts to jump through the obstacle course, and increased the difficulty when they got too close to completely it, much to their protests, just for something to do. Anything was better than silence. They were not the three kids he most wanted to see, who haunted his dreams, but they were the three kids he owed to give a better life. To find any use in that morning—knowing that Hokage Kakashi was long gone, and Jiraiya and Tsunade were doing far more important things than waiting around in an apartment—it was all he could do.

---

For breakfast, Tsunade had shots of grape vodka in the shower. It tasted like cough syrup and despair.

"Why the hell did I buy this?" asked Tsunade, wrinkling her nose at the bottle. But, she did not put it away, just sat it on the floor of the shower as she washed her hair. One did not drink vodka at six in the morning for taste.

Most would consider it trashy at best to pregame their first day of work, but she supposed it was rather in character for her. Besides if no one knew about it (and she was excellent at hiding it), there was no harm. Probably.

Sometimes, life was just a bit more stressful than she could bear. Sometimes, it was a little too easy to look at a drink and wonder that she could stop feeling everything, anything, for a little while. Sometimes, she took it.

It tasted like cough syrup and despair, with an unwelcome aftertaste of regret.

"Why the hell did I buy this?" she repeated, setting it down once more.

She assumed Kakashi and Jiraiya were, at least partially, more affected than their demeanors in the apartment let on. They were too good of ninja not to hide it. Still, she worried that she was the only one panicking, the only one fragile enough to be shaken by everything hanging over them. The only one unable to handle what she ought to have been emotionally bracing herself for since the beginning.

She wondered how much more palpable the other timeline would feel after they assassinated Danzō. She was desperate to kill him, not only so the people she cared about would be safe, but just so something would feel real. So she would be one step closer to becoming used to the future. So that words like Kaguya, the Masked Man, Zetsu, and the Fourth Ninja World War could roll off her tongue with some degree of matter-of-factness. So she could feel like something was getting done to stop the oncoming rockslide barreling towards them.

Washing out the last of the shampoo, she couldn't shake how broken she felt. Useless. Kakashi was out there sorting through everything to pick their next moves, and Jiraiya was carefully making allies and playing their enemies. But, she was just a woman in a shower with some god-awful vodka and a set of DNA records in the hospital, the latter of which could be impossible to solve, useless in the grand scheme of things, or both.

She turned off the water and took one last drink. Taking a minute to let it settle, it tasted like cough syrup and nothing more.

With a sigh of relief, she poured the rest of the bottle down the sink and brushed the taste of it from her teeth, repeating the process several times so no one could smell it on her breath. Coffee would be needed once she arrived at the hospital, both to disguise the scent and wake her up.

She examined her face in the mirror. Her dark circles were deeper than she liked, but with a jutsu, her eyes were once again bright, lashes long and dark, and cheeks only faintly pink, like she had been sleeping properly. Like she hadn't just drank in the shower.

"Alright," she said, lightly slapping herself in the face to wake up. "You can do this."

Confident in her appearance, she left the bathroom and tried to ignore that it sounded like a lie.

---

Jiraiya felt like he was wading through molasses as he walked to the Uchiha compound, a melon with a card attached under his arm, all his energy zapped by the Yoichiro reveal. There would never be a good day to deal with it, but he was coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why this day was particularly bad: the weather was nice, he was hitting his stride on the opening of his novel, they had just gotten back to Konoha, and the list went on. The mental exercise was almost enough to distract himself from how shaken he felt.

He pushed it out of his mind: Minato's and Kushina's deaths out of his mind, the collapsed of Konoha from his mind, the end of the world from his mind. It was nothing he couldn't handle. Pushing Minato's and Kushina's torn bodies from his mind was nothing he couldn't handle.

"Hello, Jiraiya," said the unfamiliar, Uchiha woman who opened the main, Uchiha clan house, after he'd knocked on the door. Her tone was polite, her her tense, sad smile did not reach her sleep deprived eyes. "Can I help you?"

"Yes," he said, putting on a charming smile. He briefly entertained the idea of flirting with her to warm him up to her, but he felt like it was the wrong time. "I need to speak to Fugaku, when he's got a minute."

"I'm not sure he'll have time today," she said apologetically. "You have to understand, he's occupied at the moment. We're all quite busy—"

He leaned in closer. "Tell Fugaku that it's important I speak to him personally and soon."

There were many benefits of being one of the Sannin, the first of which was that people took statements like that seriously. She disappeared back in the house for a couple minutes, leaving him standing awkwardly in the doorway, before returning and leading him inside.

Jiraiya had never been inside the Uchiha main house, but was unsurprised to find it pristine, elegant, and well decorated. The Uchiha symbol was ornately displayed on everything, painted on the art hanging on the walls, littered across decorative pieces, and engraved into furniture. Several of their clan members hurried around the twisted walls, talking in hushed tones, and eyeing him with surprise and suspicion.

He was eventually dumped inside a sitting room, just a pretty as the other rooms in the house, decorated in black, white, and red. His guide assured him that Fugaku would be with him soon and left him alone. 'Soon' turned out to be over thirty minutes.

"Jiraiya," greeted Fugaku, shutting the door behind him and gesturing for Jiraiya to sit in one of the chairs. "Forgive the delay. We weren't expecting you."

"Sorry for intruding," said Jiraiya. "And for your loss." Smiling kindly, Jiraiya held out the melon in his arms. "It's not much, but I brought you this consolatory gift."

If Fugaku thought the gift choice was odd, he didn't show it. Accepting it with a thanks, Fugaku opened the envelope taped to the side, read the card over, and burnt it to ashes as soon as he was finished.

Danzō is spying on your entire family, including Kakashi's apartment. Watch your backs.

Still expressionless, Fugaku looked at Jiraiya for a long moment before continuing, "This melon is in good condition for this time of year. Where did you find it?"

Suspecting he was not, in actuality, talking about the melon, Jiraiya said, "A fruit stand I do business with on occasion."

Danzō.

"Only on occasion?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Today happened to be one of those days, I guess."

"And do you trust the fruit stand?" Fugaku placed the melon beside him on the end table. "You know, their...product."

"Honestly, no," said Jiraiya, leaning back in the chair comfortably. "They've been a little shady, lately. Lots of the fruit's been rotten. Frankly, I think it's time another stand took its place."

Fugaku's expression remained neutral as he continued to examine him, but he was no doubt wondering if this was some kind of trap. Jiraiya kept his expression pleasant, as if they really were discussing fruit, but he was both doubting the situation and himself. Though Kakashi did have hesitations about trusting Fugaku, he ultimately decided they should go for it, but Jiraiya was not as confident. At the moment, Jiraiya was having problems trusting anyone. Even so, without being able to leave Konoha, Jiraiya felt useless. Tsunade was able to put her high intellect and medical knowledge to good use and Kakashi was playing multi-dimensional chess with a demigod, but Jiraiya was stuck mostly following Kakashi's orders.

"They're expensive, too," said Jiraiya. "You understand, of course, even for a grief gift, the fruit stand had to be paid."

"Of course." Fugaku narrowed his eyes for the first time. "And what was the price?"

"I negotiated the best deal I could."

Fugaku nodded, never taking his eyes off Jiraiya. "Well, thank you for the gift," he said, standing. "And for stopping by."

"Of course." Jiraiya stood, too. "Should you need anything, know that Konoha is, of course, here for your family."

Kind of.

---

Kakashi had not spoken to Obito since the Kannabi Bridge mission, mostly because he didn't know how. The only reason he had even spoken to Rin was because she showed up at his apartment. Where once they had been his teammates, his equals, his friends, now they were nearly as young as Team Seven when he was first assigned to them. They were nearly half Team Seven's age, now. He was comfortably old enough to be their father. However, Obito and Rin still had the same expectation of friendship, and he wasn't sure how to meet it.

He was a weird person to face on a day like this, with the masked man hanging over them. But, when his shadow clone got to Obito's apartment and saw the miserable face of the teenager to whom it belonged, Kakashi realized he had to—not just for information, but because Obito needed someone.

"Hey," said Obito, his shoulders hunched in melancholy. "I guess you heard, huh?"

"I did," said Kakashi. "Can I come in?"

Nodding, Obito let him in and collapsed on his living room couch. Kakashi followed suit, sitting on a chair.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," said Kakashi, after a few moments of silence.

"It's okay," said Obito, in a tone that suggested otherwise. "We weren't that close or anything. It's just, most of my family, especially the elders, treat me like I'm not worthy of being part of the clan. Like I'm too stupid and weak to be an Uchiha. She was different, though. She was always nice to me. Always nice to everyone. It just doesn't seem fair, you know? Yo—I mean, somebody—"

"I know about Yoichiro, too."

Obito didn't question it. "Yoichiro said that it's the elders' fault she killed herself. Some decision they made. Whatever they did, she's dead, he's gone, and everything's—" Obito leaned back against the couch and didn't meet his eyes. "I don't get it, Kakashi. I just...don't."

"I know," said Kakashi. "I don't think they meant to, though, and I don't think she meant to cause everyone this much pain, either. I think she just felt like everything was...too much."

"I hate this family," said Obito, shaking his head. "I hate how harsh we are on ourselves. The elders want to tell everyone how to act and who to marry and who is and isn't good enough to be good enough. Did you know, if I wanted to marry...someone who wasn't an Uchiha, I'd have to justify it before the council? They couldn't exactly stop me, but depending on what they decided about the person I married, they could exclude me from things. I mean, they already kind of do that. You'd honestly make a much better Uchiha than I do, thinking about it."

"Hardly," said Kakashi. "You know me. I'm a bit of a rebel." That almost got a smile out of Obito. "Do you want them to like you?"

"Yeah," said Obito, defeated. "Growing up, we're taught that our clan's what matters most. We may not like each other a lot, and we may fight a lot, but we'd die for each other. Which is why I don't understand. We're supposed to protect each other, you know? And, what's worse, people outside the clan talking about what happened and saying all kinds of awful stuff. It's so bad I don't even want to go back outside. If it was any other clan, they wouldn't say those things, but because it's us…" Kakashi nodded in understanding. I just wish I knew how to fix it. Everything. I just want everyone to be nice to each other, but I feel so powerless."

Pressing his lips into a flat line, Kakashi could almost see how Obito became Tobi. He wore his heart on his sleeve and felt the pain of other people. Break a heart like that beyond repair and give it all the power in the world, Tobi might be born.

"Mrs. Hiromu gave me something," said Obito, grabbing an ornate shuriken off the table—clearly a device made for decoration instead of usage. "When I became a genin, as a congratulatory present. I want to put it in her casket, but I don't think the elders will let me."

"You don't want to keep it for yourself?" asked Kakashi. "To remind yourself of her?"

Obito shook his head. "I'll always remember how nice she was to me. I just want her to know how much she mattered."

Kakashi looked at Obito for a long time, not knowing what to say or if there was anything to say at all. He was five when he lost his father, so the emotions he experienced were likely different than the ones Obito was experiencing.

"Will you meet me by the lake?" asked Kakashi, not sure what else to do.

"Right now?" Kakashi nodded. "Why?"

"Just trust me. And, bring your shuriken with you."

---

It took Kakashi the better part of an hour to gather everything he needed. By the time he met Obito by the lake—carrying his toolbox in one hand, a cluster of white flowers in the other, and several planks of wood in his arms—the sun was almost directly overhead.

"Did you just have those tools laying around?" asked Obito, raising an eyebrow as Kakashi put the wood on the ground.

"'Course." Truthfully, he had only had them for a few days, purchasing them after coming back from the Rain and discovering that his thirteen-year-old self didn't even have a toolbox . "Everyone ought to have a toolbox. What'll you do if your sink breaks?"

"Wait, you know how to fix a sink?" asked Obito, raising his eyebrows, and Kakashi nodded. "Can you teach me?" He nodded again. "So, what are we doing right now?"

"We're building a boat," said Kakashi, unloading his tools. "Not a person-sized one. Just a small one."

" Why ?"

"I did say trust me."

"I do," said Obito, though he folded his arms. "I think. But, a sink I can understand. Why do you know how to build a boat?"

"I am a man of many talents, with many hobbies." Kakashi handed him a hammer. "Now, are you going to keep asking questions, or are you going to help me?"

For most of the beginning, they talked only about the boat. Kakashi instructed him on the shapes they needed to cut, how to make sure it stayed afloat, and how to assemble everything. In silence, save for a few clarifying questions, Obito followed along.

"Kabuto's in my class," said Obito, eventually. "I mean, I've only had him for a day, but he seems nice."

"He's a good kid," said Kakashi softly. "I got lucky, in that sense." After another pause, Kakashi continued. "How do you like the academy?"

"Better than I did at first," admitted Obito. "At first, I was disappointed that I was no longer Minato-sensei's student. I still see Rin a lot, because she's stuck in the village too, but you and Minato are off doing who knows what, who knows where. I miss him."

"I understand. I miss him, too."

"But, the kids are really cool." For the first time that day, there was a bit of light on his face. "I mean, it's a little scary, being in charge of their schooling and stuff. I don't want to mess that up, you know? It's so important. But, so many of them are really sad. Almost all of them have lost someone because of the war. It's nice to help them. At least, as much as I can."

"You know that's why you're not stupid and weak, right?" asked Kakashi.

"Anybody could be an academy teacher."

"They can't, though." Kakashi looked up at the sun, felt it on his face, and it was still a strange feeling after being in the Rain for so long. Maybe Tenzō had the right idea. "It's morbid, but soldiers, we live and we die. That's our job—to live until we don't. But, you're kind and you're empathetic, so much so that you're one of the people capable of building a foundation for this village. To train the next generation of ninja and protect our way of life. That's not a job that can be given lightly."

"You sound like Minato-sensei."

"Clearly, I have the right idea, then. Now, be a little more gentle with the hammer, you're going to split—"

With one last attempt to drive in the nail, Obito split the piece of wood in his hands with a loud crack. He gave Kakashi an apologetic look and raised his hands in surrender.

"It's alright," said Kakashi, keeping his patience. If he could deal with Tenzō, Kabuto, and Itachi running across his living room, trying to dodge toilet paper lines while screaming (even though the latter promised not to), he could deal with Obito breaking a plank of wood. "Try again, but this time, the goal is to not destroy it."

"Well, I didn't mean to—"

Truthfully, Obito's mishap only set them back a few minutes. Just as Kakashi had planned, they finished just as the sky was starting to darken. Taking the boat, he set it on the water and made sure it stayed afloat.

"Now," said Kakashi. "Put the flowers and your shuriken inside of it."

"I don't get it," said Obito. "What is this for?"

"You wanted a burial, but you were afraid your clan wouldn't let you. So, I'm giving you a way to say goodbye that's yours. That's personal, made by your own two hands."

Slowly, with the reverence a funeral deserved, Obito did as he asked.

"You need to push it off," said Kakashi, pouring a vile of lighter fluid over the wooden structure. "And then, when it's far enough away, you need to use a fire ball to light it on fire."

"You want me to what ?"

"Well, it is a public lake. If you don't, it will probably be stolen, which ruins the gesture a bit."

"I guess you're right." Obito knelt down and gently pushed the boat out onto the pond. Not taking his eyes of it, he dipped his hands into the water, rinsing off the lighter fluid. "It's very Uchiha, at least."

Obito waited until it was far enough away, before extending his arm and blasting it with a fireball. He did not watch as it burned, flames licking upward like a small bonfire on the lake, instead closing his eyes in silent mourning. As a few tears ran down Obito's face, Kakashi put his hand on his shoulder, reassuring him as best as he knew how.

It felt selfish, intruding on Obito's moment of grief, on the gesture of mourning for someone else, but his thoughts wandered, as they so often did. Three faces seemed to dance underneath the water, the three people he had been desperately trying not to think about. It stung at him like he was being electrocuted, and it nearly brought him to his knees beside Obito.

Not now , he thought. Maybe tomorrow, hopefully longer, but there was too much to do today to slip. Please, not now.

---

Though Tsunade last looked at DNA records over a decade ago, it came back to her easily as she read through Yoichiro's analysis as long as she kept a few reference books by her, covertly drunk as she was. The Third was even kind enough to spare her from hunching over all the papers in a crowded laboratory or records room. Before they turned her loose with all the results, he set her up with her Hospital Coordinator office, a small alcove on the first floor of the hospital. It was almost completely empty and would need to be filled out over time. But, it had a desk and a chair, and the bustling noise of the hospital was almost blocked, which was good enough for her, and she thanked her old teacher sincerely for it. He waived off the thanks, telling her that she deserved it for taking on the position.

She wanted to feel the daughterly affection that she once had for him, like someone who had a father figure again. That was clearly how he viewed her and was hoping she still had for him. The Prodigal Daughter, returned home at last to open arms. However, though no one knew it, she was several shots into the worst vodka she'd ever tasted, and only one silent, dreading thought drifted through her mind:

I'm going to betray you.

Shaking it off, she skimmed through Yoichiro's records and went for the easy things first. She pulled all the records of everyone else in Konoha with porphyria (there were only a handful), just to see if they were even distantly related. Each of those cases was a bust, though, so she was left to do some reverse engineering.

Fortunately, she possessed the advantage of working with Uchiha DNA. Like the Third said, they were close , so she compared it to his mother's records and several records from other Uchiha to have a better understanding of the mutations that typically occured in their family line. It took barely any time, after isolating the genes that came from his mother, that his father was not another Uchiha.

Konoha kept several records on common gene mutations in all their clans, in order to better identify bodies that were destroyed beyond facial recognition, as well as DNA samples from clans from other villages. The book of records was nearly as large as her torso, but she compared the information to Yoichiro's father's DNA as quickly as she could, hoping for a match. It was a tedious process, taking several hours, and was a completely failure.

Until, it wasn't.

Stunned, she double checked herself, triple checked herself, pulled several more records just to be certain. As a sinking feeling settled into the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with the queasiness of the alcohol, she grabbed a family tree from the clan in question, trying to figure out who, based on age and a bit of sociological guessing, was the most likely candidate for the father. Once she arrived at her answer, she sat back in her chair, growing more sober by the minute, almost wishing that she'd brought the vodka to try and blur out the existence of this day.

She was not certain. Without more records, without one last DNA test, she couldn't be. But, she was regaining some confidence, Kakashi's "greatest goddamn medical ninja" echoing in her head like a mantra. So, while she would not have put money on it, she did inwardly guess, off-the-record:

The head of the Yamanaka clan, Inoya Yamanaka. Which, if correct, made Yoichiro and Inoichi half-siblings. Not only was Hiromu married when the love affair began, Inoya would have been, too. If that were to get out, another scandal would rock the foundations of Konoha's already shaky social and political equilibrium.

Swiftly, Tsunade closed all the Yamanaka records and put them back like she was never there. Coming back to the porphyria records, she pulled out all of their family trees. The best place to start throwing off Konoha's main branch was asking them to take DNA samples from those tangentially related to those afflicted to establish paternity to Yoichiro. It was a waste of hospital time and funds, both of which were already lacking due to the war, and it would not be a strategy that would last forever. But, Kakashi seemed to think it was important, so she followed his lead.

Later, when January came and passed, and Danzō was hopefully murdered, she would have to go have a difficult conversation with Inoya, asking if he was once unfaithful to his wife and if he would consent to handing over his DNA. However, that was mercifully set for another day—the only mercy that today would probably bring her.

---

For all Jiraiya's spying, his disguises, his fables and deceptions, he was not accustomed to lying to the village government. It was once the only place he could let down his guard and drop his latest persona, before filling them in on every aspect of his recent missions and ventures. It was a cathartic habit, and he was usually able to go back to his apartment and sleep well for the first time in months. The peace might've only last for a day, leaving as quickly as it came, or might've lasted for several weeks. After leaving the Hokage's office after his first re-entrance into the village, he was free to wander around his hometown as just Jiraiya for a while.

Now, the only barest hints of catharsis he found, like a few droplets compared to a once-roaring stream, was found in locked-down, darkened apartments, in the presence of just two others, trading their experiences and thoughts in hushed tones. As silently hectic as their meetings were, they were also personal, friendly, and intimate, which made them dangerous. It was far less like the spy missions he was used to and far more like the Akatsuki—a revolution. But, against his better judgement, he trusted Kakashi enough, despite the lingering doubts in the back of his mind, to wordlessly agree with Tsunade to make him the leader of their team.

However, no matter how much he let his guard down amongst the two of them, the other two doing their best to as well, just to keep trust alive, because trust desperately needed to be kept alive if their group was to work, it came right back up the moment he left the apartment. Jiraiya wandered Konoha as freely as usual, but he never stopped playing the carefully crafted character. Somewhere along the way, he suspected, Jiraiya's Konoha and Kakashi's Konoha were starting to merge.

He found no guilt in lying to the Third, so he felt somehow even less lying to Danzō. On the contrary, it brought him a weird sense of satisfaction.

"Jiraiya," greeted Danzō, once Jiraiya met back up with him at his office. "Did you find out anything?"

"Well, I don't think they did it," he said. "Killed Hiromu, I mean. The more I talked to them, the more convinced I became that this was a tragedy and an unexpected debacle for their clan that they are now desperately trying to reign back in."

"And that's all?" asked Danzō. Slowly, he rose up from his chair and and ran his fingers over a couple books on his shelf before choosing one and placing it in front of him, as if to seem less threatening. "You dated an Uchiha girl a while back, didn't you?"

Jiraiya had, which was public knowledge. She might have been the most serious relationship that he'd ever been in. Towards the end, he even considered proposing, and she might have agreed. However, neither of them would have been happy. Marrying outside her family would have brought her disgrace, and she cared deeply about her family and their customs, far more than she could ever care about him. Jiraiya could have pretended to be a good husband, at least for a little while, but his "I love you"s were more hollow, lesser, than they should have been. Whenever they had sex, he struggled not to close his eyes and pretend she had blonde hair and a wicked smile and strong arms and a laugh, while not the most elegant, could light up the room and the moment and his heart; he struggled to keep the wrong name off the tip of his tongue.

When they looked at one another, they both wished the other person was someone else. She: that Jiraiya had dark hair and a Sharingan; he: that she was the woman whose love confessions from Jiraiya would mean more, who he thought about whenever he drank her favorite brand of sake and whenever he passed the hospital. Jiraiya was never hers , but Tsunade might always be his , and that worried him. So, when his Uchiha girlfriend was in the mood for marriage but knew it was wise not to seek it from him, they amicably split.

Every once in a while, he saw her around, following behind her Uchiha husband and carrying a baby girl in her arms. She would wave and give a soft smile—too soft for his taste, what had he even been thinking —and he returned the gesture. No words were ever spoken, but sincerely, he hoped she was happy.

"Sir, respectfully, that isn't relevant."

"Jiraiya, I know you feel close to the Uchiha clan." Danzō stepped forward a few paces. "They're a deep part of our village history, just as you and I are. I have no desire to violate that history if I can help it, because we are a village of unique, powerful, and united ninja, which is much more than most villages have. I care deeply for this village. I've dedicated my life to helping this village. As one of its elders, Konoha will always be my first priority.

"So, know that I say this with great hesitation; I think the Uchiha may be planning something against the village. Our village. So, if you know anything else, I urge you to tell me. If there's nothing else, then there's nothing else, and they're innocent. But, if not, the war has been a terrible blow for our people. We have to keep safe what remains."

He had to admit, in another lifetime, where Kakashi had not swung into his life like a ball-and-chain flail and relentlessly decimated his view on the village, the speech might have been convincing enough. Over the top, definitely sleazy, and insufferable, but at the heart of it, he would have found it sincere. But, knowing what he did, the words were like venom. They, combined with everything else today, made him sick to his stomach.

It would be so easy, he realized, for him to just gut Danzō in his own office—make it so Danzō could never harm another person in Konoha again. He was much stronger than Danzō, had a wider range of skills. Jiraiya could make the fight over before it even began, crushing him into pieces, ripping him apart, stabbing him through his own floor until he bled out on the carpet.

Danzō had probably killed some of his friends due to meddling in the Third Ninja World War to increase conflicts on both sides. Good men and women, killed by someone they trusted. In less than a year, Danzō would partially and maliciously be responsible for Minato's and Kushina's deaths, and the thought of losing them was too much to comprehend, too painful.

Why shouldn't he kill him?

"Alright," said Jiraiya, as if nothing was wrong. It had been a long day, and emotions were running wild. If Kakashi could restrain himself, so could he. "There is one other thing. I don't know how significant it is, or if it's even significant at all, but the Uchiha managed to figure out that the Third is retiring. Fugaku's gunning for the Hokage position. He and his clan members feel as if his actions during the war more than qualify him."

"Then, just to be on the safer side, we should do our due diligence to vote him out," said Danzō. The smile he gave, to others, might have seemed genuine, but it only made Jiraiya's blood boil. It would be so easy . "Thank you for all of the information you've given me, Jiraiya. I appreciate your input."

As Jiraiya left the office, he wondered, bitterly, if the village he woke up in two months ago, a few hours before Kakashi knocked on his door, still belonged to him. Jiraiya thrived on lies, but not here. Konoha was always his beacon of light, his shelter, no matter how temporary, from the wild world outside. However, as the last few months had taught him, the cheery town rested uneasily on foundations of toxic sand, poisoning all the way up the ladder.

Perhaps that was why he trusted Kakashi, as short of a time they'd really known one another. Kakashi saw the chaos and the sinking villagers and the rotting government, yet he still looked Jiraiya in the eye, with calm confidence, and said, "I know how to fix this, but I can't do it alone."

One way or another, he suspected, based on the flare of righteous anger and determination and hope in his eyes, Kakashi would. So, Jiraiya followed.

---

Midway through the day, Mikoto Uchiha found Kushina Uzumaki at her home and asked her to inconspicuously check on Itachi, whom she had hidden at Kakashi Hatake's place. Though Mikoto could not go herself, as that could compromise Itachi's hiddenness, she was worried about leaving him with a thirteen-year-old tapped inside all day, particularly one who already had two other kids to watch. So, Kushina dropped by around three, wanting already to meet the kids Tsunade told her about.

She did not expect, when Kakashi let her in, for the oldest one to freeze and look at her in wide-eyed terror.

"Kakashi," he whispered, never taking his eyes off her. "Kakashi, bad."

"Don't worry," said Kakashi, ruffling his hair. "That chakra isn't Mrs. Kushina's. It's locked inside of her, and because she's a very tough woman, she keep it tightly under control. We'll talk about it later." Kakashi turned to her and gave a smile that wrinkled the upper part of his face, but it did not brighten his eyes. "Sorry about that. He's...perceptive."

The boys, she found, once they got over the eldest's fear of the Nine-Tailed Fox, were adorably sweet and polite. The homework Kakashi was helping them with long-abandoned, they and Itachi were perfectly happy to visit with her, the former two animatedly telling her about the things in Konoha they had seen.

On the other hand, Kakashi was having trouble even keeping up a conversation with her. As best as she could tell—and she was pretty good at reading people—he didn't find her presence unwelcome, but he was so sluggish and unfocused that he could barely keep up with what was happening around him. He looked tired, but there was something more to it; he seemed empty like a zombie trying desperately to pretend they were still alive.

"Do you want me to take the boys for a bit?" she asked, unnerved by his mood. "So you can go outside for a while?"

"Don't worry about." Shaking off the funk, Kakashi tried to put on a facade of liveliness, but it still didn't touch the shadow in his eyes. "I've just got a couple shadow clones running around. One's with Obito and the other is running errands. I don't want to trouble you."

She suspected he was telling the truth about the shadow clones, but it wasn't the entire truth. "I don't mind," she said, touching his arm to gently reassure him. "I understand needing a break."

Once again, the fatigue returned, but he looked at her gratefully. "Thank you."

---

Sometimes, the most innocent of words could be the most terrifying, twisted by a voice, a tone, an implication,a history. There was a power in the horror of innocent words—the power of someone or something having such a great hold on a person that it could strike a paralyzing fear into them without trying.

For Tsunade, they came from a familiar, cold voice as she was walking back to the Third's place from the hospital, causing a chill to shoot down her spine that had nothing to do with the bitter, November wind: "I heard you were back."

For Jiraiya, they came from Tsunade, after she showed up at his apartment, shaken and pale: " He wants to have dinner."

(Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot)

Three legends walked into a bar. There was a time, before everything fell apart, when the sight of the Sannin at a local pub was a familiar one. In those days, they hardly did anything without one another, and prideful as they were, they thought it was hilarious when ninja and civilians alike would stare in awe as three of the best ninja on the planet were seated in their proximity for afternoon dinner.

Now, their unbelieving eyes stared for a different reason, and the only joke was the Sannin themselves.

"Is that really her?"

"I think so. My cousin said that she saw her at the hospital, yesterday."

"Is she still…you know…?"

As they were led into a back room, Tsunade felt the shameless gazes of the patrons around them, nearly burning into her skin, but she kept her eyes forward and her head high. In a wave of self-consciousness, she wondered what the people around them were thinking. She was prepared for gossip, but she didn't exactly want to be in earshot of it.

However, individually interviewing every single person in the pub about their feelings and judgments on her return sounded far more appealing than sitting down and having dinner with Orochimaru. Words could not describe how much she wanted to be as far away from here as humanly possible. It was far worse than facing Danzō and easily one of the most uncomfortable moments of her life. She did not know, before now, it was possible to feel so much rage and social awkwardness at the same time. But, instead of Kakashi's words going through her head, all she could hear was Tenzō's tiny, terrified voice.

Cramped. Cramped. Cramped.

When they sat down, she and Orochimaru made eye contact, and he leaned back in his chair and studied her in a similar fashion to those around them. Trying not to shift uncomfortably in her chair, she raised her eyebrow, communicating a silent "what?" to him. Next to her, Jiraiya looked flawlessly calm, so she decided to let him do as much of the talking as they could get away with.

"A round of sake for all of us," said Tsunade, without hesitation. "Oh, and by the way, this is on your tab for dragging us all here, Orochimaru."

"Anything for you," he said smoothly. "A celebration for your…unexpected return home. Though, I question why you're making me pay for Jiraiya, too."

"She's trying to make sure we all die young from liver failure," joked Jiraiya. "So, in twenty years, no one remembers how old she actually is."

"Are you still pretending we're young?" asked Orochimaru.

"There's no pretending," she said, with a teasing smile. "I am young and beautiful."

"Beautiful, yes. Youthful, no. But, at least that's better than Jiraiya, who's neither."

"Look, snake-face," said Jiraiya. "You're not going to be winning any pageants soon, either."

Mercifully, their waitress came back, brought them their drinks, and took food orders. Tsunade counted to ten in her head before she took a drink, attempting to seem like she wasn't immediately trying to get drunk. She filled the interim with an eye roll.

"Glad to see that you two still bicker like children," she said sarcastically.

"We're just helping your youthful delusion—sorry, illusion—along," said Jiraiya, grinning.

She glared at Jiraiya, and then, playfully pretending to ignore him, she turned towards Orochimaru. "So, Jiraiya tells me that they assigned you another round of genin brats."

"They did," said Orochimaru, resting his arms on the table. "However, only one of them is worth anything. Anko Mitarashi. Don't tell her I said that, though. I don't want her to get a big head."

"Like we had?" asked Jiraiya, and Orochimaru grinned.

Tsunade forced a grin, but inside, her blood ran cold. With only the past to work with, it was one thing to sit there and pretend, for the duration of the dinner, that her old best friend hadn't turned into a child-murdering psychopath. It was another thing to be faced with the fact that there was another child out there who was unknowingly in danger from a teacher she trusted. Whatever betrayal Tsunade felt and whatever lingering feelings of love she had for Orochimaru were completely swallowed by a fury to protect that little girl.

Cramped. Cramped. Cramped.

"I'll be right back," said Tsunade, with faux pleasantness, as a wave of revolted nausea hit her, so strong that it made her dizzy.

As soon as she made it into the bathroom and the door shut behind her, she threw up a disgusting mix of sake and stomach acid. She awkwardly tried to gargle with sink water to get rid of the smell before she went back out. The old lady who was in there with her said nothing—just patted her on the back and handed her a peppermint from her purse.

"I'm not pregnant," said Tsunade sharply, as if that was anywhere close to what mattered at the moment. But, she didn't want any extra rumors to get started about her.

"Neither am I," said the woman.

Touché.

---

Try as he might to find them, words could not describe how much Jiraiya wanted to be as far away from this dinner as humanly possible. There were so many emotions that Jiraiya was feeling that he was somehow feeling none of them, so he mostly focused his energies on trying to resist the urge to smash a glass bottle over his own head to achieve the mercy of unconsciousness. Some of this was going to bother him later, more than it already was—Anko, namely, and the general fact that he was having to worry about his best friend preying on children—but for right now, he found tranquility in trying to not off himself.

"It's been a long time, Jiraiya," said Orochimaru.

"It has," agreed Jiraiya. "War's kind of a bitch."

"An almost over bitch, so they say."

"Don't jinx it, man. We need this shit to be done."

"If talking about the war ending were to prevent it from doing so, it would have already been jinxed by a thousand people a hundred-thousand times." Jiraiya opened his mouth to respond, but Orochimaru interrupted him. "While she's in the bathroom, let's talk about Tsunade. Our old sensei told me a little bit about why she came back."

"Can I be honest with you?" asked Jiraiya, and Orochimaru nodded. The more baffled Jiraiya seemed, the better chance he had of convincing Orochimaru. Orochimaru always loved to feel like he was the smartest person in the room. "I didn't think it was going to work. For the magnitude of trying to get her to come back, it was the most hobbled-together, last-minute plan I've ever had, and somehow it still worked better than any well thought out plan I've had in the last five years."

"You're feeling awfully nostalgic lately," said Orochimaru, studying him. "First, Kakashi Hatake, then Tsunade."

"Are you not glad to see her?"

"No, I am." Despite how much of a slimy bastard that Orochimaru had become, Jiraiya suspected that was genuine. They all loved her, in their own ways—always had. "Just commenting that I'm not the only one picking up strays."

"Maybe I am feeling a bit nostalgic," admitted Jiraiya. "As I said, war's kind of a bitch. It fucks with your emotions a little." Jiraiya laughed. "You know, when we found her in a casino, Kakashi and I decided the best way to corner her would be to just join whatever game she was playing. When he won the first hand, I thought that, if only we had brought you, it would have been the chūnin exams all over again."

Just then, Tsunade emerged from the bathroom. Jiraiya subtly scratched his nose to let Orochimaru know she was coming and that they needed to drop their current topic of conversation.

"Should my ears be burning?" she asked, looking between the two of them suspiciously. Jiraiya had to give her credit; she was doing a good job at hiding her feelings, as rusty of a ninja as she was.

"Age has made you paranoid," said Orochimaru. "We were merely talking about nostalgia."

"If I were to ever age," said Tsunade. "Which I won't, but if I were to, nostalgia's what would get me. I forgot how goddamn fond I am of this city. It's a pain, knowing it's keeping me here."

"If it keeps you here, then I'm going to have to find it quite the opposite of a pain," said Orochimaru. "Though, I have to admit, I was surprised to learn that you gave Hatake your necklace—risked another life on your hands. Quite the gamble for someone who's never won a bet in her life."

"I was surprised to learn she hadn't pawned it," said Jiraiya, putting up a front of nonchalance, though he did not appreciate that Orochimaru was taunting her.

"Jiraiya, I have no qualms about killing you in public," said Tsunade, before turning back towards Orochimaru. "It was what made me decide to come back. I figured, if it killed him, Jiraiya would have to leave me alone. If it didn't, maybe there was some hope in this world after all." She looked down at her lap and fiddled with the edge of her shirt. "I found hope."

Their waitress brought another round of drinks, but before she could place them on the table, her tray slipped out of her hands and crashed onto the floor. The glasses shattered into a million pieces, one of which bounced up across her shin and left a nasty cut. Before anyone could do anything, blood was running down her leg and into her shoes.

Hoping that Tsunade had either turned away or closed her eyes in time, Jiraiya looked over to her, but he found that she had done neither. Eyes wide with terror, she froze, and her whole body began to shiver violently, like they had locked her in a freezer. Jiraiya did not know what was running through her mind, still not quite understanding, but he figured it had to be awful.

"Yo, Tsunade," said Jiraiya, looking at her and getting closer, in attempt to snap her out of it. But, she showed no understanding of his words. Unsure of what else to do, he slipped an arm around her and tried to help her to her feet. "Try and disguise yourself, at least."

That, she did manage, turning into a young woman with ink colored hair and emerald eyes. "We have to jet," said Jiraiya, to Orochimaru, steering her towards the exit. "But, we'll see you around, alright?"

"See you around," said Orochimaru.

---

Orochimaru watched two legends leave a bar, one half carrying the other. There was no punchline, only the punch of a fall from grace.

He knew that the Third loved Tsunade a great deal, and in fairness, so did he. However, love had a tendency to make the Third blind, so while his old sensei might have accepted her return without question, Orochimaru could not. With the testing of his hypothesis, he realized that Tsunade was not any better than she was when she left, and he liked to think he knew Tsunade well enough to know that she would not have come home solely on the future hope of recovery without seeing some results first. A few possible explanations and leads floated through his mind—the soon-to-be-open Hokage position, the war ending, the possibility that she might have stumbled upon something secret—but either way:

Those fucking liars.

(Hello, Darkness)

Tsunade did not remember the walk over there, or if she even walked at all. She might have run, or Jiraiya might have carried her. For all she knew, they might have teleported. Everything was hazy, and by the time she regained enough awareness of herself to figure out what was going on, she was on Jiraiya's couch, with a cup of tea in front of her.

"Did I just dream all that?" asked Tsunade, still out of it.

"If you're talking about dinner with Orochimaru," said Jiraiya. He and Kakashi were sitting on the floor, presumably to give her space. "No, that unfortunately happened."

"And, now we're here." She looked around intently, though she didn't know what she was looking for. "Interesting."

Though she was still trapped in a dreamlike state, memories of the dinner itself slowly came back to her: her uneasiness, Anko, and throwing up in the bathroom.

"You alright?" asked Kakashi.

"Yeah. I'm not pregnant."

Both men exchanged a curious glance, though Jiraiya's veered closer to suspicious. Relenting first, Kakashi gave a subtle, confused shrug and a shake of his head, which Jiraiya returned. "Drink your tea, won't you?" asked Kakashi, getting up and handing her the cup off the table, at the same time Jiraiya said, "What the hell did you do in the bathroom?"

"Oh, right," she said. At Kakashi's request, she accepted the cup and took a drink. "I threw up. There was an old woman in there with me, and I told her I wasn't pregnant, because I did not want that rumor going around as a potential reason for my return." As the fogginess cleared further, specific memories of their conversation popped back into her brain, and she shook her head. "God, that was a clusterfuck."

"I think clusterfuck is an understatement," said Jiraiya. "There's no way in hell he didn't cause that waitress to cut herself. He was testing us against something, and we failed." But, he quickly added: "Not that I'm blaming you, Tsunade. It's just one of those things, but we need to acknowledge that he's suspicious now."

"The good news is," said Kakashi. "At least, in relation to Danzō, even if Orochimaru tells him he's suspicious, it's going to be hard for Danzō to connect that to the Rain. I don't want to say it's impossible, but unless something goes really wrong for us, those two issues are going to stay separated in his mind."

"Which means he's still going to go to the Rain," guessed Jiraiya. "Suspicion makes the afterward a hell of a lot more complicated, though."

Kakashi nodded. "The way I see it, we have three choices. We have a good shot at killing Danzō, we have a good shot at taking down Orochimaru, or we have a good shot at keeping the Third Hokage's trust and maybe convincing him to do something. Once we pick, the other two get less likely. We're going to have to pick a hill to die on, and no question in my mind, I think it should be Danzō."

"That's probably fair," said Jiraiya, glad that, for the moment, he didn't have to think about Orochimaru or the Third. "Did you at least figure out about you-know-who's father, Tsunade?"

"I did," said Tsunade. "Or, at least, maybe. I think it's Inoya Yamanaka, though I can't be sure until we can confront him after January."

"The head of the Yamanaka clan?" asked Jiraiya incredulously. She nodded, and he sighed. "God, what the hell even is today?"

With that, all will to have conversation died, and a miserable, numb silence fell over the apartment. Until now, everything had gone well for them, completely predictable. This was the first thing that had gone south—the first unintended consequence of their meddling. From now on, it would get harder and hard to anticipate what would happen next, until the tomorrows spiraled out of their control and their future knowledge became less and less useful.

As of today, they would start losing the advantage they had banked on falling back on just a bit longer.

"I should go," said Kakashi, after they sat in quiet well past the situation growing awkward. "Kushina is watching the boys, and as I'm not a shadow clone, I'm sure she would appreciate me coming back at some point."

"I should, too," said Tsunade. All three of them stood, Jiraiya to see them out. "Thank you, Jiraiya. I'm so sorry about what happened."

"It's okay." He placed his hand on her shoulder. " Really , it's okay. We'll figure it out, alright?"

Nodding, she hoped he was correct as she and Kakashi vacated Jiraiya's place. Once Jiraiya shut the door and was out of earshot, she cornered Kakashi.

"Are you sleeping?" she whispered.

"What?"

"You look terrible." She hadn't noticed it yesterday, due to her hangover, nor earlier this morning, due to his disguise. However, he was pale and she swore he looked like he'd lost weight. "You don't look like you've been sleeping or eating. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, Tsunade." He gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself, first."

"I mean it, Kakashi," she said. "I appreciate that you're a man, and you're putting on a tough exterior, but I know what you're holding onto. It isn't healthy, and you know it. It's reflecting on the outside of you."

Perhaps it wasn't the smile, Kakashi realized, that was so different between then-her and now-her. It was her face of concern that was so drastically different than her older self. Looking at her, Kakashi did not see see the other her, did not see a looking glass into the past/future, just her—the her that had become a close friend to him.

It was so easy to want it, too. He enjoyed Jiraiya's and Tsunade's company, and he was glad beyond words that Minato, Kushina, Obito, and Rin were alive. There was a lot of really good things about this lifetime, one of which her and her friendship, which was the thing tethering him most to here.

But there were three things missing, three unforgivable things, and accepting the Tsunade and Jiraiya of here would mean letting go of what could not bear to. He would be a traitor if he were to give in. He was already a traitor for wanting it.

Tsunade was right. It wasn't healthy. And, maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or so on, he would confront it. But, for better or for worse, there would always be one thing still tethering him to last time, to Team Seven—Kaguya. For today, he had to hold on to the memory of the demigod he was opposing and fixate on the Masked Man, had to let it consume him, because it was the only long term, guaranteed way to keep the memory of his team alive.

"I assure you," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder like Jiraiya had only minutes before, and the fire in his eyes almost convinced her. "I'll be fine."

For today.

(The Empty Field)

On the eve of winter, two pens struck parchment, and the Third Ninja World War died with the autumn breeze, as swiftly and uneasily as it began. The event would bring about a night of celebrations, but first, it brought a day of mourning. Finally able to breath, loved ones flooded graveyards and memorials to grieve for those who could not.

Kakashi did not have the luxury of a grave or expression of remembrance. Desiring privacy above all else, he bought three white lilies and walked outside of the village to the training ground where he first gave Team Seven the bell test. He laid them in parallel, spaced out as if they were on graves, and he sat on the ground in front of them.

Over the past few months, a fog had crept into Kakashi's mind, slowly taking over like an untended weed. It was a fog of nothingness—the kind that made him collapse in the evenings without remembering what he did during the day and spend hours staring at his kitchen wall when the kids weren't compelling him to do anything—and it was as familiar as walking through the hallways of a childhood home. In another lifetime, he sat in this fog for thirteen years, wasting away into the void of it.

Though his body was the same age, Kakashi was not the same man. His experiences taught him that the fog was not a healthy or productive place to be, even if it was less painful than life outside of it. The fog was thicker this time, but the stakes were higher.

Perhaps it was stupid to mourn for three people who would, one day, live again. And, it was merciful that they did not follow him here. Sasuke and Sakura would have one another, but Naruto would have lost his wife to the stream of another life, a pain that Kakashi could not imagine. Here, their new minds could be spared of so much suffering: Naruto from the gnawing loneliness of a childhood without love, Sakura from the pain of betrayal in a vulnerable heart, and Sasuke from the shadow of trauma and inner evil. They would never have to know the dysphoria that comes from looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger look back or from a sudden regression in societal place.

However, he took away far more than he gave. With lightning in his palm, he disintegrated a future for them that was hopeful and bright, carelessly crumpling it in his hands like a spare bit of paper. From scratch, they built themselves into people who could leave wherever they went better than they found it. They had everything before them—families, careers, a transformed world, the safety of knowing the apocalypse was behind them—and he took it.

One day, they would grow up to be the Team Seven he met eleven years ago, but they would never be that Team Seven again. All their shared experiences, all that made them his, were gone forever, only living on as a haunted memory in his head.

It was time to face the music, or, rather, that there might never be music again. With a deep breath in, he allowed himself to feel.

He knew the moment itself would come first and loop repeatedly in his mind—the burst of evil, the sound of the Chidori in his palm, the blinding, pink glow of the crystal, and the electrocuting pain shooting through his limbs. The feel of a hand grabbing his wrist, a smaller hand touching his shoulder, and the horrible sound of their two owners crying out in pain. A concaving, eternal darkness.

"This is an awful way to die."

"We're not going to die. We can't. Not now. Summon us out of here, Sasuke."

"I can't. It's not working. I'm stuck."

All because Kakashi insisted on going.

He always did have a nasty habit of killing those he cared about.

"I am so sorry," he said, to the ground, to them. Guilt overwhelmed him like poison in his veins, paralyzing him, suffocating him. For a wild moment, in the depth of his remembering cycle, he begged his memory-self to not touch the crystal. "I was supposed to protect you. I should have been able to protect you, but instead I killed you myself."

Unsure of how else to proceed, he turned to the first flower, and said, as if it was a proper funeral, "Naruto, you were the best man I ever knew. I really was a couple years away from giving you the Hokage position, because no one deserved it more. But, not because you saved the world. It was because everyone you came across was better for it, me most of all.

"Sasuke, you were a bastard," he said, turning to the middle flower. "But, you were my bastard. I felt flattered that you asked me to be your father-substitute in your wedding, even though I knew it wasn't like anyone else was going to do it. I was proud you put your life back together. I was proud you came home. I was really proud that you didn't make me regret bailing you out of maximum-security prison. You made me…a more empathetic and patient person, and I was a better Hokage for it.

"And, Sakura." He looked at the last flower and had to take a long, deep breath before continuing. "I really underestimated you at first. You were right; you were all little and stupid, but I knew who Naruto's and Sasuke's parents were and that they probably wouldn't stay that way. But, god, how wrong I was to doubt you. I was proud of how hard you worked to keep up with Naruto and Sasuke. I was proud of how hard you worked to learn how to help people better than anyone ever had. You made me—"

Kakashi had to stop. Reducing the three of them down to a few sentences felt disingenuous—an insult to their memory. They meant so much more to him than a short eulogy. They were worth so much more to everyone; how could he even presume that a few shallow paragraphs of goodbyes would come close to adequately honoring them? A full hero's burial should have been held to commemorate them, but all the world gave them was a pitiful collection of thoughts in his mind and three flowers in a training ground.

"Did they not do enough for you?" he asked, standing, looking up at the sky, and screaming at the universe. "Why the hell would you take more from them? Why didn't you take me instead?

"Or, am I in Hell?" he continued, with a short, hollow laugh. "Is that what this is—that I never made up for the things I did? Is this the price I have to pay for their deaths? This has to be Hell, because there is no good world where I'm alive and they're not." His throat was growing raw from yelling, but he didn't care. As if daring the universe to strike him down, he spread his arms wide. "You can take whatever you want from me. Take my heart, take my life, make me walk through a fiery plane for the rest of goddamn eternity. I don't care. Just don't take anything from them."

But, he realized, the universe would never take him up on that request. Death would not be a punishment in this circumstance but instead a mercy, and therefore the universe was not going to grant it. He would have given almost anything to be back in that moment, to stop himself from touching the crystal, but the clock turned back too far, because life was not that kind.

He underestimated the despair that would arise in this moment, and everything inside of him was quickly spiraling out of control.

"How am I supposed to live, now, huh? I—" The words were foreign and weird to say out loud, even though he meant them, but in the rawness of the moment, he didn't care. "— loved them. What even am I without them? I—" All speech was getting caught in his throat, bubbling inside and choking him. "—just, fuck ."

Kakashi was not the sort of man who cried. From a young age, he was taught that men, that ninja, did not cry, and it was a rule he always followed, even in the face of so much death. But, there was something about them that broke him, then, and he collapsed on the ground with his knees to his chest. He didn't sob, just experienced tears in the way Tsunade did—a few silent drops down his face before he could stop them. He hastily wiped them away, but like the hydra of legends, each tear removed from his face seemed to breed two more.

"I'm sorry," he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth again and again, begging the dirt for a forgiveness that it could not give. "God, I'm so sorry."

If this was life, it had to be a mistake. The great tragedy of being human—mortality—was not a price worth any goodness the world had to offer. In death, Team Seven took every part of him with them, and all that was left was a hollow, broken shell of a body.

No , he almost heard Naruto say, so strongly he had to look around. We haven't left you.

If nothing else, he realized, that was a disrespect to their memory—giving up on the good in the world. Naruto did not suffer for so long and believe in the goodness in people's hearts so strongly for him to surrender now, nor did Sakura fight so hard to help bring people out of the darkness, nor did Sasuke put so much effort into turning his life around. Kakashi did not have graves, but he held the memories of them that would carry on until his life, too, was done. For them, that had to be enough.

It did not stop the constant flood of apologies, but as he embraced the shadow of them in his heart, the constricting grief eased its grasp.

(Colours)

Finally lacking responsibilities, Minato and Kushina spent their morning playfully arguing over paint samples on their couch. Kushina, sitting on Minato's lap, was in charge of keeping up with the colored cards and sorting through them, but after forty-five minutes, the couch, the coffee table, and their legs were so covered in them that their living room was starting to resemble an abstract art piece. His arms around her waist and his chin on her shoulder, Minato, though by far the neatest of the two, was so glad to have the chance to hold her that he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"What do you think about this one?" asked Kushina, holding up a pale green.

Minato wrinkled his nose. "It's a little nauseating."

"You think all green is nauseating."

"Not your dress."

"Only 'cause it's on me," she said, grinning.

"That's probably true," he said, returning the smile. He picked up a golden one that was stuffed in the couch cushion. "I like this one."

"There's a fifty-percent chance that it's going to match our future child's hair," said Kushina. "Definitely not." Giggling, she picked up an obnoxious, bright-orange card. "Clearly, this is the one."

"Clearly," said Minato, and he snorted. "Could you even imagine? Our kid would have a nervous breakdown before the age of one, looking at that color all the time. I'd have a nervous breakdown."

"That would be a fun story." Leaning back into his shoulder, she continued dramatically: "Legendary hero of Konoha, bested by his own kid's nursery." When he rolled his eyes, she laughed. "Don't worry. To honor your sacrifice, Jiraiya and I will write a beautiful ballad about the tragedy to the tune of whatever song's biggest at the moment and perform it in every karaoke bar in town while you recover."

"Remind me to never have a personal tragedy in which I can't defend myself," said Minato. "Or, if I do, remind me to take Jiraiya down with me."

"You wouldn't take me down, too?"

"No," he said, grinning again. "Don't tell anyone, but I might be a little in love with you." Before she could respond, he reached over to the coffee table and grabbed a rich blue with a green undertone, hidden beneath a stack of reds. "How about this one? It's not too green, at least."

"I like it." She took the card and held it in front of her, imagining it on a wall, and she gave a melancholy smile. "I like it a lot. It reminds me of the sea, you know? Now, we just need to pick a color to pair it with."

"Clearly the orange," he joked.

" Clearly ." Laughing, she picked back up the gold. "Paired with the blue, I think it might be okay, but maybe—"

Because life, it seemed, was never kind, a knock on the door interrupted her.

"I'm going to commit homicide," she said, glaring at the spot where the door was through the wall.

"I'm sure it'll be nothing," he said, but he didn't believe it, and she knew it.

Trying not to seem too disappointed, because the war was over and today was a day meant for celebrating, she rolled off him. As he walked over to the door, she went to tidy up the ones that were complete rejects: all the greens, some that matched her hair, and that awful orange. But, she couldn't find the will, hoping, against all odds, that they might be able to immediately return to the couch.

"Hey," she heard Tsunade say, when he opened the door. Kushina was immediately relieved, but then: "The Hokage wants to see you."

"Traitor!" said Kushina, darting around the corner so fast that her hair took several seconds to catch up, whipping around her like the seeds of a blown-on dandelion.

"There's decaffeinated brands that are just as good, you know," said Tsunade. Kushina narrowed her eyes. "Look, it's not for a mission or anything. He just wants to talk. Shouldn't even take that long."

Kushina's gaze still didn't let up, so Tsunade's eyes narrowed in return. "I don't know if anyone's told you this recently," said Tsunade. "But you still look like a habanero."

"Are you bullying me?" asked Kushina, scandalized.

"If you don't want to get called a habanero, don't look like one—"

"—my own cousin, my last known family, bullying for me a trait of our shared heritage—"

"—I'm pretty sure our 'shared heritage' isn't making you go red in the face—"

"—I have fair skin, Tsunade—"

"—you have a temper, is what you have—"

"—your temper is way worse than mine—"

"I'll go see what the Hokage needs," said Minato, kissing Kushina on the forehead, wanting to be out of the line of fire. "I'll be back soon."

"Bye, Minato," they said in unison, never breaking eye contact with one another.

Even though they looked nothing alike, Minato swore, in that moment, they looked identical.

"I should get going, too," said Tsunade.

"Wait," said Kushina, and she finally looked away. "You know…if you don't have anything you have be doing, I could…permit you to stay and hang out with me."

When Tsunade narrowed her eyes further, Kushina gave the most charming smile she could. "You are so needy," said Tsunade, shaking her head, but she walked back into the house regardless.

"Don't go into the living room," said Kushina, holding up the orange card in her hand. "We're trying to decide on colors for the nursery."

"Is that the one you're going with?" asked Tsunade, inspecting it.

Kushina laughed. "No, this is the one we are definitely not going with. We kept throwing it out as a joke."

Staring at the card for a moment longer, Tsunade got the oddest on her face. She smiled, as if amused, but not for the same reason Kushina was. "If you're not using this, can I have it?"

"Sure," said Kushina slowly, bewildered as to what she could even want it for, but she didn't press. "What are your plans for this evening?"

"Nothing concrete," said Tsunade. "Probably drinking, at some point. I was actually about to go ask Jiraiya and Kakashi what their plans were—try and coordinate something."

"Kakashi, too?" Tsunade shrugged. "Minato and I talked about getting a group together to go celebrate, so if the three of you wanted, you could always join up with us."

"I'm sure, if they're not busy, they'd like that," said Tsunade. "Want to split up, then? You grab one, I grab the other, and we meet back up here?"

Smiling, Kushina nodded. "I'll take Kakashi. I've been wanting to see the boys again."

"When you see him," said Tsunade, handing her back the orange card, and the weird look returned to her face. "Give him that and tell him the same thing you told me. Just replace 'nursery' with 'spare room' or something."

Kushina looked between the card and Tsunade curiously for a long moment, but she eventually took it, finding the request harmless. For all she knew, there was a normal explanation for it, such as Kakashi coincidentally painting his room that color, and Tsunade just found it funnier if she wasn't in on it. However, combined with Kakashi's, Tsunade's, and Jiraiya's strange behavior since the end of September, Kushina's mind wandered back to Tsunade's promise of an explanation soon and wondered if they were connected.

---

Disappointingly, neither Kakashi nor the boys were at the apartment, nor was Kakashi at the graveyard or in any of the main streets. Through some asking around, she finally ascertained that he exited the village a short while ago and went in the direction of the training fields. At first, Kushina thought he had just gone to train, because Kakashi was weird enough to spend the morning of the war ending training instead of celebrating. However, as she circled around the perimeter of the training fields, in no hurry, trying to figure out which one he had gone to, she heard a sudden burst of yelling, and she ran towards it.

"Am I in Hell?" she heard Kakashi ask, and she realized that he was not shouting in combat. Wanting to hear what prompted such a question, she paused a significant distance away from where his voice was coming from. She knew if she got too close, he would notice her, and his actions would be interrupted. However, that meant some of his words dissipated in the distance. "You can take whatever you want from me. Take my heart, take my life, make me walk through a fiery plane for the rest of goddamn eternity—" More muffled yelling followed. "—how am I supposed to live now, huh? I—" The rest of the sentence was dropped. "—what even am I without them? I…just, fuck ."

Even after the screaming ceased, she was still frozen in place, both dumbfounded and terrified by what she heard. It was nosy to spy on him, but in the interest of his well-being, she activated her Nine Tails Chakra Mode to gauge his emotions. However, it only intensified her fear; Kakashi radiated immense, horrifying grief, with suffocating guilt layered underneath, and it nearly knocked her off her feet. It was not a unique grief—many people in Konoha were feeling it today—but it was a grief that should not have belonged to Kakashi.

Panicking, she tried to decide whether she should go to him and make sure he was alright or go home and ask Tsunade what to do. Unable to pick, she remained still amongst the trees, waiting, feeling. A new surge of guilt in his heart—the guilt of the world—battled with the mourning, but there was no clear victor, and a wave of despair joined the fray. Then, without warning, everything eased.

None of it made any sense.

Making her decision, she used the break to dispel her chakra and race over to him. He sensed her before she caught sight of him in the middle of the clearing, already getting off the ground as if to meet her. However, she wanted to see what he was doing, so she did not slow until she was standing beside him. At his feet, there were a few white lilies, spaced out at awkward lengths, and though she had never known him to cry, his face was red as if he had been. Neither told her anything she didn't already know, and yet, they made everything more confusing.

"Hey," she said. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry." He looked away and coughed some of the roughness out of his voice. "Everywhere in Konoha was crowded, and I knew no one would be out here."

"Are you alright?"

"Of course," he lied, as if they both didn't know she had just heard him yell out his depressive episode at a separated bouquet. "I just…my parents. Grieving my parents."

His grief was not the sort that belonged to the deaths of one's parents in early childhood—she had been there before—but she did not call him on it. "Right. Well, a group of us are going out this evening to celebrate if you want to come with. Tsunade's going and maybe Jiraiya; she went to go ask him while I found you."

Still not quite meeting her eyes, he nodded distractedly, and Kushina had no idea if it was a "yes" or a "no." She did not want to leave him alone, genuinely afraid he was having a lapse in sanity and might be a danger to himself, but she did not want to let on how terrified she was, afraid it would only make it worse. So, she hoped Tsunade's instinct was right and pulled out the paint sample card.

"Minato and I are repainting our spare room, and we've gone through about a million paint samples that are currently thrown all over our living room. For some reason, Tsunade wanted me to tell you that Minato and I thought this was the worst color imaginable, and we kept throwing it out as a joke."

Like Tsunade, he got a weird look on his face, and he laughed. She was not sure if it made her feel better or worse about the situation. "Can I have that?" he asked, and she handed it over. Then, with all the heart as if she had done him a great service: "Thank you."

Before she could stop him, he ran back towards the village, leaving her in an empty field with white lilies.

"Who are you?" she asked the flowers on the ground.

---

Of the people in Konoha who shared his profession, Skimbops Marquis was, by far, the sketchiest. No one knew how he got the name; he kept it a secret to increase his air of mystery, but really all it did was make him seem seedier. In his six-year stint as Hokage, Kakashi had personally charged him with various misdemeanors on seventeen separate occasions.

If Kakashi could have gone anywhere else, he would have. However, if he wanted this now, reputability had to be tossed out the window, and his only hope was that Skimbops Marquis was still asleep and thus had yet to take anyone.

"The fuck, man?" asked Skimbops Marquis, opening his apartment door with a yawn. He was twenty-four-years younger than Kakashi had last seen him, but the youthfulness of his mid-twenties did not improve his sleaziness. "It's only ten."

Thinking back to the time that Skimbops Marquis drunkenly stole all the toothpaste from a corner store and threw up in the police station, Kakashi felt no pity for him. "Are you taking walk-ins?"

"I'm taking nothing but walk-ins today. Gotta capitalize on that grieving impulsivity." He opened the door to his apartment wider to allow Kakashi entry. "How can Skimbops Marquis help you, my friend?"

That really should have been the point where Kakashi realized he was making a mistake and backed out, but he was so caught up in the trammels of grief that rationality—and, if he was being honest, a non-insignificant chunk of his sanity—was gone. Team Seven was gone, safety from Kaguya was gone, his village was gone, and his proper body was gone. The entire future was gone. All that remained was Naruto's voice and a little, orange paint sample.

So, instead of leaving like he should have done, Kakashi stepped inside and handed over the card Kushina gave him. "You're going to need this."

"It's tacky. I like it."

---

By the time Kushina arrived back home, Tsunade and Jiraiya were already there, sitting at her kitchen table and playfully bickering about something. She must have looked panicked, because when they caught sight of her, they immediately stopped their conversation and straightened in their chairs.

"What happened?" asked Tsunade.

"I need your help," said Kushina. "It's Kakashi. He's having a nervous breakdown."

Quickly, she recounted the events at the training ground: the yelling, the unexplainable grief, the flowers, and the card. As she went through her story, she noticed, even amidst her terror, that Jiraiya and Tsunade did not look as confused as she expected them to be. They looked as concerned as Kushina was, but they lacked the bewilderment. At first, she thought it might have been that they didn't want to worry her more than she already was, but the more she thought about it, the more it struck her as odd.

"Give Jiraiya and I a second," said Tsunade, once she was finished.

Turning back towards Jiraiya, Tsunade put up her hands like a barrier to block her face from Kushina's eyes, and Jiraiya did the same. Presumably mouthing words to one another, they silently argued for over two minutes. Though, if Kushina had to guess from the body language, it was mostly just Tsunade berating Jiraiya for something and the latter getting defensive about it.

"Fine, fine," said Jiraiya aloud, and they both put down their hands. He got up from the table, walked over to the front door, and waved behind him. "See you tonight, Kushina."

"Alright," said Kushina, looking between he and Tsunade, trying to figure out if what just happened was good or bad. "See you tonight."

The moment Jiraiya shut the door behind him, Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Men are so stupid," she said. "They'd rather you break their legs than have to talk to one another about their feelings." Turning back towards Kushina, Tsunade narrowed her eyes and studied her for a moment. "Don't tell anyone what you saw—not even Minato, okay?"

Kushina nodded. As a ninja, she was used to secrecy, so she knew that she couldn't ask and didn't need to. She settled for just asking, "Is Kakashi going to be alright?"

"Yeah," said Tsunade. "He'll be fine."

Like Kakashi's voice in the field, Tsunade's tone was light, almost hyper-reassuring her even in the face of something bad. It irritated Kushina, and though it was stupid to feel out of the loop as a ninja, because there was a lot even Minato had to keep from her, she felt kept out of the loop all the same. It would be one thing if Tsunade and Jiraiya were just lying to her—that would be consistent with ninja work—but for the most part, they were just going out of their way to be cryptic. As far as Kushina could tell, they wanted her to uniquely put together that something about the situation was off, as part of Tsunade's promise to tell her later.

However, she was slightly reassured by the fact that Jiraiya went instead of Tsunade. If Kakashi was truly having a break in sanity, Tsunade, as a medical-nin, would have been the one to go.

The two of them talked for another two hours, during which Tsunade was strangely upbeat. Kushina had a feeling Tsunade was forcibly entertaining her to take her mind off it, which would have added to her irritation if it hadn't worked. Kushina didn't even realized how much time had passed until Minato came back and she looked at the clock.

When he stepped into the house, Kushina could immediately tell something was amiss. He looked dazed and confused, like someone had drugged him, and he didn't make eye contact with her, only Tsunade. Kushina was almost worried, but when she looked over to Tsunade, she found her grinning widely.

"What did you say to them?" asked Minato, after several seconds of silence, his voice halfway between talking and whispering.

"Nothing that wasn't deserved," said Tsunade. "And, I assure you, I wasn't the only one. Did you say yes?" Minato nodded, and Tsunade got up from the table, walked over to him, put her hand on his shoulder, whispered something that Kushina couldn't hear, and winked. Then, she left the house with the parting words: "Don't doubt yourself. You deserve it."

Even once she shut the door, Minato didn't move from the entryway, still dumbfounded by whatever the Third Hokage told him. Kushina was still a little nervous at his demeanor, despite Tsunade's glee, so she got up to meet him and wrapped her arms affectionately around his neck.

"You know, if they're making you leave again, I'm serious about the homicide," she joked, certain he wasn't but hoping to snap him out of his fog.

"No," he said, still avoiding her gaze. "I'm actually going to be leaving the village a lot less now. I got promoted."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense," she said, smiling. "To what?"

Finally, he looked at her, and when the word tumbled out of his mouth, she suddenly understood why he was so floored. "Hokage."

---

As he walked back to his apartment, Kakashi's arm ached, and it both bothered him and didn't. The pain from the ache itself hardly registered in his mind, but the real pain came from the constant reminder that his arm existed at all. He was dazed from grief and the first signs of regret, and as he suspected his apartment would be empty, save for maybe Tenzō, he intended to try and sleep it off.

However, when he entered through his front door, his apartment was completely packed with people. Sitting at his kitchen table, Jiraiya was animatedly telling a story to a small army of children at his feet, only one of whom was supposed to be there. Other than Kabuto, he only recognized two of them: Hana Inuzuka and Itachi Uchiha. In the far corner of the living room, Tenzō sat with his knees to his chest, and he peeked over the couch so he could still listen to Jiraiya, while being as far away from the crowd as he could.

"Hi, Kakashi," said Kabuto cheerfully, and all the kids echoed the greeting. Kakashi gestured to the crowd, to prompt an explanation. "Oh, Hana's family is having a party because the war is over, and we're going to everyone's parents to ask if we can go, and we came here so I could ask you if I could go, and Jiraiya was here, and he's been telling us stories—"

"Please tell me they were appropriate," said Kakashi, which earned him an eye roll from Jiraiya. "Yes, Kabuto, you can go. Just be back by—" He felt like Tsunade, trying to come up with a curfew but struggling to pick one that wasn't just arbitrary. "—ten thirty, let's say, as long as you take your brother with you."

Tenzō's eyes went wide. Like he did with Shizune, Kakashi inconspicuously nodded his head, though it was less of an encouragement and more of an order. As the kids shuffled out, Kabuto grabbed Tenzō's hand and nearly dragged him out with them.

"He's getting pretty popular," said Jiraiya, once the door was shut.

"He's making my apartment break the fire code," said Kakashi, sitting down across from Jiraiya. Truthfully, though, Kakashi was glad Kabuto was adjusting well. "How long have you been here?"

"About two hours."

Judging from the timeline, it was not hard for Kakashi to put together the reason for his visit. "She didn't tell anyone else, did she?"

"Only Tsunade." Kakashi nodded and didn't meet his gaze; today had not been his proudest. "So, how're you doing?"

"I'm fine," said Kakashi easily. "Really."

"No, you're not," said Jiraiya, leaning back in his chair and examining him. "We don't have to talk about it, but I know you're not. And, if you ever need to talk, you know, it's okay…to not be okay."

Kakashi looked over to him and narrowed his eyes slightly, examining Jiraiya in return. So far, Jiraiya had yet to divulge what was truly going through his mind in relation to the Third Hokage and Orochimaru, and Kakashi did not know if Jiraiya even knew, yet. He knew that Jiraiya would always do the right thing, but betrayal from a best friend was a hard pill to swallow, and Kakashi had to wonder and worry where on the "okay" scale Jiraiya was currently falling.

He fought not to rub the sore spot on his right arm.

"You, too," said Kakashi genuinely. "It's all just..."

Though Kakashi trailed off, Jiraiya caught his meaning. "It's a fucked-up situation," agreed Jiraiya, before grinning. "But, we wouldn't be the specialized team of the biggest fuck-ups on the planet if it wasn't."

"Jiraiya, I know you have at least one literary bone in your body," said Kakashi, rolling his eyes. "Please use it to come up with a better name."

"I did: The Future Unit for Covert—"

"That one was worse."

"How would you know, anyway?" asked Jiraiya. "I'm the one who's going to be a best-selling author."

"Right now, you're just a man who's letting Hanzō outshine his naming skills."

"'Sannin was cheating. Looking at three ninja and calling them 'The Three Ninja' barely even counts as naming."

"And, yet," said Kakashi. "It's what everyone still calls you."

"Fine. We'll be the 'Sanbakayarou.'"

"I have a feeling 'The Three Assholes' isn't going to catch on as well."

"You know, you're real bitchy," said Jiraiya. "How about…Team Twenty-Three?"

"What's twenty-three?"

"The age that Tsunade is going to make us all pretend to be forever."

"That'll be easier for me than you," said Kakashi, his lips twitching, and Jiraiya grinned.

"Speaking of twenty-three-year-olds," said Jiraiya. "I forgot to tell you; the Third asked Minato to be his replacement this morning. He was still at the meeting when I left. So, at least we didn't fuck that up."

"And the war is over," said Kakashi, trying to think optimistically. "One step closer, then."

The implied "until Danzō's death" hung awkwardly over them, both wondering about the unknown that would follow a success and the catastrophe that would follow a failure. Once they made that commitment, their future knowledge would still be invaluable, but they would lose the advantage of certainty.

Kakashi fought not to rub the sore spot on his right arm.

"There's—" began Jiraiya, but he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"It's me," said Tsunade.

Lazily, Kakashi took the kunai off his belt and threw it at the front door knob, so the hilt crashed into the lock and turned it. "S'open," he said, as Jiraiya rolled his eyes and muttered, "Show off."

"Hey," she said, entering, and once the door was shut: "Minato said yes."

Though they knew Minato was going to, Kakashi nearly sighed in relief. "How did he seem?"

"Stunned." Joining them, she walked over to the table and took a seat. "But, I didn't stay long, so Minato could tell Kushina in peace."

"Speaking of," said Jiraiya. "Now that we've cleared that hurdle, you have to convince Kushina to tell you when she's pregnant before she tells anyone else. I mean, you're a medical-nin. Can you tell when someone's...planning that kind of thing?"

"First of all, no," said Tsunade, bewildered. "Thank god you have no experience in this area, but unprotected sex isn't a medical condition. Second, I don't have to convince her of anything, because she already told me. I accidentally found a bunch of pregnancy brochures in her kitchen trash can when I first got back."

"Did you get rid of them?" asked Kakashi.

"Yeah. We doused them in rubbing alcohol and made a bonfire in training field fourteen." She paused and looked down at the table, before looking back up at Jiraiya. "I've been thinking about what you said in the Rain. If worse comes to worst, and it means saving them, I'll do it."

"Take the Nine-Tails?" he asked, and she nodded. "Hopefully, it won't come to it."

"Hopefully." An awkward silence hovered over the three of them, but Tsunade was quick to break it. "So, what have you two been up to?"

"Nothing," said Jiraiya, nodding over to Kakashi. "He barely beat you here."

"What? Where were you?"

Involuntarily, Kakashi felt his face go red, and the ache in his arm felt like it was on fire. Today really was not his proudest.

" What ?" asked Tsunade again.

"I was…making a mistake," he said. However, noticing their faces and realizing their stakes, he quickly added: "Personal, not professional."

"Define mistake," said Jiraiya slowly, as he and Tsunade exchanged a glance.

With both difficulty and shame, Kakashi cleared his throat and said, "I went to Skimbops Marquis's place."

"No," said Tsunade, standing in shock. "Kakashi, please tell me you're kidding."

"Unfortunately, not," said Kakashi, wishing he would just sink through the floor and into oblivion. "There's at least a five-percent chance I now have hepatitis C."

Tsunade clamped her hands over her mouth to try and stop a burst of nervous giggles, but she was unsuccessful. "I'm sorry," she said, through her fingertips. "That's really fucked up."

But, her giggling caused him to laugh despite himself, at the stupidity of the entire situation. It started as a snort but quickly escalated, which caused her to start laughing harder, and it snowballed until they were both in hysterics. His head was in his hands as he tried to regain composure, and she had to grab the back of her chair to keep from falling over.

"Who the hell is Skimbops Marquis?" asked Jiraiya.

"You don't know who Skimbops Marquis is?" asked Tsunade incredulously. "I've been back for two weeks and I know who he is."

"Look, I'm gone a lot. Sometimes I fall behind." Neither Tsunade nor Kakashi wanted to explain, nor were they able to pull themselves together. "What, is he a prostitute or something?"

"No, I wish," said Kakashi. "I'd certainly feel a lot better at the moment."

"Well," said Tsunade, still giggling. "Let's see it, then."

When Kakashi moved to pull up his sleeve, Jiraiya realized Skimbops Marquis's profession. "Oh my god, you're fucking with us, right?"

Wanting to rip off the metaphorical bandage, Kakashi did not stop to answer, lifting his sleeve so that his entire upper arm was visible. Underneath a few layers of plastic wrap, there was a black piece of linework in the shape of the symbol for the number seven. The top three notches were loosely colored in pink, orange, and red, and the long, bottom piece was colored blue, for them and him respectively.

"It's not bad," said Jiraiya, forcefully thinking on the bright side. "As far as tattoos go, it's done pretty well. It could certainly be worse."

"At least, until you get blood poisoning or something" said Tsunade.

Absolutely nothing about the situation was truly funny. The three people Kakashi loved most were, in a bizarre way, dead, and it tore at him so much that he got an impulsive, memorial tattoo. Hell was before them; everything and nothing was before them. However, like Tsunade and Jiraiya fell victim to in their bunker in the Rain, everything was so messed up and ridiculous that it was impossible to deal with properly. With nothing else to do, the three of them laughed, trying to pretend, at least for a moment, that life was different than what it was.

(The Edge of Almost)

Four sat on a mountain, lost in thought while staring at the city below, and Six, though Four did not know his identity at the time, came up behind him and asked, "Mind some company?"

"Sure," said Four, not turning around to look at his former student.

Six took a seat next to him and dangled his legs over the Hokage Rock, and together, they watched Konoha in silence. As dusk was approaching, people were hastily setting up an impromptu festival to celebrate the war ending. They strung lanterns across strings that stretched down the lengths of the streets, and soon, they would be the only things visible from as high up as Four and Six were. Various stalls popped up like gophers out of the ground, and as they increased in frequency, the smell of food filled the air.

"It's been a while," said Minato.

"Two and a half months is hardly an eternity," said Kakashi, but his voice was not unkind.

"A while for us, then—but, evidently long enough for you to become a father." Kakashi rolled his eyes, and Minato grinned. "How are they?"

"They're a handful, but it could be worse. They're good kids. Kabuto has more friends than he can keep up with, but Tenzō, if I didn't make him, would only talk to me, his brother, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Shizune. He should be able to join the Academy soon, though, so I'm hoping that will snap him out of it."

On his return to the village the day before, Kushina filled him in on how weird Kakashi had grown. But, Minato had not personally witnessed any of it since the Kannabi Bridge mission, and from the stories, that mission appeared to be the tamest. It was not his place to press, though, and if he was to become Hokage, he supposed he would find out soon enough.

"Congratulations, by the way," said Kakashi.

"How did you know?"

"I have my ways."

"So, Tsunade told you?"

"Yeah," said Kakashi, and Minato could see the flicker of a smile in his eyes. Then, Kakashi look over to him. "How are you feeling about it?"

For a moment, Minato considered lying with a quick "I'm fine; it's a great honor" and moving on. It was the answer Minato would have given Obito and Rin without hesitation, and as such, a legitimate answer felt strange to give to Kakashi. Unlike Obito and Rin, however, who did not have the capacity to understand the nuances of the truthful answer, Minato suspected that Kakashi really was asking. Perhaps it was just due to the level of crisis that Minato was currently experiencing, but Minato did not feel the need to hide anything.

"I don't feel worthy," admitted Minato, even though it was an unexpected and peculiar conversation to have with Kakashi. "I don't feel qualified. I'm a soldier, not a politician. I have no idea why I was chosen."

"You were chosen because they think you can be taught," said Kakashi. "You're not going to know what you're doing until you're there, but neither would anyone else. No one goes into a Kage position feeling ready, unless they're deluding themselves or are too arrogant to learn how to do what's best for the village. Everyone has to learn what they're doing through experience, and even you can't deny that you're a quick learner."

The advice was bizarre to hear from Kakashi (because what could Kakashi have even known about the subject?), but Minato was so nervous that he didn't question it. "Learning means making mistakes, and Hokage is a risky position to make mistakes in."

"And, you're going to make them. It's going to be hard and complicated, and it's a lot of responsibility. But, no one is making you do it alone. There are going to be people there to help you and teach you. Plus, you have something that no other candidate would have."

"Which is?"

"You give the people of Konoha hope. And, more than anything, that's what they need right now." Before Minato could say anything else, Kakashi stood. "I was sent to come fetch you, by the way. We're supposed to be meeting everyone, and I'm sure they're wondering where the hell we are."

"Right," said Minato, getting to his feet. Oddly, he felt a little better, and the rest of the day did not seem as laborious as it did before. "Well, let's not keep everyone waiting."

---

"Where the hell were you two?" asked Tsunade, when Kakashi and Minato finally joined up with the group—her, Jiraiya, Kushina, and Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha—at a table they snagged off Second Street. "I caught up with InoShikaCho, met their wives, and still got back before you did."

"Got lost on the path of life," said Kakashi.

"Now that you're here," said Kushina, standing. "I don't know about the rest of you, but a drink or five is my future."

"We need to start separating you and Tsunade," muttered Jiraiya.

"Is that you volunteering to wait with the table, Jiraiya?" asked Tsunade, standing, too."

"I don't want anything," said Mikoto. "So, I'll hold the table."

"I'll wait with you," said Fugaku, taking out his wallet. "If someone wouldn't mind grabbing me a sake or something."

"You're not pregnant, are you?" asked Kushina jokingly. But, when Mikoto and Fugaku exchanged a look, her eyes went wide and lit up. "Wait, what ?"

"Don't say anything," said Mikoto, quieting her down. "Because I'm only two months along, but, yes—" With another look over to her husband, she smiled. "—we're having another one."

Everyone gave their congratulations, and it was bizarre for Kakashi to give his while mentally acknowledging that he got an impulsive, memorial tattoo that was one-thirds dedicated to her unborn child only hours before. However, the relief far outshone any awkwardness. As he, Jiraiya, and Tsunade exchanged glances, Kakashi couldn't keep a smile off his face.

We haven't left you.

"In that case," said Minato, to Fugaku. "Your drink is on me."

"Don't worry about it," said Jiraiya, clapping Minato on the shoulder. "I've got first round."

Grabbing her husband's hand, Kushina led the charge of drink-buyers through the quickly-growing crowd. Jiraiya threw one arm over Kakashi's shoulders and the other over Tsunade's, steering them after her. The latter two put up a show of protesting Jiraiya's show of affection, for their own egos, but it didn't last long. Laughing, the five of them went out into the night, with the other two members of their party smiling fondly as they watched them leave.

Even though it was preceded by tragedy, the memory itself was picture-perfect. It was a snapshot into a life that was far simpler than their reality. A life where they were just a normal group of friends who could celebrate without a care in the world. Later—and there would be a later, an afterward, a moment when peace suddenly became nothing more than a memory, because their worlds were not nearly as kind as the memory, on its own, would suggest—they would all wish that they could have, in the moment, somehow savored it more, because that night was the last time, on this side of the afterlife, that the seven of them were all together.

---

A/N: Thanks for making it this far, folks! Let us know what you think by leaving a review!

Fun Fact of the Chapter: So, as this and the next chapter were originally combined, our intended fun fact had to move to chapter 5. We couldn't actually think of a good, new fun fact for the first half, so in honor of JK Rowling's shenanigans, here are a bunch of Once More with Feeling facts you now have to acknowledge as canon:

- Danzo has a third nipple

- Emon Uchiha is a flat-earther.

- Approximately 5% of all hospital visits in Konoha are by ninja who've injured themselves trying out ridiculous, jutsu-involved sex acts. The Third Hokage has made 8 such visits this year alone.

- The Mist has an organ-trafficking problem