This Far

Chapter 4- She Is The Sunlight

FanFiction finally let me edit the story, thank god. Anywho, I don't own Victorious or the lyrics to this song... blah,blah,blah.

If loving her is

Heartache for me

And if holding her means

I have to bleed

Then I am the martyr

And love is to blame

She is the healing

And I am the pain

She lives in a daydream

Where I don't belong

She is the sunlight

And the sun is gone

As soon as I left Vega's house, after our little argument, I had this strange feeling. Guilt? No that's impossible I do not feel guilt. I have never once felt guilt, and god knows I wouldn't ever feel guilt, especially towards Vega. The name burns in my throat, like when you have acid reflux and slightly vomit in your mouth, but why can't I stop saying it.

"Will you please just help Andre write a song? I already promised to get you onboard." Beck pleaded as he embraced his backpack in front of him. He always hated letting people down and I keep telling him to stop making promises he can't come though with, but he never listens. As I looked into his broody brown eyes, I caved.

"Fine," I pouted, "But I'm only doing it because I enjoy writing songs, not because you asked."

"Good girl." he joked as his lips briefly pecked mine. Lately his usually warm lips have grown colder, or are they mine? I stood there trying to figure out what was going on between Beck and I, but as if on cue, Andre comes striding up.

"So, what's the verdict?" he asks, glancing between my boyfriend and I.

"She sai-"

"I can speak for myself," I bitterly interrupt, " Sure, I'll help you with your song, but first, why do you want my help?" I inquire.

"Well, Tori says she can't write a song to save her life, which seems like a pretty lame excuse to me," I smirk at the brief flashback, "and she said I should ask you because you already took the class." He finally finishes.

"Why am I not surprised that this is all Vega's fault," I scoff, "Come on, I need coffee if I'm going to be staying after school." I walk away with my boyfriend trailing behind me hand in cold hand.

In between classes I find myself alone, no luscious haired boy by my side. I scan through the hallway, searching for anyone to at least stand next to, to make it seem like I'm not a loner. My eyes fall upon a tan girl with long wavy brown hair, who probably doesn't want to talk to me after I practically rejected her. I never meant to, my attitude just got the better of me and I said something that I shouldn't have. As soon as Andre said goodbye to her I decided to go make things right.

"So, you're the one to thank for volunteering me to help out Andre?" I state sarcastically.

"I thought you were done talking to me," she says distantly, and before I had time to reply, she continues, "Look, Jade, you're either my friend or not. I'm not going to sit around and let you toss me around like some dog toy." I space out thinking about whether or not I do those things she just accused me of. The sound of Tori's voice snapped me back to reality. "Jade! See this is exactly what I mean, but you wouldn't know because you don't care enough to pay attention." I look around at the nosey students trying to listen in on our conversation. They stop as soon as I silently threaten them to mind their own business. Once everyone resumes what they were doing earlier I turn my full attention to Tori, whom I haven't really been paying as much attention to as I should have. "Forget it Jade, I give up. It's like you have an extra hand, because any time it seems like mine is finally on top, you somehow manage to sneak yours back up there. I'm tired of fighting for the upper hand." I stare at her blankly; this is not going as I had hoped it would. I need a new plan to show her I really do want to be her friend. Call me crazy but I think Vega is growing on me, and I'm scared. I turn on my heel and start to walk away as I hear her yell, "Are you happy now‽ You finally won!"

No Vega, not at all.

The rest of the day moved rather slowly, I stayed away from Vega's cold shoulder as much as I could, but it seemed like everywhere I went I could still feel the cold front coming in. We had been working on the song for what felt like an eternity and we still hadn't come up with a chorus yet, it didn't help that we had been distracted by childish games. For some strange reason I was being nice to Andre, maybe it's because I knew if I got on his good side then I might have a chance to get back on Tori's good graces.

"Let's try coming up with the chorus again." I suggest as Andre starts to play. While he sings randomly about tuna and dogs, my mind wanders back to the half Latina girl.

"I give up... I'm tired of fighting for the upper hand."

I look down at the notepad and realized I had written her words down. I quickly erase them as an idea pops in my head.

"Alright, let me try something," I assert as I put the notepad down and grab the headphones, "Record me." The musical prodigy complies with my demand and hits some buttons on his laptop. He starts playing the chorus and I chime in shortly after.

"There is no upper hand

I'm giving you mine

It doesn't have to end up

Wasting your time

There's things that I could say

But here in my way

I wanna let you know

That it's all ok"

"So, what'd you think?" I ask honestly and he just nods like a babbling idiot.

"Wow, Jade, How'd you come up with that?" a stunned Andre asks.

"I don't know. It just came to me." I lie.

"Is it about Beck? You two seemed a little tense this morning."

"No," I confess, "It's not about Beck"

As I contemplate whether or not that was a bad move on my part, I can see the gears clicking inside his head. I hope he doesn't find out, but on the other hand, part of me hopes he does, that way he can tell me what's going on with me.