AN: Sorry for taking so long to update! I have been so busy with work I have had 0 time to even think of writing. Thank you so much to all who reviewed and enjoy this story, I hope this chapter lives to your expectations! In this chapter, you will see Barney struggle with his emerging feelings for Robin. I wanted to explore what it's like to always be perceived as the façade you project; to the point you almost start believing it yourself. Finding out he can actually feel something comes as a shock to him and his entire world begins to change. This takes place on Barney's Birthday 2008, the one referred to on s5 ep18 – Say Cheese (must have watched it 100 times hehe) when they meet Slash(I'm a huge GnR fan). I tried to stick accurately to the time line. Most people think Barney's birthday is in November, which would take us after Sandcastles. Hopefully I got it right, or close enough. Happy reading and please review.
Fortress of Barnitude – November 22th 2008 – Barney's birthday.
The silk glides against his skin smoothly as he slips the dress shirt on. Laid carefully on the bed behind him lies a pin striped Armani suit jacket of deep charcoal with tie to match. Another year, he muses, picking up the tie, fastening it tightly around his neck. He adjusts his cufflinks meticulously and slides the jacket on. Standing in front of the mirror, he stares at the reflection, searching for any trace of the havoc this past year has wreaked upon his soul. But all he sees is the crisp perfection, not a single crack in the mask. The impenetrable walls of the fortress still appear intact; standing impervious to the attacks of one Robin Scherbatsky. To be fair, and he was always one to give credit where credit is due, she had been slowly but surely breaching his defenses since the day they had met. Their one night together had been rough, full of edges and had left his heart mangled and exposed. Feelings he does not dare recognize threaten to surface at a moment's notice and for all the fear and shame, the sheer excitement of it makes his heart burst from his chest at the mere thought of the possibilities.
Tonight is his birthday, usually his favorite night of the year. A night, on which he always wears his best suit, drinks the finest scotch and has the most legendary stories to tell the next day. This night would be no different in all ways but one: the man inside no longer bears any resemblance to the reflection in mirror. He strikes his trademark pose, bringing a hand to the knot of his tie, and freezes his face into a crooked smirk. It is all too seamless; with the practiced ease of a trained professional, concealing emotion has become a second nature; a skill necessary for survival.
He is meeting the gang at MacLaren's at 9pm, allowing him another half hour of solitude. On auto-pilot, he heads straight for the bar and reaches for scotch and tumbler, filling it well past a double. Restless, he paces around the living room, struggling with emotions of a completely unnatural nature. He drains the content of his glass quickly and the slight buzz helps him gather his thoughts and reach an ultimate conclusion: If he plays his cards right, and he always does, no one needs to know that Barney Stinson has fallen in love with Robin Scherbatsky.
MacLaren's – 9:30pm
The gang is already gathered at their usual booth when he steps inside. Marshall and lily on one side and Robin on the other, the seat next to hers conveniently empty. He is about to head over when he spots Ted at the bar, waving him over enthusiastically. He takes a few shaky steps, determined to regain his composure but the mere awareness of Robin's presence so close to him sends his mind reeling into a spiral of self-doubt. Like an earthquake sending tremors to the core of his soul, his emerging feelings for her have created a chasm between himself and his comfortable world of booze and bimbos. The ground beneath his feet seems to have shifted and even the familiar environment of the bar looks to him a completely different place. Never since the day he left the hopeful boy behind to become the man he is today has he felt so out of place.
"Your finest scotch for the birthday boy!" Ted's hand on his shoulder snaps him back to reality just in time to accept his drink from Carl. "So, how does it feel to be…wait…how old are you anyway?" Ted asks gleefully.
"Please." He gives himself a mental pat on the back for managing to utter a single word that didn't sound entirely out of character.
"Way to go Stinson, you're nailing this!" He realizes a second too late that he said it out loud. Ted's puzzled expression informs him that it did not go unnoticed.
"Are you ok bro, you seem a little off." Ted says in a voice laced with a mixture of concern and amusement.
"I am totally ok, more than ok, I'm awesome…you're a little off." He knows from experience that his usual dodgy behavior gets him off the hook nine out of ten times. He does not care to explore the reasons why. It is far easier to close the door on any further discussion on matter by making his way to the booth.
The rest of the gang all stand to greet him, shouting birthday wishes and requesting high-fives. Robin pulls him in a cheerful embrace and he is surprised at how natural it feels. He had allowed the situation to build up; growing to such epic proportions it had taken a mind of its own. He had almost lost sight of the simplicity that made his friendship with Robin so enjoyable. Sliding smoothly in the seat next to hers, he notices Ted, who has taken the chair at the end of the booth, nervously glancing back at the entrance. Giving Ted a hard time had proven throughout the years to be reliable source of entertainment and had become a favorite hobby of his and Robin's. He figures if any subject would ease them back into normalcy this was it.
"Say Ted, I can't help but notice you've been eyeing the door an awful lot, what gives?" He leans back in the booth, a sudden wave of confidence washing through his body. A sideways glance in Robin's direction is enough to confirm his prior assumption; the gleam in her eyes as she observes Ted's guilty expression is sufficient to let him know she's all in.
"Yeah Mosby, you've been hovering around that door all night, what's the deal?"
"Well, you know how I told you guys about that yoga class I've been taking." Barney cannot resist the urge to interject; the subject matter is much too hilarious to pass up. Does Ted do it on purpose, he wonders.
"If you are referring to one of the many occasions on which you've given me reason to revoke your dude membership then yes, Ted, I am familiar, you may continue."
"Well as it so happens Barney, the super-hot instructor from said class is going to be my date tonight." Ted smugly raises his hand for a high five. Marshall promptly obliges him and even Barney cannot deny being mildly impressed.
"I gotta hand it to you, although you seem to insist on engaging in totally lame activities, you at least scored a presumably hot piece of ass in the process." He smirks. "Dude membership reinstated!" Robin's giggle does not escape him. Lily, on the other hand, appears less than pleased. Barney automatically assumes it is due to the crudeness of his statement, as per usual. But rather than directing her frustration towards him, she rolls her eyes at Ted.
"Here we go again…" She sighs, unimpressed. "In tonight's episode of: Ted wrecks yet another group event; the role of future Mrs. Ted Mosby will be played by: Random Yoga Instructor." Her impersonation of a TV announcer is poorly executed at best but it is enough to get the message across.
"Seriously Ted, every single time."
As if on cue, a curly haired woman approaches the booth. Barney makes an immediate mental assessment that she must be at least a 7, impressive for the likes of Ted. The new comer is introduced as Erin with a level of excitement on Ted's part that would have normally disgusted Barney. However, he hardly takes notice of anything Ted or his date says or does, barely remembering to comment on the benefits of increased flexibility. Focus, he is well aware, has never been one his primary assets and he's always been one to get distracted by the smallest thing. The night so far has been no exception aside from one unsettling aspect. The distractions, most commonly attributed to those of the bimbo persuasion, are entirely focused on Robin. From the sweet smell of her shampoo, which had clung to the suit he had worn that night for longer than he cares to admit, to the way her hands grip her beer bottle the same way they had coiled around his tie; he finds himself unable to put a stop to the constant reminiscing.
"Barney?" Robin says rather loudly, her tone implying that she had been trying to get his attention for some time. "Next round's on me." She smiles. "Help me carry it back?"
The short familiar walk from the booth to the bar has a strange, hazy atmosphere. Normally, he would be scanning the area; methodically analyzing the women in the room, finding the perfect balance between hot, drunk and easy to fool. But lately, the only methodical analysis appears to be turned inward and he finds himself terrified that perhaps he really is nothing more than entertainment value to all his friends…to her.
"Thank God we needed a refill, one more minute of Ted gushing over what's her face and I was gonna hurl, am I right?"
"Yeah totally, leave it to Ted to turn the awesomest day of the year into commitment fest." With a mask of unwavering confidence, he leans back on the bar counter and signals Carl for another round. Robin nods and chuckles in approbation. His hand brushes against hers ever so slightly as they both reach to pick up the order set before them and her touch sends a feeling of unease creeping into his heart. He spares a brief glance back at the booth and catches Lily's warm smile, radiating love and approval for the man sitting beside her. Turning back to Robin, he raises his tumbler between them.
"To us!" He says; resigned to the idea that love and approval from a woman would probably never be in the cards for him. "To the last men standing."
A part of him wishes she could see the increasing number of cracks in the mask; that she would tell him it's ok to let it crumble into nothingness. But she doesn't; she only smiles and raises her glass in return. He figures he's better off taking whatever he can get; small as it may be…the scotch is usually enough to dull the pain.
They make it back to their seat, drinks in hand, to Marshall's excited account of the delicacies he enjoyed at lunch, courtesy of Food Guy and other tales from GNB.
"And this guy" Marshall gestures towards Barney, grinning widely. "Hit not five, not six, but SEVEN pigeons! Now buddy, you know I normally don't approve but it's gotta be some kind of record." Barney, always one to take pride in any sort of recognition, takes a slight bow before reclaiming his seat.
"Let it be known that the B-man exceeds expectations at whatever he does."
Basking in the warm glow of being the center of attention helps him forget; helps him regain some measure of his true self. Introspection does not become him, he decides, flashing a provocative smile at a tall blonde entering the bar. Walking in behind her, clad in a leather jacket; a top hat covering his head of long curly hair, is a familiar figure. Barney immediately recognizes him, a wild enthusiasm overriding all previous thoughts.
"Don't look! Don't look!" He exclaims suddenly.
"Why aren't you looking? It's Slash from Gun'n'Roses!"
In a general state of excitement and a predictable request from Lily for a group shot, the gang gathers around the musician. Despite his celebrity status, Slash appears to be a genuine, down to earth guy and accepts to pose with them. With an appreciative look one would have expected to be directed at the ladies, he gives Barney a quick once-over.
"Sweet suit bro." The tall curly haired man nods in approval.
"Armani." He announces proudly. "Only the finest fabrics can grace the fine body of the Barnacle."
"Wait, are you Barney Stinson?" His friends all wear a matching expression of pure shock.
"Why yes indeed I am, Slash from Guns 'n'Roses."
"No way! That is awesome; I totally read your blog." The irony of having a famous rock star appear so star struck at the sight of him does not unsettle him one bit. It is only right that every bro, regardless of their level of fame, should draw upon his infinite knowledge of a superior life style.
"You don't say." He nods with a sly smile, eyebrows raised triumphantly.
Sharing a defeated look, knowing they will never hear the end of it, the gang thank Slash for the picture and drag a gloating Barney back to the booth before his ego inflates to unmanageable proportions. High on the fame and glory of his beloved blog, his chest swelled with pride; his first genuine smile of the night spreads across his face.
"Hey guys, remember that time we met Slash at MacLaren's on my birthday."
The excitement goes on through the night, a general state of inebriation settling over the group. Ted and Erin are the first to go, followed by Lily's drunken outburst of the word rhinoceros, causing her and Marshall to hurry out of the bar. Soon, Barney and Robin are left alone, the inches separating them on the leather seat progressively decreasing until their thighs are pressed again each other's. A last round is implicitly agreed upon and they spend the remainder of the evening discussing ways to top this night in terms of awesomeness.
"Rent out the laser tag joint and have an all-out strip laser tag tournament?"
"Too predictable."
"Black tie scotch tasting?"
"Too douchey."
"Rob a liquor store?"
"I find the fact that we keep coming back to this a little disturbing…" Robin chuckles, bumping her shoulder into his. Their eyes meet briefly and at this moment he knows that she sees it; his dried and shriveled heart swelling back to life.
"Listen, it's getting late, I should really get going." She nervously fumbles for her bag and starts rummaging through it. "Oh and...I got you something." She continues. "Thought you'd like it."
Robin pulls out an item and sets it on the table. The CD case bears the title Make it Sparkle in bright colors. He picks it up, examining the cover closely for any trace of potential hilarity. It does not disappoint. From the ridiculous 80's get-up to the appearance of her robot sidekick, it manages to be both the best and worst thing he's ever laid eyes on. With boyish glee, his eyes leave Robin's blond counterpart to meet hers.
"Scherbatsky…you've truly outdone yourself."
"Did you expect anything less from the second most awesome person you know?" She winks affectionately.
"No…no I didn't. Thanks Robin."
"Don't mention it." Try as he might, Barney cannot decipher the look in her eyes: a mixture of fear, anger and a hint of something else he can't quite put his finger on. As she slowly turns to leave, it occurs to him that if he didn't know any better, he may have mistaken it for love.
He allows his gaze to follow after her as she makes her way towards the door. He sees her stop by the bar, where a busty blonde is sipping on a neon pink cocktail which, judging by the amount of fruit it contains should be considered some kind of dessert. He watches as Robin leans over to whisper something in the woman's ear. The blonde's seductive smile when she turns around and looks in his direction goes unnoticed until he sees her approaching the booth. His eyes remain fixated on Robin's face. A wave of warmth washes over him at the sight of her smile and it is only when she playfully mouths the words happy birthday that he turns his attention to the woman now standing before him. In the mere seconds it takes him to give her an uninterested once-over, Robin is gone; and with a heart as empty as the spot where she had stood a minute earlier, he gestures for the blonde to take a seat.
Fortress of Barnitude – November 23rd 2008
He wakes up with a start, pulled from his dreams to the harsh reality dawn never fails to bring. He remains perfectly still, hoping against all odds that if he lays here, eyes closed, the fantasy world of dreams will somehow take over that of reality. A hint of movement beside him makes the previous night's events unfold in his mind and he opens his eyes just a crack. The tousled blond locks spread on the pillow beside him confirm his suspicions. A sudden sense of claustrophobia overtakes his body, overwhelming him almost immediately. He stealthily slips out of bed, careful as to not wake his unwelcomed guest. Grabbing his robe of deep blue silk from its usual place behind the bedroom door, he heads straight to the kitchen where he rummages through the top shelf of the right most cabinet, retrieving his emergency pack of cigarettes. It is a foggy morning and the distant hum of traffic below as he opens the patio doors only serves to make the outside world seem more remote, adding to the surreal atmosphere surrounding him. The cool November air seeps through the thin material and feels invigorating. Eyes closed, he takes a long, slow drag of comforting smoke, letting it escape his lips and melt into the fog. He does not remember much from last night, nor does he need to. It is simple enough to reconstruct the night's events: after his friends had gone home, he had stayed behind and treated himself to a birthday present of his own in the form of the blond, whose name he of course does not remember, who is now sound asleep in his bed. On any given night, that's exactly what one could expect of Barney Stinson. But in some remote corner of his heart, one that has not been put to good use in years and is now covered in rust, the nagging feeling one gets when something is missing is getting harder and harder to ignore. Meaningless sexual encounters with complete strangers had always been an integral part of his MO. The concept of being left wanting more, to the point of obsession, was entirely unfamiliar territory. Never in all his years as the player King of New York city had he experienced the raw desperation he had felt when Robin's lips had first collided with his. In the eerie quietness of dawn, the thoughts weigh heavily upon him; in the Barney Stinson universe of magic and smoke and mirrors, nothing has ever felt so real. He can ignore this, he tells himself; he'll just have to be awesome instead. Heedlessly, he flicks the remains of the cigarette into the distance and steps back inside.
His eyes roam the apartment that has been his fortress for his entire adult life. Monochrome grey, cardboard displays and silence; he can't help but wonder if that is truly all he has to offer. From the corner of the coffee table, a flash of color catches his eye. He lets himself collapse on the couch. With a mirthless chuckle, he picks up the object in question. The Make it Sparkle CD had been the perfect gift idea. To the untrained eye, the perky teenager on the picture resembles in no way the woman he's come to know. But Barney has come to think of himself as an expert in all things Robin Scherbatsky. Gone are the blond locks and flashy clothes, no trace remains of the naiveté. Much like Barney himself, she is a woman reinvented. The openness of Robin Sparkles had left her cut and bruised, and she had spent the past years metamorphosing into a sophisticated, yet guarded woman. Yet she had chosen to give him something which embodied a part of her life she had worked so hard to suppress. Despite appearances, this was a clear sign that she was letting him in.
The sound of shuffling coming from his bedroom snaps him out of his thoughts, his heart's desire clashing with the bleak reality he now has to deal with. There will be no warm smile or easy camaraderie waiting for him in the room, only the tedious task of telling this woman to pack up her things and go.
A distinct buzz resounds from the kitchen counter where his phone had spent the night. He knows of only one person who gets up early enough to text him at 6:30AM. He opens up the message and despite the growing feeling of emptiness in the pit of his stomach; he cannot help but smile ruefully when he reads the words:
Hope you enjoyed your birthday present ;) Better not let her find out you're not really Brad Pitt's long lost twin or you'll wind up in trouble!