Mood Music: "Main theme" from the Notebook

Sorry it's been ages guys but things had be a-happening here and I just wasn't being visited by the angel of the written word. Haha

Anyway here we go again, and I think this makes the next chapter flow nicely rather than just throwing it in like I was going to do……

The blaring sound of the alarm seized my eyes open, propelling me into another day with noise to annoy the sense of sound. 6:30AM read the neon red numbers on the screen. I had to get up this early, both because I had to and because I wanted to. I required the extra time before work now so that I could rid my face of all the obvious pain before I had to consort with Bella, every day of the week. Being her (well I should say their) estate agent and helping them to find a house really drained me of my energy. I recently felt so tired not only from the treacherous examination of numerous houses, only to be told by Jake: "Not big enough" or "The pool area doesn't have a BBQ". And by Bella: "I'm just not feeling welcome here." Or " This doesn't feel like our home."But also from the shear copious times I had to stop looking at her for fear that I would simply spill my love for her from my mouth, until no feeling was left unspoken. From the times per day I had to take a deep breath and say to myself 'she is with Jacob, not you'. But, with all the rising extra early and difficult measures I now had to adhere to, I was secretly happy for each day I was able to spend in Bella's presence.

Every day at work was difficult now. It torn me apart to feel both wonderfully alive, and hellishly dead every time she walked into my office. I would smile up at her as I stood from my black leather chair, taking the sight of her in, adding another minuscule memory to my bank of Bella, of what could, should never be. My smile created from love would have to be almost immediately replaced with a professional face of a man who was not loving this creature before him with every fibre of his being. It was still too strange to even explain to myself; how could this all be happening? Why did it have to happen now? Why with Bella? I could have found love with any one right? Then why hadn't I? I couldn't explain it and try as I might I couldn't make it disappear either. No matter how many nights I tried to convince myself that Bella belonged with Jacob, that she would never see me as anything other than that man who knew where the homes for sale were. I couldn't explain it to myself and I couldn't even imagine explaining it to her, or to anyone, what would they think? As time continued its immortal march, I went to work and lived in both substituted bliss and reckoning pain. This life that I had imagined with Bella would never come to be and I had to be ok with that, I had to continue living as if she didn't give meaning to life on this earth. She was my client and I wanted to believe that I could live with that contact, understand that nothing more could develop.

As the days crept by Bella's home was not making itself known, I was both frustrated, as I had never not been able to find someone their perfect home, and pleased because the longer it took for Bella and Jacob to find a home, the more time and days I was able to spend near her, talking to her, watching her. Watching her walk slowly into a house, her lips pressed tight together, holding the breath in. Her hands trailing over the walls as she travelled from one room to the next, observing every ceiling and window that was there to the eye to behold. Jacob would simply walk right through the house to the back yard, and then make sure the kitchen area was to his liking. Bella seemed to really want to find something specific, something special to her about the house, to find out whether it was meant to be her dewling for the rest of her life. And I knew how special this dwelling of hers had to be. It would be the place she would retire to at the end of the day, the place where she would feel most safe, most welcomed, most comfortable, most able to live.

"And this is number 78 Remington Drive. It boast a large family area, four bedrooms, each with their own bathroom, modern kitchen, separate study, dinning area, Laundry with both a washer and drier, big enough for a family of eight…and yes Mr. Black it does have a pool." I finished my speech with a semi-forced smile. I couldn't hate Jake, I mean I could if I wanted to, but Bella loved him and right now all I could hate was that I wasn't him.

"Awesome! I will check it out right now." A clap erupted from his large hands before he rubbed them together as he walked hurriedly towards the back glass doors.

I spun around to watch Bella, I didn't need to say anything, I knew what she was going to do. I bit my lip as I smiled and held my clipboard at my stomach, staying out of her way as much as possible.

She stepped through the door, holding onto each side of the frame with her hands. Her head turned both left and right, observing the entrance before she stepped over the threshold. She stood in the doorway for a moment, her arms dropped slowly to her sides as she took in the view, her head gently scanning the house for all that it had from her right side to the left. I waited and watched. This was probably the best part of my day, and had been for the past two weeks. When she had finished her observation she turned to me, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth. Walking over to me her head continued to twist and turn to look at all that her potential house had to offer. When she was in front of me I spoke, this was our unwritten ritual.

"So…what do you think?" I hadn't moved but with every step closer she took my heart beat increased in intensity.

" I don't know…who lived here before?" She still wasn't looking at me but at the ceiling, following the contours to the windows.

"Um…A divorced woman and her two kids." I replied as I double checked in my notes, stealing my gaze away from her.

"The windows are too small." She finally decided before she looked at me. A small smile lit her face and we said nothing. I could spend eternity looking at her face, swallowing every detail, storing it in my heart.

Just then Jacob came through the door and Bella unconsciously took a step back way from me. It hurt, like it always does, but I couldn't let it show. I think that's why the heart is hidden, so that when it feels something so powerful that really shouldn't be felt it is able to hide itself. It is the contortions of the face in pain that give away the concealed thoughts of the person.

"I am so sorry babe but I have to go, work matters, you can look at the other two houses without me right? Just make sure they have a pool and a huge TV area!" He said all of this so fast as he walked towards her, encircling her in his arms and kissed her so largely that I had to turn away to remove it from my view.

"Aw babe, really? It's only two more houses?" her hands traced his biceps, up and down, the length of the fingers and then just the nails, up and down.

"Yeah, I gotta. Oh and if it's ok with Cullen here, I have to take the car, so can you drive her Ed?" His broad smiling face looked towards me as if he had just remembered that I was in the room.

"Sure Mr. Black, I wouldn't mind at all…"

"Aw come on Ed, it's Jake ok?" he implored as he extended his arm towards me, almost pleading with it to make me drop the formalities.

"Ok Jake…although would you mind terribly Bella if we stopped to pick up some lunch? I promise it will only be drive through so it will be quick." I really hated talking to her when Jake was around, it was like talking to her through a window, there but not quite as real as I wanted.

"Of course not! You have to eat!" She said whilst still holding Jacob's arms.

"Ok Jake, I will see at home later and I will tell you everything in detail about the houses! Promise." And with a smile and a wink he was gone, leaving us standing in the house.

I really thought I was doing an alright job at this 'let them love each other, there is nothing that you can do' life I was now living. Although I had let some things slip through, and while she had seen some she never said anything and for that I was both grateful and afraid. Things like, "Wow, Edward, this kitchen is huge, I love it! Can you imagine me baking cookies for the kids when they come home from school?" She had said as she ran her hands along the bench top. "Yeah I can, I bet they would bring all their friends home so that they could taste your cookies, and you'd let them because you would be a fantastic mother." When I realized what I had said I looked away from her, suffling on the spot. She hadn't said anything so I looked back at her. She had her head tilted and was smiling such a sad but lovely smile I didn't know what to say. "Oh I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me…I…"

"No, no it's ok, really. It's actually pretty nice to know that someone can see you as a mother. I don't know sometimes if I'm destined for that. I really want to be, but once in a while I imagine the future and I can't see anything wonderful happening, so it's nice to know that you can see my future in such a wonderful light." She walked towards me and layed a hand on my shoulder, and looked me straight in the eyes, wanting t get her message and thanks across. She smiled so sweetly it inflated my heart before she slowly walked away to the refridgerator. "But the bathroom next to the kitchen? Really? I don't think we can have that!" The friendly and slightly disconntected relationship was back. And I silently said goodbye to that magical moment.