Seattle Washington, Caulfield Residence, January 3rd 2010

'I can't sleep...'

But honestly this was nothing new to me. I haven't been able to get a good night sleep in month's, how could I? School still sucks, my grades are still shit, my parents are still on my case and all I have to look forward to when I go back to school in a few days is a pile of homework and avoiding bullies. Not to mention watching my friendship with Chloe slowly disappear.

'and who's fault is that I wonder?...'

I've been even worse with keeping in contact with her these past few month's. It's gotten to the point where we haven't spoken in almost 2 months. The longest we'd ever gone without talking to each other before was a record 2 and a half hours. It's just... every time I pull my phone to message her I just go completely blank. I have so much to say and no way to say it. I want to tell her how sorry I am that I had to leave and how shitty this place is without her and how much I miss her... I usually end up curled into a ball on my bed and silently sobbing into the captain those times.

I roll over in my bed and reach for my phone on the bedside table. I switch the screen back on and check the time; 2:14am. I unlock my phone and open up the messenger app, bringing up Chloe's message thread. I read over the last messages she sent me, it was a little before winter break.

From: Chloe 12/14/2009 4:29 pm

yo queen of the crickets

From: Chloe 12/14/2009 4:37 pm

what's the latest

I didn't even have an excuse this time for not texting back... unless depression counts. I wanted to respond, but I just didn't have it in me to lie anymore, I'm such a useless friend, I can't even pretend be there for her anymore... she deserves better than that. My phone buzz's in my hand and startles me slightly.

'Who the heck is... Oh...'

A new message has appeared under Chloe's message thread.

From: Chloe 1/3/2010 2:16 am

max

All she says is my name, three simple letters. And some how it makes me feel a thousand times worse than any other message she's sent me. I go to respond but once again nothing comes out. The screen starts to blur and it takes me a minute to realize I'm crying again. I lock the phone and put it back on the table. I don't even bother to grab the captain this time and just silently sob into my pillow.

'I'm so sorry Chloe...'