Zelda Holidays 4: Christmas
Made by Austin Hale
We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and… well forget the new year. FINALLY!! I'm not even going to say anything about didding something useful. Know why? BECAUSE RAURU'S JEWISH! He already haded his Holiday (Hanukkah) and now, we celebrate ours's. We actually begin on April Fool's Day in Saria's's house. She's all alone and on her laptop.
Saria: Ok. Here's a good April Fool's joke. -on the computer- "Dear Skullkid, SANTA'S DEAD!! Love, Saria". Perfect. Now to send… -clicks send-
-8 months later-
SK: -pops out of the ground and yawns- I love hibernation! -looks at calendar- Awww crap, it isn't over! I still have 2 more months! Oh well. Hey lookit! I got mail! -clicks on email, and reads it- Yeah… yea… mm hm… WHAT?! SANTA'S DEAD!! NO!!!! Who's gonna take over for him this year? I know!
-meanwhile-
Saria: -calls Malon- Hey, wanna go to the mall?
Malon: No, I've got homework that'll take me all day.
S: -giggles- Me, too!
M: But I thought you were going to the mall…
S: Go to the mall? Why would I go to the mall if I have all this homework? What the !#$'s your problem? Idiot. -hangs up on her- What a dope! I wonder if SK's got my message yet… hmmm… It's Christmas eve and I haven't gone shopping yet. Well, I better get going--
TV: Attention uh, … people! We have just heard that a robber has robbed the bank! He was wearing a beard and a red suit, but he was very skinny and made of wood. We caught the video on tape:
On the video: SK: Hey! Give me all your money or I'll give you coal for Christmas! That's right, if you don't give santa the money, how's he gonna pay the elves to make the toys? HURRY!! Man: OK! I'm sorry!
Announcer: We have been told he is… running down the street with his bag of toys. If you see this Santa impersonator call… gee what is our number? Um… just call anybody and let them know.
S: Oh no! I'm in deep crap!
-SK comes running in- SK: Hey! Crap comes out your butt, not your mouth!
S: SK?!
SK: -shoves her head on a desk- MAKE TOYS NOW YOU SLAVE! You elves better work double time because Santa's dead and won't have time to---
S: AAAHAHAHAHAHA! You idiot! That was an April Fool's Joke! Not only is Santa not dead, he isn't real!
SK: But… but… but... I've seen his slaves! You're one of them!
S: An elf? I'm a Kokiri you dim-witted… halfwit!
SK: Well, then how come you… you… um, how come you have POINTY EARS?! And you're in green clothes! And I've seen you make wooden sticks and shields for children!
S: ALL KOKIRI WEAR GREEN CLOTHES AND HAVE POINTY EARS! Come to think of it, almost everyone has pointy ears… and I made those toys because they don't have enough money to buy them! I'm a good craftswoman!
SK: Because you're "a elf"! AND THEY CAN FIND MONEY THE HARD WAY, like Link did! IN THE GRASS! Hey look! It's Santa's reindeer! -points to a deer outside-
S: Oh, for heaven's sake, that could be any deer.
-deer winks at SK-
SK: SEE?! IT JUST WINKED AT ME!
Deer: You snitch! -kicks SK with his hind legs-
-later on-
S: -outside on Link's roof- Ok, SK, here's what you need to do. Go down the chimney, and put these presents under Link's Christmas tree as quietly as you can.
SK: HEY! Where'd you get that bag of toys?
S: Over there in that sleigh!
SK: WHOA!! Cool! SANTA IS REAL! I TOLD YOU!! Hey, look at the reindeers! -walks up to Donner- Hey! I remember you!
Donner: -kicks SK again-
Saria: Be quiet! Now go! It's almost midnight!!
SK: Ok! Calm down. -goes down the chimney- hmmm… -cough- it's really dusty in here. What's this? It's as if something huge has been shoved down here!
Santa: -all old- Hello. You don't have any food do you?
SK: AAAAAHH!!!!
Santa: Don't worry! I won't bite! Ho ho ho! Or will I? Ho ho ho! And if I did, it wouldn't hurt. HO HO H- Gee I'm hungry.
SK: Hehe… have you been stuck here all year?
Santa: Yeah.
SK: How did you live?
Santa: I ate all the ashes from Link's fires.
SK: Oh. OK. Well, nice meeting you! -climbs back up the chimney-
Santa: Wait, aren't you gonna help me?
-back at the roof-
Saria: Did you did it?
SK: Well… yes. Yes I did.
S: Good. Now let's head off to Malon's.
-Atop the roof of Lon Lon Ranch-
SK: Ok. Now do you want me to do the same thing?
S: I don't know… -looks at list of bad kids- Give her an egg. She's been half and half.
SK: Ok. -goes down the chimneys- Good, no Santas. I wonder if she left Santa some treats for his hard w— -Looks at table that has a salad on it and a note- "Dear Santa, I think you can stand to lose a few pounds. Be like me, eat fat free! Love Malon". Idiot! -looks at himself- I'm only 80 lbs! -goes back up the chimney- Saria, do I hafta go up and down the chimney? Can't we just like, walk down the street and throw the presents at their door?
S: Fine. If you say so, Santa.
-later on-
SK: Um… I think we're lost.
S: Maybe. Hey, there's a sign! "You… are… here…" Well I guess we're here then! -throws a present at a door and the present shatters- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
SK: And a Happy New… Ear? No… um, tear? No… clear? Steer? DEER? PEER? BEER? DEER?!
S: You already said deer! Gosh dang it, we're lost again! Let's go home. We'll leave a note to the world saying Santa's on vacation. Santa should get a time to relax too ya' know!
SK: HEY! I got a joke! What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Huh? HUH?!
S: Um… Skullkids?
SK: No silly, baby reindeer!
S: Hmm… wait! That just gave me a great idea… Let's double the elves' worktime, and create billions and billions of presents! They can even make presents that make presents themselves!
Sk: Awesome…
-Christmas Morning-
L: -yawns, and hops out of bed- Hey Zelda, Let's go sing some Christmas carols. C'mon!
Z: Wait! I found this note on our table. Can you read?
L: Let's see… -reads the note- "Gaw (go) taw (to) t-- he… Dee koo tree?
Z: -gasps- Go to the deku tree… FORGET CAROLS! LET'S GO ON A TREASURE HUNT!!
L: Yay!
-at the deku tree, they go inside and find… PRESENTS GALORE!! Presents here, presents there… no wait, not there. Presents hither and thither!-
L: Did you hear what he said? Hither and thither! -gasp-
Z: You fool! Pay attention! There are presents everywhere for everyone! -they keep staring-
-A whole bunch of people rush in the deku tree including Ganon, Nab, Darunia, Malon, Ruto, Mido, etc.-
Z: Hey you guys! FREE PRESENTS!!
L: Yea! Let's take 10 for everyone!
Ganondorf: No, 15!
Malon: No you guys… we're only going to take what we need. STUFF YOUR HOUSES!!!
All: YEA!
-meanwhile-
SK: -singing Like A Stone by Audioslave all happily and sings it really good- I'll wait for you theeerre. Alooooooone, Aloooooooooooone! MAN I HATE THAT SONG!
S: SK, I think we better tell the others not to take so many… presents.
SK: Um… how about no?
S: Let's go SK!
SK: Unh unh! Let's not and say we will. I mean didn't!
S: -sighs- SK, if you do not get a-moving, I'll beat you about your head and shoulders with monotonous regularity!!
SK: … whatever. Hey, Saria, about how big are explosions of a c4?
S: You mean a C4 explosive? I don't know, why?
SK: Well… one of the elves was dumb enough to-
S: GASP! -she says gasp, she doesn't gasp- Don't tell me… a c4 is in one of those presents…
SK: Ok. There isn't a C4 in any of those presents, though I hate to lie to you.
S: AAAAAH!!! WE GOTTA SAVE THEM!!
SK: I'll save them! I'll tell the elves to make more C4's to blow up the other C4's so that there aren't anymore.
S: NO MORE C4'S!! THEY AREN'T TOYS! THEY'RE MILITARY HARDWARE!!
SK: Fine, gosh calm down! Let's go find that bomb!
-back at the deku tree-
L: Wow! This one's shaped like a C4!
Zelda: So is mine! It couldn't really be a C4, could it?
Ganon: Yeah, mine is too!
All: So are ours!
-SK and S pop in-
SK: STOOOOOPP!! One of you have a C4 in your hands… just one and we need to look at the presents!
S: What the—… they all look like C4's! How are we gonna- Skullkid, NO!!!! -she says as Skullkid throws each present on the floor causing it to break and repeatedly saying "nope that's not it"-
SK: -smash- Nope. Not it. -smash- Not it either.
All: SK, Stop! Right n- -BOOM!!-
-a couple minutes later, everyone's black from the explosion-
S: Hey SK, can you come here for a sec? -Skullkid leans over and Saria goes over to his ear as If she was gonna whisper, but shouts:- YOU JUST BLEW UP ALL THE PRESENTS!
L: Not to mention the last of the Great Deku tree too.
All: GASP!
SK: -sniffle- I just wanted… a decent -sniffle- Christmas! Will anyone forgive me? Anyone?
-the camera zooms out… everyone's gone and SK's alone-
SK: -sniffle and then starts singing "Silent Night"- Silent night. -sniffle- holy night. -cough- All is calm. All is -hack hack- bright. –Camera zooms out, it's actually all darkness – WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
THE END