Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep
I sat beside Lloyd in his messy room.
I felt bad.
After all the things he had told me, about him not being the way he seems to be, everything is going too fast.
"Hey, you okay?"
I noticed that he was looking away from me, his emerald green eyes glistening with tears that have not been fallen.
"Um.." He looks at me. "No need to worry about me, Kai. Really. You worry to much. I'm fine, really!"
Its hard to believe him.
He sighs heavily. "This is what I get for being selfish." He mumbled.
"pardon?" I ask.
"If I hadn't let out all my feelings, you wouldn't be so worried. You wouldn't have to come and check on me. You would still be having fun with everyone else. But I was selfish. I told you how I felt. I forced you to worry about me. I'm selfish. That's why the world sent you in here. My punishment."
I look at him sadly. "You're not selfish." I state honestly. "I want to worry about you. I worry about you a lot. I'm always here for you."
He shakes his head, scooting away. "You don't understand at all."
I scoot closer. "You're right. But even if I don't, I will try every day to make your life better."
I smile warmly, and he looks at me and smiles back.
"Once you help me, will you ignore me again?"
"Of course not. I will never ignore you." He smiles brightly. "And I'll always be your best friend." I say.
Why do I feel like that sentence just made everything ten times worse? I feel like I just killed the atmosphere.
"And no matter what happens," I continued. "I know what's best for you. I know you better than anyone. I'll help you until you feel no more pain."
I saw Lloyd's tears fall.
"Is this what being stabbed in the chest feels like?" He asks hoarsely. "My chest hurts, Kai. I don't feel sad, but I also don't feel happy. It hurts Kai. My heart feels like it's breaking. What is wrong with me? I'm supposed to feel happy."
I bring him quickly into a hug.
I let his tears soak my dark red shirt.
"It's going to be okay. I promise." I say.
Its the next day. 7:00.
I knocked on Lloyd's bedroom door.
"Wake up, you dummy!" I say, chuckling. He's a heavy sleeper. He hasn't even answered any of my calls yet. I shake my head, walking off to the dining room. Every one else left for errands, so I get the bounty all to myself. Well, until lloyd wakes up.
It's 9:00. Usually Lloyd would be up by now.
I knock on his door again. "Lloyd!" I say a little louder. This is strange.
I know I shouldn't open the door. I mean, isn't that kind of an invasion to privacy?
But he leaves me no choice.
I gently open the door, pushing it open. "Llo-"
I almost choked.
Lloyd was laying on the floor, a sharp looking knife covered in blood fallen beside him.
His hands were covered in blood, his chest covered in blood.
I suppress the urge to cry and to vomit.
"Lloyd..."
He was...
I can't...
There was a crumpled piece of paper beside him.
Paper in his room was always normal until today. He was a poet. And amazing one, honestly. He wrote amazing poems which he always showed proudly.
—
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Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head Get out of my head
Get out of my head before I do what's best for you.
Get out of my head before I listen to everything he tells me to do.
Get out of my head before I tell you I love you.
Get out of my head before I finish writing this poem.
But a poem is never actually finished.
It just stops moving.
—
Lloyd has never written anything like this before, and the paper is all covered with blood as well.
I start crying.
Up until yesterday, everything was normal. Now..
Now he's dead..
I'm so selfish.
How could I have said that?
I didn't give him the comfort he needed. He needed me to be there when he needed it most.
I should've told him I loved him.
This isn't like some story where you can prest backspace and none of that ever happened.
This isn't like some game where you can restart.
This is real life, we're talking about.
I killed my best friend.
And I'll never forgive myself. He gave me things I couldn't give myself.
He worried about me.
He cared about me.
And I made fun of him.
And I can't bring him back to life.
Im going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.
Guilt, regret.
Don't make promises you can't keep.
Yes IK this is based off of DDLC whatevs