3: The Famous Idiocy of Tony Stark
So in my complete ignorance of potential flirtation, I walked with Rogers to his dorm on the helicarrier. As we walked, I showed him the general basics of the Stark Mobile: how to call someone, saving the phone number to the directory, using the directory to find said number. Once we were inside his room and seated at a table, I was trying to get through an explanation of text messaging, and, therefore, the history of e-mail. It was even trickier to try and even generally describe the Internet and the fact the Mobile could connect to it for freedom of browsing for information. Forget the countless apps I had converted for the Mobile's usage; trying to talk about those got me more blank looks and a couple of confused brow furrows.
"This is insane," Rogers informed me after I finally gave up on trying to explain apps. I offered a shrug and returned the Mobile to its home screen and passed it to him.
"Well, consider that all cell phones were good for twenty years ago was calling people while on the move," I agreed. "But these days no one's actually using the phone to call, unless you're a businessman and therefore have to make those kinds of calls. I guess I could save time and say that, essentially, you've got a whole computer in the palm of your hand."
"And computers were just coming around when I went under, I think," Rogers murmured, weighing the phone a bit. There was a faraway look in his eye that made me wonder if there was more going on in that head of his than just missing his proper era. "It's almost…overwhelming."
"I can believe it," I told him. "I mean, out for seventy years, the world rolls on, and when you wake up everything's…different."
I could hardly imagine myself or Tony going through the same. What would the future look like in seventy years? Would he or I be able to catch up fast enough to get back to the front edge of development? I doubted I'd be able to, even with all my quick grasp and even Mina to help. Likely Rogers was feeling the same way right now, even though he carefully set his Mobile on the table and offered me a smile.
"…thanks for teaching me," he said, and that weird little flippy-feeling in my stomach came back. What the hell.
"Well, you're welcome," I told him, trying to return that smile.
"I guess I still have a lot to learn, though," he admitted, totally honest and humble with zero sarcasm. After a lifetime with Tony, trust me, not getting sarcasm within a day is major.
"Well, maybe when we're not waiting for SHIELD to dig up Loki or the Tesseract I can teach you some more," I offered. "I mean, I still need to show you a real computer –"
I was interrupted by the sudden appearance of bright red on the screen of Rogers' Mobile, and I nearly cursed. I'd been avoiding the subject of Mina and other artificial intelligence – like Jarvis, Tony's valet AI – because I knew he wasn't going to get it. Now I would be forced to explain what exactly she was, especially when she crowed straight from the phone, "Speaking of Loki! SHIELD's got him, Stuttgart, Germany, best get ready you two!"
"…thanks, Mina, thanks a lot," I grumbled, though Rogers' honest surprise caught me off guard. "Mina needs her own class to explain…"
"Still impressive," he let me know even as I dug out my Bluetooth so Mina didn't make any more declarations to the general ear. "Does it – uh, she – do that a lot?"
"You could just ask," Mina retorted both in my ear and from Rogers' hand. I turned the Bluetooth off so Mina could explain about herself for once and instead focused up for dealing with Loki. Undoubtedly he was going to put up a fight, but my best option in close reach was my backpack suit. The Mark V suit was all the way back in Malibu, still in need of some last repairs from fighting Hammeroids, and my experimental Mark VII, stashed away in the Long Island house Tony and I had grown up in, was nowhere near deployment because I was trying out a new neural linkup. Problem: I didn't have the links without installing myself with some kind of implant to make it work. If it did, it would lead to increased reaction time and speed, and maybe even starting to network me into the satellite networks that Mina used to give me intel. It would free her up to focus on bigger problems, and I could manage more of the suit work.
That was if it worked. And if I had the links ready to install.
"Wonder why Fury didn't bet more than ten bucks," Rogers noted wryly as he stuffed away the Mobile – and I made sure he had the little Bluetooth attachment installed right in his ear – into a pocket.
"Likely he never carries that much himself," I surmised. I'd tried getting Fury to give me change for a five when I was working security in New Mexico and he'd had absolutely nothing in his pockets, at least cash-wise. "Now, I need my pack and then we get to go arrest a crazy demigod."
"…stranger and stranger," he muttered before heading back to the armory where we'd found his equipment. I peeled off to collect my pack and get the plates activated, prying off my helmet for now before heading to the flight deck and loading up with him, a pilot, and Natashalie. Technically I could fly myself, but it was easier this way; saving power for combat was a very useful thing. Instead I closed my eyes and had Mina pipe me pre-fight music through my Bluetooth.
Loki, round two, here I come.
"Trinity, we'll drop you first, wait Loki out up here," Natashalie was telling me a couple hours later as I got ready to jump out of the plane. "You try to find and neutralize him before anyone gets hurt."
"Knowing Loki from that skirmish when he came through, it'll be easier to catch him right before things get messy," I thought aloud, helmet on. "I'll do what I can, let you know when he's making his move."
"Sure you'll be fine down there?" Rogers asked me. After all, compared to his red, white, and blue outfit and his equally-patriotic shield, I was almost obviously understated. I'd made a slight style concession for the Mark VI that I hadn't with my bike-suit, adding in hints of an ultra-dark red that were very nearly black. I'd also snazzed up the cover over the reactor, so that when the suit was idle it was the regular blue-white color, but when activated (like right now) the reactor was filtered such that it gave off a red light. My visor, too, had gone from blue to red, just for the sake of contrast.
"I think I'm gonna fit in better than you, Cap," I informed him with an invisible grin, and he returned it, obviously taking my gentle dig at his outfit in stride. "Okay, Nat, let's do it, send me out."
The rear hatch opened, and Mina started updating my HUD as I jumped out of the plane. I avoided turning on my primary thrusters and thus giving myself away; instead I had Mina slow my descent with thrusters on my calves and occasional bursts from my hand repulsors. It was a nice, smooth landing, firmly in a small plaza just off the main street and the front of the building, excepting for one thing I noticed as I landed: on a security panel near a doorway that was undoubtedly supposed to be closed was a three-legged projector of some kind. I stole over there first, and a quick peek at what it was projecting made my stomach turn. The two dead guards, each with an arrow in the chest, warned me who else was nearby.
"Widow, Trinity, there was a security breach in my landing zone," I reported. "I think Hawkeye and whatever other goons Loki might have on-call are busting in to pick up something inside. Should I investigate?"
"Loki's the priority," Natashalie replied, though I heard the strain in her voice. I knew she had history with Barton – what kind, I still wasn't sure – and, therefore, wanted him back with the good guys ASAP as much as I did. "We can clean up in there later, so move on. There's been an evacuation up front, move in."
"Copy that," I answered and jogged quietly towards the front of the building. Just off to my left was an open plaza that was filling with terrified civilians, and I followed them back towards the entrance of a marble front.
"…Mina, don't tell me that creepy flash of gold is who I think it is," I moaned right as Mina zoomed in on said flickering golden light. Sure enough, it was Loki, obviously disguised in a suit and scarf, but as he walked I saw that the light itself was shifting around him, making his suit vanish. Replacing it were robes not unlike what he'd worn in New Mexico, but instead of just green and black with flecks of gold, this set had a streaming green cape held up by golden epaulettes, and links of golden metal flashed on his boots. That spear he'd had in New Mexico, too, was changing, from what appeared to be an overdecorated shillelagh to a massive scepter of sorts, as long as he was tall, with the pointy end much bigger than it had been before. The literal crowning piece, though, was a massive helmet that sat easily on his head despite the long horns that curved out and up from his forehead. Now he looked like the Norse legend come to life, crazy identity issues aside.
"Oh, yes, best friend, we have Loki on-scene," Mina replied, telling me what exactly I hadn't wanted to hear. Sigh. Maybe she did need a code-scrub at some point soon, just to keep her from getting too smart. "May I recommend flanking him? Could catch him by surprise!"
"Yeah, and he has his clones on almost every other angle," I muttered, watching as Loki penned up the terrified Germans with flickering copies of himself. "Widow, I'm going to try and flank Loki, hopefully he won't start shooting civilians."
"Let's hope; readying to drop Cap, so you'll have backup soon."
I moved around the edge of the plaza carefully, watchful in case Barton and his new friends came out in front of me, but always staying alert to Loki's movements as I lined up behind him. He was delivering some kind of speech to the now-kneeling crowd, and I scowled as I got ready to charge in, despite his stepping into the crowd.
I was stopped dead, though, when an elderly man – who, I had no doubt, had been a boy during Hitler's reign – slowly got to his feet.
"Mina, I wanna hear this guy, amp up the sound," I ordered, and she did so without a single quip.
"Not to men like you," the man insisted once he had faced Loki, I guess in response to the order to kneel. I heard Loki chuckle distantly.
"There are no men like me," was the creep's response, making me scowl. As if sensing my expression, the old man raised his chin defiantly towards Loki.
"There are always men like you."
"…look to you elder, people," Loki said, as calm as ever but I knew he was pissed off at that. I was grinding the ball of my right foot into the brick, ready to charge, as he continued, "Let him be an example to you."
"Now, Andy!" Mina barked as Loki leveled his spear. I bolted forward in a hard sprint as the scepter fired, but Rogers was a step ahead of me, landing right in front of Loki's would-have-been victim and deflecting the blast back into Loki. Of course, this ruined my sprint because Loki ended up flat on his face, but I got my jets to activate and, with a nice bit of in-air acrobatics I flipped over him and landed next to Rogers.
"Y'know, last time I was in Germany, and there was a man standing over everyone else," Rogers stated evenly, while others stood in shock to see Captain America walking among them again, "we had a bit of a disagreement."
"And he beat the crap out of the guy, too," I added. Loki was already getting back to his feet, grinning viciously despite sounding out of breath.
"The soldier," he spat with reference to Rogers. "The man out of time, followed by the armored shadow."
"I'm not the one who's out of time," Rogers answered easily, and as the plane appeared I started waving the civvies to get the hell out of here.
"Loki, drop the weapon and stand down!" Natashalie insisted over the plane's PA, but Loki fired a blast up at her voice. Steve hurled his shield at Loki, catching him off-guard, and I dove in to push him down into the ground. I landed and started clearing more people out while Steve brawled with Loki, despite getting hammered fiercely. Obviously he wasn't used to fighting someone close to his out speed and strength, despite all appearances to the contrary.
"Steve, here!" I barked, and just before Loki could hook away the shield I fired a repulsor blast towards Steve. He caught it in the center of his shield and aimed it at Loki, sending him off his feet despite a recovery that was definitely superhuman. Steve threw his shield again, but this time Loki was ready and whacked it away casually. I shot in between them and tried to rip the scepter out from Loki's hands. Before I could actually flip him over my head, Loki managed to sweep my feet out from under me and pinned my back with one foot while he set the butt end of his scepter against the back of Steve's head.
"Kneel," he spat down at us.
"Not today!" Steve snapped, ducking out from under the spear and punching Loki hard enough to make him stagger off me. It didn't help him against the whack Loki put on his cheek, sending Steve to the ground. I had already rolled away and was about to – literally – fly at Loki when…
"Hey, sis, miss me?"
All who do not yet know, or missed my previous introductions, this would so happen to be one Anthony Edward Stark, AKA Tony, AKA Iron Man, AKA one of the biggest jerks in the world. But, as he's my elder brother, this makes him my biggest jerk in the world, and he undoubtedly proved it as he somehow got the plane's PA to blare the chorus of AC/DC's Shoot to Thrill – which I had taken to calling his theme song, since he'd entered the Expo on that number – and easily scored a landing kick into Loki's chest, sending him against the stairs that led out of the circular area where Steve and I had, until then, been fighting Loki.
"Actually, honestly, I didn't," I answered as I got up and took my time brushing myself off. Tony put a rain check on replying as he raised his arms, popping out most of his upper-body arsenal to aim at Loki.
"Make a move, Reindeer Games."
"…that's the best thing you can come up with," I groused, coming up on Tony's left. Steve wasn't far behind me, shield on his arm, and, faced with apparently-worse odds than previously, Loki penitently raised his hands. As he did, the "battle armor" vanished just as it had appeared, and he was back in the same robes he'd been wearing after coming through his portal from space. Once he'd obviously surrendered, Tony closed up his weaponry.
"Well, I know I'm loved," Tony said crisply. "Saying you didn't miss me, criticize my quips…"
"Yes, I love you so much that I have to make sure you say the right thing," I answered angelically.
"…Mister Stark," Steve said by way of greeting once Natashalie had landed and we were both getting Loki locked up into a seat. I did my best to avoid gauging Tony's reply – a semi-cool "Captain" – but, of course, I couldn't. Tony, much like me, had idolized Steve when we were kids (Dad wasn't that warm to either of us, though he'd been moderately better towards Tony), so obviously there was shock, awe, and maybe a bit of excitement that Tony was choking down in just that one word. Tony didn't do fanboying like Coulson, but he definitely did respect.
"So be honest, Andy, you missed me, didn't you?" Tony asked after he and Steve loaded in. He'd gotten his helmet off to set on a console, so I couldn't miss that teasing light in his eyes that was both loving and annoying. I took my own helmet off so I could twist my lips into a wry smile.
"Honestly? Really, truly, honestly?"
"Really truly honestly did you miss me?"
"No."
"…what?!"
"I didn't either, if you were going to ask," Natashalie added, and I choked back a snicker as Tony glanced over at her disbelievingly. Thankfully the pilot was ignoring us and had the plane taking off.
"Just great. All three women in my life hate my guts," he complained while taking up a post leaning near the cockpit. I sat down next to him, Steve across from me, and Loki far off to my left. I knew he was going to be listening like the creep he was, but I didn't care.
"When Coulson suggested you'd be late with homework, I didn't think you'd still have incredibly weird timing," I retorted after shaking out my hair. Tony shrugged a little.
"Well, I was working, and you missed the arc-reactor at Stark Tower going online –"
"I was busy with super-secret-spy stuff. Speaking of which, I thought you didn't qualify for this sort of thing."
I was referring, of course, to the now-scrapped Avengers Initiative fronted by Fury but shot down by whoever his magical bosses are. Whereas I qualified with shining colors, Tony had been turned down, not for his Iron Man stuff, but for his own troublesome character defects. He had, though, been kept as a consultant – a fact he reminded me of – and I got a feeling he was going to be put in the same lab as Banner. Hell.
"Your likely partner's going to need to be put on a sedative regimen," I grumbled, starting to rub my temples. See, this is what being in charge for a year without Tony messing things up did to me; I started thinking about how people fit together and tried to make sure things went smoothly. Obviously, Tony loves being a chaotic factor, so I was already foreseeing big, green messes and explosions on the helicarrier and Tony getting smashed to bits.
"That's not nice," Tony chided me, but Natashalie actually came to my rescue.
"He has a condition we're hoping to not aggravate…sedatives are the least of his problems," she sighed, but Tony chewed on it for a bit.
"If that's the case, go ahead and put me on the sedatives."
"…hey, you're not suicidal," I thought aloud. It honestly was a good idea, considering Tony's curiosity concerning the Hulk and SHIELD really needing Banner to stay, well, Banner. "So using sedatives on you is totally okay!"
"…see what I have to live with?" Tony commented to Steve and Natashalie. Steve was hiding a grin, looking between the two of us, and I sensed a definite eye roll from Natashalie.
"I know exactly how you live, Stark, in case you've forgotten."
"…not cool, Natashalie."
"I thought only your sister only called me that."
"Where do you think I learned it?"
Loki was starting to pay too much attention for his own good, and I straightened up a bit when I noticed his gaze fixed firmly on us.
"Kids, okay, that's enough," I intervened. "We've got a guest, and I need some rest."
Okay, the rest was a lie. I knew Tony was going to want to poke at Steve, as he usually did with unfamiliar people, and if he did it in front of me I'd undoubtedly get offended. To confirm this, Tony tossed me an angelic smile before turning to the others in mock seriousness.
"Listen to the boss-lady."
"…since when was I the boss-lady?" I asked, taking the obvious bait.
"Since you started bossing me around."
Cue another one of those angelic smiles Tony could always turn on and escape trouble. Of course, it never quite worked on me.
"I've always bossed you around, because you're a nutcase," I replied smoothly, and I got Steve to snort weakly, obviously trying not to laugh. Of course, Tony hates it when my jibes top his, so he carried on.
"No genius without a touch of madness!"
"Okay, sure, I'm the genius, you're the madness."
Tony scowled a little, obviously realizing that I was going to outscore him and get more laughs – honestly, Steve was still fighting back snickers and if I was seeing Natashalie's reflection right she was grinning ever so slightly. I nodded a little in victory, offering my own angelic smile at Tony.
"So, boss-lady needs a nap," I declared with a sigh. "No one let Loki out. Or let Tony be an idiot."
"…not cool," Tony grumbled, but I shushed him and settled in for a catnap. Of course, I didn't get a nice quiet one – Steve tried to engage Tony in a relatively-serious conversation and got called a "Cap-sicle" in reply – but I was completely prevented from any sort of relaxation when the plane shook under the sudden rumble of a thunderstorm. But I had the feeling this wasn't just a sudden natural thunderstorm because Tony was getting his helmet on and Loki looked…nervous.
"What, scared of a little lightning?" I asked scathingly, and Loki just leveled me with a look.
"I'm not overly fond of what follows," he retorted, and that feeling of mine got worse. Tony had opened up the rear hatch, and I scrabbled to get on my helmet, along with Steve, just in case of trouble and if that briefing I'd glossed after joining SHIELD about the New Mexico town was accurate.
I was nearly jolted off my feet when a person landed on the hatch, with shoulder-length blonde hair and clothes styled almost like Loki's, with the billowing cape and the predominance of leather instead of regular fabric. Tony starting powering up a repulsor to shoot him back, but the newcomer suddenly hurled a hammer into him. I was caught by Tony's extended arm, and I looked up just in time to see Hammer-Man grab up Loki, whirl the hammer around, and leap out of the plane.
"…now there's that guy," Tony grunted as he got to his feet.
"Another Asgardian?" Nat asked, flipping switches and obviously trying to get the plane ready to go pursue Hammer-Man. No, not that; Thor. As in the Norse god of thunder that had been the reason that New Mexico town had gotten leveled in the first place.
"If he kills or frees Loki, we're not finding the Tesseract again!" I insisted. Tony was of a similar mind, obviously, because he was already at the hatch by the time Steve was on his feet.
"Stark, what're you doing?!" Steve asked, startled by Tony's obvious decision to act first and think later. "We need a plan of attack!"
"I have a plan," Tony retorted sharply. "Attack."
With that he jumped out of the plane. I swallowed a groan and just shook my head. Classic Tony for you, always moving in to blow stuff up.
"And who is the one person who can keep him in line?" I sighed, moving to jump after him, even as Steve snatched up a parachute. "Catch up when you can, in case he's being suicidal again."
"Don't worry about me, just find Loki and make sure he doesn't escape!" Steve insisted, and I gave him a salute before falling backwards out of the plane. So long as Tony didn't so happen to blow up Loki, I could live with him again.