"Are you sure that Wally will be okay with Zara for a whole 14 hours?" I ask Brittany.
Brittany and I are having our first date night in weeks. We've decided that Wally is finally old enough and no longer too fragile for Zara to babysit. It took some real convincing from Brittany, but I've finally warmed up to the idea.
"Kinda creepy that you know the exact time, but yeah. I'd trust her with my life, never mind Wally's! Besides, she takes great care of Juicy and Lord Tubbington when we go vacation," Brittany says.
"I just don't want him to cry and miss us. He's still only small. Plus, I think he's going through that separation anxiety stage…" I explain.
"We both know that's not true. Zara is looking forward to it! She's bought him his own crib for her house and everything. She's even told Jeffrey to piss off for the night so she can spend some quality time with her nephew…" Brittany says, with an eyebrow raised because she knows she's right.
"Zara kicked her boyfriend out for the night? Wow, she must be excited…" I sigh, knowing that my battle is lost. There's no way we're keeping Wally tonight.
"Yeah, like I said, she's been wanting to look after him since he was born. We can't let her down," Brittany mumbles, pulling me towards her.
Brittany strokes my cheek, knowing that I feel a little uncomfortable leaving Wally with someone other than my parents.
"I promise you, it will be okay. Zara's like me, she was born to look after kids," Brittany explains.
"Yeah… I know you're right. It's just a weird feeling. Like he's getting so big already," I frown.
"It's a good thing. He'll be talking in sentences soon, he can tell us what he wants for Christmas and stuff. It's the best thing ever when they learn to talk. And with us for parents, he's going to laugh so much and we'll love every minute… So don't worry about him getting too big… we still have 4 years of spending all day with him. It's when he starts school that I'll let you be sad," Brittany teases. "But if you're saying you want another baby, I'd be happy to help you out with that."
I giggle, not expecting that and playfully roll my eyes.
"You know that's not what I meant. But yeah, you're right. Wally's still our little baby," I admit.
"Always," Brittany agrees, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "Now come on, we have a baby to drop off!"
"Hey, guys!" Zara shouts excitedly as soon as we pull up in our jet.
As soon as Wally sees Zara, he jumps around in my arms and wants down. I lean over and let him run to Zara and she happily picks him up.
"Hey, you! Are you looking forward to sleeping at Auntie Zara's house?" Zara asks Wally.
"Yeah!" Wally replies, with a smile.
"Omigod, you didn't mention that he's talking!" Zara says breathlessly.
"Yeah, we wanted to surprise you," I smile.
"Make sure you keep talking to him, otherwise Santana will have my lady balls," Brittany smirks.
Zara gasps loudly and glares at Brittany.
"Not in front of the children!" Zara scolds, covering a hand over Wally's ear.
Wally giggles at Zara touching his face and tries to hide his neck. He's inherited what I call the 'tickly' gene… If anyone touches my ears or neck, my whole body reacts. Brittany touches me there all the time, knowing fully well how much it tickles.
"Well, if you've got a date planned, you best be off," Zara says.
"Wanting to get rid of us so soon?!" I frown, pretending to be offended.
"Yeah, I've got like a hundred things of paint set up for Wally and I to play with. We're going to have a blast," Zara explains.
"Sounds fun, but make sure he doesn't eat it. He has this weird obsession with blue paint for some reason," I panic.
"Trust me, he wont be eating any paint. And besides, it's non-toxic," Zara says quickly, before shutting the door on us.
I gasp in surprise and Brittany laughs.
"She knows that the longer you stand there, the more you're going to miss him," Brittany says.
"Bitch…" I mumble. "I didn't even get to give him a goodbye kiss and cuddle."
"You'll be fine. These next few hours will fly by. I promise," Brittany says.
"If you say so," I pout.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask Brittany once we're back at our temporary home, hoping that she hasn't planned one of those 'surprise, scary shark watching' dates.
"Babe, you've been my wife long enough to know that I never tell you where I'm taking you on date nights. I don't even know why you ask," Brittany teases, pulling me in for a hug, which I gladly accept.
As always, her hand slides down to my butt and she gives it a small squeeze. Brittany knows well enough that it's one of my biggest turn ons.
"I knew you'd say that…" I pretend to frown. "Can't I have a hint? A tiny little one?"
"Hmm… Let me think." Brittany looks up at the ceiling, pretending to think. "No."
"Bitch," I whisper, before leaving a trail of kisses down her neck.
It's one of the best things in the world having someone that you could never get tired of kissing. Or cuddling… or just being around in general. I find it odd how Brittany and I literally never spend any time apart. I remember that the first time we spent a few days away from each other was when we had our bachelorette parties. I was miserable half the time. I missed her, even though I knew I'd be marrying her in a few days.
Most couples get a little fed up with each other when they spend so much time together. But with Brit and I, it's different. We rarely ever argue. And if we do, it's over something serious, like the other day with what happened with Zizes.
My heart flutters in pain as I remember her name. Zizes… I've been pushing that night out of my head ever since it happened. I always try to distract myself when I think of it. I just don't want to remember it. It makes me feel sick.
Thankfully a diversion comes in the name of Brittany. I'm lifted up onto the counter in the middle of the kitchen. Brittany pushes me down and slowly crawls on top of me.
"I think I lost you for a second…" Brittany whispers. "Do you want me to distract you?"
"Please…" I mumble as our lips graze and Brittany places a hand on my cheek.
I have to admit, it feels strange having Brittany on top of me. It's normally me who tops… It's just something that's naturally happened. It's like Brittany being the big spoon. We don't question it. I just love to sit on top of Brittany, it feels so right. But this is something I could get used to.
No wonder Brittany loves being topped so much. I forgot how great neck kisses feel when you've got someone sitting on your hips. I pull Brittany's neck closer to my own and let out a small moan.
"This is strange, isn't it?" Brittany asks, slowly making her way down my neck.
I quickly nod my head, not wanting her to stop.
"Fun though," I agree.
Brit's lips curve slightly and I can tell she's smiling. I feel cold air on my chest as Brittany unzips my onesie. I gasp in fright, but as soon as Brittany kisses my boobs, I forget about the cold. I'm so close to ripping off my bra and throwing it across the room.
I love boob kisses more than life itself. I can feel my heart beating faster from arousal. Brittany places a wet kiss just over the top of my bra and I just wish she would take it off. Just as Brittany gets to the swell in the middle of my boobs, she stops.
"Hey, I was thinking… isn't this supposed to happen after the date?" Brittany smirks, wiping her mouth and sitting back up on the counter.
"Don't you fucking dare…" I warn.
She knows exactly what she's doing.
"Dare? What do you mean? I don't like being accused of things you know…" Brittany says, playing dumb.
"You know exactly what I mean!" I snarl in sexual frustration.
I can feel my lady parts pulsing with need.
"You've lost me." Brittany shrugs and I'm so close knocking her out cold.
"You want to make me as horny as possible so that you can watch me squirm all thoughout our date… Then you're going to make all kinds of small comments like 'your nipples are harder than rocks, that makes me so wet', which turns me on even more. And you do it because you know full well that there's nothing I can do about it until I beg you to take me home," I growl.
Brittany bursts out laughing and even though I'm kind of pissed, I can't help but smile too. My Brittany impression was pretty good if I do say so myself.
"Wow, babe. You know me too well." Brittany grins, jumping off the counter and offering me her hand to help me down.
I roll my eyes and accept her offer. Brittany uses this as an excuse to pull me into a hug and graze her leg in between mine. I'm completely caught off guard and let out an embarrassingly loud moan for just a leg graze.
"Thing is though, you have no idea what I've planned…" Brittany whispers into my ear, giving it a small bite.
"Fuck Brit, I think I might die of sexual frustration before then," I whine.
"It will be worth it…" Brittany says in a sing-song voice.
"It better be, otherwise I'm sitting on your face until I come 3 times like last time," I frown.
"Oh, it will be," Brittany says with an eyebrow wiggle. "Now go and get dressed. I've already put your outfit on the bed."
"Ugh, fine," I grumble, making my way to our room.
I'm confused when I look in the mirror at my outfit for tonight. I thought for sure she'd be taking me out to a restaurant and that I'd be wearing a sexy little dress with very little to the imagination.
Instead, I'm wearing a pair of leggings, a pair of thick sweats, a long sleeved shirt and a snow jacket. What the fuck does this girl have planned?
"You ready then?" Brittany asks, leaning against the doorway.
It must be somewhere cold that we are going. Brittany is actually wearing sweats and a long sleeved shirt too. I don't think I've seen her wear clothes that long since we took Wally sledding in Antarctica.
"Are you sure I'm going to like this?" I wonder out loud.
"I think you will. I've been saving this for a time that I thought you'd need it," Brittany explains and I'm reminded of Zizes again. I can't help but shudder and Brittany notices.
"I'm sorry…" Brittany says. "But she's gone now. You don't need to worry."
I don't want to talk about it. Brittany doesn't realize that it's not so much Zizes that I'm afraid of; it's how easily someone broke into the house that scares me…
I shrug the thoughts away. I'm not letting that horrible night ruin my evening with my wife.
"I know. It's fine, I'll be okay. Thank you for this, I can't wait." I tell Brittany honestly.
Her smile makes it worth it. Seeing Brittany genuinely happy makes feel warm inside.
"Do you mind wearing the backpack?" Brittany asks, pointing to it on the bed.
"Nope. Fine by me… We going?" I grab the bag and grimace when I realize it's quite heavy.
"Sorry, honey. We'll be about a minute tops, okay?" Brittany says as she comforts me.
"No, really, I don't mind. I need get back into my fitness again… even if it is only for a minute," I tease.
"Speaking of that, I think we need to start doing our free running again… What do you think?" Brittany asks.
"I like that idea very much. Although we will have to leave Wally with someone. Maybe we could do that once he's back at day care," I say.
"Sounds like a plan…" Brittany smiles, leaning down slightly so I can jump onto her back. "Ready?"
I nod my head and those horrible butterflies explode in my stomach as I travel lightning speed across the world. I always close my eyes and keep my head tucked in as close to Brittany as possible. Thankfully Brittany was right. It only lasts for a minute before it's over.
At first all I can think about is the cold, but then Brittany urges me to move forward. I feel her push on my back and I think she wants me to get on the floor. Is the fucking crazy?
My eyes finally adjust to the darkness and I realize that she wants me to go inside an igloo. I've never been in one before, so I won't lie, I'm pretty excited.
"Holy shit. Did you build this yourself?" I ask, once I manage to crawl into the igloo and sit down on the blankets she's put down for us.
It's now that I notice she's brought our iPad and left it on top of a mini table she's brought here, too. There's even a lantern, plus some fairy lights that are dotted around the top of the igloo.
"Maybe…" Brittany shrugs; her cheeks bright red and I don't think it's from the cold… I think she's actually blushing.
"Brit, this is just…" I'm lost for words. How can something so strange and different be so beautiful and romantic?
"So you like it?" Brittany asks, genuinely thinking that I might not have enjoyed it.
"Of course! This is one of the most amazing things you've ever done for me. And you've done a hell of a lot over the last few years…" I say, pulling her into a cuddle.
"Yeah, well… You're just lucky I love you so much. You don't realize how happy it makes me waking up next to you every morning." Brittany mumbles, again I can tell that's she's a little embarrassed. It's not like her to be like this, so I can tell she's worked really hard on this.
"But you don't have to prove it by doing things like this… Having you in my life is more than enough. And it makes me super happy waking up next to you, too. When you're actually there, though," I tease.
"Thanks," Brittany smiles, "I, uh, brought you some Taco Bell. And breadsticks, too." Brittany says, pointing to what I realize is a square thermos.
This is too much. Brittany has done everything she can to make this perfect and I can't handle all the things I'm feeling. I practically knock her over as I jump onto her lap and kiss her as hard as I can. Brittany flinches in fright, but as soon as she realizes what's happening, she happily pulls me closer.
"Was that over the Taco Bell? Because this isn't even the surprise, you know. The best part is yet to come," Brittany explains breathlessly.
"Are you serious?" I ask, hardly believing that this isn't even the best part. "Does the best part have to do with the sexy times?"
"No," Brittany laughs. "The sexy times will be happening at home. The surprise comes first, though. I can't control that though, we have to wait for it."
"I have the best wife ever," I say, giving Brittany another kiss.
"Yeah, you do." Brittany winks; finishing off the food she was eating. I don't know whether it's gross or hot that I've just kissed her while she was eating. Either way, it doesn't bother me. I love her, even if she does eat while we're kissing.
Seeing that Brittany is eating, makes me realize that I'm pretty hungry, too. I grab my Taco's and smile when I can feel that they are still hot. I think I can honestly say that I'm probably the only person to ever eat Taco Bell inside an igloo in the middle of nowhere.
Brittany leans forwards and turns on the iPad looking for something to watch. She concentrates as she looks through our downloads for the right movie or show.
"You better not be putting porn on. I'm still horny you know," I warn.
Brittany smiles but doesn't look away from the iPad.
"Oh, I know. I can feel your horniness from here. I'm horny, too," Brittany smiles, wiggling her eyebrows. "But you have to wait. It's going to be a little different tonight, but I think you'll like it."
"I'm excited," I tell her honestly.
"Me too," Brittany says, wrinkling her nose at me.
"Monsters INC?" I ask, once I notice what she's put on.
"Of course. Your impressions of the characters make me laugh so much," Brittany explains.
"Oooh Googley Bear!" I joke and Brittany bursts out laughing.
"Come here…" Brittany whispers as she lies down on the floor, getting comfy to watch the movie.
I scoot to my rightful place in her arms and smile happily when she spoons me from behind.
I couldn't think of anything more perfect than this.
We don't even make it 30 minutes into the movie before we start making out. I don't even remember how it happened, but all I know is that Brittany is on top of me again and she keeps on accidentally bumping my lady parts with her thigh. It's turning me on so much and I can feel myself shaking with arousal.
I just want her fuck me senseless but every time we get close to doing anything, Brittany pulls away. I always manage to entice her back though.
"Stop… stop!" Brittany gasps, causing me to stop my hickey marking on her boobs.
"What now?" I growl.
I gasp when I realise why Brittany wanted me to stop. Her skin is glowing a weird pale blue color and my heart freezes for a second. I then notice that it's not her skin glowing, but the whole sky. The igloo flashes different colors every few seconds.
"Right, this is your surprise. Come outside," Brittany says, still out of breath as she puts her shirt back on.
"Okay," I mumble, just as breathless as Brittany.
"Holy shit," I whisper, looking at the sky for the first time tonight.
The sky above me is a sea of vast colors. Bright stars are illuminated by green, then blue and even purple. My eyes water at the beauty and I can't believe that I'm seeing the Northern Lights.
Brittany's pale skin practically reflects each color and I can't help but smile. She looks beautiful in an unusual, unnatural way.
"Brit…" I start, but Brittany shushes me.
"Don't say anything… just watch," Brittany says, holding her arm out for me to lean into her.
I gladly accept and we watch the Northern Lights for what seems like hours. It's then that I notice how cold it is. Brittany raises an eyebrow to check that I'm okay and I try to act cool, but then my teeth start to chatter.
"Cold?" Brittany smiles.
"A little…" I shiver, trying not to ruin Brittany and I's evening.
"Come on. We better get home. It's late and you'll be getting tired soon," Brittany says.
"You sure? Can we come back here again?" I ask.
"Yep… and of course, anytime, baby," Brittany says, scooping me up bridal style.
"What about our stuff?" I ask.
I know she's about to sprint home.
"I can get it later. I've got something a little more important on my mind right now," Brittany whispers while wriggling her eyebrows.
"Fine by me," I agree, pulling her in for a quick kiss.
I feel the familiar pull in my stomach as Brittany sprints hundreds of miles a second to our temporary home. For some reason, this journey feels so much quicker than the rest and I'm home before I even know it.
"Go and get naked… I have to pee," Brittany says quickly, sprinting off to the toilet.
"Romantic!" I shout after her as I make my way to our bedroom.
It takes me less than a minute to take off my snow boots, coat, sweats and t-shirt. I'm sitting on the bed about to take off my bra, when I suddenly feel arms envelop my naked waist. I lean into Brittany and smile as she takes my bra off for me.
"I have a surprise for you," Brittany whispers, kissing my neck.
"What is it?" I ask, pulling her as close as possible.
"I'll show you," Brittany replies, disappearing for half a second.
Brittany returns and she slowly pulls off my panties. About freaking time, too…
"You ready?" Brittany asks and I nod my head eagerly.
Hurry up already!
"Holy shit… what is that?" I gasp in pleasure at the liquid Brittany has just rubbed all over my lady parts.
"Lube," Brittany smirks, "with an added tingly effect for the ladies."
Well it definitely tingles, that's for sure. All I want now is for Brittany to do something. I don't care what it is; I'm up for anything at this point. She pushes me down on the bed and she slowly drags her fingers down my thighs… What is she up to?
"That feels… oh my god," I whimper as Brittany shocks me with her tongue on my lady parts for the first time tonight.
"It tastes good, too. Cherry flavor…" Brittany whispers from between my legs.
"Could have warned me!" I pant, out of breath.
You don't just lick someone's lady parts without warning them about it first. Or at least make some sort of signal that you're going down there. Who gives oral to a girl when they are talking?
Brittany ignores me. She wriggles her eyebrows and plays with one of my boobs while she flicks her tongue on my clit.
"Don't stop," I beg.
I have a small feeling that this isn't all she had planned for tonight. I push her face further into me, hoping she gets the picture and moves her tongue a little faster. Brittany isn't giving it her all, so now I know she's definitely up to something.
"What… are you doing?" I struggle to ask, but get there in the end.
Brittany sits up and pulls away. It's too soon and I can feel myself getting frustrated. I feel a slight breeze and Brittany disappears for a split second. I swear I see Brittany wearing something pink and I'm pretty sure it's a strap-on.
"I'm about to do you with the double-sided strap-on. Is that alright with you?" Brittany grins.
Of course…
At this point I don't care if she fucking enters me with a cactus. I just need something inside of me.
"Yes. Please, just do something!" I beg.
"Well, if you insist…" Brittany says, thrusting her hips and the strap-on right into me.
"Oh god!" I can't help but cry out in pleasure.
It's been a long time since we've used a strap-on and I'm a little surprised at how easily it slipped in. Although, I guess childbirth does that to you… At least it doesn't hurt anymore.
All of a sudden Brittany picks me up and I don't know what the hell she is doing. All I want her to do is just fuck me senseless. Is that so much to ask?
"What are you doing now?" I ask again, growling in frustration.
"I'm doing you against the wall. That's what I'm doing," Brittany says, wriggling her eyebrows.
"Well hurry up and do it. I am literally dying right now. I've never wanted you more," I whine.
"Okay, Mrs. Bossy Pants," Brittany replies, slamming me into the wall and entering me again with her crazy, super speed.
"Oh my god…" I moan as Brittany fucks me at break neck speed.
I don't even care that I have one leg around Brittany's waist and the other is just dangling hopelessly, all I notice is how great it feels having something so big inside me again.
"What size…?" I can't even finish the sentence.
"8 inches," Brittany says as she kisses me, probably trying to get me to shut up.
I gasp in shock. I've not had a dildo that size inside me for a long time. I swear I can feel tingles already, but then I remember that Brittany did put that lube on me. It feels incredible. It's strange that something so different can feel so good.
My whole body rocks as Brittany slams into me. We've never had sexy times against a wall before. I dig my nails into Brittany's neck, as with every thrust, my body falls slightly and even though Brittany has a good hold of me, I still feel like I might fall.
I'm surprised Brittany hasn't hit my spot yet… She normally finds it almost straight away. I think she's trying to make the most out of this. Brittany loves strap-on sex and it's something we rarely get to do. Mainly because it's so much noisier and I've been pretty self-conscious since giving birth.
Right now though, all I want Brittany to do is fuck me into insanity with our pink 8-inch strap on. Brittany brought this home one evening when I was super horny because of my pregnancy and I couldn't stop laughing when I first saw it. It looked like a fucking snake because it was so long. But then Brittany explained that it can fuck us both at the same time and well… It led to some of our most amazing sexy times ever.
"Brit. Do the thing. You know what I mean," I pant, struggling to talk.
"You mean this?" Brittany smirks as she does a particularly deep thrust into my spot.
"Yes!" I nearly scream. "Keep. Going."
Brittany giggles and all of sudden, she lifts me up gently with every thrust. I feel like I'm going to fall again, but at this point I don't care. I've never been fucked so deep and it's the best feeling ever. I moan every time Brittany plunges into me with the dildo and the familiar tingle is starting to erupt deep within my body.
It's embarrassing that I'm so close to coming already. I don't even think we've had the strap-on out for 5 minutes. But the hours of foreplay and the lube are making my lady parts react so much faster than normal.
Without warning, something feels strange.
"Brit, wait. I think I need to pee," I cry out, still struggling to talk properly.
If anything, she does the opposite. Brittany finally gets to that speed and roughness that I've been begging for all night. I scream out in pleasure and frustration. I don't want to pee during sexy times. Even though she's my wife, I'd be so embarrassed. Brittany removes one hand from my hips and vibrates her fingers against my clit.
My whole body collapses as my orgasm hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel liquid running down my thigh and I realise that it's not actually pee.
"Holy shit. I just made you squirt," Brittany says happily. "That's two things I can tick off my bucket list tonight."
I don't know how she can talk already. When I have orgasms this powerful I get breathless for ages afterwards. I guess when you sprint around the world daily you're able to catch your breath more quickly than others.
"Mmhmm." I mumble, my weight shifting onto Brittany.
"Oh, sorry!" Brittany giggles, picking me up again and staggering slightly as she carries me to bed.
"That was the hottest thing ever," Brittany says as she makes the bed all comfy for me.
I nod my head, still not ready to speak yet. I can't help but get butterflies at how proud Brittany looks. It's weird; I guess my emotions are going haywire after that orgasm. I'm not surprised though, seeing as she made me squirt for the first time ever.
"What else was on your bucket list?" I whisper, still a little exhausted.
"Seeing the Northern Lights with you…" Brittany mumbles, going all shy.
"Cute," I mumble back.
"Yeah, I guess so…" Brittany giggles, shrugging her shoulders. "Thank you for letting me do that tonight. It was awesome."
"No way, I should be thanking you! I think my orgasm is still happening right now," I tell her truthfully.
"Really?" Brittany says, slipping her fingers down my body.
"Oh no, don't!" I protest, but it's too late.
I cry out in pleasure for the 100th time tonight. I can tell I'm still on edge.
"Wow, I must have done something right," Brittany smirks that arrogant smirk of hers and it drives me crazy.
I'd totally have sexy times again if I weren't so exhausted.
"I really want to eat you out right now but I'm so close to falling asleep as we speak," I say.
"Aww, don't worry, babe. We have a whole life time of sex ahead of us," Brittany teases.
I nod my head and agree. Maybe one day I will make Brittany squirt, too.
"Spoon me?" I ask.
Brittany happily accepts and plays with my hair until I fall asleep.
It must be hours later before I wake up. I don't think I've slept this good in a long time. At first I thought I woke up naturally, but then I realise that there's a small, familiar weight on my chest.
"Mama! Mama! Mama!" I hear my favorite voice say.
Brittany must have gone and picked Wally up from Zara's while I was sleeping.
"Oh hey, Wally!" I say excitedly.
I give him the biggest cuddle ever and then I realise I'm still naked and haven't washed since last night.
"My god Brittany, this is kind of inappropriate. You haven't even put the you-know-what away!" I say, pointing to the strap-on lying on the ground.
"He doesn't know. As long as he doesn't think that it's something he can play with, it's fine," Brittany says with a shrug.
God, she can be so careless sometimes.
"You better pray this isn't his first memory," I warn.
"Will do. Wont happen again," Brittany winks.
I doubt that.
"I'll give him some breakfast if you want to go and get cleaned up?" Brittany offers with an eyebrow wiggle.
I roll my eyes and give Wally back to Brittany. Sounds like a plan.
Brittany, Wally, and I spend the rest of the day playing outside.
It snowed last night and because we're staying in the hills, there's literally 2 feet of untouched snow. Brittany went out and bought some sleds and we had an amazing time. It's so much fun going sledding with the fastest woman in the world.
It's not until later that Brittany approaches me.
"Hey, Santana…" Brittany mumbles and I can tell by the tone of her voice that there's something serious she wants to talk about.
"What? What's wrong?" I ask, beginning to panic.
"Nothing's wrong…" Brittany says with a hint of a smile. "I just wanted to let you know that I think I'm ready to go and see Gramma again. I've been thinking about it non-stop and I really want her to meet you and Wally. What do you think?"
My heart fills with pride and I tear up a little.
"I think that sounds perfect."
A/N: Wow everyone… Sorry it's been so late! But here we go! I'll be updating my Brittana!newneighbors fic soon too. I just need to finish writing it
What did you think of this chapter? Please give me your honest thoughts!
A big massive thank you to my beta, purplepoppasquat! She is brilliant.