"Dead set against sleeping, huh?" Henry asked as we walked into his lab.
"Absolutely. I run until I crash and burn and then do it all over again." I told him.
"Does it happen every time you sleep?" He asked, sitting at his desk as I sat in the chair I had earlier this morning.
"Every time. Even if I fall asleep for five minutes." I told him as he messed with some setting on his camera.
"Alright. Don't smile just sit there." He told me, holding the camera up.
I sat still and I heard the click before he set it down and plugged it into the computer.
"I'm sorry you have to struggle with this." Henry told me, watching the computer screen as he dragged things to another screen and tapped away.
I shrugged. "I like to think I'm dealing with it in my own kind of way."
He stopped typing and looked over at me. "Sometimes there's better ways of dealing."
"I'm most definitely open to suggestions." I told him.
He shrugged. "Maybe when your blood work comes back, we'll figure something out."
"We?" I asked with a little laugh. "You seem awfully committed to this."
Henry shrugged before looking at me. "You need to know there's options. You don't have to be sleep deprived for the rest of your life."
I nodded. "If there's another option, I will at least give it a try."
He nodded, turning back to his computer screen.
"So what are you doing with my picture?" I asked him, leaning closer.
"I'm running it against all the databases I have access to; the national DMV registry, FBI, CIA, NSA, Interpol." He told me.
"The whole alphabet soup." I commented.
"Pretty much. Just to see if we get a hit off of anything."
I nodded. "That makes sense. How long should it take?"
He shrugged. "I'm not sure. It could take an hour or it could take a couple days."
"Alright." I said and suddenly my cell phone rang. Cautiously, I pulled it out of my pocket. "Shit."
"What? Who is it?" Henry asked.
"Dean." I sighed. "Hello?" I asked, answering the phone. As long as I kept the conversation under a minute, I'd be ok.
"Where the hell are you?!" Dean's voice was so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
"Well, hi there." I told him.
"Cut the crap. Where are you?" Dean asked and I could hear the car in the background. He must be driving fast.
"Dean. Calm down. There's no reason to be so-" I started.
"So what? So what Blaze? So royally pissed off?" He yelled and I cringed.
There was a shuffling sound and a grunt. "Blaze. Where are you?" Sam asked.
"I can't tell you, Sam. I ran away for a reason and you're going to have to accept that." I told him.
"Blaze. You can't be out there on your own." Sam told me.
"This has been a lovely chat, but your trace is about to lock on me so you guys have a great day." I told him, hanging up. The counter on the phone read forty-four seconds. Perfect timing.
"They seemed upset." Henry said.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure they are. Dean's a control freak." I told him. The phone rang again and I sighed.
"You want me to answer that? Pretend you've been kidnapped?" Henry smiled.
"Ha. As humorous as I think that would be, they'd probably kill you." I said, biting my lip. I clicked the button and held the phone up to my ear.
"You listen here. We were the ones that saved you from the crazy house. We saved your ass through all those hunts and you saved ours too. I think we deserve to know where the hell you are." Dean said.
"Dean. Calm down. I'm with a friend and I'm safe." I told him.
"You don't have friends!" He told me.
"Well, guess what? I do now. And you guys need to stay away from me. Alright?" I said.
"This isn't the way, Blaze." Dean told me.
"Dean, Sam was right. I'm just going to end up hurting you. And I can't do that." I said, before hanging up the phone. I sighed and dropped my head, running my hands through my hair.
"You know it's going to be ok, right?" Henry asked quietly.
I shook my head. "Every time I see a light at the end of the tunnel, it ends up being a train."
He smiled and nodded, like he understood. "Yeah, I've had a couple of those too."
We were silent for a few minutes. "If it's ok with you, I think I'm gonna go get a shower. Being on the road for a couple days has made me feel gross."
"Yeah sure." He said before I stood up and made my way back to my room.
I closed the door behind me and grabbed some clothes out of my duffle. I closed the bathroom door and turned on the water. It felt just barely Luke warm to me, but I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the spray.
I concentrated on slowly rising my temperature until the water that hit my body turned into steam and felt warm to me. I washed the grease out of my hair and scrubbed the dirt off my skin. I even shaved with a disposable razor I'd found in the drawer.
I wrapped my hair in a towel and used the other to dry myself off before sliding on new clothes. It took me a minute to realize why the room was so warm when I realized I still had my temperature up. A brief moment of panic made the water in the room evaporate before I sucked in a breath, closed my eyes and tried to pull it back in.
The room slowly cooled and I opened the door into the bedroom so the room could cool even faster. I fell onto the tile, pulling my knees to my chest. I had barely noticed how warm it was and it scared me. I looked up, hearing a noise to see Henry leaning on the door frame and Magnus over his shoulder.
"The fire alarm went off." He said quietly.
I felt helpless. "I just wanted to warm the water a little. I just heated up to steam up the room and I forgot I heated up and I freaked out and that's why there's no water in the tub even though I just got out and…"
I stopped as Henry kneeled down next to me with a little bit of a smile. "Are you hurt?"
I shook my head.
"Did you hurt anybody else?"
I shook my head again.
"Then it's alright. So you singed a towel. Those can be replaced." He said, holding up the burnt towel I hadn't noticed.
I nodded. "I'm sorry. I thought I could control it enough for a freaking shower." I said, resting my forehead on my knees.
"Hey, it's alright. Nobody got hurt." Henry said, and I felt him sit down next to me.
I looked up at Magnus and then Henry and despite the heat I still felt in the room, my eyes watered. "I'm so scared."
Henry gave me a sad smile. "It's going to be ok. We'll figure this out. I'll be there the whole way." He told me.
I nodded, blinking away the tears before they spilled over.
"There is hope, Blaze." Magnus said with a smile.
I nodded, not really believing it, but needing something to hold onto.
"Let's get you off the floor." Henry said, standing up and helping me stand.
I pulled the towel off my head, but my hair had long been dry. I ran my fingers through it before hanging the towel back on the rack.
"I bet you're fun at parties." Henry said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.
I couldn't help but smile. He was trying so hard to make this easier on me.
"Henry tells me your colleagues phoned you." Magnus said.
I blew out a breath and looked over at Henry. "You're not a very good secret keeper."
"Hey now. I am an excellent secret keeper when I know it's supposed to be a secret." He protested.
"Yeah, they called. I didn't tell them where I am." I told her.
"I believe that to be the problem. They're obviously worried about you and I think they need to be here to help you through this." Magnus said.
I shook my head. "No. They don't need to be here. They don't understand. That's why I left."
"Have you tried talking with them? I'm sure they can be reasonable." Magnus said.
I shook my head again. "If they knew this place existed, they'd burn it to the ground. I'm not stupid. I saw the fridge that said Mermaid Chow. I don't know what other creatures you have in here and honestly, I don't care. But they will. I've known them to kill things on a hell of a lot less." I told her, trying to get my point across.
She nodded. "If that's your decision." She told me.
I stood there for a moment. "I'm sorry for torching your endangered killer spider."
Magnus smiled. "We recovered quite a few eggs that are now in incubators. I believe we may revive the species." She said.
"Of course. Where would we be without monster offspring?" I said sarcastically.
Magnus looked at me and I knew she was trying to examine me. "I understand you come from a background of monster hunting most recently, but I hope you think of us as more than monster keepers."
I nodded. "Yeah, alright."
"And I still believe you should reconsider calling your friends." Magnus said in a very 'mom' voice.
"Magnus. I agreed to not call you guys monsters keepers. Just give me this one thing." I begged.
She didn't look happy, but she nodded and turned to leave. I felt tired all of the sudden. "Shit." I mumbled, feeling my knees give out.
Henry caught me before I fell. "Hey, whoa. Take it easy." He said.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled into his shoulder as he picked me up.
"About what?" He asked, looking confused as my eyelids felt like they weighed ten pounds.
"The fires." I murmured as he set me on the bed and my eyes fell closed.
I couldn't see anything clearly; just shapes and blurred images. Everything was tinged red or black and melted together in my vision; except his face. Crowley stood over me with a smile while he stuck a hot poker to the inside of my arm to watch me scream. I didn't want to and I'd tried to resist, but the heat and pain couldn't be avoided.
Crowley smiled down at me, like he was proud of how I was fairing. He liked the long, slow tortures the best. The hot poker, the rods in my head, the spikes he was pressing into my feet.
I just wanted out. I just wanted to be away from him and this table and the things he scarred me with.
"Aren't you just a darling?" He said with a smile, running his thumb over my cheek.
I pulled away from him and his dirty hands. His hands were covered in soot, dirt and my own blood.
"Oh darling. We could be great together, you and I. You're so obedient. I ask for a scream and I am not disappointed." He said with a smile as he stuck me with the poker again.
I pinched my lips closed. I will not scream this time. I will not scream this time.
Crowley looked disappointed. "What's this? You did it for me just a moment ago." He said, sticking me again.
I will not scream. I will not scream. I chanted in my head. But the pain was overwhelming. I didn't know how much more I could take. My throat was raw, but I couldn't hold out any longer. The scream broke loose from my lips and I sat bolt upright in bed.
I was panting and my chest hurt. I looked across the room to see Henry putting out a small fire.
He stood up and looked at me worriedly. "Are you alright?"
I took my knife out of my pocket and sliced my forearm, right above the wrist. I gritted my teeth in the pain.
"Whoa, whoa!" Henry said, running over to me. He used the towel he'd had to smoother the fire to wrap around my arm. "What the hell was that?"
"I had to make sure I was awake." I told him.
"How the hell does that work?" He asked, still looking stunned.
"I had a dream once about how I got out of the pit and I couldn't tell if it was real or not. So I took a piece of glass and cut my arm and it didn't bleed." I told him, steeling myself against the pain. "Pain is real. It's an anchor point."
Henry looked at me like he couldn't believe me. "Is that why you have so many scars?"
I didn't realize my sleeve had slipped and he could clearly see the forearm of my left arm. There was long and short scars; fat and thin ones; you could even tell the ones that were just slices from the ones that went all the way through.
"Most of them came back with me. I only did a handful." I told him as the pain became a numbing feeling.
"Please…" Henry started but trailed off. "Please don't do that again." He looked lost and sad, like he didn't know what exactly to say.
I nodded to him, not sure what else to do.
Unexpectedly, he pulled me into a hug. I was more surprised as his proximity than anything. I hadn't been touched other than a handshake or a pat on the back in so long; I'd forgotten what it was like to touch someone. Slowly, I put my arms around Henry. He felt nice to hold.
"If you're gonna stay here, you have to find another way to tell that this is real." He said quietly.
"I don't know how to do that." I said into his shoulder.
He pulled away from me and took my hand. "This feels real, right?"
I thought about it for a minute. In the dream state and even in Hell, everything was different. Everything felt like it was slippery and cold. Even if I had a dream with Henry in it, it wouldn't feel like this. I nodded to him. "This feels real."
"Then I'll help as much as I can." Henry told me.
"Don't say that if you're just gonna leave or something." I told him, standing up to get off the bed and put some space between us, squeezing the towel around my arm.
"I'm not. I've lived here my whole life. I'm not leaving." He told me.
A knock on the door frame made me turn. "Magnus wants to see you guys." Will told us.
"Yeah, ok." I said, ducking into the bathroom to wash off the cut. I dried it and covered it with a band aid from the cabinet. Then I followed Will out. I heard Henry behind me, but I didn't know what to say to him. When we got to Magnus's office, Will held the door open for us.
"Blaze, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Ashley." Magnus said, gesturing to the tall blonde that stood next to her.
"Nice to meet you." I said, shaking her hand.
"Mom said you're a pyro." Ashley said, taking me off guard a little bit.
"I don't actually know what that means." I told her, glancing at Magnus.
"Pyrokenetic. It just means you have the ability to control and create fire." Magnus explained.
"Then yes." I said, looking back at Ashley.
"And, I know you might be upset with me…" Magnus started, but I heard their footsteps and smelt the gun oil before they even crossed the threshold.
"Why did you call them?" I asked, feeling my temperature rise a little.
"Because they are the only family you're aware of. They needed to know you were alright." Magnus told me sternly.
I took a breath and turned around. Dean and Sam stood in the doorway, both looking rather pissed. "Alright. Give it to me. We've been separated all of three days. I know you know exactly what you're gonna say, so here ya go." I said, giving them the 'bring it on' gesture.
"What the hell do you think you were doing? Huh? You know every hunter worth his salt would bag and tag you so fast, you wouldn't know it til you hit the ground. And what do you do? You run off to Monster Ville. So… what? So you can feel like you fit in? Because I can guarantee you, Sam and I are just as big of freaks as anything in here." Dean said, seemingly all on one breath.
I stood there, making sure he was done. "I can't risk hurting you guys. Of anybody, you understand what this can do. They put me up in this climate controlled room. It's freaking cold in there and this morning I started a fire the size of your fist. It barely singed the carpet." I said with a smile.
Dean still looked pissed.
"Blaze. What are you doing?" Dean asked.
"The doc did some blood work. She said maybe she can understand me some more from it. She said I might be able to work on controlling this. They say I don't have to be sleep deprived all my life." I told him.
"Blaze, come with us." Sam said and I felt a prick of pain in my chest.
"You were the one that told me I was going to get you killed. I just took your advice and now you want me to go back to traveling the country in the backseat of the impala?" I asked, looking at him.
I could almost see Dean's ears go up. "You did this?" He turned on Sam.
"Dean. Stop this. Right now. This was my decision." I told him.
He glared at me hard.
"Every hunter worth his salt would've bagged and tagged me. You said it yourself. But you didn't. So you have to care for me somewhere deep, deep down in the black hole of a heart. If you care about me, you need to let me stay here so they can help me manage this." I told him.
"I thought you managed it just fine." He said, barely moving his jaw.
I shook my head. "I wasn't. I wasn't managing it at all. I know that now. Burnt up motel curtains is no way to live."
"So what? You expect me to just leave you here?" He asked, puffing up as he glanced around the room.
I nodded slowly.
I saw the fire in his eyes. "No. No!" He yelled. "Screw this and screw all of you." Dean said, pointing a finger at everyone in the room including me. "I pulled you out of burning rubble myself. Sam and I pushed the support beams off of you with our bare hands because we could hear you crying. We fed and clothed you. You were like a sister to me." His voice kept getting louder.
"Do you want to have a screaming match?" I asked him.
"Yes!" He yelled, looking like he could tear me apart.
I felt my temperature rise and I knew he could feel it in my glare. "No! I left because of this! Because it's always you and Sam and I'm this awkward third gun. I can out shoot you and out stitch you, but as long as you have Sam, that doesn't matter!" I yelled back at him.
"Don't be stupid! You mean something to us!" He told me loudly.
"And now I'm stupid? Of all things, Dean?"
Dean looked defeated. "Blaze, I-" He started, but I cut him off.
"No! Just listen. For once." I begged, my temperature still bubbling. "These are my people. They can't fix me, but they can help me."
"We are your people!" Dean roared.
"Blaze." I heard from behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder to see Henry, looking so small. He was worried. Why was he worried?
But then I felt it in my chest and saw the heat waves coming off my skin. My eyes went wide and the panic flooded my chest, making the pain worse. I grunted, doubling over.
"Blaze!" Dean yelled.
"Get… out." I struggled, looking up at him.
"Everybody out!" Dean yelled and Magnus, Ashley, Will and the guys rushed for the door.
"No. Blaze. Look at me." Henry said, sitting in front of me.
"Out." I forced the word out of my lips around a cloud of smoke, trying to push him away.
"No. I told you I'd be here for you. I'm not goin' back on that. Do you remember that? When we talked earlier? I told you to stop cutting yourself because I'd be here, just like this." He told me and it took so much effort just to focus on his words.
"Hey. Look at me. I know it hurts. I know you want to just let it out because of this monster inside of you and you think, if you just let it out, everything will be better. You won't feel the pain anymore." He said.
I nodded, barely managing the simple gesture.
"But it won't. If you let it out, it won't make you feel better and it won't take away this pain. This is only a part of you, alright? This isn't who you are. It's going to stay with you forever, but that just means you have to learn to control it. You have to suppress it." Henry told me.
"I don't want to hurt you." I said around a mouthful of smoke.
"Then don't hurt me." Henry said with a smile.
I gripped my sides, the pain steadily getting worse.
Henry took my hand and gripped it tightly, almost digging his fingers into my skin. I saw him grit his teeth. "Does this feel real?"
I nodded and I could feel my temperature ebb a little.
"Then focus on it. My rough hands against your smooth skin." He told me, covering my hand with both of his.
I watched his face and thought of only the feeling of his skin against mine. His hands had calluses and they were rough from work, but they were gentle with my hand. His fingers were a little longer than mine and he easily wrapped my hand in both of his.
I could feel the heat waves die out and the pain in my chest recede a little. I saw something move and looked over to see Dean and Will in the doorway. The panic and fear crept back into my chest when I saw the same expressions on their faces. They were terrified.
Henry gripped my hand tighter with one hand, setting his other on my cheek to make me look at him. "Only me. Don't think about them. Just look at me and focus on calming down. Make it go away." He told me.
I nodded, getting lost in his blue eyes. I felt the last little bit of the heat slip away from me and my temperature return to normal. "I burnt you."
Henry smiled, his hand still on my cheek. "I've had worse."
"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." I told him.
"I'm ok." He told me quietly.
I felt woozy all the sudden. "I'm sorry." I mumbled to Henry, seeing my vision swim.
"Blaze?" He asked, but his voice was distorted in my ears.
I saw Dean's lips move as he ran towards me before I tipped sideways and fell into darkness.