Two long hours later, I was at Alice and Jasper's house, sitting on their sofa and waiting for her to get ready. I was trying to be patient, but I didn't know how much I had left. Alice had poked and prodded me with every beauty tool I had for over two hours, but she seemed to be able to get herself ready somewhat quickly.
Either my hair and skin were straight out of a horror movie compared to hers, or Alice just really enjoyed torturing me with the curling iron.
It was probably a bit of both, and if my long brown hair didn't look so freaking fantastic right now, I might have taken the time and energy to get mildly offended.
As it was, I was just ready to get this night started already before I fell asleep on their couch.
Jasper was sitting in the armchair across from me while we waited on Alice, his blue eyes glued to the television. It was the end of a football game, and he paid me no mind as I crossed my legs and uncrossed my legs and tapped my toes and drummed my fingers on the armrest. I was bored out of mind.
"NO!" Jasper stood up, his hands going into his blond curly hair. "Stupid fuckers can't catch the ball!"
"Gotta hate those stupid fuckers," I commiserated.
Jasper finally looked over at me. "I wish I could, Bella," he told me seriously. "They keep disappointin' me, but I just can't quit 'em. I love 'em." He shrugged, looking so forlorn.
"You and your football team are like a Nicholas Sparks book," I told him. "I'm kind of concerned for you. Where does Alice fit into your love affair?"
Alice laughed as she walked back into the living room. She looked amazing, all legs and heels for miles even though she was only five-three. Her short dark hair was smooth and framed perfectly around her face. She was perfection achieved in only fifteen minutes. If I didn't love her so much, I'd hate her.
"I know!" she says, agreeing with me. "I'm totally the third wheel when it's football season."
Jasper grabbed her as passed him, pulling her into a tight hug. "You're always my number one draft pick, baby," he told her as he let her go.
I tried not to make a face because I guess that was sweet. I honestly wasn't quite sure, but Alice started to giggle and bat her eyes like crazy. She definitely seemed to like it which is all that mattered.
"Go Team!" Alice shouted right before slapping Jasper right on the ass.
"Okay," I said, breaking up their weird foreplay. "Let's get out of here already. It's nine, and I'm thirty. I want to be home by midnight."
"You're such a grandma, Bella," Alice snapped, rolling her brown eyes, as she grabbed her bag.
"Whatever! Y'all eat dinner at like 5:30, so just watch who you're calling grandma, grandma!" I replied.
"It's better for your figure if you don't eat late at night," she said, speaking to me like I was slow. Alice had the bad habit of stating things like you were just too dumb to comprehend it.
"Seven is not late at night," I argued. "That's normal dinner time! I've told you a million times no one wants to have dinner with the blue hairs. You should just start eating exclusively at Piccadilly."
Alice gasped. "Ooh, I can't believe you would throw Piccadilly in my face! I should have never told you that."
"Well, if the orthopedic shoe fits…" I trailed off with a smug smile. Alice shook her head at me and pretended she was going to throw her definitely non-orthopedic five inch heel at me.
"Ladies, that's enough," Jasper stepped between us with his hands up like we were actually going to fight. I hadn't even gotten off the couch. "Let's call it a tie. You're both old biddies in disguise."
"Well," I said, standing up. "Let me find my walker and then let's hit the road."
An hour later we were finally situated at a table with our drinks in a fancy bar downtown. If we were grandmas, Jasper was someone's great-grandpa because he drove so damn slow I thought we would never get here.
I surveyed the room. There were a lot of dudes in suits. It wasn't looking good so far. I mean, it's Saturday night. It wasn't happy hour after work. I like a man to put a little effort into his wardrobe but a full suit and tie on the weekend was just over doing it in my opinion. A man like that was just too high maintenance. He'd take more time in the bathroom than me.
I glanced down at my black skinny pants and fancy top, feeling vindicated that I was dressed right for the situation. I mean I doubt men would come talk to me on a Saturday if I was in one of my work suits.
They would think I was a lesbian.
"Lots of guys here tonight," Alice said, elbowing me.
I pushed her off. "Yep," I agree. "Lots of guys indeed… in suits… on a Saturday night."
Alice scoffed so loudly the people at the table next to us glanced over. "You're so ridiculous, Bella. I don't get why you're so damn picky!"
I tried not to roll my eyes but failed. I seemed to be perpetually single, but I wouldn't call myself picky by any means. My last boyfriend was a chauvinistic pig and I dated him for over six months. The pickings were getting slimmer and slimmer each year, so I had to relax my standards… a lot, unfortunately.
"Marcus. Garrett. Peter," I reminded her of the men I dated the year before. "How can you say I'm picky?"
"Paul. Jared," Jasper coughed out as he glanced up from his phone.
I shook my head at Alice as I flipped off her husband. "I'm not telling you anything else ever!"
"He's my husband," she wailed desperately and it was so fake and stupid that I started laughing. "He does have a point though. Maybe your head and heart should be as open as your legs."
"Bitch!" I exclaimed, my hand going over my heart. "Right to the jugular… betrayed by the one who claims to love me the most."
"You did go through your share of dudes last year," Jasper said, turning toward me. He loves to gossip more than anyone else I know, his wife included.
"It was a banner year for me," I told him. "What can I say?"
"You dismissed all of those guys for such small things, Bella! All guys are annoying at times! I mean, I love Jasper to death, but he loves shitty death metal." Jasper protested loudly, and Alice patted his leg and shushed him. "All I'm saying is everyone has their thing that drives their partner crazy, but you have to learn to roll with the punches and give people room to be themselves."
"Marcus was thirty-five and lived with his mother. Garrett was married and lying about it. Peter didn't have a job and played video games all day. Those were not small things, Alice!"
"I know-"
"No!" I interrupted her. "You found Jasper in college, and y'all are amazing together. I know you want me to have a relationship like yours, but it just hasn't happened yet for me. That doesn't mean I'm broken or I'm not trying. I have a fucking awesome life!"
"Hell yeah!" Someone whooped behind me. "Let's do shots because life is awesome!"
I turned in my seat, embarrassed that someone else heard my impassioned speech. Jasper's sister Rose and her husband Emmett were standing behind us.
"Sorry," Rose said as walked up to the table. "Emmett has already had a few drinks this evening," she continued, shaking her head at her large husband. He smiled and high-fived Jasper. They got up and headed toward the bar to grab said shots. I was going to have a terrible headache tomorrow.
Rose joined Alice and I at our round table, her blond hair up in an elegant bun. Her makeup was impeccable. Rose was the epitome of glamour.
She covered her mouth with her hand before belching. Okay, she was the epitome of glamour when it came to looks not her manners. Plus, she was like six months pregnant. She had a pass on rude bodily functions for a couple months more.
"This damn kid is giving me crazy, fucking heartburn."
She also cussed up a storm. She was A-OK in my book.
"You're definitely glowing," Alice sweet talked her sister-in-law.
"That's because I'm sweating like pig in here," she snapped back, fanning herself with her hands.
I started helping fan her with my hands and Alice joined in. Her shoulders slouched in slight relief. The guys came back then and Emmett handed her a water which she threw back. He apparently knew the drill because he had a back up waiting which he pushed across the table.
Rose slammed the glass down and wiped the excess water off her mouth with the back of her hand. "Another!" she grunted.
"I'll go," a man said from behind Emmett. I didn't even know we hand another in our party. I watched him walk away, frowning at his suit.
"Who was that?" I asked the table.
Emmett glanced up from making goo goo eyes at his pregnant wife who was currently chewing ice like she was getting paid to do it.
"My older brother Edward," he told me. "He's cool. Alice said you were on the prowl, so he came with us."
I turned toward my best friend who would soon be my ex-best friend once I murdered her. She had the good sense to look ashamed. "I have to go tinkle!" she exclaimed. "I'll be right back."
I smiled and arched a brow. "I'll join you."
Dun. Dun. Dun. Well, I'd love to know what y'all think. I'm trying to post this little story every day.