Graduation Day
"Excited, little brother? Today's the big day!" Dean says with overly joy once Sam comes out of the car, still trying to get the tassel on the right side. At least Sam gets a proper graduation, the older brother says to himself. He knows how much it matters to his kid brother to walk down the aisle, shake hands with the head teacher, and throw the stupid hat. Sam had dreamed about this ever since he entered school, and now the day is there and… Sam looks rather tensed.
"I'm just nervous, and that stupid tassel won't stay on the side it's supposed to be at!" exclaims Sam with frustration in his voice. Dean walks up to him, a reassuring smile on his face. He takes the tassel, puts it into space and it actually stays.
"There you go. You just have to put the cord into the direction full-time once and then it will stay about just right," Dean smirks at his younger brother. Even if Dean never was that much into school, he learned to appreciate Sam caring for it and learned to be equally proud of good marks, and Sam really had amazing marks to show ever since. Hell, he is the best in his class, the best they have had in years, at least that's what the cute secretary told Dean after he had to check Sam out early the other day, for a hunt. And Dean is really proud of that, as proud as a… a father, actually.
He pats Sam's shoulder, giving him another reassuring smirk.
"Thanks," Sam says, tipping his head a little more.
"I guess ceremony will be in the gym?" Dean asks casually as they walk up behind the crowd of people storming into the gym to get the best seats to take photographs with their fancy cameras.
"Wow, who gave you that hint, dude?" Sam laughs. Dean gives him a nudge, before wrapping an arm around the younger man's shoulder.
"And you're ready for your… speech-thing?" Dean questions, now a little more serious. He doesn't want it to sound like it is actually laughable to him because it is not. Sam is craving approval, especially on that one. He practiced and redid the speech so many times, Dean lost count of it. That means it matters to Sam and so it matters to him, too, easy as that.
"I hope, even if I still have the incredible fear I'll either puke after the greeting, or I'll lose my voice throughout the speech and will sound like a girl. Beside that I couldn't be better," Sam jokes, even if both know he is actually more than nervous because of the speech. He is the orator of his class, something Sam is very proud of, since he didn't stay in the school for that long and it is an honor for him to be assigned such an important role.
"Well, if you feel like throwing up, do it on that Jackson-guy. I really don't like him," Dean jokes.
"Good idea since he is the head teacher, dude," Sam smirks back at the older teen.
"I still think he's mean," Dean says in a childish manner. He fumbles in the pocket of his jacket until he retrieves a disposable camera.
"Picture time, Sammy!" Dean laughs before pressing Sam's mop close to his and then he hits the button to take the picture.
"Hey!" Sam yells, with an honest giggle towards the end as he pulls away from his brother, with an outstretched tongue. Dean takes a picture of that, too, smirking even broader. Yeah, today is gonna be a good day. He knew it this morning when Sam tried on his graduation gown, came out of the bathroom and had the proudest of grins on his face and he knew when both were fully dressed, Dean even agreed to a button-up shirt in white and a decent looking suit jacket, even if he didn't agree to a full suit with tie and all that crap, and Sam hadn't argued once. He still appreciated Dean to actually be there on that day, and the older brother is glad he came along, admittedly.
"Okay, smart-ass, now one of you alone, without a goofy expression on, as far as that is possible with the face of yours! Say cheese!" Dean laughs as he brings the camera into place. Sam just shakes his head before giving the nicest smile he can afford, and even if Dean would never-ever-in-a-million-years say that out loud, Sam has one of the most beautiful smiles, to him anyways.
"Alright, let's safe the others for later, huh?" Sam bargains. Dean smirks another time. Sam still doesn't like the attention and, admittedly, usually both aren't that much into family-picture-time-mood, but today is special after all. You should have at least a little reminder of that, so Dean thinks.
They are now standing in front of the gym.
"Dad's not gonna come, is he?" Sam suddenly says, looking a little defeated, head bowed, and unable to meet the older man's gaze, to Dean's very shock. He, specifically, bypassed the topic "dad" by any means today. He didn't even take the word in his mouth, as well as supernatural, monster, hunt, or next gig. This was supposed to be Sam's day, but it seems like Sam is really too smart to fall for it.
"The gig's keeping him busy, you know…" Dean tries to comfort. The older brother knew of course how much it would have mattered to Sam to have John here along with him, even if Sam is well aware of the fact that John doesn't give that a shit on school work anyways, but then Sam is just a child again sometimes, wanting his dad seeing him on the podium, on one of the greatest days of Sam's life up until now. Of course you want your dad to be around by that time, even Dean can understand that. And deep inside, he actually feels a little portion of anger tickling his guts because it surely wouldn't have been asked too much to be there for the stupid ceremony. It takes about what? An hour? The father doesn't have one hour for something that is so important to Sam? But then again, Dean, as well as Sam, knows that the job demands sacrifices and you rarely get to choose where you have to be, and unfortunately John seemingly is needed elsewhere more than he is needed here at that very moment. At least he said so, after that huge argument they had.
Sam looks sad now, though, and that on his special day. That was not part of the plan.
"I know, Dean, I know that. I just… just now I had to think of him, I am sorry. I know you try to make this the perfect day. I appreciate that, really. It's awesome what you do, big bro. It's just… at some point I simply would have wanted him to be in the crowd along with you, but… it isn't, and what isn't there, that shouldn't be there anyways. I am glad you came along, Dean. That matters to me a lot. Thank you," Sam says, before doing one of the things only rarely done in this family, he hugs Dean, shortly, but full-heartedly. Dean pats over the younger man's back. It just shows how important this is for Sam, and how important Dean is for Sam.
"That was so chick-flick," Dean laughs. He is just trying to loosen up the mood because if he didn't, he would tell Sam right now how much he loved him and how proud he was and all those unmanly things Dean rather keeps to himself because deep inside he knows that Sam knows just as well.
"Whatever, dude. Now you go in and get yourself a seat or… a position. I have to go to the other side to get in line, you know," Sam explains with a grin on his face. At least he regained his spirits.
"Alright, Ace, but no worries. I'll be right there to cheer you on. And if people aren't at it, I'll just yell the whole time, you know, "Sammy, go!", "You can do it, dude!", "Gimme an S, gimme an A…," Dean laughs, patting Sam's shoulder another time.
"You do that and you're dead, dude," Sam exclaims, before giggling himself. Then he runs off to the other folks in graduation dresses. Dean smirks to himself before he walks in. Lots of people, exactly the way he supposed to find them, funnily dressed and with fancy cameras, almost knocking the neighbor out just to get a freaking picture of the decoration. The young hunter smirks to himself before taking a seat in the back of the gym. That way he can wave Sam when he comes in to give some reassurance, and the boy won't be as freaked as he would be with Dean in front row, staring at him during his grant speech.
Soon there is the moment of truth, brass band plays, not as bad as Dean feared, and the graduating students make their appearance, all lined up, walking down the hallway. Sam Winchester, of course is one of the last, walking next to a cute little brunette. Dean puts his thumbs up, goofy expression right ahead, as Sam makes his appearance, and for whatever reason the younger man spotted Dean right away to give him a gentle smirk and a shake of his head. The ceremony carries on after that, the head teacher blabbering about how great this school is, then the brass bands again, a choir sings, and then is the moment of truth: Sammy's speech. Dean sits up on his chair, excited like a little child.
Sam walks up to the lectern, very gracefully and respectfully, taking in everything he sees for a moment. Everything turns quiet, all spot lights on Sam Winchester. Sam adjusts the microphone, lays down his notes on the lectern and leans in a little closer, before he finally begins his speech.
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the graduation ceremony of Lexington High," he starts with a soft but strong voice. Dean smirks. Sam sounds much more adult than normal and if he didn't know better, Sasquash looks even taller than he actually is.
"… Gee, hardest part is over now!" he then exclaims jokingly, to loosen up the mood, and it works. All people start giggling and even Dean's lips twitch at that.
"My name is Sam Winchester and I was honored with giving this year's graduation speech, for which I am deeply grateful, since I am in that school for not so long now, but still my fellow students as well as my teachers showed me their friendship by entrusting me with this honor. First of all, I want to thank the teachers for their gentle treatment that held us all together during these times. With their knowledge and integrity they carried our board to where we are standing right now. With an open ear for problems and encouragement wherever it was needed, even for the not-so-bright-lights of our class they tried their best to ignite their light just as well, and as you can see, it worked, since we are all standing here today. They helped us to walk up and down the hallways to finally reach this destination. Thank you for that."
He takes a short pause to suck in a deep breath. His pronunciation and pace are incredibly well executed, and even if his voice is soft and calm, you can hear Sam's soft voice clearly ring, even in the last row.
"That's my boy," Dean smirks to himself.
"I also want to thank my fellow students. I don't know them as well as I wished to, but it is enough to know that they are all, every single one of them, incredible personalities with an equally incredible future lying ahead of them. They welcomed me at this school as if I was one of them since kindergarten. It was a pleasure to work with all of them and it fills my heart with dignity and pride that I am allowed to call me as one of them, that I am allowed to walk along with them in the same row, towards the steps we are standing on right now, towards the steps that still lie ahead of us."
He takes another pause to catch his breath before he goes on.
"Today, ladies and gentlemen, we are standing on the first steps of a long journey. I am fairly certain that no one is entirely sure where he or she is heading now, but we all share the same desire to crave for more in our life, to make something out of ourselves, to climb more than just one step higher. We all want to reach the last step, and that is what connects us, will always connect us, even when memories start to blur and only washed photographs are proof for what happened here today. Forty years from now we probably will have a hard time to remember with whom we were lined up with, or what actually was written on the banner that is in my back. Forty years from now and we'll be at a place very far from this here because we are going to change, and that is the most important. Forty years from now we won't be kids anymore, we won't get worked up over finals, won't hustle to the school bus, or play a prank on a teacher. Forty years from now we'll be adults, just like the parents that are here today to cheer on their children are. Forty years from now and we'll perhaps stand here another time to cheer our kids up as they walk down the aisle to receive their diploma and get the free-pass to tackle the world. But that lies far out of reach, at least it does for now."
He makes another pause. Suddenly he shakes his head, glancing up, a smirk quickly fading over his features, before his head turns back to the crowd.
"I really have to apologize to you all right now. I am doing this beforehand because you certainly are expecting the very least what I am trying to express right now. However, I hope you understand that this is one of the few chances given in life to say aloud what I am going to say in the following. I want to say something else, something that is not written on those neat cards, no, it's something personal. Now I really would like to say what is important to me. It's funny enough that I didn't think about writing that down to present it here today, but perhaps it was the fact that it is so present inside my mind at all times that I lost sight of it, and therefore I am no longer dependent on these…"
He takes his notes and tears them to shreds in front of the audience, quite dramatic, but Dean knows that Sam is doing this for real, not only to give his speech more excitement, but because he really has something on mind.
"Ladies and gentlemen, life is about choices. Our choices in life define who we are, make us the person we once were and the person we are going to be in the future. And that applies not only to the big choices in life, about what job we are going to have, or if we want children, or how many of them, if we marry the person we love, no, it is about the little choices just as well, if we get up this morning, if we drink coffee or tea, if we go left or right, whether we take the bus or the train, this all defines us the very same way and will change our lives forever. The reason why I am saying this is because especially today I realized how much of a great impact our choices have on us. Just this morning it almost flashed my mind because I never really put much consideration into this, but now I do, now that I see all my fellow students in the same gown, to show our unity and the fact that we are acting together as one. We didn't just put on the dress, the hat, or the tassel before we came here, no, we chose to do it, we did it because we are, as I already said, here today to tackle the world, to approach the first steps of becoming responsible adults who don't lose the flicker of hope within their eyes as they grow older and obstacles become harder to overcome. We all believe in a future, we believe in our very own future, with obstacles to make us fall hard and miracles to carry us over the hurdles of life along the way. We are here today because we choose to be here, because we choose to take either this or another way. We are here to make the first step on a newly found path, a path that was opened up by our family and friends, by the choices they made for us and by the choices we made on our own. It is one of the first chances in life we get to make a choice of our own, by ourselves alone. Today we gain freedom, by throwing the hat high in the air, by receiving that diploma, proof for our hard work, proof for our use within this world, as the proof for the hard struggle to come to this very point, supported by family and friends on every step of the way. Today we are allowed a first taste of victory, a first taste of independence, liberty… the question now is if we take that chance or perhaps grasp another. There are two paths right now, each individually set up for all of us, but we all have two tunnels to choose between and… I can only speak for myself, but here today, with so much offered, with so much given, I feel nothing but honest fear to make the wrong choice in the end. When I came here, my knees were shaking badly and right now my hand is acting on its own accord. We all are faced with those questions about how we want to design our future, how it is supposed to be like, smell like, taste like, feel like, sound like. It is rummaging in our heads, not only today, but for some time now, and all of us are bothering our heads over this because we want to make the right choice so badly. We want to make our parents proud, we want to show them that we are able to do more than we have to offer right now, we want them to understand us, we want to show them the world from our point of view, but at the same time we want to crave for freedom, independence, want to open the gates to a world no one discovered before, want to grow wings, supported by freedom, and simply fly away. So yeah, it is a hard struggle going on in our minds right now, and the choice we are eventually going to make, be it prolonged or not, this will be a milestone in our lives, unchangeable and monumental till the ends of our existence… and sometimes… sometimes… you make a choice not only for yourself, not only for your very own good, sometimes we find the strength to do that, be not necessarily selfless, but… standing above the feelings of selfishness and the needs either one might have, for the sake of an important person. Not many are gifted with that kind of strength, a lot fail when they try, some give up, a few never give it a shot, and the rest, the little portion that is eventually left, those people choose a tunnel they just discovered. And the way there is very rough, and plastered with obstacles and trouble and sorrow, but I am convinced, no, I believe that at the very end of that path… that is where you will discover the true freedom."
He takes another deep breath. His eyes are almost watery by now.
"Sometimes the choices we make are not about ourselves alone. With our choices we affect others the very same way, we have an impact on their lives and on the paths they take. Not often we are offered the chance of having a truly good impact on people. For the most part people tend to mess up, I suppose, even if they may have noble motives in mind, they fail in the execution. And I am definitely not the exception. It is hard to do the right thing because sometimes doing the right thing means to give up on something else you hold very dear and want to keep… However, especially today is a day that is wiped clean and allows us, for a very short moment, to have a positive impact on people and actually see them, realize them with their greatness and with their needs just as well. Today we are offered many things, but for me it is probably the most important that… for me, personally, it is the most important that I get the chance of forgetting about myself for a brief moment to see the person that is probably the most important to me in life, to whom I owe so much that I could never pay it back by any means. For that person I'd go till the end of days, where there is no sun, no light, no darkness, where everything dies and is born anew. We have been through a lot, and sometimes I am glad I can say that I helped him the very same way he helped me. We faced many obstacles in life together and overcame them, returning with scratches and scars all over, but with a newly found strength growing within us. I am glad and grateful that I can count myself that lucky to… to have him around and… and that he devoted his life to me… Today I want to embrace the chance to tell that person that I devote my life to him the very same way. Be it that he fixed my tassel so that it isn't in my face at all times, be it that he stayed by my bedside when I was still a child and was sick, be it that he bought a stupid-looking disposable camera so that once we look back on that day we have a washed photograph to remind ourselves of how foolish we were today, be it that he promised me to start a Mexican wave just to get the audience into the mood, for which I am still thankful he didn't, simply be it the little things he does for me that have the greatest impact on me, and those impacts are all for good, I believe. He makes me a better person. And I want to have the same kind of influence on him. For that person I'd take any step, I'd take any obstacle, would jump down into any pit, even if I didn't see the bottom, for that person I'd turn my back on any tunnel to offer, no matter how beautiful or promising it might look like. I bothered my head over this like any other, but standing here today, talking to you, ladies and gentlemen, I think it brought me to my final conclusion, which steps I want to take, and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for you listening to me, and for not tossing tomatoes at me for turning this ceremony a little upside-down by my new approach, but most importantly I want to thank the person I told you about. It is a matter of heart to me to actually verbalize it because… as William Arthur Ward would say: "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it," and I believe in his words. If you don't say it out loud that you are so grateful for that person to be there for you, then you purify his efforts and make them smaller than they are. You aren't just grateful by thinking a thank you, but saying it the same way. Today, standing in front of you, I want to thank the teachers, the students, the parents here, the people not here, the people who supported me along the way, and I want to thank especially that person for his efforts. I feel deep gratitude and happiness, however I want actions to follow these words because, as John F. Kennedy already pointed out: "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."And therefore I will try to act in the pursuit of the goals I set for myself, to show my gratitude for what was done for me, by forgetting about myself for a bare moment and focus on other things than me to pull my focus out and perhaps lead me to a completely new world. I can only make a promise here today that I am going to fulfill that vowel, today is the day I make a promise to everyone here, and I believe it is a day that others make promises just as well. I, personally, promise to show my gratitude and express it with every breath I take. Today is a day of choices, a day of promises and forty years from now… forty years from now I hope I accomplished my goal to fulfill the promise made here today. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I want to end my speech, with a promise, a promise we shall meet each other again, or at least remember this when our bones are aching and colors are fading from the old photographs of a former memory. Thank you."
He bows his head deeply so that you can't see his face. People are frantically clapping their hands and the students start a standing ovation everyone eventually joins. Dean gets up, biting back tears on his own. He knows who Sam meant with his words and he can't believe that his younger brother actually has that much of a great opinion of him, values him that high, and even goes as far as to express that in front of all the students, parents and teachers. That takes more than simple courage, to Dean this was just… brave. Sam bows his head another time before he hastily returns to his seat. A few of his friends clap him on the shoulder, probably mumbling words of praise and encouragement, but Sam remains with a bowed head, tipping his hat deeper and deeper. The ceremony carries on after that, as if nothing happened, even if all of them, so Dean is sure, are going to remember Sam's full-hearted speech above anything. Soon the diplomas are handed out, Sam is notified the best of his class another time, even getting a little award for his hard work, to which the younger teen only shyly smiles, especially since Dean yells from the back row "Way to go, Sammy!" – and Dean doesn't even care that Sam is so going to kill him about that because Sam's face lightens up and he cracks into a laughter only he can display. There is the walk-out and the famous throwing-of-the-hats, photos are taken, students are chatting, hugging, saying goodbyes and sharing overly joy about finally having it made out of this place. Sam is rather sober-looking, hugs his closest friends, tells them goodbye, and before Dean can realize, Sam is standing right beside him and leads the older man away from the crowd, back to the car.
"I swear to God if you crack up laughing right now, I am going to kill you, Dean," Sam suddenly exclaims, his brows furrowing nervously.
"What?" Dean says with a slight grin on his face.
"You can laugh all you want, I meant honestly what I said and you can call it all girly and chick-flick you want, I don't care," Sam fumes. Dean has to grin at that another time because he didn't even say anything and Sam is already mad at him for that reason, really, moody teenagers sometimes.
They reach the car.
"I'm not laughing, Sam," Dean says calmly as he starts the engine.
"So? Wanna reveal your great critique now? You know, let's just get over with it…," Sam sighs, looking incredibly defeated all of the sudden.
"What am I supposed to say, Sam, huh?" Dean exhales with a shake of his head.
"I don't know, Dean, that's your business," Sam says drily, trying to maintain a calm voice, too.
"Alright, so here I go. The beginning was a great warm-up, to get them going, you know? After that, even if it was very well executed, it was kinda flat…," Dean smirks.
"Well, it's part of the procedure, Dean. It's part of the rule that you thank the staff and the students for their good work and everything," Sam retorts.
"I wasn't finished yet. The beginning, now, wasn't as good because I heard the whole speech and it was… simply amazing, Sam. The best speech I've ever heard," Dean finally says with a proud smile on his face. Sam's jaw drops upon hearing this. He certainly expected one of Dean's smart-ass-remarks right now, and not a full-hand praise.
"Well, that comes kinda unexpected, but… I guess you exaggerate a little bit. I mean, how many speeches did you listen to in your life?" Sam smirks, trying to hide the blush of his cheeks.
"Enough to know this was the best ever!" Dean says confidently.
"And what about King's speech – "I Have a Dream" – or the "Gettysburg Address" by Abraham Lincoln?" Sam shoots back with a grin.
"Well, those are evergreens, but hey, who can actually say about himself he got a speech written for him, huh? I guess not many, right?" Dean laughs.
"No," Sam sighs.
"So what kicked you in the ass so that you didn't give your prepared speech, but, in the very dramatic way, tear it apart to simply… make up something new?" Dean asks.
"When I was standing on the podium… I mean, I was proud as hell and before I really believed this was the best speech I could possibly present, but… when I glanced at the crowd, at my friends, at you, it made me realize that the speech I was going to give originally had nothing to do… with me, about how I really feel like about graduation, about what comes after that. The most important is, though, that your speech is credible, that people buy what you're saying. I mean, the Gettysburg Address, for instance, lasted for just a few minutes, it was one of the shortest speeches ever given, but it had a great impact on the people during that time and even today people read this speech and have gooseflesh, but that is because Lincoln was so credible in what he said, was so credible in the way he presented it as well as the words that he chose, that people even of today believe and remember it… and even if I know that my speech doesn't even come close to that, I wanted my speech to at least take the same course. I wanted to talk about what really was on my mind, and not blabber about team spirit and the next school events, that wouldn't have been me, simple as that," Sam explains in all honesty.
"Well, you were credible, Sam," Dean says.
"Thank you," Sam says with half a sigh.
"Honestly… I mean, I am your big brother and everything, but today I was… I was as proud as a father, you know? You really flashed me with your speech, Sam, honest. I never expected anything like that…," Dean then says after a while of silence. Usually he is so not for chick-flick, but Dean is fully convinced that it is important for the both of them that he says that right now. It's like Sam pointed out in his speech, some things have to be said in order to make their statement.
"It needed to be said," Sam explains.
"And are you going to tell me what tunnel you chose, Sam?" Dean asks with half a smile.
"No, you don't have to know," Sam says with a smirk on his face, now looking almost tired as he stares out of the window.
"But I would definitely like to know," Dean argues.
"It doesn't matter, dude, believe me… everything's being taken care of, path is chosen, the other tunnels are closed down now… so, are we going to meet up with dad now?" Sam says, to Dean's very surprise.
"I thought you wanted to go on that after-party the kids were talking about…" Dean frowns. He heard that Toby-boy inviting Sam to come to his graduation party and he was pretty certain Sam would at least ask the older brother if he could tell Toby hi and goodbye before they left town.
"No. I did what I wanted to do. I finished up my last business in this town and wiped the plate clean. Now I am walking up a new path. Today is the start of the rest of my life," Sam whispers, his eyes setting off for the window another time, but this time his stare remains there as he gets out of his gown and both know that they are heading to meet up with dad right now, who is about two states away. They drive in all silence and the unexplainable feeling settles within Dean that something is severely wrong with his younger brother, or why else did he, during his speech, have tears in his eyes when he said that he made a choice now and, right now, the fact that today starts the rest of his life.