For a slight change: this starts silly but doesn't stay that way... There be filks ahead! (list of songs at the bottom of the post)
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Once Upon a Time: Leliana Take One
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Having written a short piece in honor of the late Hero of Fereldan, Leliana asks King Alistair and Queen Anora to allow her to arrange a musical faire in his honor. They agree, much to her later chagrin. In this piece, Leliana herself is the Master of Ceremonies.
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Welcome to the Once Upon a Time Musical Faire! I'm very pleased to see so many families of Denerim here to support this new endeavor. We have a lot of participants who have signed up for this event, so to make sure that everyone gets a chance to perform the pieces they've worked so hard on, let's get started without any further delay.
First to the stage I'd like to welcome my dear frie—well, former traveling companion. Please welcome Oghren!
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There was a bard who had red hair
E-I-E-I-Oooooh!
And on her back she had a bow
E-I-E-I-Oooooh!
With an arrow here, and an arrow there,
Here a death, there a death, everywhere a— *uuurp* *thud*
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Um, yes, thank you, Oghren. That was…typical. Can someone please help get him off the stage? And make sure he's not left near any open flames, just to be safe.
And now, it's my pleasure to introduce everyone's favorite apostate, Anders! I'm so grateful you could join us so soon after becoming a Grey Warden. He has a lovely tenor, so please, remain quiet during his performance.
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Somewhere inside the Chantry, where truth dies,
There's a bard that I heard once, singing a bunch of lies,
Somewhere inside the Chantry, where she prayed,
She had dreams that she dared to dream where she got la—
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Wonderful, excellent, moving on, moving on! Next up is the much-renowned rouser of the Alienage, Shianni! Take it away, Shianni!
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Strum, strum, strum your lute
Gently with your pick
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Shems are all such pri—
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Thank you, Shianni! That certainly was… incredible. And now, please welcome my dear friend, Zevran Arainai!
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When you call upon a bard,
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your cash can buy,
She'll do for you
If your plans require a death
No request is too extreme
When you call upon a bard
As nobles do
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Wonderful-thank-you-please-get-off-the-stage.
Well, that's unfortunate, it looks like all our other performers are unable to perform their pieces. I said, it looks like all our other performers are unable to perform their pieces. *draws daggers* Any objections? Oh, Shale, you wish to— Well, fine, as long as it is quick. *sheathes daggers*
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There once was a bard from Orlais
Who journeyed with Wardens of Grey
Her shoes were quite pretty
Thus it is such a pity
That she never was good in the ha—
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That's not even a song! I don't care if you are made of rock, get off the stage.
All right, that's it! This was supposed to celebrate the life of the Hero of Fereldan, and by damn, you are all going to listen to real music and understand what truly happened.
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Once upon a time, a girl with sorrow in her eyes
Found some peace and rest and prayed to ease her soul
But that was once upon a time, oh so long ago
Once upon a time, she dreamed of darkness o'er the land
Rousing from her sleep, she left to fight the spawn
But that was once upon a time, now the spawn are gone
Then the girl with fire in her hair
Grew to love the Hero and found the answer to her prayer
They were young and didn't have a care
Where did it go?
Once upon a time Fereldan almost met its end
'Til a Hero strong gave up his life, and then…
But somehow once upon a time cannot come again
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Tunes used for filks above:
Oghren – Old MacDonald Had a Farm
Anders – Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Shianni – Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Zevran – When You Wish Upon a Star
Shale – generic limerick (no song)
Leliana – Once Upon a Time (check out YouTube for an example, I used Tony Bennett's version for inspiration)