The next morning, sun is pouring through the windows again. The window's frosted. Winter's definitely coming. Very quickly shall I add.
"How do you want your eggs?" Edward asks me, his back to me as he's standing over the stove. After the breakdown and couple hours later, serenity fell on our little house and afterwards we drifted off to sleep. And today Edward decided that he would try to make some breakfast for me, hearing the grumbling of my stomach.
"Sunny side up, please", I say smiling. I was glad, this was good. Everything was good again and finally Edward to be calm and at peace. Though there is a nagging thought of he might just do this all because he feels like he needs to. To make thing up with me, when he keeps getting meltdowns and I keep soothing him. Not that I think of it like that. But I bet that's how he sees it, although I hope that's not it. I wish things would get better with him and he could get over his past.
But if he wanted to do that, wouldn't he open up to me already? How long does it usually take for a patient to submit into opening up as he should and then start to finally heal? I don't want to rush things up and how long it takes, doesn't matter to me really. I'm just worried he will keep it all inside of him too long, or possibly never open up.
"It's done", he declares and puts a plate in front of me on the wooden table. Everything looks delicious. There's that crispy bacon, two sunny side eggs, perfectly cooked, and a toast with some butter and cheese.
It's not the healthiest option for breakfast, I know that much, but I can't help but devour it all, not when he made it for me and it tastes so good. I show my gratitude for the meal by giving him my biggest smile which he put on my face. His whole demour lifts up. Not that much, but he practically glows from my silent praise. I decide on to thank him properly too by kissing his cheek, when he sits down next to me. "Thank you darling. This tastes amazing! The best breakfast I have ever had", I tell him honestly. He shakes his head but with a smirk playing on his pretty lips.
"You don't need to say that. I already know that. I'm an awesome cook", he says still smiling and blows me away. I have never met this side of him, this playful and a hint smug one. I love it, I adore it. I want more.
"You don't say", I humm and grin at him. His stirring his bowl of fruits with the fork and casts his eyes down bashfully. I see him blushing now. I understand he's not that comfortable at being like he was, but he's getting there. I hope he will soon feel comfortable in his own skin. He shouldn't feel embarrassed about showing me his true colours and being himself. That's exactly what I hope for him to do. He doesn't need to be afraid that I might judge him.
I glanced at him eat while eating myself. His little bowl of fruit looked very sad compared to my plate of awesomeness. It's very clear why he isn't getting any better physically. Of course his breakfast is very healthy and filled with antioxidants and all that good stuff, but there was so little of it and he wasn't having anything else with it either.
My brows knitted together at the centre and I gave a questioning look towards him and his bowl. He offered me the same look, but a more confused one. "What?" he asked between bite of an orange piece and a kiwi.
"Aren't you just gonna stay hungry after eating that?" I ask. He seemed like he couldn't comprehend what I was saying at first. "No. I'll be just fine, thank you very much", he answers sounding quite annoyed.
"Okay, Edward. But remember what your dad told you at your last check-up. And you got one today. You don't want to disappoint him?" I say to him pointedly. I don't like to persuade him like that, but it's one certain way to get him to do as told, when it's about his health. Of course no one should order him around, but when it's the best thing for him and he doesn't listen to you, you got to do what's the most effective way.
His face saddened and immediately I regretted saying what I did. But bite my tongue not to apologize right away. I will, when he understands what I said and gets to it, then I will apologize him. It pains me to the core, how the joy that finally got to him vanished so easily from my words. That I am the cause of it and I can't protect him from myself and what will probably and eventually save him.
"No", he mumbles and puts his fork down and doesn't pick it up again. Instead he gets up and takes the bowl into the fridge. Great, like that helps. No he lost his appetite and is doing the exact opposite that I and the doctors hoped he would do.
I think I'll have to cook from now on to make sure he will eat enough, even though he's much better in the kitchen than me.
"Eddie..." I start but the frustrated and angry look on his face stops me. I've met many sides of him today it seems.
"I'll eat later. You don't need to look after me, you know. You've got your own life to enjoy. You won't find happiness from mine, I assure you." With those shocking words he turns his back to me and walks through the front door. I jump up from my seat and... look after him. He's only walking to the beach. Hopefully he isn't going too far, I don't want anything bad happening to him.
But right now I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just remind him of going to his appointment today.
"Don't go", I whispered into the chilly air. He's is only wearing his shirt and jeans now, he's going to get a cold. I promised his dad that I would take care of Edward, never let anything bad happen to him. And the appointment is today!
But he needs space now. And if I want to be a real partner, I need to let him have it. But if I won't hear from him in an hour, I'm going to go look for him. I can't call him, because he doesn't have a cell phone yet. Which reminds me that I should. He has to be able to contact me if he needs or wants to at any time.
It's been fifty two minutes since Edward left. Where is he? Is he alright? Has he gone home? To his real home? What if he has passed out? Oh no! He barely ate anything, he doesn't have enough energy for long walks now. Where he could be? Is he on the beach? I have to go look for him. He might freeze in that cold air in those last eight minutes and get severely hurt! What if he's already hurt? He can be unstable at times and when he left, he was all over the place when I think about it. What if he jumped off a cliff? No, no, no, no!
I put my thick, brown jacket on and take another one with me for Edward and leave the house. I walk hurriedly over to the beach that's close to us. It's named La Push. Edward's nowhere to be seen. I'm getting very worried. He usually doesn't do things like this, I don't have a clue what to predict if I find him. "Edward?!" I call for him and look into the forest around the beach. There's no one here, not at this time when winter's coming.
The waves of the dark sea crash loudly to the rocks and the high and steep cliff that rises from the side of the forest. Maybe he has gone to the cliff. I gaze up there, but I can't really see anyone there. I doubt he would go into the woods, to be honest. That's where I found him, scared shitless, so why would he ever want to retreat there?
But I can't see him here so where can he be other than in the forest? He couldn't get into the town by walking. He has nowhere near the energy to do that. But what if he has tried and passed out like I expected?
I shivering violently, but not from the cold. Where is he?!
"Edward!" I yell louder than before. If he's somewhere close, he must hear me. But I don't see him anywhere. I have to go look for him in the forest.
After a mile, getting closer to the hill that starts to get mildly upwards, but then goes quite steep and leads to the top of the cliff. Some crazy people even go diving from there. Real daredevils those are. Not only you might hit the rocks at the bottom, but you might get under those huge, strong waves and never get up no matter how strong you are.
"Edward?!" I call for him again, but this time I get something. Some rustling comes from a tree a few feets away from me. Up from the branches. I look up at the fall coloured leaves of the tree and suddenly I detect a person in there. There's too many leaves to really see who's in there, but I'm sure it's Edward.
"Edward?" I go up to the tree, so close that when I look up, there's no leaves blocking my eyesight from him. "Edward", I sigh in relief.
"You didn't have to come look for me. I'm fine", he says sharply. So he's still mad at me. But it doesn't matter to me anymore. The most important thing is that I found him and he's fine. "Will you came down, darling?" I ask him gently. He looks down at me.
He's one lissome fellow. One of his legs are lifted up against the trunk while his leaning on his side to a thin branch. I'm afraid for that branch to break, but it seems Edward's an expert at tree climbing so I don't feel the need to say anything about it. But if his energy runs out and he doesn't have enough strength to hold himself up... He will fall down and really hurt himself.
His copper hair fits the background perfectly and his piercing green eyes remind me of the leaves of the spruces scattered around the forest.
"Why?"
Why? Why should he come down? Because I want to hold him, make sure he's fine. Make sure he won't be falling down at any moment. He must be cold and I've got a jacket for him.
"I brought you a jacket", I say simply. For a few moments he's very still and silent. But then he climbs down swiftly and I awe at how lithesome he is. I hold up the jacket for him, but it looks like he doesn't trust me and acts very timidly. But finally he takes the jacket and puts it on. "Thanks", he says and looks at me in chary way.
He looks very distant and withdrawn from me and it hurts. I have gained his trust over the weeks and now it seems that I have shattered it completely. I loathe myself for doing that, but I don't understand it either. Why is he like this?
"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be like that, but I can't help but be concerned about you. I want you to be alright. You're not leaving me any choice, but to follow you even if I invade your privacy, because I'm so worried. I'm constantly thinking what's going on with you and are okay and I'll never know to be sure, when you don't tell me openly", I tell him. I don't want to overwhelm him by my words, but he deserves to know and understand.
"Then I'm sorry. I'm sorry I make you worry, I don't want to, but it seems that I can't help it. Maybe you shouldn't bother with me at all. I don't want you to be stressed all the time, because of me. I care for you too, Jacob and that's why maybe we should keep apart for some time. We might be going too quickly. I'm... I'm not... normal. I know that. But I could try to be. But that will take time, a lot of time, and I don't want you to be waiting for me to happen. You should be living your life, not have to be stressing over me like this. It isn't healthy", he tells me in a quiet voice and looks at the ground.
I gape at him in bewilderment. He doesn't want me anymore?
"No, Edward, no. You're not stressing me. I'm fine! I'm better than fine when I'm with you! Please, don't go Edward. No, no..."
He was turning to leave, but stopped. "I'm not leaving you completely. But I think it's better if you we would live apart from now on. I will move back to my parents, who knows maybe it's best for me. It would be the best for you at least. I want you to have a normal life, a carefree one. I want you to be happy and not worry about me. I like you Jacob and I care for you deeply. That's why I'm doing this. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. You literally saved my life, more than once. You took me under your roof, when you already had your hands full. I can never thank you enough, Jacob", he says and gives sad smile for me.
"Edward, you don't have to do this. Really, it's all alright. I can wait for you. If you want to move, it's fine. But you can stay anyway. I'm not giving up on you. Never. Edward... I-I love you", I confess to him and fidget with my fingers nervously.
He looks to be shaken and lowers his head. "Jacob..."
"You don't have to say it back. But... I just want you to know, that I do. I love you."
"I... I'm sorry", he says and sighs disappointedly and turns away to leave.
I back down to the three with my back to it and slide to the ground. I watch at his extending form, and eventually the sounds of feet walking on the crisp orange and red leaves quiet down, and Edward has vanished between the trees. To the beach, to my home, packing his bags and leaves to another life away from mine.
I weep into my hands until there are no tears to sob.