Of all of Kíli's many attributes, being observant is not among them. Once, it had taken him nearly two weeks to notice his brother had carved I AM A TROLL on his bow (in retaliation for a similarly offensive prank). But he never misses when Fíli sighs in that particular way; when he runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head and slumps his shoulders. Kíli knows.
He also knows never to ask "what's wrong?" because the answer is always "Nothing." How do you chase "nothing" away? This can be a challenge, for he unfortunately cannot read Fíli's mind. This time, however, he knows what's wrong. He witnessed it.
Kíli cannot pinpoint the exact moment it went downhill, but the end result was Fíli nearly slicing the trainer's arm off. The trainer in question, an unwelcome replacement while Dwalin is away, is a grizzled, battle scarred curmudgeon with a dirty gray beard down to the floor (it was almost an art, how he managed to maneuver around it). The way he shook it and bleated reminded Kíli of a goat. An angry one.A nasty piece of work, there was no way around it.
"Quit showin' off! You young ones, so full of yourselves, don't know how to do anything right!"
"Maybe you're just too slow," Fíli had muttered in frustration. But then Fíli's sword was nearly knocked from his hand, breaking his confidence and concentration.
"You think too much, you stubborn fool! Stop thinking and DO, damnit!"
Kíli received some verbal blows too, which he deflected with laughter or a furrowed brow, whichever was appropriate. He has thick skin towards less than kind words. Yet Fíli was not accustomed to criticism and insults (except from Kíli, and those are never serious) because he always gives his best.
It quickly slid from criticism to outright belligerence, probably because the old goat sensed it was wearing Fíli down. He was baiting him.
"You wouldn't last a blink's time in a real battle," he taunted. "Your bloodline must have been watered down somewhere...call yourself a Durin?!" Fíli was building up to a rage, his pride crushed to pieces.
"Don't worry about getting your pretty little head dirty! You won't keep it for long if you fight like this!"
"Who does he think he is? Fíli growled to Kíli. This anger was so rare, Kíli couldn't look away. He watched his brother transform into a beast, one that had been poked with one too many sticks.
The instructor and pupil lobbed insults and strikes back and forth, breaking unwritten rules of respect. Kíli enjoyed some of his brother's colorful barbs, and would definitely use "more wrinkled than a ram's arse" in the future.
It was taken too far. Kíli debated whether to step between them, but Fíli always said to fight your own battles and stay out of his. The last thing he needed was to make it worse.
"An embarrassment!" the old goat hooted. This was Fíli's breaking point, in hindsight, for there were few things worse to be called. Fíli charged harder, faster, with more vitriol, forgetting it was a spar. And that is how Fíli ended up almost slicing his provoker's arm off, only, not really - he left some inches to spare. But the way the old goat carried on about it, you would think he was permanently maimed.
"Wait till your uncle hears about what a hot-headed brat you are!" The damage was done. It wasn't fair, because that wasn't like Fíli at all. The only thing Kíli could do was calm him down and hope the old goat didn't hear Fíli call him a " moronic shit-beard." Even though he was one.
On the route home, Kíli breaks the silence. "Can't wait until Dwalin returns and we can lose this bastard."
No reply, as expected.
Witnessing a defeated Fíli was like watching a rain cloud block out the sun. Kíli knows what is bothering him most - that Thorin will soon learn of his misconduct.
"Come on, Feef," he tries to appeal to his brother's softer side, back from when they stood half as high as an ax handle.
"Don't call me that. We're no longer children, and this is not a game. I lost my temper, I lost control-"
"It wasn't your fault! It was justifiable!"
"Not for me. I don't get excuses," Fíli sighs.
"Wanna go to the forges?"
"No."
"How about we-
"Kíli, no."
"Do you wanna talk about-"
"NO."
Kíli shut his mouth, knowing full well now what Fíli is capable of.
"Don't be upset, Feef," he says aloud to no one, because Fíli has stomped away, probably looking for a solitary place to dwell on his failures and prepare for the lecture he will certainly get.
Kíli hates being subjected to sadness. Since it cannot be avoided, he tries to brighten the moods of those inflicted with gloom. Kíli has many talents, known and unknown, and this is one of his best.
"Mother, may I keep you company for a moment or two? I do love your company" Kíli stoops down to kiss her on the cheek, like she used to do for him before he grew so tall.
Dís is aware he is up to something. He usually is.
"As do I yours, Kíli dear. What brings you here at this time of day?"
He readies himself, finding ideal positioning for his soon to be pleading eyes.
"How about dinner with just the three of us tonight?"
"Why?" she eyes him with suspicion.
"Because we never do anymore! When Thorin's around, the conversation is…dull."
"And how do you suppose I go about uninviting your uncle?"
"I don't know, ask someone else to take him in for the evening. I'm sure he is a popular guest." He pouts, not only with his lower lip but with his eyes, and she cannot resist his dark eyelashes flashing in rapidity.
She throws up her hands. "Alright, fine, I'll make arrangements."
"I am the absolute luckiest, to have the greatest mother in the world!"
"Take it easy, Kíli," she laughs. "You don't have to resort to that."
"Nah, it's the truth! Oh, oh, can I ask one more thing, just a tiny thing…because you are so kind and wonderful…you know those little pie thingies,-" he swirls his finger around to gesture- "with the cream? And peaches?"
"But I thought you liked the apple ones-"
"No, no apples. The peach. Can you make those?Please? Pleeeease?"
"Yes, Kíli. Now shoo!" She playfully bats him away, "Before you get any more ideas...or strange requests."
"Thank you, you really are the best!"
It's hard to say no to Kíli, it's another one of his skills.
Fíli arrives for dinner, uncharacteristically late and understandably morose. Mothers notice these things, but Dís knows her eldest dislikes direct confrontations on such matters.
"How are you, Fíli? How was your tr-"
"Fíli did very well! I was seriously impressed. I have a lot to learn from him," Kíli interjects, mid-bite.
Fíli huffs at him for answering on his behalf. "Where's Thorin?" he asks with trepidation.
"He won't be joining us tonight, he had another engagement," Kíli answers for his mother now, and she stares at him, then Fíli, who hasn't lifted his head up since he arrived.
"It's just us!" Kíli smiles. Fíli should be relieved, he thinks, but he does not seem to be.
They continue on with small talk and news and about "all the eligible daughters who can't wait to meet you two."
"And what do you think of that, Fíli?" Dís encourages.
"He doesn't have a moment to get a word in, because dinner is so delicious! Right, Fíli? Too busy eating! Look, won't you have seconds? There's plenty left." There are only leftovers because Kíli filled his plate half way. "It's all yours!" Fíli begrudgingly reaches for more.
"Tell us more about those daughters, mother." Kíli steers the attention away with ease, just as dessert is brought out. "Oh, look! It's those pies you like, Fíli! I'm stuffed, I insist you have mine too."
Fíli shrugs. Normally they would be fighting over every last scrap. Kíli hopes his niceties aren't too forced, too obvious. But Fíli does enjoy the pies; Kíli spies him licking his fingers over the empty plate.
When there's not much left to say - or eat - Fíli excuses himself. Kíli helps clear the table, while scanning for bits of food that may have escaped consumption.
Dís corners him, hands on her hips. "What is troubling him?"
"Just having a bad day. He'll be fine," he does not want to draw attention to Fíli's plight. "I'm taking care of it."
Kíli's requests, his behavior, his refusal of dessert makes sense now. A swell of pride rises in her, to know he is looking after Fíli, because Fíli refuses to be looked after without a struggle.
"Good. Watch over him." She often tells that to each of her sons, but means it in different ways. "But whatever it is, I can't keep your uncle away for much longer."
That should have been enough to forget the day's events. Normally, it would have been. But he only prolonged the inevitable. There must be more he can do.
Kíli tracks down the old goat. It's getting late, but he doesn't care about disturbing him. It's all his fault, anyway.
"What'dya want?" He hollers. "This better be important."
"Uh, yes, it is. About my brother. I –"
"Oh, that one's a hazard! Lot of anger built up in him. Not healthy to explode like that. Not at all."
"He's not like that! He is very even-tempered and calm," Kíli defends. Unless something sets him off. Fíli does tend to hold everything in. It's one of his skills, although not a particularly good one.
"Always the quiet ones," he shakes his head, and his dirty gray beard swishes against the floor like a broom that's seen better days. "So what'dya want?"
"Have you spoken to my uncle yet?
"Haven't seen him all day."
"Alright, good, well…can you not tell him what happened?"
The old goat has an ugly laugh. "Listen here, I'm being compensated to give you lessons and report to-"
"I understand...but he has a lot of, you know, pressure on him and all. If you could just let this slide-"
His ugly laugh grows louder. "You have some nerve! Let it slide! HAA!"
Kíli sticks his foot against the door so it won't slam in his face.
"Please?" The old goat is immune to Kíli's charms, and it forces him to reevaluate his strategy. "I'm only looking out for him, please. He'll be miserable for days if Thorin-"
"Looking out for him? You're doing him a disservice! He NEEDS a good scoldin' and such!"
"But-"
"Pathetic, begging like a little dog! Spoiled and soft, that's what you are. Need to be straightened out. Both of you. But especially him. Might break some bad habits. He's promising but too rough. No polish and a bad attitude."
"That's not true! You don't know anything about him!"
"I say it as I see it. He's a grown lad, he can handle it."
Fíli could take it, but Kíli couldn't bear to see him in that state, over a matter so unfair.
"So what will you tell Thorin?" Kíli bites his tongue.
"Exactly what happened. Now get lost! The nerve of you!"
"How are you doing, Feef?"
"I told you to stop calling me that." He is still in a foul mood, and Kíli's mission is failing. But dealing with a still-defeated Fíli is enough to keep him on target.
"Tomorrow's a new day, Fee-Fíli," he corrects himself. "It'll be better. Hey, weren't those pies delicious? They're your favorite, right?"
A tiny hint of a smile forms underneath his mustache. "I'm not stupid, Kíli. I know that was your idea. And covering for me, and keeping Thorin away. Thanks for trying. Really, I do appreciate it. But the ax is going to fall." He shuts his door with a soft click, and Kíli is left more determined than before.
Trying is not good enough. Kíli is wide awake, thinking of a plan. There is only one thing he can do. Kíli smiles to himself, because he knows exactly what it is.
"Alright, pay attention you two rocks-for-brains. No outbursts today, understand?"
Fíli grits his teeth. The old goat takes pleasure in getting under his skin. Once you find weakness in others, you can use it against them. He knows Fíli's, and last night he learned Kíli's. It's one of his skills, and it's a dangerous one.
Fíli is already shaken as he struggles to redeem himself. But the old goat holds grudges and won't allow it. His ugly laugh returns each time he unnerves Fíli and causes him to slip up.
"I've seen halflings swing better than that! Why don't you just lie down and give up? It's gonna happen eventually!"
Kíli brought his bow today. He fiddles with it, points it to the sky, while Fíli is berated for the fun of it. Hearing that injustice only makes it easier. He waits for the perfect shot. He has one chance to fix this.
"And another thing, you stubborn little-"
Swoosh
In an instant, the dirty gray beard is pinned to a tree. After the shock wears off, and he realizes what happened, he roars at Kíli. The words spewing forth don't make much sense, but his fury can be heard for miles.
"Oops, I slipped! I'm SORRY, I'm so –"
"Useless! Absolutely useless!"
Fíli reluctantly attempts to remove him as he flails and spits.
"You damned fool! If you don't free me, I'll shove this arrow up your-"
Fíli backs away. It's not worth it. They try unsuccessfully to hide their laughter, because if anyone deserves to be stuck to a tree by their beard, it's this bastard.
Thorin hears all about the matter with Kíli. The event, retold in shouts and expletives, centers around how "that useless nephew of yours nearly shot my head off - almost killed me with his incompetence!"
Thorin learns nothing about Fíli's issues from the day before. That has been forgotten in light of the more harrowing arrow incident.
Kíli nods and pretends to look remorseful when he gets an earful about how reckless he is, but on the inside he is beaming. Whatever the disciplinary action will be - and it will be harsh - is a worthy sacrifice. It was for Fíli, after all.
The best news is that the old goat refuses to conduct any more dealings with "those damned fools," and thus they no longer have to deal with him. "Good riddance, shit-beard," Fíli says under his breath. "That's a good one," Kíli praises.
Fíli is back to normal, focused and jovial and cautioning Kíli once again. "You need to be more careful with that bow. You could have done real damage, not that I would have minded."
"I guess I just have slippery fingers. Want to go to the forges?"
"Sure!"
Fíli does not suspect it was intentional. He hasn't connected the pieces. But Kíli doesn't need credit for "rescuing" his brother. He made Fee happy again, and that's all that matters.