Chapter 4

Tina was miserable. Her head felt like a woodpecker was trapped in it and her stomach roiled every time she moved. She was thirsty the whole time and had already gone through two liters of water and had to run to the bathroom periodically, the constant movement exacerbating her nausea.

Added to that the memories of how she had behaved the night before and she had literally never felt so terrible in her whole life.

She had decided when she woke up that she would stop feeling sorry for herself and take responsibility for her actions. She couldn't change what had happened, but she could prevent it from happening again.

Seeing Mike again after ten years had brought up all her old feelings for him, and she hadn't been prepared to deal with it. She had been vulnerable and weak the previous night, caught unaware, and though she didn't put all the blame on him, Mike had taken advantage of her.

It had taken her two hours to work through everything, and though she was still hugely upset when she thought about Quinn and that she was in fact the other woman, she was determined that she would not repeat her mistake of the previous night. After all, everyone deserved a second chance.

As she leaned back against the headboard in her darkened room, the TV humming in the background, her thoughts strayed to Sam. She had woken up alone that morning and for some reason she had been sad about it. She didn't know why she had reacted to Sam like she had, but she found herself wishing that he could have been there when she woke up. She felt good when he was around, like she could handle anything if he was there. She had never felt a connection like that with anyone, even Mike.

She wasn't in love with Sam, she was sure of that. But disregarding the fact that she had thought about jumping his bones more often than was usual for her, she felt a sense of companionship and ease with him.

When she had been with Mike, even though she had loved him with everything she had, their relationship had been fast moving and physical from the first day she had met him. They had hardly just spent time together.

She thought back to that first day they had met. Her mother had always been the type to allow her to go out and enjoy herself, and she had been at a party with her friend Judy. There hadn't been a lot of people of their school there as the host was in college, and the only reason they had gotten an invite had been because Judy was dating a friend of the host.

She had been having fun and was already tipsy when she had started dancing. She couldn't remember what song had been playing, but she remembered that she had been dancing slowly, swaying her hips in a way that she now realized would have been very suggestive.

Mike had been standing across the room and when she had noticed him staring at her dancing, a thrill had went through her and she had been determined to meet him. As the night progressed, she had kept aware of him, but didn't have the guts to go up to him, instead, she had made eye contact frequently, but she could never keep his eyes, the feelings building in her had been too intense and she had looked away coyly each time.

When she eventually saw him making his way over to her, his steps confident and sure, her stomach had flipped and she's struggled to catch a breath.

"Hi," he said when he stopped in front of her, closer than she had expected.

"Hi," she replied breathlessly, looking up into his eyes. They burned down on her and she had felt like she might catch fire.

"I'm Mike."

"Tina."

When she took the hand he was offering, a zing of energy shot up her arm. His eyes darkened and she licked her lips nervously, wondering what came next.

"Do you want to dance?"

The thought of pressing against him thrilled her and she wordlessly nodded.

Not letting go of her hand, he had led her to the makeshift dance area in the lounge and pulled her close to him, his eyes never leaving hers.

Her body had never felt so charged before and before the night had been over, they were making out in the back yard around a corner. She had allowed him to touch her breasts and his rough manipulation and his body rubbing against hers had been the best sensation she had ever felt in her young life.

Their relationship had escalated from there and she had waited less than a month to give in to his passion, easily matching it with her own. The six months they had been together after that night had been a whirlwind of touching and kissing and passionate encounters.

He had been twenty-two at the time and his image had been that of the quintessential bad-boy. He'd never gone to college, opting to start working instead and had gotten a job as mechanic in town. He'd had his own little apartment and they had spent hours locked away in there, slating their lust.

Shaking off the memories, Tina opened her eyes and stared blankly at the TV, wishing she wouldn't always linger over memories that meant nothing now. Melancholy was starting to take hold of her and she decided to take a nap to try and escape the feeling, also hoping the extra sleep would ease her discomfort and pain.

Burrowing under the covers, she closed her eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

A knock at the door woke her up at about one in the afternoon, and when she opened her eyes, she almost sobbed in relief when she realized her headache was gone.

The knock sounded again, and wondering who it was she got out of bed and went to open it. The nausea had left almost completely and she was feeling immensely better than she had that morning.

Opening the door, she blinked at seeing who it was.

Sam was standing there with his thumbs in his jeans, his white t-shirt stretched over his biceps and showing off his tattoo.

"Sam," she exclaimed, a happy feeling rushing through her.

"I've come to check up on you," he said, his eyes dancing and his smile wide.

"Come in," she invited, moving to let him through the door and closing it behind him.

He walked over to the easy chair next to the bed and sat down, crossing one ankle over his knee. Looking up at her, he caught her eyes and smiled again.

"So, you look better than I expected," he said, "what's your secret?"

Tina blushed as she realized she hadn't changed out of her sleeping outfit yet and that her hair was probably a mess. She also remembered his arms around her just before she fell asleep and her blush deepened.

He laughed at her blush, the sound rich and deep, and she felt her answering smile.

"I look like crap and you know it," she replied, still smiling.

"You look gorgeous," he retaliated, "as always."

"Well, I'll take that with a bit of salt," she said rolling her eyes, "give me a minute to clean up."

As she was talking, she moved over to her luggage and dragged it into the bathroom.

"Don't close the door on my account," she heard as she was closing the door and she felt a silly grin spread across her face.

How did he have this effect on her? His obvious flirting should have sent her running a long time ago, and here she was grinning like an idiot at his quips.

She dug around the clothes thrown in the suitcase and selected a fitted black t-shirt with a smiley face on the front and a pair of jeans and cowboy boots.

Once dresses, she brushed her teeth, put on some mascara and lip-gloss and fixed her ponytail. Declaring herself presentable, she went back to the room.

Sam was still sitting on the chair and when he saw her, her let out a whistle. "Damn girl, you clean up good."

"Stop that," she said, flustered.

His eyes roamed over the tight top and lingered on her breasts before moving down the length of her legs and back up to her face. His appreciation was apparent and she felt like her skin was glowing.

"So," she said, trying to think of something to say that would diffuse the sudden spark in the air. "What time did you leave last night?"

The question was out before she could think about it and she her desire instantly flipped to embarrassment as she remembered what she'd put him through the previous night.

"I left about half an hour after you fell asleep," he replied. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay so I stayed a bit longer."

"I'm sorry about the way I was last night," she blurted, suddenly worried about his impression of her. "I normally never get like that. I think the wine made me a bit crazy."

"Ah yes," he said solemnly, "I have known for a while now that wine has that effect. I should have warned you."

His eyes were dancing with humor and she relaxed again, glad that he wasn't going to make a big deal out of the whole thing. The sooner she could put the whole night behind her back, the better.

"I forgive you," she replied and caught her breath at the smile he leveled at her.

"Well, now that you are completely recovered from your ordeal, what do you say we go pick up your car?"

"Oh my God, I completely forgot I left my car at the estate," she exclaimed mortified. How could she forget about her car? She obviously didn't have her priorities straight. "Will you take me to fetch it, please," she begged, "I'll pay you for petrol."

"Don't worry about it honey, I've got you covered. Come on, let's get going."

He held out his hand and she took it as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She belatedly remembered to grab her purse from the table next to the door just before it closed and barely managed not to get her fingers caught.

The drive to the estate didn't feel like half an hour and Sam kept up a constant stream of chatter about life around town. The fact that he knew so much about everyone fascinated her.

"How do you know all of these things about everyone?"

"I listen when I'm working," he said.

"So what, all these people coming to the bar just tell you these things?"

"Well, alcohol has long been known for its ability to loosen tongues and lower inhibitions," he said and winked at her.

"Stop embarrassing me," she exclaimed while a blush once again made its way up her neck. She was having a good time, but really, she needed to stop acting like a sixteen year old. It was starting to get embarrassing how easily he could make her blush.

"Ah, don't be embarrassed. You needed to let off some steam."

Even though she knew he didn't know about what had happened with Mike, she was still reminded of her actions and the memory sobered her up.

"Thank you for staying with me last night." She hadn't planned on mentioning it, but saying it felt right, and the look in Sam" eyes confirmed it.

"It was my pleasure honey," he said, his eyes shining with sincerity.

She wasn't sure how she felt about his casual use of a pet name for her. Things were already moving way faster than she was used to and she didn't think she was ready to take another step. It made sense that she needed to work through her feelings for Mike before she could be open to a lasting relationship after ten years of shying away from intimacy.

The rest of the ride was comfortably quiet and when they reached the estate and Tina saw her car in the parking lot, she breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but it was a small weight off her shoulders to see nothing had happened.

She had only bought her car right before her trip to England, and she hadn't had the chance to really drive it in. It was a glossy red Mini Cooper convertible with black leather seats, and she hadn't even had time to add any personal touch to it.

She had worked day and night for months with this car in mind, even though she had never owned a car before. It just wasn't practical for her lifestyle. But she had yearned after it until she had almost driven herself crazy. In the end she had saved up to put down a deposit on the car, and the day she drove it out of the show house she had felt free. She didn't know what she felt freed from, but as the wind blew through her hair she had felt like there was nothing in the world that mattered except the wind and the sun and the sky.

Tina ran over to make sure that the inside was okay as well before turning and looking at Sam as he came over to her. His gait was comfortable and casual with only a hint of a strut. His hands were shoved into his pockets and he had a pensive look in his eyes.

"Everything's perfect," she declared when he was close enough to hear.

"That's good to know, these days you can't leave your car anywhere around town or you'll lose all the parts within hours."

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm but her smile was wide.

"So, what are you going to do now," he asked.

"I actually don't know, I haven't planned that far ahead. I have dinner plans with my family tonight though."

"Well, come out for ice-cream with me then. I know a place that serves chocolate fudge sundaes that are downright sinful."

"Wow," she said as her mouth flooded with saliva, "you have no idea how good that sounds."

"I don't know," he murmured, he kept her gaze as his eyes darkened, "I bet I could come up with a few ideas that could be better."

Tina caught her breath at the sudden change in atmosphere. She watched speechlessly as Sam slowly moved closer, giving her time to move away if she wanted to. Her heart-rate sped up and her stomach seemed to disappear as her anticipation heightened.

He was close enough now that his cinnamon and chocolate scent enveloped her and she could feel the electricity between them build. Her thoughts went hazy as she inhaled and seemed to take in his essence. Heat and passion and masculinity.

He lifted his hand to lightly stroke her cheek and his touch was like a lightning conductor.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered as he leaned closer, still taking his time and giving her more than enough time to turn away if she wanted to.

Tina knew she should, but for the life of her she couldn't remember why. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that it was almost painful and her body felt wired in anticipation. She wanted his kiss. She yearned for it in a way that she had never wanted anything. She wanted him to touch her and grab her and brand her as his.

Her eyes flew open at the last possible moment, his lips so close she could almost feel them.

"Wait," she gasped, her hands coming up against his chest.

He backed away immediately and she could see pain and confusion in his eyes before he masked it and his face became a smooth mask.

"I'm sorry," she said unevenly, "it's just happening too quick."

"No, I'm sorry." His voice was tight and she could see that she had hurt him. "I should have known..." His voice trailed off and he looked away, not letting her see the emotions roiling in his eyes.

"Sam, please," she whispered, needing him to understand even though she didn't. "It's not that I'm not attracted to you, believe me I am. I just can't do this right now."

He let out a deep breath and turned back to her. "I'm sorry if I'm moving too quick, Tina. I don't normally rush into things like this, but I just can't seem to help myself when it comes to you."

His sad smile tugged at her heart and she wanted to go to him and wrap her arms around him, but knew she couldn't do that.

"I'll understand if you don't want to see me again." The words burned coming out, but she had to give him the opening. She had led him on then turned him down. She couldn't offer him anything and even though it hurt to think of never seeing him again, she wouldn't dangle him along for her own purposes.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, stepping closer to her again and taking her hand. "I like you too much to just let you walk away never to be seen again. I'll take friendship over nothing any day, as long as it means I can spend time with you."

Tina could only stare at him. His words had burned with sincerity and his eyes were once again open and honest, and she could see he really meant it that he just wanted her in his life.

She knew it wouldn't be that easy. She was too attracted to him for it to just be friendship, but she couldn't bring herself to walk away from him. And who knew, maybe being friends would be enough.

"Okay," she finally said and was gratified by his smile.

"Great, now how about those chocolate fudge sundaes?"

"I can't wait."

They got in their respective cars and drove out together, Tina reveling in the smooth control of her Mini.

The ride back to town seemed longer than their ride to the estate and after a couple of minutes Tina found herself reliving their almost kiss. Her body had cried out when he backed away and it still held the remnants from the chemistry between them.

She thought about why she had stopped him and remembered her thoughts of him branding her as his. It was such a foreign and submissive concept to her that it had confused her, and for a moment there she had thought about being with him in a relationship. The thought had scared her enough to clear her mind and she was still wondering why she would have had it in the first place.

She didn't want that. She had never wanted that. She was an independent woman who thought for herself and made her own choices. Being in a relationship wouldn't suit her even if she had wanted one.

She realized that the reason she had backed away from Sam is because somewhere, deep inside her, she knew that it would never just be sex with them. He wasn't the type who would be happy to see her only when the need struck her and she didn't want that from him.

So friendship it would be, she decided as she let the top of the mini down and felt the wind whipping her ponytail around. Friendship would be safe and she would still get to be around a guy she felt a connection with, even if she only stayed in town for a couple of weeks. She was planning on getting an apartment in Cape Town, and once she was settled down there, she probably wouldn't see Sam that much anyway.

Yes, friendship was their best option.

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Disclaimer: Not Mine

ORIGINAL STORY: Choosing Love by Vernice Brown.