I Am Not What You Choose To See
AU story that centers around suicide and healing. Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know.
I own nothing. Nothing.
Chapter Four
Raidou blinked as a bound journal was handed to him. The man quickly opened the book and thumbed through some of the pages.
"Coded," Kakashi pointed out as Raidou nodded, "I've never seen a code like this before. I think this was kind of like a diary to Gen and it looks really old, but the last entry is written in fresh ink and only smells hours old. Maybe who attacked Genma is hidden in this code and I hope that you'd be able to decipher this quicker than Ibiki's people. Do you know Genma's methods of coding?"
"Some of them," Raidou agreed, "However, Baby has come up with many codes that he keeps to himself, but I might be able to crack this one if I work at it. This could very well give us the information we need."
"I've got Asuma, Gai, and my ninken waiting for me, Rai," the Copy-nin said, hopping on the window seal, "I'm going to try and hunt down the bastard that did this, but see what you can do with that journal."
"I will. Thank you, Kakashi," Raidou agreed, watching as the Copy-nin leapt to a nearby tree as he closed the window, "Okay, Genma. Let's see about this book of yours. I think I just might be trying to read a personal journal, but I need to know who hurt you so please forgive my nosiness."
The jonin began working on the code as he kept up a one-sided conversation with the silent man in the bed. The code was odd, but very similar to one of Genma's favorite methods to camouflage messages. Raidou looked up at the sound of raised voices and then stood as someone slipped into the room.
"Ryo Shiranui?" Raidou asked as the younger man continued staring in horror at his older brother, "Remain calm. Your aniki cannot handle negativity right now. I'm sure you've been told that we need to remind Genma why he needs to wake up again."
"How did this happen?" Ryo choked as the jonin sighed.
"There was too much heaping upon your brother and he just…he's hurting," Raidou tried to explain, "I'm sure he is glad to hear your voice and feel you so near."
The young man nodded as he continued to look mournfully at his brother. Ryo looked nothing like Genma with his blue eyes and dark brown hair. In fact, both Ryo and his older sister looked just like their father. Genma had taken after their mother.
"I just can't believe…is it true?" Ryo asked as the shinobi cocked his head in question, "Did…did Oniisan really try to kill himself?"
Raidou sighed and looked down as the younger man gasped.
"Why? He's…Genma's always been so strong and independent. Why would he do something like this?"
"Your brother's been hurt bad," Raidou tried to explain, "The pain of what he was going through grew to be too much and Genma…Gen couldn't deal with that pain and tried to find a way to escape it. I wasn't there for your brother when he needed me the most and…"
"No one's usually there for Oniisan," Ryo interrupted, reaching hesitantly for Genma's hand, but pulling away before he ever touched his brother due to the heavily bandaged wrists, "He's always been alone. That is what I remember growing up. Father or our Oneesan always sent him away to do whatever when I was near. I wasn't allowed to play with him, but Aniki did little things in secret to let me know he was there if I ever needed him. He was always silent and still in the house. I remember seeing him out in the village and that Oniisan was a lot different from the one I knew from home. That Genma seemed happier."
Ryo and Raidou both jumped when Goro Shiranui slid the door open suddenly looking furious.
"Damn weak brat," Shiranui-san growled as Tsunade hurried into the room after the irate man, "Always acting out. Bringing shame on our family. You should have cut deeper so I'd finally be rid of you, Boy!"
Raidou didn't remember moving, but his fist connected hard with the older man's face as Goro fell hard to the floor.
"Stand down, Namiashi," Tsunade ordered as Raidou stood with shaking fists clenched, wanting to lash out again, "Leave, Shiranui-san. You are not needed here if you feel that way about one of Konoha's honorable shinobi. I did not notify you to come and yell at your son who is currently in such a fragile condition."
Raidou shook in his anger. How could a father be so cold towards their own child? Genma could still die and his own parent seemed to want that to happen. What in the world?
"Genma's your son," Raidou whispered, glancing back to his lover, "How could you say that? Can't you have some feeling for your child who was hurting enough to attempt to end his life? What is wrong with you?"
"Please. Father has been drinking," Ryo insisted, trying to defuse the situation, "I'm sure he is just shocked and doesn't realize what he is saying. I'm sure he hurts that Oniisan has tried this, right, Father? You couldn't have meant what you said."
"I hate him."
Everyone blinked as Shiranui-san stood from the floor and wiped the blood from the cut on his cheek.
"Aiko-chan, my beautiful wife, was everything to me, but the doctor's told her no more children after that thing in the bed was born, but she wanted a big family. She brought into the world my beautiful daughter first and last my handsome Ryo, but she died. She died and left me a damn brat with my Aiko's beautiful eyes. I hated to look at Genma. Hated to see what I lost when he'd move and I'd see my wife in his body language. I saw her even when I tried to starve or beat her out of him, but the boy never once complained or fought back. I knew the kid was weak and I'm not surprised by him recognizing that and finally trying to end his pathetic existence. I was glad Genma wanted to be a shinobi like his mother and hoped that each mission he went on would be that brat's last. Didn't want him tainting my family's name anymore."
Everything remained silent until Ryo choked and ran from the room while his father took chase. Raidou gasped and covered his mouth as foul curses tried to escape him. The glaring truth was too horrifying to believe.
"Gen…Gen was abused as a child," Raidou breathed as Tsunade sat in a chair with dawning horror on her face, "Oh, my God! I never knew. He never said anything or even hinted that his home life was so hard."
"Sounds like the abuse began once his mother died," the Hokage snarled, "If I'm remembering the information from his file correctly, Genma couldn't have been more than five when the man turned on his own son. That means that he grew up being neglected and abused so it all seemed perfectly normal for him. Genma didn't fight back or ask for help because he accepted everything for what it was. He wasn't cared for so he learned to survive the best he could. Shows me where his stubborn nature comes from. Genma has tried his whole life to keep going forward to overcome a lot of painful obstacles. It's a wonder he hasn't broken before this."
"I don't want that man around Genma again," Raidou hissed, "He's not to step one more foot in this room. He is no true parent!"
"Done," Tsunade agreed as Raidou turned back to his lover.
"Gen? Baby, your father is an asshole. His words are wrong. So wrong," Raidou groaned, reaching to stroke the man's hair once again, "You are not weak and I wish I had known that your father was hurting you because my parents and I would have helped you, Genma. I will never allow him near you again. I'm going to keep you safe, Baby, just stay with me. Keep fighting for me and wake up as soon as you can."
"I'm sorry, Genma," Tsunade added as Raidou glanced to her sharply, "Konoha has failed you. The Third, Fourth, and I should have seen your suffering. We should have realized that you were dealing with too much at such a young age. I wish I could turn back time and get you the help you needed before you ever tried to end your life."
"I wish the same," Raidou said, continuing to stroke Genma's hair, "What more have you been through that we don't know, Gen?"
"What is this?"
Raidou looked and saw the Hokage holding up Genma's journal so he explained what he was trying to do.
"I've not seen code like this," Tsunade whistled, glancing through the pages, "Have you decoded this yet?"
"No, but I think I'm getting close," Raidou answered, "Gen has another code that is similar and I'm beginning to see a pattern. Some words are already coming together."
"I know that Kakashi is hunting," Tsunade spoke up as Raidou kept his composure, "Sources tell me that Hound is back."
"Hound was the one that smelled Genma's blood," Raidou admitted as the Hokage nodded, "He stepped back once when I asked him to, but you know Hound. He'll not stop until he finds the man who raped my Gen and I'm glad."
"Hn," Tsunade grunted, "I want to be informed as soon as you've decoded this journal or if either Hound or Kakashi comes to you, understood?"
"Hai, Hokage-sama," Raidou agreed as the lady left, "Gen, you are a very, very clever man, do you know that? You've included several codes within one to throw people off. Baby…"
Raidou choked as he gazed to his still lover and felt the prick of tears.
"I love you," Raidou whimpered, leaning to kiss Genma on his forehead, "I love you so much. You are such a brave, strong man. You never turned to hatred when your family practically abandoned you. Please open your beautiful eyes. Open your eyes, Baby. Come back to me, Gen. Please, Baby. It's time for you to know a life free of pain. I love you. I love you, Genma Shiranui. Don't leave me. I need you so much."
Raidou swallowed and got his emotions back under control as he listened to the slow beeps of the heart monitor and the hiss of the ventilator. Genma needed him strong so he settled back into his chair and continued to encourage his boyfriend to wake while working on figuring out his lover's code.
T.T
Genma sat in total darkness. He sat and waited for death that was creeping nearer. He welcomed the idea of finally leaving. Finally having some peace, but then garbled voices reached him and he felt himself pulled towards a light he didn't want to touch. Stubborn anger reared and he planted his feet firmly and refused to move.
"Don't do this to me, Genma. Come on. His veins are beginning to collapse. Shizune, set up a new site for the blood transfusion. You are too strong to give up like this, Genma. Fight for me. Your Hokage is ordering you to fight, Jonin."
Genma blinked at the voice. That was Tsunade, but wasn't he dead yet? And why was she calling him strong? The Hokage thought he was weak. He was confused and he hurt terribly and he didn't want to follow her orders, but he was shinobi and pledged to serve the Hokage. So he'd try to follow the orders despite not wanting to.
"Lady Tsunade, there is…oh, my God! Look at this! He's torn to shreds."
"This can't be…Shizune, bring me a rape kit. Genma, what the hell happened to you? Who did this and why didn't you report an attack like this? Hurry, Shizune!
The jonin shuddered within the darkness. They knew. They knew his shame.
"Do you see now, Lady Tsunade?" Genma moaned, curling where he sat, "You were right the first time. I'm weak and incapable of even fending off an enemy. I'm tainted and glad that Raidou left me. I don't want him knowing the truth. I'm nothing, but a whore who screamed and cried within my mind like some weak child when I was taken against my will. Just let me go. Let me have some peace finally."
Genma curled into a tighter ball and reached for the beckoning death. He was ready now. Ready to stop feeling like this. Ready to have the title of "Deceased." The only title that would be forced on him that he didn't mind.
"Any evidence found on Gen that can confirm a suspect who did this to him?"
"That isn't your business."
Oh, God! That was Raidou's voice talking to Lady Tsunade. Raidou knew the truth. The Hokage Bitch had told the one person he never wished to know he'd been repeatedly raped, but Raidou's next words stunned Genma into shocked awe.
"I beg to differ, Hokage-sama. Someone attacked and raped my lover. I might not be a part of the investigative team, but I still would like to know that there is physical evidence that can be used to prove who hurt my Gen."
"'My Gen?'" Genma whispered, "'Lover?' I don't understand. He dumped me. H-he called me a whore and punched me in the face. Raidou told me he hated me and never wanted to see me again. I don't understand."
"Gen? Baby, I'm here now. I'm so sorry, Genma. I'm sorry for acting a fool in the mission room. I'm sorry for going off about a mission that you couldn't refuse and hurting you so badly. I will never call you such a horrible name again. You are not a whore, Gen, and I am so sorry for accusing you of being one. I could just kick myself. Please don't give up because I love you and I need to show you that so you might take me back and allow me to treat you as you always should have been treated. I'll never doubt you again, Baby. I promise."
Raidou still loved him and felt bad about what he'd said and done? Disbelief warred with anger.
"Sorry can't make up for what you did," Genma hissed, turning from the bit of light he'd been pulled towards, "I'm tired. I'm tired of jumping through hoops and having titles forced on me. I'm sick of trying so hard to only get spit in the face, Rai. You should have never doubted me to begin with. Your words are empty nothings. Go away!"
His anger festered, but Raidou's voice continued talking and Genma realized that his ex was crying. Raidou was crying for him and the sound was pulling at Genma's heart. Raidou never cried and here he was crying for…for him. Confusion filled him as he turned to glance at the light over his shoulder.
To be continued…