I walked into the house still a bit confused.
"Are you okay? Chelsea called." Mom asked. "Why is there makeup on your shirt?"
I didn't want to hear any of it.
"What happened there?" Dad asked as I went through the living room.
"I don't wanna talk about it." I replied. "When can I have a phone?"
"You'll get one when we think you're ready." He answered.
I went up to my room and stripped off my jersey, leaving me in my black bra and took my skirt off before got into bed. I then realized that I needed something.
I began to look through my room still only in my underwear. I walked into my parents' room. I didn't want to blatantly wake both of them up like last time.
"Mom?" I whispered. "I can't find my wedding video."
"It's after 3:00. What are you doing?" Dad asked.
Mom got up and I showed her where I had looked.
"I looked through here but there's all this crap." I explained.
"Don't go in my study!" Dad yelled from the other room.
"There are all these Eagles video, but I can't find the video from my wedding." I declared as I looked through the shelf.
"It's probably in the attic." Mom suggested.
"It feels to me like you're trying to hide my wedding video." I commented as we headed up. "Do you think it'll make me lose it? That video will make me happy!"
"Please stop yelling." She begged as I began to look.
"I'm not yelling! I'm just fucking frustrated because I can't find the video!" I replied.
"Ashley calm down." She instructed. She wasn't helping.
"Where the hell is it?" I asked as tears came to my eyes. "I don't care who I have to wake up to find it. The whole neighborhood can wake up!"
"Stop it!" Mom yelled.
"It's my wedding video and I want to see it!" I cried. "Why can't I watch it?"
Images from finding Carmen in the shower and the beatdown I laid on that douchebag suddenly flooded my head. Mom grabbed me and I accidentally elbowed her in the nose.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." I replied.
"What's going on?" Dad asked as he came up. He looked at her bloody nose. "Go to sleep! Go to sleep!"
My dad was really scary when he got angry and I realized that I needed to listen to him.
"I'm so sorry." I apologized.
The police officer from before came in and I didn't know what to say. I had an idea.
"Carmen is being manipulative." I explained. "She took my wedding video."
"You're the one with a problem, no one else." The cop declared.
"You have to stop with crazy theories. He's a cop." Dad explained.
"She's fine." Mom remarked. "She just needs her medication."
"She's fine? You wanna send her back to Baltimore? We know all about the explosion at the psychiatrist's office." He replied. How did he know that?
"That's not true. He triggered me." I responded. "I'm sorry. I am doing better. Please don't Carmen about this."
"Please be quiet." The officer instructed. "Good luck. I need to write this up."
I couldn't believe how badly I screwed up.
The next morning, I took the medication. It once again made me feel foggy. I also replaced the window. I hated feeling like I did but I couldn't have something like last night happen. I decided to go for a run. As I was running, I noticed Spencer's house. I still had no idea what happened with her last night.
"Hey." She greeted me after we almost collided. She was also dressed in running clothes.
"What the hell?" I asked.
"What happened to your face?" She replied. I had cut myself while looking.
"It was a kitchen accident." I lied as I continued to run.
"I don't believe you." She responded as I looked back at her. "Why were at my house? Did our conversation upset you?"
"No it's my route. Your house is on my route." I explained. "So back off."
"This is my neighborhood. I don't have to back up. You just ran by my house." The blonde replied.
"I like to run alone." I stated.
"Me too." She declared before I came to a stop.
"I said I like to be alone." I repeated.
"I said I did too." She responded
"Well then you should find somewhere else to run." I suggested. "There are so many fucking roads."
"I like this road." She answered. "It's my neighborhood."
"What the fuck?" I asked as I held my head in my hands.
"Calm down, Psycho." She remarked. I started running again to escape and when I turned around, it looked like I had done it. I began to head home before she suddenly came up from behind me. She was stalking me.
"What the fuck? I'm married!" I shouted.
"So am I!" She replied.
"Why do you keep saying that? Your husband's dead." I reminded her.
"Where's your wife?" She asked.
"You are crazy!" I told her.
"I'm not the one who just got of a psych ward in Baltimore." She pointed out.
"Well maybe you should go there." I suggested. "You're a big slut."
That got her to stop and I realized that I had crossed the line. I turned back to apologize to her for it.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I apologized.
"I was a big slut!" She told me. That wasn't what I was expecting. "I'm not anymore. There will always be a part of me that's skanky and dirty, but I like every part of myself. Can you say the same, you bitch? Can you forgive yourself? Can you do that?"
She walked away and I wondered to myself. I headed home because I needed to go to therapy.
"You seemed to have trouble last night." Dr. Patel told me.
"No last night was an accident." I replied. "I didn't mean to hurt my mom. I hate that I did it and I want to control it, but I think that my dad needs to control his. I could tell that he wanted to hit me."
"He was scared for your mother and you hurting her." He explained.
"Last night was a mess." I admitted. "He probably was trying to handle it the best he could."
"Ashley, you need a strategy. I told you earlier." He reiterated. "You need to recognize the feelings so you don't get swept up in them again. Otherwise you'll be sent back to Baltimore. So, when you get worked up, get to a quieter place and find peace."
"That sounds easier said than done." I pointed out.
"You have to do it." He declared. "Just remember excelsior."
"Excelsior." I remarked. "I have a letter that I want you to give to Carmen for me."
"No." He stated.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because you have a restraining order." He said.
"Wow, you're not good for much." I commented.
"Why did you need to see your wedding video in the first place?" He asked me.
"It's because I'm married and I haven't seen my wife in eight and a half months." I quipped.
"So do you think that since Carmen's not around and Spencer's an attractive girl that if you get drawn towards her, you'll spoil your chances with Carmen?" He questioned.
"Yes, that's pretty much exactly it, Doc." I responded. "But I'm not gonna blow it with Carmen because of Slutty Spencer."
"Why is she a slut?" He inquired.
"She propositioned me for sex after the dinner at Chelsea's." I pointed out. "She still wears her ring. So she's a slut married to a dead guy."
"Maybe she just needs a friend." He suggested. "Maybe she thought that by offering you sex, it'd be easier for you to become friends with her."
"She said that she's not a whore anymore and she likes that part and can I say the same." I told him.
"Can you?" He asked. There was that question again and I didn't know how to answer it.
"Are you seriously asking me that?" I replied. "Do I like the crazy parts of me? Are you kidding?"
"Ashley the silver lining thing is yours." He pointed out. "I'm just giving back the words that you gave to me. This crazy part made you happier and calmer with a positive philosophy of going outside and working out and reading books."
"Not the books." I replied.
"You said that Carmen is friends Chelsea and Spencer." He pointed out. "So if you befriend Spencer, Carmen will think that you're a kind, generous person and maybe she'll give you a second chance. If you help Spencer, it'll be good for you."
On Halloween night, I was running again. I was one of the only people not in costume. I went by her house yet again but she wasn't outside. That was until she appeared behind me yet again.
"How do you know when I run?" I asked her. Was someone telling her?
"So I needed to tell you that I just to be friends." She replied as I continued to run. "Did you hear me? Are you just gonna ignore me?"
"I'm not ignoring you." I stated.
"You're really confusing me." She admitted before I noticed the place and stopped.
"Do you wanna have dinner here at this diner tonight?" I asked.
"Sure come to my house at 7:30." She agreed before she ran off. I couldn't help but wonder if I should have told her that it wasn't supposed to be a date. I also wondered if wearing a costume would be a good idea. I did love dressing up on Halloween. Last year, I wore a sexy schoolgirl outfit. I was pretty sure that I still had it.
I decided to go with it even though my last impulsive decision didn't really work. On the plus side, I actually looked like I could be a student. I went to the house. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to knock on her door or her parents'. It turned out to be neither since she came out on her own. She was wearing a black lace dress.
"Happy Halloween." I told her.
"I guess I'm the teacher." She remarked. We walked inside and I saw people in costume everywhere. At least it wasn't like the dinner at Chelsea's. Even our waitress was a devil.
"I would like some Raisin Bran." I declared. Spencer gave me a look.
"Tea." She replied. The waitress left and she stared at me for a second before looking out the window.
"You look really pretty." I commented.
"Thanks so do you." She remarked before our waitress returned. It had to be the fastest service I'd ever gotten.
We then had another few seconds of awkwardness after she left.
"Do you want some?" I questioned.
"Why would you order Raisin Bran?" She replied as she stuck her spoon into it.
"Why did you order tea?" I questioned.
"Because you ordered Raisin Bran." She answered with a full mouth.
"I ordered Raisin Bran because I didn't want anyone to think it was a date." I explained.
"It can still be a date with Raisin Bran." She pointed out.
"It's not a date." I replied as she took another bite. "So how is that dancing thing going?"
"It's good. How's your restraining order thing." She responded.
"I wouldn't call the restraining order my thing but getting back with Carmen is." I stated. "I've been doing well except for a minor incident at the doctor's office."
"And the so-called kitchen accident." She quipped.
"Yeah, that involved my parents." I said. "I wish that I could explain it but it's complicated. I could explain it in a letter to Carmen because it was minor. I want her to know that I'm not out of control and that I'm doing really well right now. But I can't because of the order."
She gave me a grin and I had to say it freaked me out a little.
"I can get a letter to Carmen." She stated. "I see her sometimes with my brother."
"That would be so awesome." I declared.
"I'd have to hide it from Glenn. He's not into breaking the law." She explained. "This letter is illegal."
"But you'd do it?" I asked hopefully.
"I'd have to be careful. I'm on thin ice because what happened with my job." She stated.
"How did you lose your job?" I asked. I was glad that she was going to tell me.
"I had sex with everyone in the office." She declared. That meant I wasn't the first girl that she was attracted to. "I was very depressed after Aiden died. There were 11 different people."
"Oh." I replied. I was glad that I wasn't a pervert because I could ask a lot of questions about that. "Carmen hated talking about sex."
"Well I don't mind it." She stated. "So people were getting in fights in the parking lot and the bathroom and I got blamed. Anyway, my boss tried to blame me and I accused him of harassment and they fired me and put me on some meds."
"I understand." I responded. "The song that was playing when my wife was fucking her lover was my wedding song. I still can't hear it. I need a strategy. Anyway, let's get back to the letter."
"Yes, back to the letter." She agreed.
"I need to go and write it." I declared as I got up.
"Can I finish my tea?" She requested.
"Wait, did Glenn tell Carmen about our dinner? Was it a test?" I asked.
"Yes, I got the feeling that it was and I think you failed." She remarked. "Or maybe you did well. You did do well. I probably failed. You're just sort of how you are as in sort of like me."
"Like you? I'm not like you." I argued. "We shouldn't be lumped together. Carmen wouldn't like that. I'm not like you."
"You think that I'm crazier than you." She realized.
"You're different from me." I stated.
"You know what forget about me helping you." She replied. "Forget the whole fucking idea. That probably sounded fucking crazy because I am so much crazier than you. I'm just a crazy slut with a dead husband ha-ha-ha."
"Can you please calm down?" I requested.
"Fuck you!" She told me as she swatted everything off of the table. Suddenly, I heard cheering. What the hell was going on? I prepared to pay and she came back to the window and showed me two middle fingers. I followed her to the movie theatre that was playing for weird horror movie.
"Hey, I don't think you're crazy." I said.
"Yes you do." She argued. "You told your therapist that you were in a superior mental illness category."
"Hey, calm down please." I suggested. She turned and yelled at me to leave her alone. "Can I please explain myself? I don't want Carmen to think I'm associated with that kind of behavior because I'm not like that."
"You may not have been through what I have, but you loved hearing me talk about it." She stated. She grabbed my shoulders and began to shake me. "You're afraid to be alive. You're afraid to live. You're a hypocrite, conformist and liar. I opened up to you and you judged me. You're a bitch. You're a bitch. Get off of me. Get off of me. You're harassing me. She is harassing me!"
"Shut up." I told her.
Suddenly a group of teenagers rushed to her defense and I heard the song playing. Just as suddenly, the same cop showed up.
"What are you doing to these kids?" He asked me.
"I didn't do anything." I replied.
"She didn't do anything. The kids started it." Spencer replied. The cop went away. "Hey, come on, you can't be afraid of that song. Don't associate it with what your wife did. Take a deep breath. There's no song playing."
I took some deep breaths and it disappeared from my head. It looked like I found my strategy.
"I'm sorry." She apologized. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry for pushing you." I reciprocated.
"I took it too far." She stated.
The officer then stepped in and he recognized her as Aiden's widow and started hitting on her and she walked away.
"Dude that was fucked up." I told him before I followed after her. I walked beside her. "I'm sorry about that. I have no filter."
"I'll still give your letter to Carmen, don't worry." She promised before she went inside her house.
So the moments are beginning to build between the girls. If only Ashley could get over Carmen. Please don't forget to review.