Chapter Three.

On Monday morning Edward wanted very badly to skip his daily run. He had jogged that same route every morning since he was thirteen, with the exception of a few months last year, and for the first time ever he didn't feel the need to do it. There was somewhere else he'd rather be. He was a creature of habit, however, and he forced himself out the door.

It was raining, the kind of light mist that still managed to soak you, so he put up the hood of his new sweatshirt. He used to always wear the one Carlisle had given him, the one with the college logo, but he didn't think he brought it home with him.

The trees that had been almost bare last week were now stripped completely. The fallen leaves had gotten wet and turned to brown mush that stained his pristine white running shoes. Edward's shoes were never less than sparkling white. He'd have to get a new pair if he couldn't clean the dirt off.

Esme had made french toast for breakfast. It was Edward's favourite and he wolfed it down so quickly that it burned his tongue.

"You're in a hurry this morning," commented Carlisle.

He hadn't realised he was so obviously hurrying. "Well it's my favourite breakfast and Mom makes it so delicious,"

It was better to get their attention away from wondering why he would be rushing.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Suck up," she mouthed while Esme's back was turned.

"At least I don't drown the poor toast in maple syrup," he retorted. "It's swimming in it and the powdered sugar is forming a paste,"

"Since when have you been concerned about what way I eat my breakfast?" she asked. "You normally don't say more than two words in the morning,"

"Here's six words Alice. You've got syrup on your chin,"

With that, Edward grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and his keys from the hook and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Alice called after him, dabbing her chin with a paper napkin. "Are you bringing your car today?"

"Well I'm not walking in the rain to get the train," he told her. "Bye Mom, bye Dad,"

"Drop me off at school on the way?" Alice picked up her book bag and followed him out.

"Can't someone else bring you? I'll be late," He really wanted to be on time today. He didn't want to miss her.

"You've got loads of time," Alice hopped in the passenger seat. She immediately changed the radio station. It bothered him but he wasn't going to argue with her about it. It had been quite a while since he'd been in such a good mood and he wasn't going to start spoiling things for himself again. He listened to Alice sing along to the radio instead.

"What's Rosalie like?" she asked him out of the blue.

"Rosalie Hale? I haven't seen her since we were kids." Edward shrugged. "She was always highly strung. We didn't keep in touch but I heard stories about her over the years. Her mother used to put her into pageants and she wasn't interested. Supposedly, she deliberately said some controversial stuff during an interview, called the adjudicator a perv or something, so she'd get kicked out. I heard stories about an ex-boyfriend of hers too but who am I to judge? I don't know if Emmett will be able to handle her. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. Did you see he changed his status on Facebook to 'In a Relationship'?"

"Really?" he was genuinely surprised. "I thought Emmett was afraid of commitment. What else does it say?"

"Not much, If you joined you could see for yourself,"

"No thanks Alice. Online social networking isn't my thing," he told her.

Alice averted her gaze out the window. "Socialising in general isn't your thing. It's not good for you to be stuck up in your room all the time. Maybe you could get back in touch with some of your old friends,"

He sighed. He was sick of hearing such nuggets of advice, however well intentioned they were. "I don't want to get in touch with those people. If I did, I would,"

They were almost at the school and Alice wasn't letting the subject drop. "People in school often ask about you. They wonder why they never see you around. Especially the cheerleaders,"

He smirked. "And what do you tell them?"

"I tell them the elusive Edward Cullen is far too busy with his high flying city job to bother with high school nonsense," She laughed and then her smile faded. "Then they swiftly withdraw their party invitations,"

She tried to mask her pain but he saw it clearly. "Good girl. You don't want to talk to skanks like that anyway. You're better than that,"

"You're only as good as you believe yourself to be," she told him with a sigh and Edward knew she wasn't just talking about herself now. She was giving him advice. He was meant to be the older brother. When did she grow wiser than him?

He came to stop outside the redbrick building. It was still raining and the windscreen wipers whooshed back and forth. He wanted to tell Alice about what had been on his mind all week. He depended on her more than she knew.

Her hand was on the door handle. He needed her assurance. It was now or never.

"I've been seeing this girl," he blurted out.

She let go of the handle. She spun to face him and her eyes were out on stalks.

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me? What's she like? Is she pretty? When can I meet her? What's her name? When can I meet her?"

His brain tried to process Alice's rapid questions. Ok, deal with her obvious misunderstanding first.

"No Al, I mean seeing in the literal sense. Like with my eyes."

Alice's face fell. Why had he even brought this up? The clock was ticking, he had to catch his train soon. He could feel her eyes on him, boring into him looking for more information. His were closed shut as he searched for the right thing to say.

"Like stalking? Oh God, I knew you've been acting strange. Is that why you go running every morning? Who is it? Not that nasty soccer mom three doors down."

"God no," he interrupted her. "What do you think of me? There's this girl, her schedule must be the same as mine, I see her in the station at the same time every day. She's pretty. No, she's gorgeous, and I think she likes me too,"

"She does? How can you tell?" Natural curiosity and happiness mingled in Alice's voice.

"Because she looks at me the same way. She smiles and then her face goes red and she looks down all shy but she always looks back up. I always look back before I leave,"

"You haven't even talked to her?" she said flatly.

"Not yet,"

The clock on the dashboard was ticking away. He really had to go if he wanted to make the train.

"Why not?" she pressed.

"What if she doesn't like me?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. He couldn't look at Alice.

"You can't live your life afraid to take risks, Edward. Talk to her. What's the worse that could happen?"

That was a very good question. She could reject him. She could hurt him. Or worse she could let him in and then he could hurt her. He didn't voice any of these concerns.

"You're right Al," he conceded.

"Well duh, I always am. So what's her body like? Do you want to screw her?"

"Alice!" Edward chastised her in shock. "You did not just ask me that,"

"I'm just trying to fill in for our absent brother. If Emmett was here that's what he would say," she shrugged.

"That's one of the reasons I'm having this conversation with you rather than Emmett. I did wink at her though," he admitted.

"How scandalous. A wink? In public? You might have scared her off with your forwardness,"

Alice was making fun of him but he smiled along with her. It was a relief to let out some of the anxiety he always carried around. The yellow school bus pulled up behind the Volvo and the driver began to beep.

"Get out of my car Alice. We're holding up traffic," he told her good-naturedly.

She hopped out of the car. "Bye Edward! Don't be a coward today," She held her jacket over her head and ran towards the building. He watched her run. Her black canvas book bag flapped against her small body and she wore purple tights and black lacy skirt. He noticed several students, dressed in khakis and pastel tee shirts, looking at her strangely. Most people couldn't appreciate Alice's quirkiness. Edward had been far too involved in his own problems lately and made a promise to himself to make more of an effort with his little sister. Maybe he'd take her shopping this weekend.

The bus driver blew the horn at him again. Edward accelerated out of the spot and continued his journey into the city.

He spent the whole train ride mentally preparing himself for seeing her again. It was his nature to be methodical. How could he be friendly without coming on too strong? Would a casual greeting be best? Or should he just go up and introduce himself. As much as he liked to believe that she was interested in him too, he was still petrified of coming off as a deranged stalker.

"Just say good morning," he told himself, "And see where it goes from there,"

But what if she just replied and kept walking? That wouldn't be enough for him. He had snagged one of the seats with a table in front of it today and slammed his fists onto it in frustration. The lady sitting across from him got up and moved seats. She had lipstick on her teeth. He was too wound up to be embarrassed. It's not like he cared about what these corporate suits thought of him anyway.

He did notice that she stayed well clear of him when they got off the train. Oh well.

He took a deep breath and inhaled several noxious train fumes. He did his best to block out the smells and noises and crowds that always unsettled him in the station and began his new routine of searching for the girl.

She was usually somewhere around the turnstiles, looking relaxed and casual and beautiful in comparison to the weary, stressed commuters that passed her by without a second glance. They must be blind. How could anybody not notice her?

That morning however, she was walking swiftly towards the side exit of the station. She clearly had somewhere to be.

"Of course she does, it's not like her morning revolves around me," Edward berated himself.

She usually kept her head down but today he could see her looking around. Her expressive brown eyes were darting in all directions and hope swelled in his chest when Edward realised she might be looking for him.

She was too far away to speak to or even smile at really. So when he knew that she saw him, he raised his hand in kind of a half wave. She looked shocked, then fluttered her fingers back at him shyly before going on her way.

This evening, he decided. This evening he would speak to her. Neither of them would be in such a hurry as far as he could tell. He would at least hear her voice or even learn her name.

That sense of anticipation kept him sane through another monotonous day.

He was just washing his hands and getting ready to leave the lab that evening when his boss called him aside.

"Yes, Dr Castillo?" asked Edward.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Eleazar. Aren't our families old friends?" He spoke in a kindly manner, still with traces of a Spanish accent still coming through. The mention of their families just reminded Edward that nepotism was probably the only reason he had this job.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"My girls were asking for you again," continued the doctor. "Tanya especially. She said something about meeting up the next time she's in town,"

Edward smiled politely. The sisters were nice enough but he had no intention of spending any time alone with them.

"But I digress. You've really done your father proud since you started working here. Your work is exemplary,"

"Thank you sir," Edward looked at his watch. Must he be so long winded?

"Carlisle mentioned something about college applications on the golf course over the weekend. I'll be more than happy to write you a glowing recommendation letter. Have you given any thought to what schools you will be applying to?"

"I'm keeping my options open," he replied vaguely. In truth he didn't have the slightest clue of where he would apply to or even what he wanted to do. Medicine was still the expected path for him and he didn't have the energy to disagree. A research job like this wouldn't be so bad. A few months ago he might have considered music more seriously but he hadn't tried to play in a while.

"I really have to go or I'll miss the train. Thanks again…Eleazar," Edward headed out the door before the well-meaning doctor could detain him any longer. He was already behind schedule and there were far more important things on his mind right then. Like maintaining the courage to talk to the girl.

He kept a brisk pace on his walk to the station. He was later than usual and people kept getting in his way. It seemed everyone was suddenly dawdling along the sidewalk. Surely it was common courtesy to step to the side when a person stops to tie their shoe? Evidently it wasn't for the people Edward encountered.

He made it back to the station in record time, taking the steps out front two at a time. Inside, he craned his neck in order to locate her in the crowds. He had that feeling in his stomach - the one girls would describe as butterflies while they waited for a date. Butterflies were far to delicate to account for what he was feeling. Moths were a better representation. Angry, noisy brown moths, with flapping wings that were beating a path up his oesophagus.

Eventually he spotted her sitting calmly on a wooden bench, untouched by the chaos around her. She was reading a paper back book and a pair of black earbuds were stuck in her ears. What was she listening to? What was she reading? He wanted to know very badly.

Her bag was beside her on the seat. When she glanced up and saw him walking towards her, she moved it over. It was like an invitation to sit and he was glad to accept it.

Edward sat down and she didn't look at him. He was even more nervous now, unsure of how to proceed. He knew he looked tense and closed off sitting hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees but he didn't know how to relax. She kept on reading her book. He couldn't figure out if she was ignoring him or if she was waiting for him to speak.

What if he spoke and she didn't hear him over the music. He couldn't very well wave his hands in front of her face to get her attention.

He caught her looking from the corner of her eye and he smiled and nodded slightly. She immediately averted her gaze back to her book. Who knew this would be so hard? His bravado from this morning had disappeared off the face of the earth.

He glanced down at the bench. Below the garish ad for a mortgage providers someone had scrawled graffiti in thick red permanent marker - 'Sharon luvs Cal 4eva' and 'Conor sux dick'. The bad spelling irritated him more than the crassness of the messages.

His gaze travelled over to her open bag. Really it was foolish to leave herself open to thieves like that. Train stations were notorious for pickpockets. It turned out to be quite convenient for Edward and he couldn't resist a peek inside. There was a sheet of paper strewn at the top, a schedule of some sort, with the name Bella Swan printed neatly at the top.

Result. He could finally put a name to the face and what an apt name it was. He repeated it in his head and he really wanted to say it out loud. That would probably freak her out and Alice's earlier concerns about stalking echoed in his mind.

Sitting in such close proximity allowed him to notice so much more about her. The way she glanced at him when she thought he couldn't tell. The exact rosy shade of her lips. The way her sweater clung to her curves.

She was blushing again and he felt like a naughty schoolboy that had been caught staring.

The distance between them was too great. He wanted to bridge it but he didn't know how. He was aware of every minute movement she made. He wondered if she could hear the sound of his heart pounding above all the other noise. He opened his mouth to speak but the words just weren't there. And she -no not she- Bella sat there patiently and waited. She wasn't pushy, she wouldn't force him to talk if he didn't want to. He gathered that she was shy. He liked that.

Bella's gaze kept flickering in his direction. Not one page of her book was turned while he sat there.

He tried and failed again to think of something clever or witty to say. He played with his fingernails and tried to make sense of the fact that every nerve ending in his body was hyper aware of the girl sitting less than a foot away from him. It was a near certainty that his voice would crack if he spoke.

Then the crackly PA system announced that his train would be leaving shortly. It was his escape route. So he stood up again. He ran away and got on the stupid train that would bring him away from this stupid place. That seemed to be becoming a habit for him.

As he walked away he saw Bella's face fall, either in disappointment or rejection, and he hated that he was the likely cause of that look. He hated that he was a coward who couldn't even introduce himself to the first girl to ever catch his eye.

He looked out the window and she hadn't moved an inch. She looked at him, questioning with her eyes. He had no explanation.

Through the cloudy glass, he mouthed the word 'Sorry' at Bella. She nodded and gave him an understanding smile as the train began to move down the tracks. As soon as he was out of her line of sight, he slumped forward and buried his face in his arms which were folded on the cool plastic table top in front of him. He didn't want the other passengers to think he was a mental patent again, so he resisted the urge to bang his his head against the table.

-

Bella wasn't angry. She was just slightly confused. She hadn't expected someone like him, handsome and clearly rich, to be shy in anyway. She knew when he mouthed that lone word at her that he meant it. She would just have to take a different approach tomorrow. Call it instincts, call it clutching at straws, she felt deep down that this bizarre beautiful boy would be worth it. What had she to lose?

-

Alice was waiting like a puppy ready to pounce when Edward returned home that evening. He was still mentally beating himself up. He had drove around for a while after he got off the train, contemplating his own patheticness. It was late and she must have thought things had gone well with his mystery crush. He never ordinarily deviated from his schedule.

"Well?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I choked Alice," Did she really expect anything different?

She reached out her hand to touch his shoulder. He brushed right past her, ignoring the comforting gesture.

He didn't eat dinner with his family that night. He went straight to his room and put his pillow over his head to drown out the murmur of concerned voices that drifted up the stairs.

Alice came to check on him. He wouldn't answer the door.

Esme came to check on him. He pretended to be asleep.

Shouldn't he be more mature than this? Braver or stronger or more capable. He had a good life, a family that loved him and all the worldly possessions he could ever want. He had no real traumatic experiences or mental issues to mess him up. Just a few hiccups that should he should never have let get to him. Yet he couldn't deal with everyday occurrences. He had hollowed out a nice rut for himself. He was in so deep that he didn't know how to get out of it if he wanted to.

Somewhere along the line he had become consumed with self-doubt and loathing until he had practically vacated himself. There were times, like chatting with Alice this morning, where flickers of the old Edward returned. But they never lasted long enough and he always fell back into that black hole.

Eventually he did fall asleep. His dreams took on a new calibre, full of wet kisses and blushing skin and soft flesh. Moans and sighs and the sensation of running his fingers through silky brown hair. Those dreams took him by surprise and he liked them more than he probably should have. They made him wake with a start and he had to take a cold shower before his morning run. They cemented his determination to talk to her the next time he saw her.

Thanks again for all the feedback. I don't think I managed to get back to everybody but I do appreciate it. That was a little 'one step forward, two steps back' but it's all progress. Please review!