Disclaimer; I do not own anything sadly. Grey's Anatomy belongs to both ABC and Shonda Rhimes.

Secrets Never Shared.

Acceptance.

Derek was stunned! How was he supposed to respond to that?

"Meredith, I…"

"If I were to move on and be with you, what would that say about Max?" she asked, gasping between sobs.

"Meredith, you moving on would not mean that you have forgotten about Max or that your feelings for him have changed just because you allow yourself to be happy. You can't…"

"I let him down once and I will not do it again!" Meredith stated rather forcefully, trying to pull out of Derek's tight grasp but was failing miserably.

"You didn't let him down. He was your son. You did more than what most mums would do…"

"Yeah right," she scoffed but Derek chose to ignore it.

"…You did more than what most couples would do. I have every faith that he knew how incredibly lucky he was to have a mum like you. Someone who is kind, loving, caring, who was right by his side to fight with him every step of the way and it's because of this," he rambled on until Meredith chose to interrupt once again.

"I have never heard so much bull in all my life," she muttered, clearly trying to distance herself from Derek.

"Meredith," he pleaded, desperate to get his chance to reassure her. "I know that he would want you to move on with your life. He would want to see his mum happy. He would want you to have a happily ever after. He would want to watch his siblings grow up with his mummy and his daddy…"

From the look of confusion on Meredith's face, Derek knew he had her full attention,

"Max was your baby; therefore he was a part of my life. You are the love of my life Meredith, meaning he is a part of my life, even if he is gone. His spirit and soul lives on in you."

"You…you would…consider him as…as your…baby…you would…think of him as your…son." Meredith sobbed while Derek laced their fingers together. As a sense of relief hit her, she once again, buried her head in Derek's chest. He was being so kind. She had kept this massive secret from him and he was still being really kind.

"Meredith, look at me."

She couldn't. She tried to lift her head from his chest but couldn't.

"Meredith. Look at me!" He commanded a little more forcefully. With that, she did. She looked into his deep pool of blue eyes that were bizarrely smiling back at her.

"Derek, you don't have to say…"

"He's a part of you therefore he's a part of me. Only if that's ok with you and your comfortable with that. I would kill Danny if I ever seen him. He didn't realise how lucky he had it. The fact that you went through that alone, Meredith…"

"I wasn't alone. I had Max," she smiled sadly.

"I know you did and he had you but you still should have had a support system for you and Max. That was not fair on either of you," he told her, unable to keep his opinion at bay.

"I know…Derek?" she questioned hesitantly.

"Yes?" He queried with a smile.

"I wish you could have met each other. You would have loved him and I have no doubt in my mind that he would have loved you," she smiled sadly.

"I wish that too," Derek told her honestly.

For a while they lay clinging to one another, enjoying the silence and the chance to clear their heads.

"Meredith?" Derek finally broke the silence.

"Yes?" she whispered, not really prepared for the question Derek was about to ask her.

"Is Max buried somewhere near here?" He noticed and felt how she became visibly tense at this statement. "It's ok if you don't…"

"No, no it's ok. He is buried in the crematorium nearest the hospital. I try and go around three times a week. It's easier when I'm on call. Nine times out of ten, I'll go there before heading home to get some sleep. I love going first thing in the morning. You probably think I'm crazy but I talk to him…"

"Not at all," he asserted. "I could never think that. It's good that you go and talk to him."

"I talk to him about the patients, what I have planned for the day. I talk to him about mum, Susan, Thatcher, Lexie, Doc, Christina, Izzie, George, Alex, you…"

"You talk to him about me?" Derek asked in surprise.

"Every time I see him!" She laughed lightly.

"Really?" Derek asked incredulously.

"Really…I…I tell him everything," she shrugged. "The good, the bad, the ugly."

Derek was slightly comforted by this. It offered him hope that Meredith was at least talking and not keeping everything bottled up inside. He knew that the next few days were going to be difficult as a lot more was to be said between them both but his faith had been restored. They could get through this. They are Meredith and Derek. Meredith snapped him out of his thoughts.

"What are you thinking? I'm so sorry. You must be so annoyed. I was so mean when Addison showed up and constantly had a go at you for keeping her a secret and now it turns out I had a secret, illegitimate son. Kind of ironic…"

"Stop it!" Derek admonished. "There is a big difference there. It was essential for you to know about Addison. She is somebody I should have been honest and upfront from the beginning with you, Max is somebody you should have told me about when you were ready, when you trusted me. There's a difference there Mer." He stated, knowing that she wouldn't be able to carry the extra guilt of not telling him.

"I was so scared," she admitted quietly.

"Why?" He asked bewildered.

"Because I gave you such a hard time for keeping Addison a secret and then when we got back together, I was so happy which made me feel so guilty and then on top of that was the guilt of you not knowing. I did try and tell you Derek. I swear. But I just couldn't. I was terrified that if I told you the truth, the whole truth. You would leave me…" she stated while tears glistened in her eyes.

"Oh, Mer." he said, "I never really gave you much of a reason to trust me. Did I? I can promise you though that I would never and will never leave you. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. You are an amazing women who has been through so much and yet you are still standing. You got up and carried on. I don't think you could even begin to imagine how proud I am of you. Max was a very honoured little baby to have you as a mum…"

"You really believe that?" Meredith queried.

"I do," he smiled. "He would want you to be happy Meredith. He wouldn't want to see you trapped in the past. He wants to see his mum happy. Let me make you happy. Let me in. Let me love you."

"I don't know," she whispered, unable to hide the uncertainty from her voice.

"Meredith, please," he pleads.

After a moment of silence, she simply sniffles "Ok."

"Ok?" He questions, not sure he heard correctly.

"Yes. I can't help but think that too. He would want me to be happy…He…He would want me to be happy with you." she cried.

Derek gave Meredith another few moments to pull herself together. He lay there enjoying the contentment that came with having her in his arms. However, he needed clarification of what this meant. He knew the answers to the next few questions held a lot of meaning for him.

"So, we're together, as a couple?" He questioned, terrified of her answer.

"Yes," she smiled slightly, warming Derek's heart.

"No more avoiding?" He pushed.

"I have spent my life living under a banner of avoidance," Meredith stated. "I can't promise anything but I will certainly try my best," she assured.

"I can accept that. As long as you try your best and know that I am here," he whispered. "No more getting kicked of bed at three o'clock in the morning?"

"No." she giggled, finally feeling a little lighter.

"We can actually go to the wine country this weekend and actually do some wine tasting? I can hold your hand when we walk around? We can eat dinner in the restaurant? And we can still have the sex and mockery?"

That got Meredith into fits of giggles to the point Derek had to tighten his grip before she fell off the bed.

"You still want to go…"

"Definitely!" He interrupted, leaving no room for argument, as he pulled her in for a searing kiss.

She eventually pulled back for air and looked into his bright blue eyes and said "Ok, we can go."

Derek pulled her in for a long, deep kiss, yet again, that spoke so many words to each of them. Meredith couldn't help but think how special this weekend could be for the both of them. It's what they needed. They deserved it. She knew that they still had many hurdles to overcome in their relationship but she couldn't help but think that they would make it.

"Hey, where did you go?" Derek asked, pulling her back from her thoughts.

"Just thinking," she confessed.

"Do you feel ok? You still look really pale. What's wrong?" he asked with concern.

"It's nothing." Meredith tried to smile but failed.

"Meredith? Please, tell me." he urged.

"I'm scared" she stated in a whisper but still audible enough for him to hear.

"What are you scared of?" he asked while soothingly rubbing his hands up and down the length of her back to encourage her to tell him what she was feeling.

"It's just…uh…you know what…it's nothing, I'm being silly," she retreated.

"Meredith," Derek warned. "No avoiding."

Meredith looked into Derek's eyes and even though he was smiling, she knew there was a pleading look in his eyes.

"It's just I was never that person who believed in happy ever after. Nobody ever really gave me a reason to believe in it. My reality in life is that people leave. Everybody leaves and…"

"…in loving me, you are frightened that I will leave you," he finished for her.

"It's just, you make me believe in happily ever after and to believe in that and believing in us means I have so much more to lose," she admitted in a whisper.

Derek nods in understanding. He takes a minute to contemplate his answer before stating "You are right but that is the risk we all have to take in life, Meredith. We don't have all the answers in life but if you love someone enough, trust someone enough, can forgive someone for the mistakes they make then you can take the risk. The question you have to ask yourself is, am I worth the risk? Are we worth the risk?" he asked trying to hide the nervousness in his voice.

Meredith could see the nerves and worry written on his face. This wasn't a question she needed time to think the answer to. "Yes, you are. Yes, we are." she smiled.

Derek cupped her face with both his hands and leaned in for a gentle kiss. "Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" she asked, confused.

"Everything," he smiled.

Meredith began to giggle before letting out a big yawn causing Derek to say "Right you, it's time to sleep. Both of us can leave tomorrow morning. We'll get there about lunch time and we can enjoy the countryside until Tuesday so we can be back for our shift on Wednesday."

"But…"

"You had to get Alex to cover your shift on Saturday and you are off from Sunday to Tuesday as am I, so I phoned the vineyard to extend our stay by a few more days," he smiled.

"When did you do that?" She questioned, surprised.

"That was the plan all along," he admitted sheepishly. "I just intended to get you there in the hope you'd have a nice time and then I could tell you that we could stay on for a few more days."

"Is that so?" she laughed lightly.

"It is," he whispered, relieved to hear her laugh.

"This is why I keep you around." she said, gently brushing her lips against his.

"Oh, is that all I'm good for?" he said while she couldn't help but giggle.

After a few moments of staring into each other's eyes, she explained rather hopefully, "You still have your old pyjamas in the bottom drawer of the wardrobe if you want to change."

"That would be great. Why don't you get into yours and I'll go downstairs and make us a cup of coffee?" he suggested, making himself right at home.

"That sounds nice. Can I have tea, though?" she asked lightly.

"Of course," he nodded, flashing her, his McDreamy smile. "Have you had anything to eat?"

"No, I'm really not hungry," she shrugged.

"Are you sure?" He asked rather speculatively "I can make you something if you want. It would be no trouble."

"No, honestly, I'm ok." she reassured him. "If you want something though. You can help yourself."

"No, I ended up having a big lunch with Mark and the chief," he explained.

"Sounds lovely!" She shouted to him as he headed down the stairs.

When Derek returned to Meredith's bedroom, she was already snuggled under the covers and had kindly laid a pair of his pyjamas on her bed for him. He placed the cups on the bedside table while smiling at her before grabbing the pyjamas and moving into the bathroom to change. When he came out, Meredith was sitting, reading a magazine while attentively sipping her cup of tea. She looked up and smiled at him as he moved into the bed and snuggled as close to her as he could.

Meredith and Derek made small talk about their patients and the interns while they drank their hot drinks. After half 'n' hour of talking, they both yawned simultaneously. He leaned over and turned the bed lamps off and then slide down the bed, spooning her from behind. Meredith slide back so she could feel Derek's heart beating against her back, giving her all the assurance she would need through the night.

"Derek?" Meredith whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah?" he mumbled.

"There's just one thing," Meredith stated.

"Hmm," he hummed.

"I know you've been patient but…" she trailed off.

"But?" he probed.

"But I may need you to be patient some more," she started. "I know I'm asking a lot. It's just this really is all new to me and I don't what I'm doing or how to do it and I'm not very good at the whole bright…"

"…and shiny thing," Derek finished for her. "Meredith I never …"

"I know I'm asking a lot Derek and if you want to walk away…"

"Oh no," he asserted firmly. "We're not going down that path again. I don't expect you to be bright and shiny but what I do want is for when something is going on with you; that you tell me. If you don't know how you feel then just tell me that and as for not knowing what you're doing…well, you don't have to worry because we can do this together."

Derek pulled Meredith even closer to him when he became worried about the fact that she remained silent.

"Meredith?" he queried, really worried.

"I love you." She blurted out with a hint of determination in her voice.

"I love you too." he smiled. He leaned over her to kiss her on the lips before snuggling back into the previous, comfortable position. Meredith loved him. She actually said those words. She loved him. Derek loved her. He loved her. After telling him about Max, he still loved her.

Both eventually fell asleep in the comfort of one another arms with the dreams of what tomorrow will bring. The hope of a brighter future - Together.

Please show me some love and give me some comments? Pretty please?