In The Beginning
"I don't know if I can do this, he's so small." Sam's in pajamas on his knees, hunched over the bassinet. He looks back to you sitting on the edge of the bed, silently asking for guidance. His face falls under the weight of sudden worry, "I don't know how to be a father."
"It's the most natural thing in the world Sam, you're going to be wonderful. Just love him and protect him, everything else will follow." You offer him a encouraging smile, scooting closer. Your body is still tender, it's only been forty eight hours since you gave birth to this tiny little human and you wince as sharp pain shoots from your groin. Every part of you is different now, including this strange empty feeling, your once full belly now squishing like jello with every move.
"Look at all this hair…" Sam's voice trails off as his ever-so-gently runs the pads of his fingers over his son's full head of thick, dark hair. He smiles as the baby coos, making soft noises at the familiar touch. A tiny hand wraps around Sam's index finger which looks gargantuan in comparison, holding on with a pint-sized grip as he squeals kicking thick, chubby legs.
"He loves you." You rub Sam's back, watching the unfettered delight spread from his eyes to his mouth, manifesting in series of silent over the tops facial expressions that make Henry's big eyes go wide in response.
"We're gonna buy a house." Sam is talking to you but still looking his child, he can't break his focus.
Until this moment he thought falling in love with you was the most intense emotional experience of his life, but looking down this little boy, his heart feels so full of love that it aches. "He's needs a normal bedroom to play in, when he gets bigger."
Sam's been less and less happy with the bunker living arrangement, it's only a matter of time before he pulls the trigger on someplace more domestic. He wants nothing more than to give his child the life of suburban normality he never had.
"We'll figure it out." You lay your cheek on his shoulder, overwhelmed with bliss and utterly exhausted.
Henry releases Sam's finger, making delicate, small noises looking to you. Sam sits next to you, tucking his arm around your waist, kissing the hair at the side your head. "I didn't even know I wanted him."
"Me either." You think back to the pink plus sign on the pregnancy test and how terrified you were of telling Sam. It seems like distant memory now.
"How are you?" He pulls back to look at you, his brows drawing together, "you feel alright?"
"I'm tired and happy." You glance from your son to your husband, as he places a hand over your knee. "I'd stay like this forever if I could."