Chapter 4
I spent the whole night crying. I sat on my bed and thought about all the times we were together, all the wonderful moments where he held me in his warm and safe arms. He was so sweat and caring and he would do anything for me. He loved me. But I guess things always change. He changed. He doesn't love me anymore.
I had this awful feeling in my chest every time I thought of him; which was always. It was like my heart kept falling from my chest to my stomach. I hated it. Jackie thought that I was sick and should have the day off. She somehow was able to convince my Nan to think that too. Nan was worried sick but I wasn't going to tell her about Nate. I just thought it would be better for less people to know.
Jackie promised she wasn't going to tell as long as I went shopping with her. With no doubt, she thought would make me feel better and get over Nate. Part of me didn't want to let go I wanted to stay and wait for him to come back to his scenes. But that would never happen and I knew it.
I went shopping with her and she bought me a really sexy outfit. On a usual shopping spree I would be giggling and gushing over every cute outfit. But this time I saw no point. There was no reason in looking pretty or sexy because there was no one to do it for. It made me even sadder. I loved my clothes but what was the point anymore. Jackie was very upset that I didn't react the way she was hoping and very concerned. To her, shopping fixes everything.
When we got home Jackie pulled out the dress again. "Don't you like the outfit?" She said looking it over for the 1 thousandth time. It was a black silk dress with slits in all different places. I really did love it, but I'd have nowhere to wear it to.
"I love it! Stress less Bess. I just can't stop thinking of him" I said sadly.
"Come on Amanda! You'll find another guy" She said positively. Unlike her I wasn't so sure.
"I don't want to find another guy. I love Nate!" I shouted at her and burst into tears. I sat down on the couch and cried once again.
"Amanda, boys come and go all the time. That's just the way they are. You have to except that" she said rapping her arm around my shoulders and sitting next to me.
"Not Nate. I don't know what happened but he loves me and I know it" I said positively.
"You're obviously in denial" She said with a little laugh.
"I'm not. I know he loves me. He just..." I couldn't think of an explanation.
"Doesn't love you" Jackie finished for me. I cried for a really long time and this time when I stopped I promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore. Not over Nate.
I couldn't sleep very well that night. Even though I didn't cry I still felt like it. I sat on my bed thinking of reasons for Nate to break up with me. Maybe he just needed some time alone and he'll come back to me again when he is ready I kept thinking. But as much as I wanted to believe it, I knew it wasn't true.