For Every Sane Reason in the Universe: Revamped

Chapter 4: Insane

She had come a long way since the summer. That's what Phoebe and Gerald said, anyway. And why wouldn't she trust them, anyway? They had given her everything she had needed after she was discharged from the hospital. Food, clothes, shelter, constant supervision…

It hadn't been bad for Helga at first. The initial shock of being told that there was no such thing as the System; to be told that she had been in a coma since she was in 7th grade because she of an attempted suicide had kept her mind occupied for the first three weeks. All of it had seemed so wrong to her- so surreal. Everyone was just so happy that she had awoke, even after being taken off life support. She had been dying in the real world while in her head she had lived everyday… had the System Arnold been referring to just been the mental institution she had been housed in? It was hard to believe that everyday she had been in the coma she had lived out in her head- in her own fantasies. It was hard for her to cope with the pain all over again… to know that there was no Arnold here, either.

Phoebe and Gerald had taken her to their home in the Chicago suburbs after the first week. They had given her a room and told her that she could stay as long as she liked. She had appreciated it, but she was still so overcome with emotion. The first thing she remembered feeling that first night in the house was the cold longing to be held by another. By Arnold… She had thought, bitterly. But every time she opened her eyes that week, she was constantly reminded about how she was alone.

For weeks after that- no, it must have been months- she had felt numb. She fell into the same predictable pattern from day to day: she woke up and got ready for the day, went with Phoebe to her law firm, typed up reports for her elementary school best friend, went home, ate dinner, recorded her day in a journal, and fell back into the same stale sleep. If she wouldn't have been so apathetic and actually thought about her routine, she would have hated it. But it took her a long time to actually realize it.

She had woke up that morning and felt different- for the first time in the 8 months that she had been out of the mental institution, she wanted to leave. She wanted to lead her own life for once. She didn't want Phoebe over her shoulder, correcting her every comma. She didn't want to sit by the fireplace and write a poem as Gerald talked about the daily news, folding his reading glasses properly. They weren't the same people she had known in her days at P.S. 118 and she wanted to get out.

She got ready in her usual manner and went down the stairs, smiling at Phoebe as she sat down at the breakfast table. "Good morning, Helga." The raven-haired woman had said in a voice as squeaky as ever, "You look really nice today."

Helga smiled softly at her friend and tucked a lock of her long blonde hair behind her ears. She had been happy that she was allowed to get it cut to shoulder length after how long it had gotten while she had been locked up. Casting her eyes down at her breakfast, she took a breath and caught Phoebe's glance again. "Pheebs… I'm going to move out."

Clang! Pitter! Phoebe's silverware had fallen out of her hands and landed with grand percussion on her fine blue china. Her eyes had widened to saucer size and she was flabbergasted. Helga could have sworn that she saw a sharp fear surface in the woman's eyes. Gerald rushed in from the other room, worried about what could have possibly happened to make such a loud noise. He froze as he saw his wife, studying her expression with the utmost interest and concern. "Phoebe, what is it? Baby, are you alright?"

Phoebe cleared her throat and regained composure, picking up her silverware and smiling innocently at her husband. "I'm fine." She claimed, but her voice would have conveyed anything but that. Her back had straightened more rigidly than before and she cast her focus back down at her dinner plate. "I cannot let you do that." She said, stiffly.

Helga's mouth hung agape and her mind began to run scenarios for why she couldn't possibly leave. "W-Well, why not? I'm a grown woman, you know! I'm 25 years old-"

"You're twenty-six now, Helga." Phoebe said curtly, eyeing her down.

"Twenty-five, twenty six—whatever! It's still older than what you treat me! Look, I may have been in a coma for a really long time, but that doesn't mean I'm still twelve years old-"

"You certainly do act like you are." Phoebe cut in again. Helga was fuming. She opened her mouth to respond again, but she caught something out of the corner of her eye that she had never noticed in the house before. How hadn't she seen that before? She turned her head slowly to get a better look at it and a shiver ran up her spine.

"Phoebe…" Gerald chided, walking behind he wife and grabbing her shoulders gently. "Now, Helga, you know very well that we are not supposed to let you leave until the psychiatrist says… Helga, what are you doing?"

Helga had gotten out of her chair while Gerald was talking and approached the frame that had caught her eye. She removed it from the wall and stared at the article in it. She swallowed in fear, her eyes getting wider and wider. Gerald's hand reached out to take it away from her, but she ripped it in close to her chest. Walking backwards, she carefully watched her friends in terror. "How long has this been here?" She hissed, emotion welling up in her throat, blocking her words. Gerald persisted further, but she kicked him sharply. "How long have you had this!? How long have you known?!"

Phoebe frowned with guilt and she stood up, pressing forward as well. "Helga… Helga, calm down. How did you not notice it? Oh, Helga… we should have-"

"No! No, it can't be true!" She clutched the frame to her chest as tears began to surface in her eyes again. "This can't be true!" She wanted to look at it again, read it again, verify… but she couldn't pull herself to look down at it again. Her questions… was she even asking the right questions? Of course they would have known… the better question would have been why she didn't. How could she have been the only person not to know?

"Helga, calm down…"

"Helga, we'll take you back to the hospital. Everything will be alright. Really…"

"No!" She screamed hysterically, thudding against a wall. Gerald motioned to the phone to Phoebe, and the woman nodded, briskly finding her way to the phone and dialing the numbers with a cold efficiency. I have to leave! Helga's mind begged frantically, I have to leave… there has to be a way out. There has to be a way to go. Please don't take this away from me… please… This is it- this is everything I've been waiting for. It's what I've been missing.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of Phoebe hanging the phone back up with a click and Gerald gently attempting to pry the frame from her hands. Why would they have left this out for her to see? Why the hell would they have framed it, anyway? Suddenly, it hit her. Go. Her mind whispered.

She smacked Gerald with the frame, knocking him off balance for a moment, Phoebe's shriek cutting through the air. She ran to the door, opening it and slamming it faster than she ever thought possible, and then she ran like she had never ran before. She turned in unpredictable paths, winding down neighborhood streets until she was in a section she'd never been in before. All that she recognized was the highway.

Slowing down, she began to walk with labored breathing toward the bustling highway, the frame still held tight against her chest. Sirens sang in the distance and she knew that they were probably coming for her. If she was granted nothing else on this day, she knew she had to read it again- just one last time. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the frame away from her chest and read the headline once more. "Local Middle Schooler Murders Boy; Attempts Suicide". The date was June 11th, 2000 and Arnold's picture smiled up at her next to a rather unflattering picture of herself.

She dropped to the ground, her body hitting the blacktop underneath her feet in the sorrow. It was too surreal. She would have never…

The sirens screamed closer. It would be just a matter of minutes before they found her and she knew she had no hope. She had fled Phoebe's house with no possessions, no money, no chance at anything. Closing her eyes, she felt that all was lost. The world was crashing down on her and her vision began to dim. The last thing she heard before she hit the ground was the song of the sirens dancing over her own forlorn thought, How could I be so insane?

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A/N: cough Hi… As you can see, I'm writing again. I promise that I'll actually finish it this time. Heh-heh. I'll get it done before June 10th 2007 :) So, hope you stay joined on for next chapter- only two more chapters to go, actually.

Ame no Chikara