A/n: Greetings all! I hope those who celebrate had a wonderful Christmas. To those that do not hopefully you had a wonderful day =)
This is a long chapter and a bit sad. I'm posting it before Sunday since I have work and a family obligation so I most likely will not be by my computer. So why make both of us suffer...lol! Anyway, Thank you, thank you to those who read, follow, fave and review... you make my heart smile. Now on to chapter 4.
Disclaimer: will the real JK Rowling please stand up...
Draco woke up early with a purpose the next morning. After running for an hour on the treadmill he hit the shower letting the hot water flow over his chiseled body. His physique looked as if it were sculpted from the finest marble by a skilled artist's hands. The dark mark that was branded on his forearm was barely noticeable. It took some time to remove, many painful procedures that were both magical and Muggle in nature but it was to a point where you would not notice it unless you were looking for it.
Finishing up in the bath, he threw on some black and white jogging pants, a white shirt with jacket to match. Heading out of his apartment he nodded his head to the door man as he opened the door to make his way to the local farmers market.
The sun was warm on his face and the cool breeze was refreshing as he picked up the necessary ingredients for his meal with Hermione. A small smirk appeared on his lips as he thought of her. There was always an attraction there, under the surface. It took him years to come to admit that he had fallen in love with her, but he had to know if she felt the same. They would harmlessly flirt with one another, however he thought it was more just the dynamic of their relationship. Their relationship, he thought, I was such a bloody fool, a scared, immature, a sodding idiot then. He knew without her he never would have been able to put his life back together after the war. He hoped they would have been together sooner but he knew it was not the right time. There was still so much healing to be done on both sides.
As Draco was about to pay for his goods he noticed a bouquet of Sunflowers, adding them to his purchase he left to find an uninhabited spot to disapparate. Back at his apartment Draco got to work first making Sunday Sauce from scratch, then prepping the dough for fresh garlic knots. Next came the cheese and spinach mixture. His movements in the kitchen looked like some sort of culinary tango, the elegance of his movements between counters, fridge, stove and oven. Glancing at the time, he realized it was quarter till, Hermione would be there soon. Giving his dishes a quick once over he dashed to put on something a little less sporty. In minutes he emerged donning khaki pants, a green t-shirt and light brown cardigan.
The timer on the oven went off, as Draco slid the molten, aromatic goodness from out the oven, there was a knock on the door. Putting down the hot dish, he went to the door running his fingers through his hair and over his face to calm his nerves, he opened the door to see Hermione there with a bright smile and a little pink box. She was wearing dark denim flares with a dark green long sleeved scoop neck shirt under her black cropped pea coat, she wore a green flower fascinator encrusted with black crystals in her hair.
"Right on time." Draco said gesturing for her to enter his apartment... more like penthouse. Draco's home was very modern white walls, dark wood floors, high ceilings, and white leather furniture with metal accents. To the right a sizeable kitchen with white cabinets and stainless steel appliances, the counter facing the living room also doubled as a bar with four white bar stools to match the modern design. To the left was the living area with a streamlined fireplace and a few photos on the mantel. One of his Mother, another of Blaise and family. Upon entering further, Hermione was met with a panoramic view of the city's skyline from the ceiling to floor length windows that spanned the entire length of the west facing wall. Before the windows stood a very simple white dining table with matching chairs to seat six. Her mouth was slightly agape in wonder of his immaculate dwelling, very befitting the Slytherin Prince.
"This is yours?" She said stunned and wide eyed as she looked around.
"I bloody well hope so, I paid a handsome amount for it." He said with a chuckle.
"Sweet Merlin, look at that view. It's breathtaking!" She said letting her excitement show as she made a b-line to the windows.
Draco walked up behind her, gently tugging at her jacket she instinctively shrugged out of it without looking at him. He stood at her side looking at her.
"It is breathtaking." he said looking directly at her. Hermione did a double take in Draco's direction realizing her was not talking about the cityscape. When their eyes locked he gave her a wink and a smirk making her blush. Good Godric he is smooth. Hermione thought.
"Oh, sorry." She said regaining her composure. "I know you said not to bring anything but I could not help it."
"Grange.. really..." He was cut off.
"Fresh cannoli!" She blurted out.
Giving her a chuckle and rolling his eyes. "Ok,... Merlin woman do you ever listen." He said.
"Have we not met before." She replied in a sarcastic tone.
"Come on then before the food gets cold." He offered her his arm to take as they walked to the kitchen. Hermione smiled up to Draco.
"Need help with anything?" She asked as Draco lead her to one of the bar stools.
"No, you sit, relax and let me serve you." He ended with a smile.
She watched as he maneuvered around the kitchen like a pro. As he presented her the plate of food, he said. "Mangia bene."
Again Hermione was in awe, the food looked amazing, like a photo from a cook book. Draco watched as she took her first bite, her eyes flew up to his, she nodded as she chewed in satisfaction. Taking a sip of wine she then spoke. "I'm thoroughly impressed Draco. This is beyond amazing."
Flashing her a radiant smile, feeling a flush just reaching his cheeks, he walked around to the seat next to Hermione with plate in hand. They ate mostly in silence because the food was just that good. Once done Draco started to clear the plates.
"Shall I wash up for you?" Hermione offered.
Cocking his eyebrow at her. "That's what the house elves are for." He said with a smirk.
Hermione's eyes flew open in half shock, half fear. Draco noticed the change in her expression and quickly said "Relax Granger, I'm just joking, I'll wash up, you go enjoy the view." Waving her off. Hermione huffed in relief as she walked over to the windows again.
"By the way." Draco spoke making her stop in her tracks, she looked over her shoulder at him.
"Green looks good on you." He stated with a wink.
"As you can see I got the memo." She said with a smile and a wink back to him.
Another picturesque Autumn day in New York, the warm tonal colors all around them as they strolled through the nearby park.
Draco lagged back a few step behind Hermione just to watch her walk, he was not sure if it was the shoes, the jeans or if she put a little extra wiggle in her hips but either way he could understand what his door man was gawking at as they walked out of his apartment building. Stopping to rest on a bench for a few by the playground, the sounds of kids laughing filling the atmosphere, Draco looked at Hermione and spoke. "So what did you think of my cooking."
She giggled as she spoke. "It was amazing, Godric, if I married you they would need a crane to get me out of the house."
Draco raised his eyebrows in surprise then a smile spread across his face. Hermione changed her tone to a snarky one continuing. "Relax, Malfoy, it's not a proposal. I'll not let you make an honest woman of me."
Draco let out a thunderous laugh at her comment, he doubled over slapping a knee. Hermione couldn't stop herself either. It took a minute for them to catch their breaths after the hysteria of Hermione's comment.
"Hermione, I'd forgotten how humorous you truly can be." Draco said huffing away the last few chuckles.
Hermione just nodded an affirmative and smiled at him. Looking over his shoulder to the playground behind them he asked.
"Oi, Would you ever want one of those?"
"One of what? A hot dog, we just ate" She replied with a smirk noticing the hot dog stand on the opposite side of the playground.
Giving out a light chuckle he responded. "No a child?"
It was as if the wind was knocked out of her body. Her expression changed to pure sadness, she could not control the emotion, her chin started to quiver and her nose turned red, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Draco, confused and concerned by the night and day reaction to his question simply asked. "What's wrong?"
As her tears start to fall, she looked away from him. In a gentle tone, almost a whisper he asked again. "Hermione, what's the matter? What did I..." Cut short by her deep sigh, Hermione choked down sob to finally answer his question.
"Um.. Draco... I..I can't have children." She slowly said let the words just tumbled out of her mouth.
A look of genuine shock emerged on his face, he managed to stammer out his follow up questions to the heartbreaking revelation. "How did you find out? Were you given a reason?" He quizzed.
Taking another deep breath, trying to coax herself to not become a blubbering mess. She spoke softly. "Seems as though Bellatrix did more damage than I realized."
The words hit him like a ton of bricks, that one statement had transported him back to the scared seventeen year old in Malfoy Manor. Watching his nemesis/love of his life being tortured repeatedly by his Aunt. Her blood curdling screams echoing in the halls of his mind as he just stood there and did nothing. Shaking his head to bring him back to the present day, he looked in her direction.
"Great Merlin Hermione! I.. I had no idea... I'm so sorry... If I had known I never..." He quietly said as she cut him off.
"It's okay, I've known for quite some time now but, the reality still hurts." Letting out another sigh she began to relay what happened when she first found out that she could not conceive.
"Ron and I were in the beginning stages of planning our wedding. He wanted to start a family right away. I didn't mind, I was very excited too. I went to both a healer as well as Muggle doctor they both confirmed that I had suffered irreparable damage making it impossible to conceive or carry to full term. When I told Ron the news he was heartbroken, we both were, but he tried to keep a brave front for me. As the realization began to sink in, he would avoid intimacy. He wouldn't look at me like he used to, he was over the top in front of his family but, alone, he would barely touch me. A couple months later, I confronted him about the change in his demeanor and questioned if he wanted to move forward with the wedding. The look on his face made me sick, it was a mix of relief and pity."
Looking at Draco now, regaining some of that Gryffindor spark in her eyes. She continued...
"He pitied me Draco. This man who, I... I thought I loved... who said he love... loved me. We fought a bloody war together, we risked our lives for a greater good together, this... this man just looked at me with disappointment, like I was a pathetic excuse for a woman. It was overwhelming to be around that, day in and day out so we broke off the engagement. In less than 6 month he was married to Lavender Brown with a baby on the way." She finished with a bit more spunk to her tone now that the confidence within her was stoked once again. Draco's jaw clenched at the account of how that red-headed git treated Hermione, his Hermione, she was never to be pitied. Even when I was a wretch to her I never pitied her she always had more resilience in any situation. Draco thought.
"Draco." Hermione said softly pulling him out of his thoughts. "I'm going to head home now." She said with a small crooked smile still touch of sadness in her eyes.
"I can apparate us..." He started and Hermione cut in.
"No, no.. I need the walk..." She said as Draco insisted.
"I can walk with you." He said with concern in his voice.
Hermione shook her head "no", standing up from the bench, as Draco stood up with her.
"I'm fine really, thank you again for the delicious lunch." She said, taking a step closer to him, putting her hand on his shoulder closest to her, she tip toed up to land a small peck on his cheek. He felt the flush rise in his cheeks as she turned to walk away, his heart sunk as she reached halfway down the park path without looking back. Ron Weasley was always a tosser in his opinion but this eye-opener solidified it.
Since leaving Hogwarts, Hermione had started working at the Ministry of Magic along with Harry and Ron. Thought there were in separate departments the "Golden Trio" would meet for lunch often. As of late, since Hermione and Ron's break up the trio would sometimes be a duo with Harry either being paired off with Ron or Hermione. It was the start of the work week when Hermione stormed in to Ron and Harry's office over an Owl "Ron" had sent her last night.
"You cruel, heartless, unfeeling asshole! After all we have been through... after EVERYTHING we have been through, you dare pull something like this on me? How dare you, HOW DARE YOU! She screamed, echoing the office walls.
"What is it?" Asked Harry in a calm tone trying to take control of the situation.
"What is it?... It's a bloody invitation to his wedding to Lavender Brown." Her tone oozed with sarcasm and hurt.
All Harry could do was look down, eyeing Ron who had now risen up from behind his desk moving toward the front of it to face Hermione.
"You knew he was getting married?" Hermione looked in Harry's direction.
"Hermione, I was going to talk to you..." Ron started to speak but Hermione cut him off.
"Talk to me... Now you want to talk to me... not when I actually needed you to talk to me. Not when there was so much to say and you couldn't bloody well be bothered to even look at me. Now, you want to talk." Waving her hand as if to say it was his turn she finished with. "What would you like to say..."
Ron stayed silent trying to gather his thoughts but he was taking too long, Hermione was losing patients, she continued her barrage.
"No surprise... Silence... Well let me just say this to you Ronald Weasley after everything we have been through I would have expected better from you, I deserved better from you. I love you, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you... And I wanted to have a family with you." The tears were streaming down her face but her voice remained strong.
"I can't give you the family we both want, but to treat me like I was less than a woman, less than human because of it, you might as well have called me a filthy little Mudblood." She spoke with distain.
Ron cringed as the words left her mouth. Did she indirectly compare his treatment of her to that of a young Draco Malfoy?!
"I hope you live a long, long life with the tart of the Wizarding World as your wife. Oh, and in as much as you pity me for being barren, I think you are utterly pathetic."
She stormed out leaving Ron shell shocked. He turned to Harry in an accusatory tone, hissed at him. "Did you send that to her?"
Harry with a stunned expression on his face replied. "Are you mad, why would I ever want to hurt her that way? Come on, mate, you were supposed to talk to her a week ago."
Ron hung his head and rounded back to the other side of the desk, he slumped into his chair. "Who could have sent it to her then." He asked pondering on who would be that cruel.
"Maybe it was that tartlet of a fiancé you have." Harry replied coldly. Ron shot him a glance then hung his head down again.
"I'm going to find Hermione. I hope you know what you are getting yourself into, Ron." Harry said, walking out of the office.
Harry found Hermione in her office, she was packing a box with her personal affects. "Oi, what's going on here?" Harry asked with surprise in his voice.
"I'm leaving Harry." Hermione replied dryly.
"Leaving... like your office... or your department...or..." Harry was cut off by Hermione.-
"I'm leaving the country!" She stated quickly.
A look of disbelief shot out of Harry's eyes as he raised his eyebrows. "Hermione, you can't leave..." Harry said interrupted by Hermione.
"Yes, I can leave, I can do just about any bloody thing I want Harry. Honestly, this was the last straw. I've dealt with prejudice, war, torture, now heartbreak, and after what happened in Auror Training... I'm done... I need a fresh start." She said in a harsh tone.
"Where are you going to go?" Harry resigned. He knew he could not stop her and part of him understood that she needed a break.
"I'm going to New York, I've already made arrangements, I'm leaving first thing tomorrow." She said adding one last item to the box then looked up at Harry.
"How long have you been planning this?" Harry questioned.
"About as long as Ron planned his wedding." She said to him matter of fact. Picking up the box, she shoved past Harry. She walked out of the Ministry building and on to her fresh start.
Draco spoke very briefly with Hermione the next morning. Though it had been nine years after the fact, the haunting memories flooded his mind and guilt set in. His heart was heavy from Hermione's revelation yesterday and seeing the hurt in her eyes made his chest feel tight. He'd come to find her. To tell her just how much she meant to him, to see if there was any chance she could love him as he loved her. But, how could she, how could they be more than just friends.
He was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. I just stood there... I just fucking stood there and did nothing. He thought. How could I just watch it all happen? Splashing some cool water on his face, Draco exited the bathroom and threw on a black T-Shirt and grey sweat pants. Today the memories of the past were alive in his mind. All he could think about was, due to his cowardice Hermione had suffered immensely.
Morning gave way to the afternoon as Draco sat in front of his laptop on Skype with Blaise.
"Draco, how are you? Mia is getting Arianna ready for bed now. " Blaise said.
"Okay, good... we have a minute then." Draco stated.
"You ok mate, you look distressed" Blaise said with concern in his voice.
"Granger and I had a conversation and I felt like I was that fucking seventeen year old idiot again." He groaned out. "After nine years I thought... I hoped everything would be a distant memory but some scars stay for a lifetime." Draco said frustrated.
"What brought this on, I thought you were having a good time with her?" Blaise asked.
"Aunty Bella" Draco said with pure malice.
Draco went into detail about his conversation with Hermione concerning what she had gone through at Malfoy Manor. He never fathomed the extent of her injuries. Now that he has this knowledge it felt like he would never truly escape the dark shadow of his past... ever.
"All I did was stand there and now, how could she ever want to be with me?" Draco finished.
"Draco, you were a different person then, you have come so far and the two of you know that. Do you really think if Hermione held anything against you she would allow herself to be as close to you as she is? Truth be told the both of you have been beating around the bush about your feeling for one another since the middle of 7th year. Besides, isn't that why you tracked her down to New York." Blaise reasoned.
"Bloody hell Blasie when did you get to be so insightful." Draco said with a snort. Knowing full well he was right... about everything. In the background Draco heard a little voice say... "Daddy is that Uncle Draco? Can he tell me the three pigs story?"
"Sure baby." Blaise answered his daughter softly. "Looks like you're on mate."
Just then a little angelic face appeared on the screen. "Hi, Uncle Draco, I miss you." Said Arianna in a small voice.
Blaise moved back to Italy after 7th year. Four years later he married Mia a Muggle. Arianna their daughter is three with gorgeous caramel skin, dark ringlet curls and green eyes like her Mother's. Draco was nervous about being a Godfather and must have asked Blaise ten dozen times if he was sure he wanted Draco to be her Godfather. But on the day that Arianna was born and Blaise put her tiny pink blanket clad body in Draco's arms he knew he would instantly sacrifice life and limb for her. She was tiny and innocent. He vowed then and there to make sure she always would be protected.
"Hi baby girl, I miss you too. So what story will it be tonight?" Draco said in a sweet caring voice.
"The three pigs story please." She answered plopping down in the chair. Before he could begin the story she said. "Uncle Draco why are your eyes sad?"
Taken aback Draco slowly replied. "A good friend of mine is sad, and seeing her feeling badly makes me sad too." His comment raw with honesty that only a child's questioning can bring out.
"When I'm sad, Daddy takes me for ice cream... Maybe if you take her for ice cream she won't be sad anymore." She said innocently.
Draco didn't have the heart to tell her that you can't fix everything with ice cream. "That is a great idea, dolce mia." He replied with a smile. "Now, let's have a story.. ok." Draco started to tell the story of the three little pigs, doing all the funny voices and making his sweet Goddaughter squeal and laugh.
Later on Skype with Narcissa
"Hello Draco." Narcissa answers sweetly to Draco.
"Hello Mother, how are you doing?" Draco tries to hide the sadness in his voice.
"Oh, fine darling. Thankfully things are a bit quiet here at the chateau... What's wrong dear?" Narcissa asks, not fooled by his façade. Draco lets out a deep sigh. Before he can start his Mother says. "Is it about Hermione?"
"Yes." Draco simply replies. "Things have been going well, we've been having a great time reconnecting but then…"
"Then … what? Did something happen? She asked with concern in her voice.
Draco let out another deep sigh. "Things were going well, terrific even, I cooked lunch for her yesterday."
"Did you make the stuffed manicotti? That is your best dish." She interrupted with a smile on her face.
Draco chuckled. "Yes Mother, of course, I'm trying to woo her after all." He replied smiling back.
"Sorry, go on then." She coaxed him along.
"Lunch was great, she was thoroughly impressed. It's what happened afterwards. We were walking in the park, while there we sat next to the playground; I casually asked her if she'd ever want children." He stated his expression sad again.
"What was her reaction?" She asked.
"That is where the day went to pot, she's suffered more damage than just the scar on her arm from Bellatrix… She cannot have children." He said, his voice laced with guilt.
"How do you feel about that?" Narcissa asked her brow furrowed.
"I can't lie, maybe a little one running around wouldn't be terrible, I know you want grandchildren… Carry on the "Malfoy" name and all. But…" He said, Narcissa interrupting.
"Darling, please, carry on the Malfoy name or not, that does not matter as much to me as your happiness. If Hermione makes you happy, regardless of this circumstance, go try to make her yours. Besides, there are a number of children out there who need the love that the two of you can provide when the time is right... I know you feel guilty. However, you cannot live in guilt. This happened in the past, and that is where it will live, in the past. It cannot be changed, we can only learn and adjust; living in guilt will not make it go away. You have come so far. I'm sure Blaise has told you this as well." Narcissa reasoned.
"How did you know…" Draco cut off by his Mother.
"Because I am your Mother, I know everything!" She stated.
"Bloody arrogant." He quipped.
"Where do you think you get it from." She said with a smirk.
"Among other things I'm sure." He said with a smile.
"Let me ask you this, have you asked her out on a proper date yet? Not that 'let's hang out' nonsense you young people like to say." She asked.
"Well, no not a proper date." He replied.
"Draco Lucius Malfoy, I know you love her but how can you have all this talk of children and future if you have not even asked her out on a proper date? How do you even know if she's attracted to you?" Narcissa said in a half scolding half amused tone. "Ask her out on a proper date" She finished, giving Draco a loving smile. I hate it when she's right... why is she always right. Draco internalized.
"I will Mother, thank you!" He said smiling back at her.
"Draco, I'm very proud that you are taking a chance at happiness. You deserve to be happy... I love you!" She said giving him an extra boost of confidence.
"I love you too, we'll talk again soon." Draco flashes her a big smile, logging off the computer.
A/n: And so concludes Chapter 4. Please know that it is not my intension to make light of infertility in anyway. I do understand from some personal experience that it is a difficult issue to come to terms with. I hoped that I captured some of the emotion and that I have not offended any of my readers since I am truly grateful for all who take the time to read my story. Chapter 5 on Tuesday and per usual reviews are welcomed.