The Way We Are (Part 4)
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I already told you that!
Spoilers: Adrift is mentioned, this is a slightly different take on Mixed Messages and Guilt
Author's Note: Season 7 tweak, minus Renee. What might happen if Harm and Mac would just say what they feel more often.
The Way We Are (Part 4)
This chapter starts to get into the shippy-ness. Is that a word? lol
From Chapter 3
"Well, for one thing, when it comes to their feelings, those two are about the densest people on the planet. I-"
"We already knew that Bud, we were just waiting for you to figure it out." interjected Harriet with a huge grin that said she was teasing.
The corner of AJ's mouth twitched at this, his usually arrogant fighter pilot / lawyer could be a babbling idiot when it came to one Marine. "Chill commander, and that's an order. Tell the Colonel that she can have tomorrow off to get over her jet-lag. I trust you'll make sure she isn't disturbed?" A pointed glare rested on Harm as he made this point. 'So help me if they start fighting again I'll send them to couple's counseling.. Hmm, might not be a bad idea anyhow.'
'Oh no, here they come... why the heck is it so hard to say hello to my best friend?... Because you're in love with her, remember?' Shaking his head slightly to push away the argumentative voices in his head, he smiled as Mac approached.
"uh.. Hi!" 'Real smooth Harm, you're obviously gonna win an award for communication skills.'
"Hey.." 'That's great MacKenzie, now he's making you tongue-tied too... Hmm. I wonder if he's nervous too.. sure seems like it.' For some reason, that made her feel a little better and a real smile broke through for the first time in a while.
As Gunny walked over to meet them, he was just hanging up with the cab company. Harm's attention moved to Victor for a few moments. "Gunny, good to have you back." When Gunny went to go get his bags, Harm and Mac were left with an awkward silence when there was no one to keep up conversation. Harm rocked back and forth a moment, before deciding to go for it and turning to Mac. "Hi."
"We already covered that, Commander." Harm offered a sheepish grin, but didn't say anything until a second later when they both started at once. "So..." On Mac's insistence that he go first, Harm smiled and started again. "So- Can I give my best friend a hug?" Mac just nodded before he caught her in a lingering hug. Mac seemed reluctant to break it, but just as she did she whispered "I'm sorry" in his ear. Along the way back, Mac had decided something, she was going to leave her Marine pride behind for once and focus on what Sarah wanted. Squeezing her again briefly, Harm finally let her go. "I'm sorry too." For once, Harm wasn't using cryptic riddles.
And now that you've been bored to insanity with a recap of all my favorite moments from the last chapter, let's get to this one!
The Way We Are (Part 4)
The silence that fell as they walked to the car was a little uncomfortable, perhaps because each was expecting the other to be upset. Perhaps for once they'd been shocked into silence. That theory seemed almost real until both got settled in the car and were ready to head home. Mac seemed happy to be back, but very quiet, something was bothering her a lot.
HARM'S POV
I take a minute to watch Mac, reassuring myself that she's ok and memorizing the fact that even tired from flying halfway around the world, she's still beautiful. She must feel me staring and when she starts to turn towards me I avert my glance. We seem to have some sort of fragile cease-fire, and it's taken us a long time just to get that. I feel her watching me, and when our eyes meet a silent communication passes between us. I see that unknown pain in her eyes, but something else is there too. We both have the same fears about this.. thing, but behind them, there's this determination in both of us to try again. And that gives me enough courage to just start talking.
"I missed you, you know?"
She seems surprised that I just came out and admitted that, but if that little smile on her face is any indication, it's a good surprised, and my smile only grows when she says she missed me too. So I take a deep breath and dive in. This idea to talk in the car may be good, after all, neither of us can run off and we've got a drive ahead of us.
"What's bothering you, Marine?"
MAC'S POV
He's always been fairly good at reading me, he could tell something was up when we were at the airport, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. Now I think I am. Harriet kept telling me that I should follow my heart for once, I think that's what I'll do now. So I try to figure out where to start.
"A little more than 2 weeks after you went back to JAG, you heard about the 'situation' with Corporal Lassiter? Well shortly after we figured out that he really was guilty, the locals surrounded the consulate. Eventually they had to call off the helos because there was too much risk to their teams. Anyway, this girl, Lillyana-her mother was a chef there- she saved our lives, showed us another way out. The place was built by the Dutch and there's a secret tunnel that goes over to a nearby street and she took us to her school a few blocks away until the helos came." I pause, remembering that night less than two weeks ago. "She got us out just as the mob broke in, and as we were getting on the helos we came under fire. I told her to go back to the school, but she made this picture of me and she was running to bring it.. And then there was a small fireball right in front of her.. Harm I don't even know if she lived."
I'm grateful that he's here, he knows to let me be for a second to collect my thoughts, but he puts his hand on my shoulder, albeit a little tentatively, as if he's not quite sure how I'll feel about it. I can tell he's a worried, not just about me, but how I'll take personal contact, but he doesn't back away for which I'm grateful.
"Hey- you did something you had to do, and you helped save 22 people." I can tell he's trying to make me feel better, but he also understands how I'm feeling because that's not all he says. "I know that it probably won't make you feel any better, but I do see where you're coming from. No conflict is pretty, and they rarely work out the way we want them to. But we'll figure something out. I promise you that much."
And the past keeps coming up tonight, because I reply, "Don't make a promise you can't keep," and just like way back when, he says "I haven't yet." We both smile at that and he focuses on driving for a little while. Tonight is really going much better than I had hoped, because I was almost positive he'd be either mad or unresponsive.
After a few minutes of comfortable quiet, I gather enough courage to start talking again. Here goes...
BACK TO THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT (AN: that means it reads like a story! My English teacher would be proud- lol)
"I was surprised when you came out to the Guadalcanal." As a passing thought, Mac wondered if she should've started there as she saw Harm wince just a little.
"I wanted to be there for you." Even as he kept his voice at an even tone, Harm's voice was pained and a little lower than usual. "I wasn't trying to cramp you or get you mad."
Mac sucked in a deep breath at that, she knew she'd been rude but still. "Well Harm I had gone to you, but you were too busy with Renee, remember?" When Harm was suddenly quiet, Mac realized that wasn't the best way to say it.
"Mac do you think I wanted to be around her when my best friend needed me? I wanted to be there for you, not a blond video princess! I'm sick of fighting you Sarah." Harm was too riled up to notice that he had called Renee what Mac had usually thought of her as. But Mac heard it loud and clear, and was fighting a smirk despite the tension that had quickly risen.
"A blond video princess? Is that anyway to talk about your girlfriend Harm?" She was so thankful for the diversion from a situation that was about to turn into an argument, that she almost didn't notice the rest of what he said. ' "I'm sick of fighting you." And he called me Sarah again.' If that was a surprise thought, what he said next was more of a shock.
"She is NOT my girlfriend anymore!" Harm shouted, not paying any attention to the teasing tone in her voice or even what he'd called Renee, just that she was not his girlfriend. When he realized he'd said that out loud, he looked at Mac with wide eyes, only to find her expression mirroring his. Darting his eyes back to the road quickly, he repeated it, though quieter this time. "She's not my girlfriend anymore because we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. And I meant it when I said I'm sick of fighting you."
The car was completely quiet for five more minutes but since both had lapsed into thought, neither noticed it. Mac broke the silence again. "I don't want to fight with you either.. I am sorry though, I wasn't thinking very clearly though, and I needed a little time to sort myself out. I just didn't explain it very well, heck I couldn't quite explain it to myself."
"It's over with now, don't worry about it, ok? Next time I won't push so hard." Harm wasn't aware of just how that sounded but Mac called him on it.
"Is there going to be a next time? Why do we always end up dancing like this?" It was an instant reminder of their unfinished conversation on the Guadalcanal that could've made the tension worse, except for the fact that Harm took control of the situation, remembering what the admiral said about second chances.
"You never did hear what I said you know. I would give Renee up, actually I already had. And dancing is not something I'm fond of." It was a reminder of the miscommunication that seemed to become a common trait for them, but also that there was hope. At least they both agreed they were sick of dancing.
Mac thought about that for a little bit, then smiled. "I guess I should remind you that the wives of certain Lieutenants have loose lips."
"Harriet." Was Harm's immediate response accompanied by a long-suffering groan. His breath caught just slightly though as he realized what else Harriet might've heard. Surely she wouldn't have told Mac that, would she? Mac didn't seem to be acting different about it, so he let a sigh out. There'd be time to tell her, he had to make sure of that, but he didn't want to tell her he loved her on the highway.
Mac smiled, "Harriet was trying to get me to chill out a little," 'I thought you wouldn't want to talk anymore,' she silently added. It was a relief to be able to talk to him again, and although it was different because neither could run away, it was a good different.
"What were you worried about?" Harm asked, a faint smile on his face at the thought of teasing his marine about being afraid of something.
"Nevermind. Anything new at JAG?" She asked, desperately trying to change the subject to anything but where it was heading.
"Well I guess I should tell you that one of my buddies from the academy is here. Lt. Commander Sturgis Turner.. The bubblehead became a lawyer!" Harm added with a laugh.
Mac just rolled her eyes, "Of that's just what we need, more squids."
"Oh come on, we've got more than enough to deal with between you and Gunny!" Harm quipped, knowing the Marine would have something to say about that.
"So you're saying you can't handle it Navy?" A smug grin was now all over Mac's face.
"I just said two Marines is enough! Besides I can handle a Marine any day." As Harm was saying this, Mac was wondering how long it would take him to figure out where this conversation was heading. Of course it could mean anything, but with them? Yeah right.
"Oh so you think you can handle a Marine? You must've drank too much saltwater." As she indirectly mentioned his Atlantic dunk, she winced, coming upon one of the more painful memories of the last few years.
Harm shrank a little at the mention of his Atlantic adventure, but quickly came back with a grin. "Are you implying that I should try it?"
Mac said the only thing she could think of, "Red light Commander" to which Harm rolled his eyes and burst out laughing, and Mac eventually joined in. Their playful bantering was back, and while they both knew not to take it seriously, just the same it was an indicator that they'd be okay.
All too soon, they were in front of Mac's apartment in Georgetown and she was getting out while Harm was getting her bags. "Need any help with those Marine?"
Mac rolled her eyes but smiled, "No, but since you're going to take them up no matter what I say I'm going to have help." Harm just flashed her a grin and set about carrying her bags upstairs. When she opened the door, she found her apartment just as she had left it, but there was a fundamental difference- it was considerably cleaner than she left it. With a curious expression Mac looked to Harm who had taken to studying the ceiling. "Harm? This apartment is cleaner than before."
"Yeah well I stopped by earlier to pick up after Hurricane MacKenzie!" Harm's sheepish grin turned into a teasing one then.
Mac punched his arm, though not nearly hard enough to do any damage. "Jerk!"
"Well if that's how I'm going to be r, I won't even mention the soda and frozen pizza I left for you." He muttered while rubbing his arm good-naturedly.
Mac hurried off to the kitchen, pumping her fist in the air as she pulled the items from the fridge. "Maybe I should keep you around. Stay for pizza?" She asked, even while pulling dishes and putting the pizza in the oven, knowing he'd probably stay.
"Yeah why not, but it's getting late so just a little while." Harm busied himself h out in the kitchen, and then Mac headed off to change.
HARM'S POV
The pizza's just about ready and Mac, who is almost always hungry, should've been out by now. So I knock on her closed bedroom door, only to have it drift open. Upon closer inspection, I see Mac fast asleep in sweats and a t-shirt. Well at least she managed to put her uniform away.
She looks so peaceful that I'm torn, should I wake her or not. But then I notice the slightly drawn expression on her face and the barely visible circles below her eyes. Maybe it's only when we're asleep that we show everything we're too proud to admit. It would explain why Mom and Grandma always said I only look like an angel when I'm asleep. Which a little smile on my face at that, I pull a spare blanket from her closet and drape it over her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. With the fragile balance we seem to have reclaimed, I can honestly say I wouldn't do that if she were awake. At least.. not right away, but I'm hopeful that we'll get there.
After I put the pizza away in case she decides to go for a midnight snack, I glance at the clock and find it only 2117, and I remind myself that if Mac were awake she could likely give me the exact second. I smile again and pull a sheet of paper and a pen from the drawer where Mac always keeps an assorted collection of them. Even when we've been going through rough times, we still know each other. I place something (AN: chocolate, what else!) in the drawer by her bed and sit down to write her a note.
Mac, I didn't want to wake you, you need your rest.
The pizza is in containers in the r, and I left you a little something in the drawer.
I'll call you in the morning and maybe we can finish a pizza without SOMEONE falling asleep!
I'm glad you're back and yes I know we still have some stuff to talk about, maybe tomorrow morning
if you're up to it. The admiral gave me the morning off.
Sweet dreams, Harm.
Now normally I'd say this is very different from the way I normally am, but I've got this almost light-headed feeling that everything's okay. Well maybe not right now, but it's getting there, I think I can honestly say we're getting back to being friends, and as I let myself watch her for another second or so, I realize it's great.
THIRD PERSON etc..
"Good night, Ninja Girl."
The sound of feet crossing a room was heard and then the soft click of a door being closed and then locked from the outside with Harm's key and then Harm drove home quietly, silently thanking anyone he could think of for giving him his friend back.
Will they get it right this time? Keep reading!
Anybody want to beta? I'm not sure how many more chappies to come, but at least one a week should be a safe bet.
starryeyes10- Glad you like it!
Toplesslemon- Thanks! I might need a beta.. if you're interested?
daisymh- Thanks! Keep reading!