Thanks for the reviews! There are some reviewers I wanna respond to so skip this if you weren't replied to an get on to the story!
GGirl: My first reviewer for this story! *Tear* thanks! And no it's ok, I love long reviews and feel better. ^.^
Sweetlylethal: Omg, I've read some of your stories, they're really good! Plz update A Record of Covert Operations it's sooo good! I'm pretty sure I'm subscribed to that.
Pianist707: Lol gracias. And thanks for the criticism. And I know I'm being weird with the POVs, but I'll try to keep it the same. Thanks!
Jay756 : Thanks for reviewing each chapter! I love that!
Mixandmingle: Aww. Nah it's okay. I like updating.
Love: I know it's not your real username, but thank you!
Son Goshen: That's weird. Idk why they wouldn't let you log in, but thanks for the PM!
Okay, on to the story. And I won't do these reply things every chapter, just when I specifically need to. Kai bye!
**Anyway, from now on, it will be Cammie's POV. I WILL keep the POVs straight. I will. Haha!
Chapter 4
I writhed in my sleep, small whimpers escaping my terribly chapped lips. I was dreaming.
There was a long corridor. The walls were made of grey cement, and there was one black metal door at the very end of the hallway. There were no lights.
She walked along the corridor slowly, her breath coming out in short pants. The air was moist and damp. She had to be underground or something. Her black flats clacked softly as she made her way down the narrow hallway. This didn't feel right. She was uneasy as she got closer and closer to the door. She sensed the knife she kept in her pant leg. She made note of it, just in case.
It was eerily quiet. She was scared.
Nonetheless, she found herself finally at the door. Inhaling deeply, she placed her hand on the cool silver handle and twisted it. It wasn't locked.
The door swung open slowly.
Time was agonizingly slow. She took slow, small steps to get inside, to escape the corridor. She found herself in a dark room. There were small beeps surrounding her. Where was she?
He had told her to go here, and she would be able to find out what to do next. Now what?
She felt around for a switch, until her warm hand rested on something that seemed like a light switch. She flipped it, and agonizing bright white light came on. She winced and shielded her eyes. She had been used to the dark for so long, it hurt to look at any sort of light.
Once her eyes had adjusted, she looked around and saw herself in what seemed to be a computer room. There were many monitors on the walls, and there were tiny cameras on the ceiling, but they seemed off. There was a large control panel, with many blinking and beeping lights.
She smiled, thinking how Liz Sutton would feel so at home here. The techy one in her group of friends. God she missed her. Chuckling slightly, she made her way to large black leather chair in the middle of the room, making sure to lock the door behind her.
The chair was cold, so no one had been here for a while. Figures, he said it was safe for about an hour. Enough time to find out what she needed.
She sat on the cool chair and placed her fingers on the control panel. It had a huge complex keyboard, and she had to stretch her fingers wide to set them on the home keys. She saw on the monitors that there was a camera that faced the outside of the doorway, so she could see if anyone was about to sneak up on her. There were also cameras spying on other places, such as the outside gate, in the large hall and some other weird places. She was well covered.
Knowing exactly what she was looking for, she searched the name on the keyboard. The monitor to her left buzzed as a little window that said, 'password' came up. She cursed under her breath and thought for a moment. Then she entered her best guess.
She got it first try. Lights flashed before her as the computer searched for a file. After exactly 3 minutes 48 seconds, a short list of files under the name appeared. She scanned through all of them, and clicked on the one most promising.
No one could prepare her for what she saw next.
I woke up in cold sweat, gasping for breath and clutching the white sheets on top of her. Her toes curled as she vividly remembered her dream. Or should she say, the memory.
"Miss Morgan, are you okay?" a petite voice sounded. I jumped a little as I saw a frail woman about in her 40's staring at her with concern in her small blue eyes. The woman was dressed in a short, white gown with white tennis shoes. I blinked confusedly, my brain trying to recollect itself. So I dumbly blurted, "Where am I?"
The woman smiled softly and walked over to me. Her nametag said Helena. Pretty. She must be a nurse, hence the clothing.
Helena stroked my cheek in a way that reminded me of how Mom used to do when I was little and scared. "You're at the Gallagher infirmary, Miss Morgan. You passed out cold during the Blackthorne assembly. Gave everyone a scare, you did." Helena's blue eyes turned foggy as she set her plump lips in a line.
"Cammie, dear- can I call you Cammie? If you prefer Cameron, but all your visitors called you Cammie, except that older man who came in with your mother. He called you Cameron, so…" I shrugged and waved my thin hand dismissively. "Call me Cammie," I said nonchalantly. Helena nodded.
"Cammie, I understand you have sleeping problems? Insomnia maybe?" I paled. Well I couldn't deny it, since Helena just saw me wake up practically screaming from one of my nightmares. I swallowed and nodded slightly.
Helena must be spy trained, because she noticed my slight nod. She gave me a sympathetic look.
"You passed out from sleep deprivation. I've also been told you have not been eating well either. That's why we hooked you to this IV." I suddenly noticed the drippy thing handing from above me, and the needle in my vein. Ouch. I hate needles. (AN: I don't know how much of this medical stuff is possible or true. I've never really been in an accident; I've only seen people in the hospital. I haven't even broken a bone once! So please bear with my lack of knowledge on the subject.)
Helena gave a look of apology. "We need to prescribe you some medication. You are underweight, and apparently very weak. Sleep and eating are necessities of life Cammie." I looked out the window. It looked about 3:00. The sun was up, and since it was winter, it was slightly darker out. I bit my lip anxiously.
"Do I have any visitors?" I asked. I prayed I didn't. I really didn't want to deal with the bombarding of questions, scolding and interrogation my friends and my mother were to give me. And I especially didn't want to face a certain annoying Blackthorne boy. Helena noticed my dread and looked guilty.
"Well your friends are waiting in the lobby. Your mother has been in several times, but being Headmistress, she had stuff to attend to. The Blackthorne boys needed help settling in," I flinched.
"Please don't tell them I'm conscious." I begged. Helena opened her mouth to speak, but not until I heard a soft knock on the door. The nurse went to open it, and I didn't have the heart to yell out 'no'. So I let whoever it was come in. Ugh I regret everything.
And in walked Zach, him and his stupid cockiness and all. He had a slight smirk on his face, and his hair was swooped over his face a bit. I'll admit it was kinda sexy, but I would never confess that to his face. I quickly put on a glare to hide my ogling.
"Hey Gallagher Girl," he smirked. I saw Helena creep out of the room. I fought the urge to yell for her, beg her to get this idiot away from me. He must have noticed my discomfort because his smirk faded a bit. That's when I finally got to really look at him.
His broad shoulders were sagged under his black jacket, and his hands were shoved in his pockets, as they usually were. His hair was longer and even though he seemed to want to make it cover some of his face, I could still peek in and see he had slight bags under his gorgeous eyes, he had grown paler and his cheeks were slightly gaunt. His lips were pale and in a straight line. No smirk. Good.
"Are you okay?" he asked gently. I blinked for a moment. He actually sounded… nice? Like he genuinely cared.
"You sound like you care," I blurted. Crap, that's not what I meant to say. I blanched. It was the absolute wrong thing to say, because his dull eyes suddenly flashed a fiery green and he stepped closer to me. He was pissed.
"I will always care, Gallagher Girl. I can't not care. I need to know what happened to you, why you're torturing yourself like this! Tell me, because no matter of how good a spy I am, I just can't seem to figure you out!" he snapped. It wasn't a mean type of snapping but it had a desperate tone to it. Oh my gosh, did Zach really just sound desperate? Dang.
"Zach," I started off edgily. I was watching my words. He was this close to exploding in my face. I really didn't need to suffer his wrath at the moment.
"Zach, everyone's been asking me these type of questions," I said gently. "What makes you think I can tell you? I can't even tell my own mother! Not Macey, Bex or Liz either. Not Mr. Solomon. Not Aunt Abby, not the agency. Not anyone! Why you?" my tone turned accusing at the end, no matter how hard I tried to keep it light and innocent. Zach ran his fingers through his creamy dark brown hair in frustration. His features had turned slightly angry.
"Why not me? We've been through the worst together; we've nearly died together! I can't understand what you found while you were away that would let your secrets torture you!" I winced. Again he used that word. Torture. It was a word I avoided at all costs. I just couldn't say it. It hurt to hear it. Even with a voice as lovely as Zach's, I couldn't hear it. It's too ugly a word.
"I just can't Zach. What I found out…" my voice suddenly cracked violently and I found myself crying. Tears streamed down my face and I turned my head to hide it. I sensed that Zach wanted to come over and comfort me, but common sense told him to stay put. I was grateful for common sense. If he even came within a foot near me, I was sure I'd snap and plunge this IV needling through his throat. I wiped away the salty tears quickly. I looked out the window to avoid his face. The sun was setting. It was only about 3:30.
"I just can't Zach. It's classified." I said, my voice hard as stone. Then I realized. I needed to break it off with him. I was hurting myself enough, I couldn't let him do this to me. I didn't need this much pain.
"What the hell do you mean classified?" he growled. I faced him. My eyes were surely bloodshot red. I was pale and my hair hung in dead strands. My face was gaunt and colorless. I must have been the scariest thing he had ever seen.
"Zach I don't want you around me. I thought I made it clear that I didn't want you when I left. I left without you Zach. I've changed from the mission. I'm not the Cammie I was anymore. Obviously. The secrets I uncovered are mine to bear now. The Cammie you knew is gone. You won't find her here. I think it's safe to say that in a way, she died on that mission. So it would be better if you just left." My voice was emotionless and cold. No aura of humanity in it. Lifeless.
I watched as his mask broke right before me. His face break into agony. I saw him crumple right before me. He stepped forward a bit. I recoiled.
"Cam," he whispered. More desperation. Apparently, the Zach I knew was gone too. The old Zach and Cammie were gone. So be it.
"Leave," I hissed menacingly. I spun around and hit the button on the panel behind me that called the nurses if there was a minor emergency.
He managed out one little sentence before a giant guard dragged him out. Zach could have probably taken him in a fight, but he didn't even bother with a punch. So the guard dragged Zach out like a little doll, leaving me with his departing words.
Stay with me.
~oOo~
I was dismissed form the infirmary a week later. Nurse Marggio had given me pills to help with my sleeping. They made all my friends make sure to remind me to eat every meal. I was so screwed.
They thought they could heal me. I knew they couldn't. They could never take the memories away. It was tattooed into my brain. I would never forget.
I was called to talk to my mother the day I got out. I will spare you the conversation, since it was mostly her trying to be a consoling mother. How she 'knew' what I was going through, and how it would get better. How I'm loved and they would all help me get better. My part consisted to staying quiet, forcing smiles and lots of hugging. The hugging was just to hide my face so she wouldn't notice my pupils dilate or notice my pulse quicken when she asked if I was going to be alright. I said I would be.
From then on, I surely ate. It pained me to say so, but I did. Bex threatened to choke me with pantyhose if I didn't. Macey swore to use me as her make over doll with force whenever she wanted. Liz didn't threaten me, but she swore to break all of my electronic devices and bug me wherever I went. Yea Liz isn't good at being angry at someone.
I saw Zach in my classes and in the hallways. It was awkward. I would just ignore him, pretend he wasn't there. It was easier in a crowd, but when we passed each other alone, it became hard to focus on something else in the distance.
I felt his anger. His irritation. I noticed the fogginess that would take over his green eyes every time he saw me. I noticed how he tensed when I was around. I didn't know exactly what he wanted from me, but I knew we both had a long way to go before we fully recovered from each other.
I would never admit it, but when I had made Zach leave a week ago in the infirmary, I wasn't completely emotionless. I felt the hurt. But I masked it excellently. It was one of the most important things I had to hide in my life and I had put all my strength and energy into looking like a statue as he was dragged away. I wanted to obey his last words he had managed to choke out to me. I wanted to stay with him. But I wasn't safe. I wasn't safe.
It was the night after I left the infirmary. I took the pills Nurse Marggio prescribed to me. They were in a little orange bottle. I was to take one before I went to sleep. I looked at the clock. It was 10:30. Bex, Macey and Liz were asleep in the room.
I walked to the toilet of my little bathroom and unscrewed the cap of the pills, dropping them little by little into the toilet water. Then I flushed them away.
Then I crawled into my little bathtub, lying down with my eyes open.