A/N: Hello, lovely people. Thank you for the reviews! They make my heart happy. Warning: there shall be angst.
"You've reached Emily Fields, I'm sorry I missed your call. But I promise I'll return it as soon as I can!" Beeeep.
Alison sighed as she hung up her phone for the thousandth time. She had no reason to be depressed. This pain was self inflicted. But, she couldn't help calling Emily's phone just to hear her voice for ten seconds. She was torturing herself, but it was the sweetest kind of pain. Alison tossed her phone to the side. She had never felt as terrible as she did at this current moment. She wanted Emily, no she needed her but she knew it would probably be awhile before she was face to face with the raven haired beauty. She had really screwed up this time. Alison picked up her phone and began to scroll through pictures of Emily, she began to daydream about the girl when she was interrupted by obnoxious knocking at her door.
"Alison! Open up!" She heard Spencer yell through the door. "We know you're in there!"
"Go away!" She yelled back. She didn't want her self loathing party to be interrupted.
"Alison. We're worried about you." She heard Aria's soft voice call through the door. "We haven't heard from you in almost a week. And Emily is so upset she's not speaking to anybody but Zoe."
"Come on, Ali." Spencer sighed "We just want an explanation."
Suddenly, there was the unmistakable sound of a key entering a lock. A few seconds later, Spencer and Aria came barreling through the door. Ali lay sprawled on the couch phone clutched to her chest. The Notebook was playing softly in the background and the entire apartment smelt like eggs.
"Ali. Please talk to us." Aria cooed. "We know something happened. Just fill us in so we can figure out how to help."
"Hanna says you haven't been to work in a week. What's going on?"
"I can't face Hanna, I know she hates me." Ali confessed.
"You must've done something bad." Spencer commented. She knew Hanna was fiercely protective of Emily and if Hanna hated her something terrible happened.
"Start with happened last week. Why did Emily leave?" Aria prompted. Last week. God, that night was the worst night of her life. However, she couldn't help replaying the scene over and over again.
"I had just gotten out of the shower.."
Alison stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her midsection. That shower had felt amazing, and now all she wanted to do was eat some pizza, cuddle up with her girl and watch tonight's episode of Scandal. She dressed leisurely and made her way out to the kitchen. Maybe a fried egg would taste good on pepperoni. Yeah she was going to try that. As she entered the kitchen she was met with a sight that she hadn't witnessed in almost ten years. Emily was sitting at the table eyes, cold and hard. Her brown orbs were distant, staring at the wall clearly deep in thought. She didn't even realize that Alison had entered the room. Ali had only seen this look in her eyes once before, when Emily "broke up" with her after she "identified" Cyrus. But this time, her stare was much more intense than it had been back then. And that thought alone scared the crap out of her.
"Em?" She called tentatively. Emily looked up and glanced at Alison for about two seconds. The lack of emotion set a chill down her spine.
"The doctor called," Emily began. "But I think they made a mistake. They must've had an accident in the lab, or mixed up the results. Because there is no way in hell my girlfriend could be pregnant."
Alison's heart dropped straight to her stomach. Pregnant. Medically, it explained everything perfectly. Her fatigue, nausea and the unexplainable cravings for eggs. But she was on the pill. Even though she was in a monogamous relationship with a woman, she didn't like dealing with the hassles of periods. Emily didn't either. So they were both on birth control. Even though birth control wasn't 100% effective, it shouldn't have been that easy to get pregnant.
"But?" Ali began. She couldn't put her thoughts into words: I cheated but I shouldn't be pregnant.
"The birth control?" Emily asked "Yeah. I thought the same thing. But don't you remember when you stepped on the nail inside of the storage room in the shop a couple of months ago? Antibiotics interfere with birth control."
The look on Alison's face gave away her guilt almost instantly. Her face contorted painfully, and tears started to fall uncontrollably.
"Who was it?" Emily asked voice, barely a whisper. "Anyone I know? Was it Noel? Or since you like cheaters was it Zack? Or Byron?" Emily was getting cruel and that was definitely not a good sign.
"Who was it Ali!" Emily's voice raising. "You at least owe me this."
"Emily, please." Ali pleaded. "Let me explain, please."
"Just tell me."
"It was Toby's partner, Marcus."
"Him? We barely know him! Why? Why did you do this Ali? What made you want to hurt me so badly?" Emily was in tears now openly crying. "I thought we were happy."
"We were." Alison insisted. "We are. That night I was so frustrated and drunk. It didn't mean anything. You have to believe me."
"I sat there, like an idiot and had a conversation with that guy not even an hour ago. Not knowing the whole entire time, he had knocked up my girlfriend!?" Emily shouted.
"I am so sorry. And I love you. You have to believe that." Alison pleaded.
"Why should I? I have no reason to believe you. That night. The night you cheated. Was it the night of Zoe's birthday?" Emily asked distraught.
"Emily, please."
"Answer me!"
"Yes."
"You left, because we were fighting about a baby. The very next day, you promised that we'd have a baby. You said all of these things to me. You made all of these promises. And now they don't mean anything." Emily put her head in her hands and sobbed. Alison stood across from her girlfriend equally as upset. She mumbled apologies and declarations of love but they went unheard by the brunette.
"I was willing to give up everything for you." Emily confessed voice harder, and colder than it had ever been. "I was willing to give up everything! Having a baby, being a Mom. Everything!"
"Emily, please." Alison begged. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"But you did. Like you always have done. But guess what. I'm not giving you the power to hurt me anymore. Not now. Not ever again." Emily furiously wiped the tears from her eyes. She grabbed her phone and her keys and made her way towards the door. This made Alison even more desperate. She lunged for the tan girl's arm. She grasped onto it and tugged the girl back.
"Don't leave, Emily. Please. I love you more than life itself. I can't lose you. I just can't lose you. I can't." Alison begged. She couldn't lose Emily. Emily was her life.
"Ali, believe it or not but you lost me they day you slept with him. You just didn't realize it yet."
And with those words, she was gone.
"I, I haven't spoken to her since. I tried calling, but her phone is off." Ali finished her cheeks wet with tears.
"Well, do you blame her, Ali?" Spencer spat. She was almost as fiercely protective of Emily as Hanna was. "I can't believe you, Alison! After everything you two have been through."
"I know, Spencer. You don't understand how I'm feeling! I feel as if I clawed my own heart out. I really messed up and I don't know how to fix it." Alison tried to explain.
"I don't know if you can." Aria replied honestly. "Look, Ali. I'm not going to bullshit you. I am totally not on your side. And the fact that you slept with my husband's partner? It just amazes me how you can do something so selfishly and end up hurting so many in the aftermath." Spencer looked at Alison with a single tear in her eye. "I'll be in the car, Aria." The lawyer left the apartment with the dramatic door slam. Alison sighed. Great. Having Spencer and Hanna against her is not going to be fun.
"Alison." Aria spoke up for the first time. "You need to make it right with Emily." Alison nodded. Of course she needed to. "But, you need to start taking care of yourself too. You've got a baby on the way, you need to consider its well being."
"I don't want this baby, Aria. This baby caused me to lose the love of my life. Do you think I want a reminder for the rest of my life of how I messed up the best thing to ever happen to me? No thank you." Alison huffed. She had made up her mind to terminate her pregnancy almost instantly after Emily left. She couldn't win Emily back with a baby on her hip.
"Ali.. Terminating this baby won't solve any of your problems." Aria reminded. "Emily won't magically come back."
"I know." Alison agreed painfully. "But I've made my decision. And you can't change my mind."
Aria sighed. Abortion was a terrible answer, despite the circumstances.
"Ali, just think about it? Okay? Before you make any rash decisions, think it over." Aria reasoned. "Okay, fine." Alison relented. Aria gave her a sad smile before turning to leave. "Aria! Wait." Alison rose to her feet and approached her shorter friend. "How's Emily?"
"Not good." Aria sighed as she rubbed her temple. "She took a week off of work, claiming her grandmother died, but we all attended that funeral in eighth grade. Hanna says she's barely eating, Zoe manages to coax a granola bar or two down a day. And she-." Aria quickly stopped. Realizing Emily probably wouldn't want Alison to know those things.
"She's what?" Ali asked impatiently. She was hanging on to Aria's words like a lifeline. She needed to know more.
"She's broken, Ali. You broke her." Aria says voice hard. "You can't keep doing this. You can't keep hurting people, and expect them to forgive you."
"I know." Alison grunts frustrated. Did they really think that she didn't know how destructive she was? She knew. And she absolutely hated it.
"You don't!" Aria exclaimed. "Especially with Emily."
"What are you saying?" Alison shot back defensively.
"You might love her, Ali. I don't doubt that you do. But when are you going to realize that maybe you're not the best for her?" Aria's voice quivered as she ended her sentence. "Spencer's waiting." She quickly excused herself and Alison was once again left alone with her thoughts. She couldn't accept that maybe she wasn't good for Emily. She didn't want to even think about it. But deep in the depths of her brain, she knew. Emily could do so much better than her, she just couldn't possibly let go.
"Emily." Hanna called softly as she knocked lightly on her guest room door. "Em, you need to eat something more than granola. I have grilled cheese?"
Suddenly the door swung open to reveal her two year old daughter one, hand on her hip as she relayed her aunt's message.
"She said no thank you, Mama."
"Well can we at least talk?" Hanna offered.
Zoe closed the door and her little feet scurried over to where Emily lay on the bed. She could hear whispering from the other side, but she couldn't decipher what they were saying. She heard little feet come running back.
"She doesn't wanna talk to anyone, Mama."
"She's talking to you." Hanna countered.
"It's cause I'm special." Zoe declared. The toddler shut the door and scurried back onto the bed with her favorite aunt. The tiny blonde resumed their movie on her iPad mini, while simultaneously resting her hand inside of Emily's. Emily smiled despite her terrible mood. Zoe was such a sweetheart, being with her made her feel the slightest bit better. Ten minutes pass before Caleb comes through the door with Hanna in tow.
"C'mon, Zoe. Me and you are going on a little dinner date." Caleb propositions as he moves towards the bed.
"Maybe later, Daddy. Aunt Emmy needs me." The two year old stated firmly.
"I know she does, sweetheart. But Mama wants time with Emily and I need my Zoe time."
"Sorry. Daddy, but I can't."
"Alright. We're going to have to do this the hard way." Caleb walked over to the bed and easily scooped Zoe up. He started to exit the room while the toddler protested.
"Daddy, no! Somebody hurt aunt Emily's feelings, and she's sad! Daddy they need to go to timeout!" Zoe cried as the duo left the house. Hanna made her way to the bed and sat next to her best friend. She was going to kill Alison, even though she didn't know exactly what happened, she knew that the blonde had broken her friend's heart.
"Em, please talk to me." Hanna cooed as she ran her fingers through the sullen girl's hair. "The only reason I made it through the thousand breakups with Caleb, was because of you. Let me do the same for you, please." The two sat in silence for a few more minutes until Emily spoke for the first time.
"It hurts, Han."
"I know, Em. I do." Hanna spoke softly. "Just let it all out." Hanna heard her best friend choke back a sob before her emotions took control. Emily started to cry hysterically, her mantra of "it hurts" continuously pouring from her lips. Hanna pulled the girl to her chest and held her as she cried. Whispering soothing words and continuing to stroke her hair. After about thirty minutes in this state, Emily's cries died down to whimpers and Hanna held onto her tighter.
"Tell me what happened, Em."
And she did. She told Hanna everything, from the call to leaving. She told her how Alison was pregnant, how she had slept with Toby's partner. She told her how betrayed she felt and how she didn't think she could get over Alison.
"I'm gonna kill her."
"Hanna," Emily warned
"No. I'm literally going to strangle her."
"You can't go down for double homicide, Han"
"I just thought she changed." Hanna said somberly.
"Me too, Han." Emily agreed. After a few more minutes of silence Emily spoke up again.
"And the worst part is, after everything she did I should hate her. And I do, but there's a part of me, deep down that still loves her. I still love her, after everything. And I hate that. I absolutely do." Emily finished wiping away a stray tear.
"That's normal, Em." Hanna replied "You can't
just turn off love. It's a fresh wound. Time will help you sort all of your feelings out." Emily nodded. Hanna was right, she just needed time.
"But, right now what you need is wine. I've got two bottles of Merlot with our names on it." Emily rolled her eyes at Hanna, alcohol was always the answer. But, she had to admit getting drunk sounded pretty great. "But you have to eat your cheese sandwich first, missy. You're not getting alcohol poisoning on my watch." Hanna joked as she started to leave the bed. She handed Emily the cold grilled cheese before she leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
"I love you, Em. And I'm going to help you through this." Hanna told her sincerely.
"I know you will, Han. And I love you too." Emily replied back with a smile. Hanna returned the smile, and scampered off to retrieve the wine. But will she get over her? Did she want to? No, she truthfully decided. She didn't want to get over Alison Dilaurentis, but she needed to. She had to.
After a weekend of drinking wine and binge movie watching with Hanna and her mini me, Emily finally decided to put on her big girl pants and return to work. As she walked up to her classroom on Monday morning, she was met with a sight that warmed her heart. Aria waited with two coffees, and a bag of pastries from her favorite bakery downtown. Under her arm a plastic container of her famous walnut brownies.
"Aria, you didn't have to." Emily stated as she unlocked the door.
"I wanted to, Em. I've missed you this passed week." Aria replied honestly.
"I missed you, too. I just needed some space."
"I know, Em. I don't blame you." Aria agreed as she set the goodies down on Emily's desk. She situated herself before going into her purse and pulling out a cheeseburger from a fast food chain.
"Hanna tell you?" Emily answered amusingly as she bit into her bagel.
"No. Actually, Alison told me everything. Me and Spencer went to check on her Friday. She looked terrible."
"Well.." Emily trailed off not knowing what to say.
"I'm just worried about her. I know she broke your heart, but Emily she's going a tad bit insane." Aria commented, concerned.
"She's not really my problem anymore, Aria."
"I know. Believe me, I do. Its just, she wants to get an abortion and that's just not sitting well with me." Aria confessed. An abortion? Alison was really going to kill her own offspring? It confused her, the Alison that she knew did not support "easy fix" abortions.
"I agree," Emily started "abortion is not the answer. But what do you want me to do about it?"
"Talk to her, maybe?" Aria suggested. "I know you're mad, but you'd be talking her out of doing something that she'd regret."
"I don't know, Aria."
"Just think about it, please?"
"Will do." Emily smiled at her pregnant friend. Aria smiled back, and then launched into a story about how the last staff meeting they had. The two friends easily fell back into her morning routine, while Emily tried to ignore the ominous feeling growing in the pit of her stomach.
Emily sighed as she walked up the front steps of 'Kinder Care' the daycare center which her niece attended. Hanna did not feel the least bit guilty using her extra house guest as a third parent. With Caleb visiting his dad for the week, Emily was taking on the role of second parent. Emily was to pick Zoe up, and take her to dance class. Usually, Emily didn't mind spending extra time with her niece, but she had just given her kids a mid term, and she had a feeling that they had failed it. She walked up to the front desk and asked where to find her niece. She walked into classroom 2D and her ears immediately perk up when she hears a high pitched squeal.
"Aunty Em!"
"Hey, Sugar!" Emily greeted the toddler with a kiss. "Go get your things." The toddler rushed to her cubby. As Emily waited, she was approached by a slim brunette with cute thick rimmed glasses.
"So, you're the famous Aunt Emily?" The unknown girl asked.
"Guilty." Emily confessed. "I'm sorry, how do you know my name."
"I'm Stephanie Clarke, Zoe's day care teacher." She introduced herself. "You see, every Monday the kids go around the room and recount what they did during the weekend. And for the past two weeks, Zoe's story has been the same."
"Which was?" Emily asked slightly embarrassed.
"Taking care of Aunt Emily, because Aunt Ali hurt her feelings." The teacher replied smugly.
"Oh, lord." Emily replied embarrassed.
"Don't be embarrassed. I think its sweet." Miss Clarke replied. "But you've got to tell her to stop asking me to put Aunt Ali in time out." Emily laughed. She loved how Zoe was so protective of her, it was adorable. "I mean, I don't know how to explain that I cannot put another adult into time out." The teacher laughed.
"Miss Stephanie! Robbie hit me!"
"She hit me first."
The young teacher smiled ruefully. "Well, duty calls. I hope to see you again soon, aunt Emily." The teacher walked off to tend to her class. Was she flirting with her? No, she was just being nice. Was she? Thankfully, Zoe interrupted her thoughts, grabbed her hand and led her to the car. Maybe picking up Zoe wasn't going to be such a chore after all?
8
Alison groaned as she made her way towards her beloved boutique. She hadn't been inside of the store, for almost two weeks. She tried to avoid the place for as long as she could, but she had received an incrementing text from Hanna this morning.
I know you killed your relationship, but do you really want to kill your business, too?
God, dealing with Hanna was going to be terrible. But she pushed through, she needed to be an adult and put her personal emotions aside and focus on her career. She entered the shop to find it was a complete mess. The clothes were unorganized, half old merchandise half new. She could hear Hanna's voice ringing throughout the store. She was clearly frustrated and Alison didn't blame her. They had just got a new shipment of merchandise, they had to be recorded by pin number for inventory, while getting priced and set out for sale. It was a lot of work for just two people. And now that classes have started back up at Hollis, Sabrina was working less hours. So basically Hanna was handling the business almost by herself.
"Hanna?" Alison called. Hanna turned around. She was on the phone she held up her finger indicating that she needed a moment. She quickly ended her call and turned to face the other blonde.
"Look, I know you're going through shit. I get it, I'm in the process of cleaning up one of your messes." Hanna finished obviously hinting at her failed relationship.
"I don't really care what you mess up in your personal life. But here? This is our business. This place supports my family. And you can't just put in jeopardy because you're having a bad day."
"I'm sorry, Han. It won't happen again." Ali apologized sincerely. Hanna eyed her up and down suspiciously. She still didn't trust her, but she had to deal with her.
"So here are the ground rules. We don't converse unless its about something related to the business. And you may absolutely not, under any circumstances ask me about Emily." Hanna finished with a stern look.
"O-okay." Alison agreed. She had no choice but to agree.
"Well, we've got to record the rest of this shipment and do inventory. So we'll be here until pretty late tonight. I've got to call Emily and tell her to feed Zoe." Hanna stated as she pulled out her phone.
"Hanna, I'm sorry. I can't stay late too late. I have an appointment at the clinic at 5:30."
"The clinic? What for?" Hanna asked genuinely confused.
"I- I'm uhm getting an abortion." Alison replied softly. Hanna's eyes grew wide momentarily, as she processed her business partners confession. She was about to comment on her friend's poor decision, when she realized that she had just put an end to personal conversation with their relationship. So she nodded and continued to take inventory. Alison wanted to have Hanna's opinion on her pregnancy so badly, but based on her friend's reaction she realized that she didn't care. No one cared anymore, well maybe Aria did. But the rest, Hanna, Spencer and Emily didn't. And it was all because of this baby. She was going to terminate this pregnancy, and hopefully her life would regain some of it's normalcy.
Alison sat in her car. She was going to do this. She had to. This baby ruined her life. She was convinced that this was the right thing to do, but somehow it seemed so wrong? But, she had made her decision and she was going to follow through with it. She slowly made her way to the door, she was about to step inside when she heard the most beautiful voice call out her name.
"Alison!"
Her head whipped around so quickly, she swore she had whiplash. But she couldn't help it, walking towards her was the most beautiful creature ever to walk the planet. Her heart jumped wildly in her chest, at the first time of seeing the beauty in a week.
"Emily," Alison breathed out softly. Was Emily coming to stop her from doing this? Was she coming to reconcile? Her heart soared with hope as the brunette approached her.
"Don't kill your baby." Emily stated bluntly.
"Um. Okay?" Alison started, unsure how to proceed with the conversation.
"I mean it. Don't do it. Its not this baby's fault that it was convinced. And I didn't leave because of it." Alison winced as Emily brought up their relationship."Don't do it, Alison. You'll only regret it."
"Emily, I don't want a physical reminder of the worst mistake I've ever made. It's just too much." Alison confessed, tears beginning to swell up in her eyes.
"Ultimately, it's your decision." Emily decided. "I just don't think you should do it." Alison smiled at the girl. At least she cared enough to not let her make a terrible decision.
"Okay, you're right. You're right Em. Its not this baby's fault. You're right. Its my fault. And I'm so incredibly sorry, I am. You hav-"
"Alison!" Emily cut her off. "I'm not here to talk about this. I just. I just needed to tell you not to do it. I talked to Aria and um, I'd feel guilty if you went through with it and I didn't try to save an innocent life." They stared at each other in awkward silence for a few minutes before Emily excused herself, claiming she had midterms to grade. As Alison made her way home, the reality finally set it: she was going to be a mother, and that scared the crap out of her.
A/N: I know some of you have had abortion/ why didn't Alison think she was pregnant questions. I hope they were answered. Reviews make my day!