Suzaku couldn't help but sit there and think, not assisting his friends as they prepared Lelouch's birthday cake. They were in the student council meeting room, adding the final touches to it. Shirley, Milly and Rivalz. Suzaku hoped they wouldn't ask him what was wrong. He didn't feel like lying again.

Milly Ashford grinned, clapping her hands. "This was a great idea, Shirley!" She praised.

Rivalz nodded. "Definitely! Lelouch will love it."

"Suzaku!" Shirley shouted.

The boy who had been grimacing at the wall snapped to attention, nearly jumping from his seat. "Huh?"

Her yellowish-green eyes glared at him. "Sometimes you're so weird! There's nothing interesting about that wall. Anyway what color icing do you think Lulu would prefer? We have red and blue. Which one?"

Without even giving it any thought, he answered, "Red," then went back to staring off into space.

Why was he even in this room? He should be doing other things besides being here, right?

"So Suzaku, did you make sure Lelouch was kept busy?"

He looked up at Milly, his eyes widening. Was that his part of the plan? "I was supposed to-?"

There were triple taps on the door. Everyone stopped and turned slowly. "Yes?" Shirley called.

"It's me…" Lelouch said, sounding a bit irritated. "Have you guys seen Suzaku?"

The group glanced at the Britannian soldier. And they didn't take their gazes off of him. Getting up, Suzaku scowled back at all three of them, heading to the door, sighing. Lelouch was the last person he wanted to be around. Maybe that was a harsh thing to even think about when tomorrow was the prince's birthday, but could you blame him?

"You're doing us a favor," Shirley whispered, happily. "Don't worry, you'll name will be on it too."

….

This was the last thing he'd expect Lelouch to even think about. Taking him to an empty classroom? That wasn't like the raven-haired, odd, quiet, boy he knew. But then again he is Zero, and that wasn't like him either. Point taken. Hopefully he wouldn't get raped. Not that Lelouch could do that, considering the guy has trouble in gym class. That made Kururugi smile to himself faintly.

"Did you hear the news?" Lelouch asked in a low tone as he closed the door behind them. Definitely not getting raped. Damn.

Suzaku shook his head. "What about it?"

"The Britannian Empire claims they know Zero's true identity..." His eyes flickered accusingly.

Not only did it shock Suzaku, it also hurt him. Why was Lelouch looking at him like that? As if he could kill Suzaku without a moment's thought? It's not like he was the one who had sold out Lelouch's dark secret. Or is that what…?

"You have it all wrong! I may work for them…but I never told them anything! It might just be a bluff-"

Lelouch shoved his friend into the wall. "They wouldn't bluff about Zero!"

"What is wrong with you? You know I'm a man of my word. Did they reveal you to the public?"

"No…but-"

Suzaku slid away, huffing, aggravated. "I told them nothing."

Why would he have? He loved Lelouch as far as they were concerned. And when people loved somebody, they did everything and anything to keep them from danger. That was his reason for lying to the Holy Empire. He just wanted the one he loved safe. However, Zero was never safe.

"Then who did?" Lelouch observed Suzaku, his purple eyes hard and icy with unfriendliness.

This was the truth. "I don't know." The brunette mumbled quietly.

That did it for the prince. He clicked his tongue unpleasantly. "Of course you don't." Lelouch started to walk to the exit, but was grabbed.

Suzaku tightened his grip on Lelouch's arm. "Why are you acting so cold and heartless?"

"Just stay away from me." He, without much luck, tried to pull free from the strong grasp, but failed, so he averted his eyes, looking down.

Suzaku never thought he could make his voice sound so collective and calm. He never felt like he could ever say something like this to Lelouch without his character cracking underneath, but he did. And he spoke it so clearly, the unmasked Zero listened intently. "You need to stop acting like a walking journal with a thousand stupid, metal locks!" Hearing himself, Suzaku lowered his voice, making it soft. "You have to open up to people. To me, especially; it'd be a weight off your shoulders. Don't always go around carrying the weight of the world alone, because you have me and I'll gladly help you anytime you need, until one of us breathes our final breath."

Lelouch glimpsed back at his admirer, their eyes catching one another. To Suzaku, his pupils showed hidden pain just wanting to break free.

"Come on, Lelouch Vi Britannia…"

Silence.

Suzaku pleaded again. "Lelouch…"

Finally, a reply came forward. "You want me to open up?"

That question had got him off guard, but he nodded hopefully. "Please."

Relaxing, Suzaku allowed Lelouch to slip from his grip. The prince walked over to the door, his back to the soldier. "I love you, too, Kururugi."

It took him a while for the words to get through his hard skull, to bounce around in his head, to echo, until he understood.

Suzaku let out a small gasp, finding it difficult to believe what he had just heard the king of detachment and emotionlessness say.

There were so many things Suzaku wanted to say, wanted to do. He wanted to fall to his knees and cry until his body was dehydrated. He wanted to run over and kiss Lelouch, hug him to death until he suffocated. He wanted to scream out loud… but of course he didn't.

"You do? Then why did you…pull away from me before that night I admitted…?"

Lelouch still didn't face the one he claimed to love. "Those who don't love themselves aren't prepared to love others," he said, bluntly.

The pilot of the Lancelot understood, yet at the same time, he did not.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"In other words..." Lelouch, peered over his shoulder, and Suzaku felt as if his soul was being seen through, his mysteries and flaws becoming exposed. "I'm ready to perish at any moment. A lover is the last thing someone like me needs…"

And with that, Zero's true identity vanished into thin air, slamming the door behind him.

Suzaku's gaze went to the floor and he slid down to his knees, squeezing his eyes shut, his shoulders heaving as he tried to fight tears. Why was he crying? It wasn't rejection. Or maybe it was. But Lelouch adored him just as much as he did Lelouch. That's all Suzaku has ever wanted, so what made it acceptable to sit here and tolerate watery forms of pain to slip from his eyes? Nothing did. And he was not going to sit here and be a pathetic baby about it. He was going to prove himself to Lelouch. Or maybe more of, prove himself to Zero.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hiya! :D thanks for following through with this story! I promise, I have an ending worth waiting for so bear with Suzaku :3 Also I'd like to thank SkyeElf for being my first reviewer for Diary of Suzaku's heart, I was all like giggly and stuff ^_^ But I thank ALL my reviewers, followers and stuff...yeah :3 ... I'm done. Okay byes xD